[Levia]
Raha is annoying. The problem is he knows he’s pretty way too well. I know that if I keep doing everything he asks, he’ll get spoiled, but I just can’t refuse him. It hurts my heart when he sulks. This is all because Raha is too pretty.
“Ugh, so annoying!”
“Who is?”
“You.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re pretty.”
At my words, Raha’s eyes widened in surprise, then understanding the meaning, he grinned broadly. What am I supposed to do when he’s this pretty?
In the end, I end up doing whatever Raha wants. Sharing human food we don’t even need, looking at flowers and the sky we have no reason to see while making meaningless small talk. Even lying down together when sleeping or making inexplicable physical contact.
These were things I only used to do with my pretty Miros, so it feels like something’s being encroached upon. I even feel like I shouldn’t be doing these things somehow.
There were things I always did with Miros. When he opened his eyes in the morning, I’d kiss him, wash him clean, and wrap him up—no, I’d dress him in colorful clothes. When he said it was uncomfortable, I’d carry him around so he wouldn’t need to walk. I’d talk about this and that all day, laugh, and feed him delicious things. And when it was time to sleep, I’d lay him down in the best spot and even sing him human songs I remembered hearing before. Sometimes I’d imitate birds chirping or sounds I thought were pretty.
But now I’m the one receiving all that. Raha is doing those things to me.
Raha is really pretty. Pretty enough that I don’t want to admit it. I’ve admitted it to some degree now. Because he’s so pretty I absolutely can’t deny it. Because he’s so, so pretty I can’t even bring myself to lie about it.
But that doesn’t make it okay. Something feels uncomfortable inside. Even so, I had to admit it. I really can’t help this, can I?
“I think Havi was right.”
“About what?”
“That it’s easier once you admit it.”
“What did you admit?”
“That you’re really, truly, incredibly pretty.”
At my words, Raha was delighted. He smiled radiantly and pulled me into a tight embrace. I patted Raha’s shoulder and said,
“Not yet. You’re ruining the clothes. I haven’t finished dressing you yet.”
“…I’m just happy.”
“You haven’t been listening lately.”
“But I’m still pretty, right?”
“Yeah. That’s true.”
Recently I’ve been buying Raha pretty wrapping—no, they call this clothes, but I keep calling it wrapping.
Anyway, now I’m buying human clothes and accessories to dress him up with. I love how he sparkles every single day. But the good-looking ones are hard to put on by himself, so I dress and undress him myself. The problem is these clothes get damaged faster than I thought. They’re hard to clean too.
So why go through all this trouble? Well, because it’s pretty. Raha looks especially pretty wearing them. Raha seems uncomfortable sometimes, but this guy keeps feeding me meaningless human food too, so… it’s probably fine.
A slightly minor problem is that he forces me to wear the clothes he gave me too, but I think it can’t be helped. He throws a tantrum saying he won’t wear them either if I don’t.
Even though I patted him to let go, Raha ignored me and rubbed his face against my chest.
“I like it when you cherish me, Levia-nim.”
“I like that you’re pretty.”
I like that he’s pretty so, so much. But somehow I get irritated sometimes. Before, I’d let it slide since he only cried, but now I don’t know why I suddenly get choked up for no reason.
“When I think about it, it does seem strange.”
I thought I’d become comfortable after admitting it, but somehow something else is uncomfortable. But I don’t know what it is. I don’t even know why I don’t know. At my words, Raha asked curiously,
“What’s strange?”
“Why can’t I just be happy when you’re this pretty?”
It’s really strange. Raha is pretty beyond comparison to anything I’ve ever seen. So why was I so irritated? Why do I still get angry sometimes even now? This has never happened before.
Now I just admit it and cherish him to my heart’s content. Because he’s pretty.
But sometimes, there are times when I really don’t understand. I cherished our Miros like that too, so why is it so hard to cherish Raha, who’s so pretty I can’t help but admit it even if I don’t want to? I can’t cherish him like I did Miros. I can’t hug him tight every night and kiss him and pat him.
I pulled away Raha, who kept squirming in my arms, and said,
“The strangest thing is that you like me.”
“…Wouldn’t it be stranger if I didn’t like you?”
“Even though you received my power, you cling to me with a peculiar intimacy.”
At first I thought it was because I’d just attached his legs. A bit later I brushed it off thinking he was just being excessively friendly. But somehow, even as time passes, Raha’s behavior hasn’t changed. Rather, it’s getting worse and worse.
Now Raha doesn’t just rejoice at me eating his creations. It doesn’t end with tending to me and begging for what he wants. He goes further and acts directly. Though at a very slight level, he asserts his opinions and tries to control me.
It’s like he’s acting as if he impregnated his own hatchling. Does this even make sense?
All living things have something called instinct. How much you can control it is a separate matter, but this instinct is essential for survival.
I am the origin of all things that take root. Grass and trees prove their existence through me. They revere and praise me, but deep down there is fear. It can’t be helped. Because I am the foundation of their existence.
Moreover, Raha, being human, can only be more so. No matter how much humans are creatures that rely on visual information, he received my power. The problem isn’t simply that he’s become closer to me, but that he’s vaguely aware of what I am.
Raha doesn’t have me as his origin either. Just because he received my power doesn’t mean I’m the one proving his existence. Living things, especially individuals made of flesh and blood, have tremendous fear of me. They can’t help it. They often die just from my gaze passing over them.
And yet he unconditionally likes me and clings to me. Even though he must clearly recognize what I am. Affection that transcends fear is too strange. The Dryads love me dearly too, but even so, they’re afraid of me.
Everything doesn’t flow in only one direction. To flow means to be connected. I’m also connected to Raha, even if just a little. It’s so small and insignificant that it’s actually hard to read, but anyway, I can look into it.
Strange. I’ve never seen anything like this. I don’t even know what it is. I’ve never seen or heard of this pattern anywhere. Humans are truly remarkable. The differences between each individual are stark. I can’t even guess why this is.
After finishing dressing him, I stepped back a few paces and looked at Raha.
Pretty. He’s pretty no matter what I do, but today is new again. A black silk shirt with a red jacket and pants, black shoes. Clothes with lavish gold embroidery. I’m proud since I went to the trouble of getting them and dressing him in them, but strangely, the discomfort somewhere in my heart won’t disappear.
“Raha.”
“Yes?”
At my call, Raha looked at me with a radiant smile. I stared intently at Raha like that, then approached again. Raha showed a puzzled expression while smiling brightly. My hand rose above Raha’s forehead.
“Would it be better if I covered it a little?”
“Covered what?”
“Let me try first.”
I slowly swept down the hand I’d placed above his forehead. Past his eyes, nose, mouth, I swept down his face and pulled away. Raha meekly received my touch, but after my hand withdrew, he lowered his head. Then he blinked with a bewildered face.
“Levia-nim.”
“Yeah.”
“Wh-what did you just… do?”
His lowered head rises again. At the end of Raha’s wavering gaze was me. I told him calmly,
“It seemed like my power was influencing you too much.”
“It, was?”
“I veiled myself from your world. Now you won’t be swayed by my power anymore.”
I can’t take back the power I gave. No, I can, but if I did such a thing, he’d die. Raha was such a weak individual. He didn’t even have legs. He can’t receive help from his own kind either. It’s questionable whether they’d accept a weak individual back, but even if they did, he wouldn’t live long.
Raha still had a face that couldn’t understand. Raha’s voice, his whole body trembled.
“Why, why did you do that?”
“Because if I took back the power I gave, you’d die.”
“Did I… displease you?”
Raha approached me with a face about to cry. I just stood there watching.
“If that were the case, I would’ve just killed you. I like you. I want you to be happy, and I want you to be pretty for a long, long time.”
“Th-then why did you veil… yourself from me?”
“Because you seemed too swayed.”
“How?”
“You like me too excessively. It’s strange.”
“Is it… strange? That I… I…”
Raha staggered toward me and tried to cling to me, but I didn’t reach out my hand. I just watched. Raha tried to grab my collar but his hands had no strength and slipped off helplessly, and he sank down at my feet. Raha looked up at me, already shedding tears like a basin.
“Is it strange… that I love you, Levia-nim?”
“Of course. I can understand things not being rational. There are surprisingly few rational beings in the world. I’m the same. Everyone tends to find happiness in inefficient things.”
Even I like pretty things. And Raha is pretty. Separate from my discomfort, I like Raha. I’ve come to like him. That’s why I made this choice. This is too fixated on me.
“But you went too far. All living things have a survival instinct. But you disregard that and worship me. This is wrong. Nothing should be prioritized over your survival. Especially for such a weak individual as you.”
Raha clung to my legs and hung on.
“There are things… more precious than life. Don’t you know that?”
“Living things do have something called will. But that can’t be me.”
“Why not?”
I looked down at Raha. I didn’t mean to make him cry, but my heart aches.
