I was confused.
It wasn’t because I’d done something impulsive. We’d already kissed before. When I’d heard about Seo Nakil’s mother, I’d pressed my lips to his cheek like stamping a seal for quite selfish reasons.
That wasn’t what bewildered me.
‘It was here.’
The emotion I could no longer feel when I looked at Kwon Seonho, the fragments of feelings I thought had gone somewhere, were pooled here.
“Seo Nakil.”
“…”
“I…”
My lips, which had been moving to say something, closed tight. It was because my insides had become noisy from thoughts overflowing.
Seo Nakil was a good person. His kindness was special. The warmth he gave as if it were natural was even the warmest thing I’d experienced living my life.
That’s why I was more anxious. I was as scared as it seemed good. Having something ultimately meant losing it someday.
I had many things to do. There were also things to avoid and prevent. Just because I’d realized he loved me, and just because I felt similar emotions toward him, even a little, didn’t resolve the suspicions I’d felt about Seo Nakil.
So…
“It’s okay.”
Seo Nakil whispered as if reading my jagged confusion and anxiety.
“We have time.”
“…”
“I’ll wait.”
I couldn’t give any answer. I just stayed there catching my breath with my forehead against his shoulder.
How long had I been like that? The phone ringtone that suddenly rang broke the silence. When I flinched, startled by the clearly ringing music box melody, Seo Nakil quickly patted my back to soothe me.
“It’s okay. It’s just a phone call.”
He pulled me a bit closer and answered the phone.
“Yes. Yang Nuri.”
Because of the almost nonexistent distance, I could hear the voice on the other end of the phone clearly.
— I heard you came? Why are there only traces but no person? Are you going to leave without even showing your face?
Seo Nakil glanced at me and answered.
“I saw a face.”
I opened my eyes narrowly and looked up at him. He meant Yang Nuri, not me. It seemed like he was doing it on purpose even though he understood.
— Oh my. What are you talking about? So you’re really just going to leave? Did you only come to support Ijae?
“That’s true… well, let’s meet briefly. I’m in the parking lot right now.”
— I’ll come down right away.
I was wondering if I should wait in the car for a bit when Seo Nakil, who’d hung up, gently swept and arranged my bangs with his fingertips.
“Should I come out too?”
“Should I leave you here all alone then?”
Firm fingers tapped my cheek. It felt a bit cooler than usual. It was because the heat that had risen to my face hadn’t completely cooled.
“I was planning to introduce you anyway. At least make an impression.”
I couldn’t refuse. I thought it was because meeting Yang Nuri was part of Seo Nakil’s wish coupon too, but even if it wasn’t, I wanted to grant his requests as much as possible anyway.
I rubbed the cheek he hadn’t tapped with the back of my hand and asked.
“How does my face look?”
“Pretty.”
“Not that…”
Fortunately, by the time Yang Nuri came down, the heat that had flushed my cheeks had cooled.
“Oh, you were with Ijae too? This is my first time seeing Nakil oppa alone with someone else. I thought his only friend was CEO Seon.”
She, who’d discovered me, opened her eyes wide.
“Hello, Senior Yang Nuri.”
“Hey. What senior? So formal. I heard through the CEO that you’re joining Revalue. Just call me noona.”
Yang Nuri, who laughed heartily, tapped my back. Perhaps because her hands were strong, my back tingled slightly.
“I enjoyed today’s live. Actually, I really like vocals like yours, Ijae. I’m totally into alt-rock these days, and there’s nothing better than putting a voice like yours on songs like that. A voice that stimulates the imagination, I guess. Though the reality was much better than I’d imagined.”
“Thank you. Thanks to all your help, I was able to film safely. Thank you for the good opportunity.”
“Not at all. Good luck with your solo concert. Starium was also in the summer festival lineup. The second day, right? I’m the headliner that day.”
“Ah, that’s…”
It was true that Starium was participating that day, but I was likely to skip it. I was also planning to formally bring it up at a meeting around next month.
I knew that if I just did that one thing well, I could wrap up my activities most cleanly. But…
‘It bothers me.’
I recalled meeting the third son of Samhwa Group, General Manager Cheon, again while handling that schedule before. Just like at the last company dinner, I might encounter that terrible connection again as if it were fate.
So I had to avoid it if I could. With all my strength.
“Perfect!”
Of course, Yang Nuri was pleased, completely unaware of my inner circumstances.
“Make sure to see me that day. It would be nice if I could see the stage too, but it’ll be hectic if the times overlap, right?”
I couldn’t bring myself to tell her who was laughing cheerfully that I’d be skipping, and was just smiling awkwardly when Yang Nuri started rummaging through her bag as if remembering something.
Soon a stiff envelope was in her hands.
“Oh, I was actually carrying this. An invitation!”
“An invitation?”
“Yeah. The night after the festival ends, there’s a charity party at a nearby convention hall? Since a few invitations came to Revalue, CEO Seon asked me to persuade you…”
If CEO Seon asked her to persuade, it seemed she’d brought Seo Nakil’s portion. So she’d deliberately contacted him after hearing he’d come here.
Only then did I understand why Yang Nuri had come down here to meet Seo Nakil.
The moment I nodded, Yang Nuri moved her hand slightly. The overlapping envelopes increased to two.
“There happens to be one left. Want to go too, Ijae? A lot of people in the industry come, so it’s good for expanding your network, and you can get closer to me.”
“…”
“How about it? Let’s get close this time. And then it’d be even better if we work on an album together later.”
My heart began to beat anxiously.
This was truly a proposal I had to avoid. It was at that very charity party that I’d met General Manager Cheon. Kwon Seonho taking me there, saying he’d received an invitation through a close model connection, was the cause of last time’s trouble.
But I felt uncomfortable refusing sharply. The other person was a senior with far more years of experience than me. It didn’t seem polite to immediately reject kindness offered to become close.
I was fumbling to receive the invitation when a hand reached out and took it instead of me. Both of them at once.
“If Ijae goes, he’ll go as my companion.”
“Does that mean oppa is going too?”
She seemed impressed, as if she’d try to persuade him but hadn’t really expected it.
“You’ll let yourself be persuaded? I haven’t even said anything yet? Really? This easily?”
“I’ll have to look at Ijae’s schedule.”
Seo Nakil looked down at me. It was a quiet, deep gaze.
“Since this kind of party will be awkward, having a companion will be advantageous. Look at your schedule, and if you want to go, let’s go together.”
“…”
“Since there’s a group schedule, we’ll have to coordinate the details. Let me know later and I’ll pass it on to Yang Nuri.”
Thanks to the words he tactfully added, even if I ended up refusing later, it wouldn’t become awkward. I looked up at Seo Nakil for a long while with gratitude.
‘I haven’t even told him about General Manager Cheon yet.’
Even if I really did attend, being with Seo Nakil would feel more reassuring than going alone. If I stuck by his side, even the third son of Samhwa Group would find it difficult to say nonsense.
Yang Nuri left after giving me her contact information, saying we should keep in touch. Her red hair tied up high fluttered like falling petals as she moved away.
On the way back in Seo Nakil’s car, I glanced at him while fiddling with my hands on my lap. I hadn’t noticed earlier because I was distracted, but getting back in reminded me vividly and unnecessarily of kissing in this car.
Unlike me, who didn’t know what to do with the embarrassment that came belatedly, Seo Nakil was still composed. Even though he’d acted like he was cornering me earlier.
‘Doesn’t it matter to him?’
He was about 10 years older than me. He had more experience and was much more mature. He might have lived meeting an enormous number of people in a wider, more glamorous, more amazing world.
Was something like this common for such a Seo Nakil? Is that why it felt like nothing special? So was it not special? Kissing in this car. Holding hands, talking, singing songs.
“Get in safely. You worked hard today.”
“Thank you for taking me.”
“Taking someone is more fun than I thought.”
Seo Nakil laughed, tapping the steering wheel.
“So use it as much as you want.”
I was about to answer with thanks when his phone placed next to him rang again. It was a call from CEO Seon.
Having finished greeting him with a bow, I got out of Seo Nakil’s car. Then suddenly, I realized the ringtone was somehow familiar and tilted my head.
“Why?”
Standing near the flower bed at the entrance to the dorm, I traced that melody with the tip of my tongue and found the lyrics that fit it.
— But I know
Still, I know
Your solitude would have brightened my world
Your loneliness brightened my world
“…Huh?”
So I didn’t get lost yesterday
So I didn’t lose my way yesterday
I’m right in front of your eyes
And so I’m right before your eyes now
The day I went to Bae Dojin’s live show, the song I sang for him in his car. It was that very song.
It was the moment when my shallow misunderstanding, secretly made that our memories together might mean nothing to him, shattered completely.
Not common. A big deal.
Special.
That I’m lovely when I sing.
Seo Nakil was saying it with his whole soul.
