# Chapter 116
Thinking about it now, when the four of us traveled together, we usually slept in separate single beds. In unavoidable situations, Tae Igyeol and I would share a double bed with one blanket, while Ban Hajun and Gye Minho would each take their own blankets on twin beds.
I never realized how uncomfortable it would be to share a blanket with a close friend. We weren’t consciously trying to keep our distance, but there was enough space between Ban Hajun and me that another person could have fit in the middle. Mo Eunje was lying straight as a board on the very edge of the bed, almost about to fall off, while Ban Hajun was turned on his side facing the opposite direction, as far away as possible.
“Are you asleep?”
After about 20 minutes, Mo Eunje, who had been conscious of even his own swallowing, couldn’t stand it anymore and spoke up.
“No.”
“Am I the only one who feels uncomfortable?”
“You think you’re the only one?”
“I thought I was.”
“That’s why Tae Igyeol is crazy. How could he let you sleep in his bed?”
“What do you mean crazy? When he visits my place, he always sleeps in my bed with me.”
As soon as I snapped back, I regretted it.
“Yes, yes. You must have enjoyed sleeping together.”
“Don’t be sarcastic.”
We’d been sleeping over at each other’s houses since we were young, so we always used double beds. Both our parents naturally bought us double beds.
Because of this, until middle school, I thought all other friends also had double beds in preparation for when close friends came over. That’s why I was surprised when I saw Cha Hyunwoo’s single bed, and shocked when I saw Kim Jiwan’s bunk bed. I really liked the bunk bed that Kim Jiwan shared with his brother, and once asked my parents to buy me one, only to be told to save my allowance and buy it myself.
“Why did you buy a double bed when you live alone?”
“Sometimes I bring my girlfriend home. Need a big bed to do stuff.”
“Oh, right.”
I absolutely did not want to know what Ban Hajun did with his girlfriend on that big bed. Suddenly, I didn’t want to lie there anymore. And when I recalled waking up that morning with my arm on Tae Igyeol’s chest and my leg over his thigh, I definitely couldn’t lie next to Ban Hajun. If I woke up with my arm on Ban Hajun’s chest and my leg over his thigh, I would never forgive myself. I might throw up on the bed before I could even run to the bathroom.
“Hey, I’ll just sleep on the sofa downstairs. This is too creepy, I really can’t sleep with you.”
“Why? Didn’t you say you could sleep with a friend?”
“No. Seems like that was Tae Igyeol-specific.”
“…Still don’t get it?”
“Get what? Don’t say useless things. It’s just a habit from childhood. Anyway, at least you can sleep comfortably now.”
Mo Eunje, who had been insisting on the bed, finally got up and went down the stairs. Ban Hajun didn’t try to stop him.
“Check the closet at the very back of the dressing room, there’s an extra blanket.”
After safely reaching the first floor by the dim light of the loft’s mood lamp, I turned on the light in the dressing room. I took out a thin blanket from the closet Ban Hajun had mentioned and lay down on the sofa. Being in a position to impose, I was grateful just to have somewhere to sleep, even if the sofa wasn’t as comfortable as the bed. The first floor seemed cooler, so I pulled the blanket up to my neck. In the midst of this, I had the stupid thought that Tae Igyeol’s bed cushioning was really nice, when I heard a voice from above.
“Me too.”
“Huh? You too what?”
“Whatever choice you make, whatever you do, I support you.”
Mo Eunje couldn’t respond at all, so he quietly closed his eyes. He was worried that Tae Igyeol might not be able to sleep with his injured body. Still, he trusted that Tae Igyeol, who usually took care of himself, wouldn’t push himself too hard. He had to believe that, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep, so he forcefully pushed thoughts of Tae Igyeol away.
Still, that confession was too much.
No, throwing away even the chance to take it back was really too much.
That bastard.
Actually, depending on your perspective, I might be a bigger bastard than Tae Igyeol. Because I might have been unconsciously using his feelings without being aware of it. Even if the other person thoroughly hid their feelings for me, it’s impossible not to notice at all. I might have instinctively denied and avoided recognizing those feelings, but the reasonable suspicion remained that I might have vaguely guessed it.
Worry and anger, guilt and fear, pity and betrayal, apology and despair—all these indescribable, colorful emotions crossed simultaneously, tossing Mo Eunje about. Seeing how his brain refused to rest despite his thoughts exceeding their limit, it seemed unlikely he would fall asleep easily tonight.
&
Around 10 AM, Mo Eunje got up from the sofa at the sound of Ban Hajun stretching, and folded the blanket he had used. Having spent most of the night awake, his sleep loss was significant. He had minimized his movements to avoid disturbing Ban Hajun’s sleep upstairs, which left his muscles stiff and aching all over.
“Why do you look like that? Couldn’t sleep?”
Ban Hajun asked with a bewildered expression as he came down the stairs rubbing his eyes. Even without looking in a mirror, it was easy to guess how haggard Mo Eunje looked. If he was this bad, Tae Igyeol, who had caused the trouble, must be worse—there was no way he could be fine.
“My stomach’s burning. I’m ordering food now, what do you want? Seolleongtang, galbitang, or bean sprout soup?”
Having eaten excessively spicy food late at night, his stomach was crying out for a warm soup to soothe it.
“Seolleongtang. Lots of radish kimchi. Add noodles and meat dumplings.”
Mo Eunje placed the order with all the requests. The noodles and meat dumplings were something they always added when ordering seolleongtang with Tae Igyeol, so he would have added them even if Ban Hajun hadn’t mentioned it. When the estimated arrival time appeared, Mo Eunje double-checked the order details and unconsciously exclaimed loudly.
“What the hell!”
Mo Eunje’s heart sank as he checked the address.
“Whoa, whoa… That was close.”
“What’s going on? Why are you freaking out?”
Ban Hajun, who was heading to the bathroom, turned around in surprise at Mo Eunje’s sudden alarm.
“Nothing. Go wash up first. I’ll take care of it.”
Responding nonchalantly, Mo Eunje quickly called the restaurant. He had forgotten to change the address to Ban Hajun’s place, almost sending the food to Ritz Ville.
“Hello, I just ordered through the delivery app…”
The kind shop employee who answered the phone listened to his explanation. The employee readily agreed to change the address.
“Hey, let me give them your address.”
Despite his big talk about handling it himself, he was too flustered to remember the name of the officetel, so he handed his phone to Ban Hajun. Fortunately, Ban Hajun had been watching Mo Eunje’s antics instead of going straight to the bathroom.
“I’ve always felt that habits are scary when I look at you.”
Ban Hajun clicked his tongue as he finished the call and handed back the phone.
“People make mistakes, why are you scolding me for something like this?”
“Where is your mind that you make that kind of mistake? Why don’t you just have a bowl delivered to Ritz Ville too?”
“Aren’t you going to wash up? If you’re not, I’ll go first.”
“I’m going to.”
When Ban Hajun went into the bathroom and closed the door, Mo Eunje seriously considered sending seolleongtang to Ritz Ville as well, but gave up. Before, he would have called to check if Tae Igyeol was home and sent it, but in the current situation, showing such kindness and consideration would only confuse Tae Igyeol’s feelings more. Now that he knew the nature of Tae Igyeol’s feelings, unnecessary kindness and affection were poison.
After Ban Hajun finished washing up, Mo Eunje washed up too. Just as he was coming out of the bathroom after drying his hair with a hairdryer, their ordered seolleongtang arrived.
Ban Hajun unpacked the seolleongtang and habitually turned on the TV, putting on a variety show. Like most people who live alone, Ban Hajun probably ate his meals like this every day, watching people laughing and talking on the screen.
Sitting side by side at the lift table, looking at the TV while eating felt unfamiliar and strange, yet somehow comfortable. Mo Eunje thought he should buy a table like this when he found a place and moved. Before his parents moved, when he ate alone at home, he would put his tablet PC on the dining table and watch movies or dramas while eating.
However, Mo Eunje’s problem wasn’t one that could be solved by consumption. A problem too overwhelming to solve no matter what he did filled his head, making it impossible to even taste the seolleongtang and dumplings. Since they bought several waterproof covers on the way back from the hospital, Tae Igyeol could wash as he did at the hospital, and he knew his own outpatient treatment schedule, so he would take care of himself.
But Mo Eunje worried that Tae Igyeol might skip meals due to lack of appetite, affecting his medication. While glancing at Ban Hajun, who was chuckling at the not-so-funny variety show, Mo Eunje opened his mouth with a confident and casual tone.
“I have a favor to ask.”
“Don’t. I won’t do it.”
“It’s not difficult. It’s super easy for you.”
“What is it? Let me hear it first.”
“Can’t you go to Tae Igyeol’s place and just check if he’s eaten?”
