Ch 6. An Instant
“Why aren’t you answering? I’m asking if your memory came back?”
Though he tried to ask calmly, Hongdan’s voice was trembling. Seonha also seemed to realize his mistake belatedly and bit down hard on his lower lip. It seemed like he muttered some curse. But he soon returned to a cold expression and removed the hand that had been desperately holding him.
“I’ll bring something to put on. Put your shoes on first.”
“……”
Even that touch felt cold. Hongdan couldn’t understand this situation well.
Why…… why won’t you answer me right away?
Just one word saying ‘no’ would be enough. No, even if your memory did come back, just one line of explanation that you were embarrassed about acting so out of character would be enough.
Hongdan tightly clenched the hand that had briefly been touched by familiar warmth.
“……If you don’t answer, I’m not going anywhere.”
“Choi Hongdan!”
A thunderous shout fell once more. But this time, Hongdan wasn’t surprised either. He didn’t even avoid eye contact and was fully facing the other person.
“Tell me. Has your memory completely come back?”
It was exactly the third time asking. It was also the last chance Hongdan was giving Seonha.
If he avoided even this, he would…….
“Ha……”
Acknowledge the anxiety that had already begun creeping up.
Hongdan didn’t want to do that. Perhaps more than the person himself, he desperately wanted to believe in his innocence. So he grabbed Seonha once more.
“Huh? Seonha.”
Yeah, no.
Just give me that kind of answer. You don’t have to apologize, just give me trust. Just don’t betray me again, please…….
But Seonha was cruel.
“If it came back.”
A year ago too.
“If my memory came back, what would change?”
And now too.
“Is that what’s important to us right now?”
Plop.
Along with the hand he’d barely been holding, Hongdan’s head dropped. Finally, anxiety became certainty.
“……You never lost your memory in the first place, did you?”
“……”
“It was all a lie from the beginning.”
You fucking idiot.
Unspeakable shame and self-loathing washed over him.
He hadn’t thought choosing Seonha again was wise. But he at least believed he’d made a more mature choice than five years ago, when he’d believed him without thinking. So the ending would be different, he wouldn’t end up gnawing at himself like back then.
Surely, that evening would be the only moment he wouldn’t regret after meeting him.
Hongdan had trusted his reason, trusted Seonha.
“Let me see your mouth again to check if it’s swollen. From the way you’re talking it seems okay, but let’s go to the hospital anyway.”
While the Hongdan before his eyes floundered in a swamp of self-reproach, Seonha reached out again to check his condition. But the moment his fingertips were about to brush his chin, Hongdan trembled his shoulders and stepped back.
Seonha’s voice sank low.
“……Are you avoiding me?”
How could a person be this shameless?
Even though he was the one who had torn up his heart, Seonha was making a hurt face instead.
‘If you took the hand you’d let go of, you should have that level of resolve.’
‘You’re the one who’s bad for trying to abandon me again.’
As if all the fault in this situation lay with just one person, he blamed himself.
Hongdan lost the will to deal with him. He passed by Seonha and headed to the room. Then he took out the largest suitcase and started sweeping in clothes as he grabbed them. Seonha followed behind with slow steps, and the moment he saw that sight, he twisted Hongdan’s wrist.
“What are you trying to do?”
Ah, right. This is the kind of bastard he was.
Thanks to the stinging pain felt in his wrist, Hongdan realized a fact he’d briefly forgotten.
Selfish, coercive, and dull.
You really are loving me consistently, aren’t you?
In a way, he was even admirable for enduring this shitty temperament and acting innocent for several weeks. He swallowed the sneer that was about to burst out.
“You won’t leave. So I’ll leave.”
Hongdan shook off Seonha without much difficulty. His roughly pulled wrist throbbed, but there was no time to examine it. Anyway, he’d be caught again soon.
Sure enough, Seonha couldn’t last even 5 seconds before putting his hands on Hongdan’s body again. This time he grabbed his shoulders outright and made him face him.
“Where to?”
The sound of teeth grinding was clear. Hongdan also didn’t hold back his sneer this time.
“Why would I tell you that? When it’s obvious you’ll chase after me.”
“If you know that, then just don’t leave.”
“After hitting me in the back of the head like this? Think about it logically. As if I’d live under the same roof with you, Yeon Seonha.”
Was the cold reaction a fresh shock? Seonha’s right hand lost its strength. Hongdan took that opportunity to close the suitcase and stand up. Because Seonha immediately blocked him, he could only pack clothes, but he planned to buy what he needed once he got out. Before leaving the room dragging the heavy suitcase, Hongdan threw out one last remark.
“Be grateful I’m leaving quietly without causing a scene.”
However, thinking he could end things with him this easily seemed to be his own arrogance. Hongdan’s steps didn’t even cross half the living room. Over his shoulder, an angry voice followed along with furious footsteps.
“Cause a scene instead! Even if you’re venting, I told you to do it in front of me! Why do you always leave home whenever things don’t go your way? You know this is all avoidance too, right?”
……Avoidance?
Those words finally dragged out Hongdan’s anger that he’d been desperately suppressing.
Fuck, who’s saying this to whom right now?
THUD—!
The suitcase Hongdan threw down collided roughly with the floor. The face Seonha met again was reddened as if burning. He also noticed that this flush was by no means from positive emotions.
Hongdan, who had lengthened his strides, stopped right in front of Seonha’s nose.
“Hey, what? Avoidance? Do you even have the right to talk to me about avoidance?”
“Since when did you need qualifications to use words everyone uses?”
Seonha’s expression also twisted considerably at the clear hostility Hongdan was emitting. Hongdan felt the impulse to just rip those twisted corners of his mouth.
“Don’t you remember when I was pregnant? You didn’t come home for a week or something then. Even when I ended up having a miscarriage from stress, you didn’t come to the hospital room. Isn’t what you did then avoidance? Weren’t you the one who killed someone because you couldn’t learn how to have an adult conversation, you trash bastard!”
“I didn’t know then. I never dreamed in my wildest dreams that my vasectomy would have reversed. In the first place, in that situation when your wifey says she’s pregnant, is there anyone who wouldn’t be suspicious?”
“So you’re saying what you did was right? Branding me as trash who cheated without properly checking?”
“……Don’t recklessly leap to conclusions. I didn’t say it like that.”
“The things you spewed at me then were worse than this!”
Even while confronting Seonha, memories from a year ago rushed in fiercely. All those scenes made Hongdan’s head hot. The heat accumulated and accumulated, stimulating the tear ducts, the nearest outlet. But since he absolutely didn’t want to show tears right now, Hongdan gritted his teeth.
“Whew……”
Seonha looked at the ceiling and took a deep breath. He also seemed frustrated by the situation that kept going in circles. Soon, having collected his emotions somewhat, he wrapped Hongdan’s hands more gently than before.
“Okay. I’m sorry. For spewing bullshit at you back then, and for lying all this time. So don’t leave. Talk with me here.”
But rather, that tenderness seemed disgusting to Hongdan as it reminded him of the days he’d been deceived by Seonha. Bile rose from inside.
Creepy bastard.
Smack!
Hongdan shook him off with all his strength. Then he picked up the suitcase he’d roughly thrown on the floor again.
“I don’t want to.”
“Where do you even have to go that you’re doing this!”
‘What money do you even have?’
How can he do this?
How can he be exactly the same as a year ago?
Even though he was the one holding on, Seonha couldn’t erase the condescending gaze toward him. Every word he spat was laced with contempt.
Now even sneering was too good for that bastard.
Not even a small tremor occurred at the corners of Hongdan’s mouth.
Tap, tap. Hongdan roughly shoved his toes into some sneakers. Until then, Seonha said nothing. Hongdan also vaguely judged that he must have given up today. However, just as he turned the doorknob, a name flowed from his mouth that made him have no choice but to stop walking.
“……Jung Hyeonchan?”
“What?”
Deep wrinkles formed between Hongdan’s brows. Half was absurdity at the words without any context, half was irritation at dragging a third party into their problem. A similar wrinkle was carved on Seonha’s face that he turned to meet.
“Are you trying to go to Jung Hyeonchan again?”
“Again? Since when have you been investigating me?”
“You’re the one who came home wearing that bastard’s clothes as if to show me.”
“So how did you even……”
BANG!
“Hey! What are you doing!”
Seonha, who had approached the entrance before he knew it, lifted Hongdan’s suitcase and slammed it down on the floor. It happened in an instant, so Hongdan had no time to stop him.
BANG! CRACK! CRASH—!
Vicious sounds of impact rang through the house. Whether Hongdan rushed at him or not, Seonha just smashed it and smashed it again. Eventually the suitcase couldn’t last long and the locking mechanism flew off. The corners twisted here and there until the original form could no longer be recognized. The floor that couldn’t absorb the shock also had its surface all lifted up.
Hongdan looked down at the ruined floor and suitcase with a dejected face.
“Crazy bastard……”
“If you want to see me go crazier, go ahead and try leaving.”
Rather, Seonha’s face was calm. He swept up his bangs with his thoroughly reddened hand and warned quietly.
“Then I’ll kill that bastard right in front of you that day.”
