“Are you okay with it though?”
“Yup.”
My pronunciation was garbled because of the donut filling my mouth. Delicious.
“It’ll be uncomfortable going to work after the article comes out. We went to the same school, and there are photos of us together uploaded on the internet… If someone takes your graduation photo or something and uploads it, it’ll spread in an instant. I’ll try to delay it as much as possible.”
“Why delay it? I said I’m fine. I’ve thought about everything.”
It would be uncomfortable, but the company wouldn’t kick me out for dating a celebrity, surely not.
Anyway, I’m taking maternity leave starting in December, so I only need to endure the gossip for about half a year. Not even half a year—like five months?
It won’t happen, but in the worst case, I’m also considering resignation.
I don’t have a lot but I’ve saved some money, so I can raise Yongyong for a bit and then get a new job when things quiet down.
So actually, what’s important in this matter isn’t my company but Won Dogyeong. Whenever the article comes out, my life will definitely be tiresome for a bit, and conversely, it’ll return to normal with time, but Won Dogyeong was different.
It wasn’t an exaggeration to say his career depended on whether it was a disclosure or an exposé.
If things went down a bad route, he might be forced to stay home resting for at least the next 1-2 years, or maybe even longer. Even though he was planning to rest for a while anyway, resting in a state where you want to work but can’t is a different story, isn’t it?
He didn’t commit any illegal acts or have any moral problems, so he’d make a comeback, but I just didn’t want to see Won Dogyeong getting cursed at over something like that.
He’s subtly sensitive about that stuff. What if he cries like when he bombed the mock exam?
“Besides that, there’s a bit of a… problem….”
He glanced at me hesitantly. I raised my eyebrows to tell him to speak quickly.
“The company….”
Won Dogyeong seemed parched as he gulped down dry saliva. His hands kept losing their place, repeatedly unfolding and refolding the snack bag. He’d folded it so much that the creases made it return to note shape significantly faster than at first.
“They said if it just goes out as an out-of-wedlock child, the response will be too bad, so if we’re planning to meet, um… they suggested we talk about releasing it as if we’re discussing marriage….”
His voice gradually crawled lower. While he’d said all sorts of things when confessing, this seemed embarrassing as his pupils darted around.
“Do that then.”
When I answered nonchalantly while picking up the last donut, Won Dogyeong furrowed his brow. That exact expression of wondering if I didn’t hear properly because I was too absorbed in eating.
I was absorbed in eating, but I heard clearly.
But wait, I’m eating all six donuts again today.
Am I going to eat like this every day? I was getting a bit sick of my own appetite.
“Well, broadly speaking, aren’t we discussing it?”
“…That’s too broad….”
He retorted in a dumbfounded tone.
“If it really doesn’t work, cancel it later. Just release another article saying I said I didn’t want to do it. Getting cursed at over something like that won’t affect my livelihood.”
“…You’ll cancel it?”
“I don’t want to, but we’ll see.”
When I smiled slyly, Won Dogyeong propped his chin with that bratty expression I’d seen often before and glared at me.
“…Annoying.”
“Want a donut?”
When I pushed the last bite toward his mouth, he snatched it with his lips. After silently chewing and swallowing it, he started threatening.
“Once the article comes out, you’ll officially be someone discussing marriage with me. Don’t you dare fool around anywhere.”
“When did I ever…?”
Just listening to him talk, you’d think I was really someone juggling three or four relationships. I scoffed in disbelief.
“Don’t follow anyone even if they offer to buy you donuts.”
“I have money too….”
When I grumbled, he sighed looking drained.
“I didn’t want to talk about marriage because it feels like using dirty tricks.”
“Puhah, what dirty tricks?”
“I don’t know, it just feels like I’m cornering you cheaply.”
“I didn’t think that.”
“You look it.”
Won Dogyeong stared at me intently, then muttered.
“Must be nice to have such peace of mind.”
Then leaving that one comment, he got up from his seat and started cleaning up. I stopped laughing and sat still with my mouth open. The back of my head tingled like I’d been hit.
Hey, I have lots of worries too….
It’s all because of you….
I couldn’t even sleep last night because of that….
I even got laughed at plenty by Myeong Haemin….
“Go in, I’ll clean up.”
“…I’ll do the dishes….”
“There’s not much, so it’s fine.”
Won Dogyeong chased me to my room with his usual casual tone.
I creaked into my room and sat vacantly on the bed hugging my knees.
I don’t know if I should consider it fortunate that my complicated feelings didn’t show at all. Since I had no intention of opening up about this worry, there was no way to explain even after hearing that it must be nice to have peace of mind.
I’m not at peace, I’m not.
Feeling indignant, I pointlessly pounded the pillow before gathering my clothes and going in to wash up.
I stood under the showerhead for a long time, receiving the falling stream of water. I felt a complicated emotion that was hard to explain.
After drying my hair, I tried to calm my mind by reading a book for a while.
Honestly, I couldn’t focus on a single letter, so after over an hour I’d only read four pages. Even that was an achievement from skimming with my eyes and carelessly turning the page, then thinking “what was that about?” and going back countless times.
Should I just say let’s sleep in my room? Then there’d be less pheromones or body scent. Though I can’t help the shampoo smell.
I glanced down at my bed, but for two people to sleep on this size, we’d really have to sleep hugging. No good.
With an anxious heart I checked my phone—it was about time to sleep, so I put a bookmark in the book I’d been reading and set it down on the nightstand. The four pages I’d managed to read through all that effort evaporated and disappeared as soon as I closed the cover.
Still, maybe because I didn’t sleep yesterday, I was a bit sleepy. At this rate, it seemed like I’d be able to sleep today.
I steeled my resolve and left the room, but as soon as I opened the door I ran smack into Won Dogyeong sitting in the living room with his laptop open. He must have been reading a script too, as papers were spread out haphazardly on the table.
“You’re not… sleeping?”
Flustered, I asked hesitantly. Won Dogyeong looked back with sleepy eyes and shook his head.
“In a bit.”
“Do it tomorrow, why….”
He’ll be home tomorrow too, so there’s no need to do it at night, right? And he sleeps a lot.
“I’ll just finish what I was doing. Don’t worry about me and sleep first.”
“…Okay.”
Leaving Won Dogyeong behind leaning his back against the sofa and glaring at the monitor, I opened his door alone.
Inside the room where only the mood lamp beside the bed emitted a subtle glow, it was quiet. The air conditioner noise that rang out occasionally seemed to rather highlight the silence. The air was quite cool, as if he’d set it to the temperature I’d adjusted yesterday.
I pulled back the covers and lay down on the side against the wall. Being the second time, it felt somewhat more familiar than the first. Yesterday I lay staring at the ceiling unable to move, but today Won Dogyeong wasn’t here so I lay facing the side.
When I buried my face in the pillow, his pheromones flowed in refreshingly. As expected, smelling it felt good.
I stretched out my arm to turn off the light and slid my hand into the empty space beside me, sweeping the vacant spot roughly.
Is it such important work? He looked tired.
I only gasped for breath in the darkness. I was sleepy until earlier since I didn’t sleep properly yesterday, but now that I’d actually come into the room and lay down, I was just wide awake.
I rolled over to lie on my back and pulled Won Dogyeong’s pillow over to hug it.
We’re supposed to sleep together—what is this?
…I’m not giving back the pillow.
I just lay like that with my eyes closed. Even after a long while, Won Dogyeong showed no signs of coming in.
I tried to fall asleep before Won Dogyeong came in, but to cut to the conclusion, I failed. I was sleepy but sleep wouldn’t come. Like how your mind becomes alert when you’re too tired, my head was clear.
What felt like quite a long time passed before the door cracked open.
Won Dogyeong didn’t even turn on the light before closing the door, then stood in that spot for a moment. He seemed to be waiting until his eyes adjusted to the darkness and he could dimly see ahead. He could turn on the light, but he seemed to think I was asleep.
Small shuffling footsteps sounded, then one side of the bed sank deeply. Sitting on the edge and groping around on the bed, he seemed flustered that there was no pillow and swept his hand here and there over the blanket.
The briefly bustling sounds stopped, and only then seeming to notice the pillow in my arms, he carefully lifted my arm and gently extracted the pillow.
I was going to not give it to him, but thinking of him sleeping uncomfortably without a pillow made me feel sorry, so I decided to just give it.
Won Dogyeong placed the pillow in its original position and was about to lie down but hesitated, then crept toward me.
I could feel the mattress dip deeply as he placed his hand right beside me.
Soon his lips lightly touched my forehead. Just grazing the skin, they immediately pulled away. It was a simple goodnight kiss.
He lay down in the spot beside me and fumbled to pull up the blanket, then tugged my arm to intertwine our hands. He tightened his grip on my fingers that reflexively tried to flinch.
Only then, as if his preparations for sleep were finally complete, Won Dogyeong relaxed his body and instantly only the sound of his gentle breathing echoed in the air.
I slowly exhaled the breath I’d been holding.
My heart was pounding.
Sleeping was a lost cause today too.
