## Chapter 134
After rolling around in bed hugging the blanket, Mo Eunje checked his phone. There was a record of a video call from his grandmother around 11 PM last night that he had missed. He connected to the internet and searched for the time in Louisiana. Confirming it was just past 4 PM there, he made a video call to his grandmother while still lying down. After running yesterday and getting a good night’s sleep, the swelling had completely disappeared from his face in the video, revealing his features clearly.
“Grandmotherrr.”
“Our cutie. Are you up so early?”
“Yeah. I fell asleep at 2 PM yesterday and just woke up. I think I slept for about 16 hours. Grandmother, your face looks radiant today.”
“I’m out on the patio, sunbathing while having tea.”
Before giving up his dream of becoming a poet and changing his career path, Mo Eunje had gone to New Orleans with Tae Igyeol for about ten days to visit his grandmother. He remembered dipping in the swimming pool every day because it was too hot even though summer hadn’t even arrived. Now it was mid-July, so New Orleans would be just as unbearably hot as Korea.
“It must be hot there too. Why are you outside? You should be inside with the air conditioning on, staying cool.”
“It was boring being alone inside, so I came out.”
“Why are you alone? Where’s Grandfather?”
“Baby went to play golf with his neighborhood friends. Your grandfather learned golf late after coming here, and these days he lives for the joy of playing golf.”
“Wow, he’s really diligent. I always skip my weekly early morning soccer even though it’s just once a week.”
Mo Eunje’s lips trembled with all the things he wanted to ask: how Tae Igyeol was doing, what he was up to, if he was eating well, if he was sleeping well—but the words never formed.
Yet Grandmother showed a benevolent smile as if she knew everything without him having to say it. Her face seemed to come closer to the phone, and then the screen changed.
He saw a well-built man lying on the shimmering blue water, basking in the warm sunshine with his whole body. Every time Tae Igyeol playfully swung his left arm, dazzling water droplets splashed around. Perhaps because a month had passed since his ligament had slightly stretched, and he’d spent half that month in a cast, his arm seemed recovered enough to go in the water. Lying there looking completely relaxed, Tae Igyeol showed no signs of wanting to get out of the water.
But Mo Eunje worried that it might still be too early for swimming, as it could strain Tae Igyeol’s arm, despite his incredible recovery abilities. Of course, just floating there shouldn’t be a problem, but who knew when he might start cutting through the water and swimming properly. Tae Igyeol didn’t just like exercise; he was addicted to it, so Mo Eunje was concerned he might stubbornly continue swimming even if he was in pain.
I miss you…
Without realizing it, Mo Eunje silently mouthed these words while staring at the phone screen. He wanted to see Tae Igyeol not like this, watching him as if viewing a video in another space, but in the same space where he could reach out and touch him. As an aching desire to see and touch him washed over Mo Eunje, his vision blurred.
He couldn’t properly live after cutting ties with Tae Igyeol.
He couldn’t excise Tae Igyeol from his life.
Without Tae Igyeol, life had no meaning.
So I…Tae Igyeol…
“…”
As he was vaguely staring at Tae Igyeol’s figure through blurred vision, following the flow of his consciousness, the screen changed again, and Grandmother’s face appeared. Thanks to her consideration in not asking anything and staying silent, Mo Eunje felt a bit of relief. He quickly turned his head, wiped away the longing that had gathered in his eyes, and grinned at Grandmother.
“Eunje, the best thing I ever did in my life was marrying your grandfather. We were so poor, but each day was truly happy.”
A contextless story with no clear purpose began. Grandmother’s eyes weren’t looking at Mo Eunje on the screen. She was gazing somewhere beyond, probably at the boy lying in the pool.
“Back then, people looked down on international marriages so much… Both families strongly opposed it, and Baby even got hospitalized after being beaten by my papa. I was so scared that I cried every day. But when we ran away together and exchanged rings in our own ceremony, I was happy. We cut ties with both sets of parents for several years until Hyunseok was born, but we were happy.”
The story that Grandfather had once rambled about when drunk was now organized chronologically through Grandmother’s words. Grandfather had been so incoherent that time that until now, Mo Eunje had believed they had caused trouble by getting pregnant with Tae Hyunseok and secretly marrying without family permission, resulting in Grandfather being beaten and hospitalized by Grandmother’s father. But it turned out it wasn’t about rushing into marriage due to pregnancy—the opposition had been to the international marriage itself from the beginning. Hearing the explanation in the actual order of events gave a completely different impression than when he had first heard it.
“In the 1970s, foreigners with blue eyes were unfamiliar, so people would stare in curiosity. Your grandfather would scold them, asking if they’d never seen newlyweds before and why they were staring like at monkeys in a zoo. But if I had broken up with Baby and not married him because I was afraid of other people’s stares or because of my parents’ opposition, I would have regretted it for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t have known this kind of happiness.”
Genuine happiness was evident in Grandmother’s expression as she reminisced about the past. With a gentle smile, she made eye contact with Mo Eunje again.
“Eunje, it’s better to try and regret than not try at all. If you don’t try, regret turns into lingering attachment that holds you back.”
Mo Eunje, who had been listening to Grandmother’s story with a calm mind, belatedly realized her hidden intention. The reason she had brought up her meaningful past was to inspire courage and encourage Mo Eunje. Once again, Grandmother knew everything.
“Grandmother. But I’m… scared.”
Mo Eunje lay on his side, buried half his face in the pillow, and curled up.
“Of course you’re scared. How could you not be? I was so scared back then too. But I was more scared because I hadn’t tried yet. Worrying is when you’re most afraid. Once I actually did it, it wasn’t something to be so frightened about. My papa cried a lot, but later he and your grandfather became drinking buddies who couldn’t live without each other.”
Regardless of how the process unfolded, the story ended happily in the end. However, Mo Eunje, standing at the beginning of his own process, couldn’t easily shake off his fear since he had no idea what ending awaited him.
“So our cutie shouldn’t be too scared either. Having lived to this age, I’ve found that the most precious and important things in life are people and love.”
“…What about family? What about my mom and dad…?”
“Family is precious too. But I didn’t choose family; I chose your grandfather. We later reconciled with our families, but since I once turned my back on family, I don’t have the right to speak about that.”
A bitter expression gathered on Grandmother’s face but disappeared in an instant. It seems that no matter how much the choice was the best for oneself, one couldn’t avoid leaving some regrets behind.
“But just as Yeongwoo and Seola have their own lives, our Eunje has his own life too.”
“Grandmother…”
“I captured both a person and love at once. Our Eunje deserves to enjoy both too. You deserve it fully.”
For some reason, Mo Eunje felt that his situation was similar to Grandmother’s. Just as Grandmother had captured both a person and love simultaneously by choosing Grandfather, he too could capture both at once if he found the courage to be honest with his feelings and accept Tae Igyeol.
“Eunje, nothing in your life is more precious or important than you. Everything else comes after you.”
Grandmother had merely told her own story without forcing or urging him to make a choice, and there wasn’t even a hint of persuasion in any of her words, but when Mo Eunje came to his senses, he felt intensely persuaded for reasons he couldn’t quite explain.
“Grandmother, I don’t know what love is… What is love that I should do this…?”
“Well… Isn’t love wanting someone to eat well, sleep well, and not be sick?”
“It’s that simple and ordinary?”
“How many people do you think actually live by doing such simple and ordinary things? We’re not usually concerned about whether others eat well or sleep well. Even if they’re sick, our concern is momentary; our hearts don’t ache with them.”
Even while separated from Tae Igyeol, Mo Eunje had constantly hoped he was eating and sleeping well. When Tae Igyeol was hospitalized, the area around his solar plexus had hurt so much that he couldn’t breathe properly. Recalling that, he suddenly felt his heart constrict with pain again. With Grandmother’s benevolent smile, the blind conviction that Mo Eunje had firmly maintained began to waver.
