— It doesn’t matter where the start line was
출발선이 어디였는지는 중요하지 않아
Cause it doesn’t change what happened
when you look back and grieve where you already left
이미 떠나온 곳을 돌아보며 비통해한다 해도
지난 일이 바뀌지는 않기 때문에
If you run along the long and winding road
길고 굽은 길을 따라 달리다 보면
You’ll find a better place than the one that held you
너를 잡아 두었던 곳보다 더 좋은 곳을 만나게 되겠지
The last song I sang was ‘Start Line.’ It was one of the most popular tracks from the OST of the musical film I’d watched with Seo Nakil.
— Don’t be sad even if it’s a long way around
멀리 돌아 제자리더라도 슬퍼하지 마
When you came home and opened the door
네가 집으로 돌아와 문을 열었을 때
Holding my phone, I quickened my steps. The place I hurried to was the broadcasting station’s underground parking lot, to a different vehicle than the black SUV Director Jeong had driven.
— Look at your eyes in the mirror
거울에 비친 네 눈을 봐
When I opened the door and saw the clear eyes I met.
— You’ll see the sky your saw in your eyes
그 눈동자 안에는 네가 보았던 하늘이 담겨 있을 거야
It’s the brightest universe you can see
그건 네가 볼 수 있는 가장 환한 우주야
I saw the sky in those eyes. No, I saw the universe spread beyond the sky.
The universe is the blackest thing I know, and your eyes are the blackest thing I know.
So I was standing before the smallest and most beautiful universe in the world.
My appearance, having wandered a long way and returned, was sparkling white in the center of his eyes.
— In the universe, all the paths you’ve passed
will be shining as constellations
그 우주 속, 네가 지나온 모든 길은
별자리가 되어 빛나고 있을 거야
“It was good.”
Seo Nakil said to me.
“The song. I remembered the movie we watched together too.”
At that gaze that seemed to expect something, I smiled slightly.
“Me too. That’s why I chose it.”
“I’m honored.”
“I was surprised you came.”
You don’t know how surprised I was when I checked my phone after the schedule ended and saw you were already in the underground parking lot. Even the time waiting for the elevator felt anxious, so I rushed down in a hurry, and I even laughed at the fact that this wasn’t the first time this kind of situation had happened.
“Did you come to pick me up?”
“Of course, who else would I be waiting for here, Bae Dojin?”
I could clearly picture Seo Nakil leaning against the driver’s seat listening to the radio. Somehow the tips of my ears tickled.
“You could have come up and listened…”
“I wanted to be one of the common listeners.”
Seo Nakil leaned against the steering wheel and looked back at me. A faint light illuminated his profile.
“So, aren’t you more curious about my thoughts?”
I was silent for a moment.
It would be a lie to say I wasn’t curious. But somehow I was scared. Once you hear someone else’s evaluation, you can’t go back to before you heard it.
As if knowing what I was afraid of, Seo Nakil smiled gently.
“It was the shortest two hours of my life.”
I answered impulsively.
“…If I’d known Bae-u-nim was listening, I would have sung a different song.”
“As the last song?”
“Yes.”
“Then sing it now.”
“…”
“I’ll listen.”
The song I wanted to let him hear was another track from the movie we’d watched together. It wasn’t very popular, but it still gave me a special resonance, the last song.
Listening to those lyrics, I always thought of him, so if I could sing a song for Seo Nakil, I thought I’d want to let him hear that song.
— You’re like a man of old solitude
당신은 아주 오래된 고독으로 빚은 사람 같아요
When I move along my fingertips, I think
손끝을 따라 움직이다 보면
I could touch the tears of childhood that you buried
당신이 묻어 두었던 어린 시절의 눈물을 만져 볼 수도 있을 것 같죠
Seo Nakil slowly reached out his hand to me as I sang.
His firm, warm fingertips gently caressed the corner of my eye. Just like that, they slowly descended along my slightly raised cheekbone, cupped my cheek, and slid from beneath my ear to the pointed part of my chin.
Then he placed his hand on my trembling Adam’s apple and stayed quiet. As if he were someone who wanted to carefully touch the song I was singing with his hand.
— Maybe, being beautiful means being lonely
어쩌면 아름답다는 말은 외롭다는 말인지도 몰라요
Maybe, you’re blinded by the twinkling light
and you’re mistaken as if you’re left alone in the world
어쩌면 그건 반짝이는 빛에 눈이 멀어 버린 나머지
세상에 혼자 남겨진 것처럼 착각하는 일인지도 몰라요
When I first heard this song, I thought of Seo Nakil too.
When I first sang this song, I thought of Seo Nakil too.
— But I know
그래도 나는 알아요
Your solitude would have brightened my world
당신의 고독은 내 세상을 밝혔을 거예요
So I didn’t get lost yesterday
그래서 내가 어제 길을 잃지 않았고
I’m right in front of your eyes
이렇게 지금 당신의 눈앞에 있는 거겠죠
So whenever I hear this song, I’ll have no choice but to think of Seo Nakil. Recalling that beautiful and lonely-looking face, I won’t be able to help but feel an inexplicable tenderness.
— When I stand in front of you, I lose my shadow
당신의 앞에 서면 나는 그림자를 잃어요
So, I think
그래서, 내 생각에는요
That would mean thinking about you forever
그 말은 영원히 당신을 생각한다는 뜻일 거예요
After the song ended, silence came.
We looked at each other in the darkness. Even though we were clearly facing each other, our gazes seemed to tilt to one side.
Seo Nakil’s gaze poured onto me. It was darker than darkness, hotter than boiling, as overwhelming as the expanding universe, and it felt like a gaze so tender for reasons I couldn’t know was endlessly caressing me.
“Ijae.”
I looked at Seo Nakil without even blinking. As if I’d been completely pierced through by his gaze.
“You’re lovely when you sing.”
“…”
“So, I want to show you to more people… but I also want to hide you so that no filthy human can see you.”
The contradiction in his words was surprisingly similar to the contradiction I’d secretly hidden in my heart. I wanted to climb higher and sing so I could be heard farther, but I also wanted to run away from the person who wanted to have me like that and ended up crushing me.
I looked down at his hand still touching my neck and whispered jokingly.
“Then should I only sing when you want me to?”
“Isn’t that too expensive a temptation? Even if I gave all my remaining wish coupons, it wouldn’t be enough.”
“Three sheets, right, the remaining debt.”
His hand slowly fell away. He seemed very regretful.
“Now it’s two sheets.”
Those words meant he had something he wanted to ask of me.
“Make time for me the last week of this month.”
“If Bae-u-nim calls, I’ll make time anytime…”
“No. Not just Han Ijae, but all of Starium.”
You’re calling our whole group? Why on earth?
To me, who was puzzled, Seo Nakil said calmly.
“A schedule I’d like to request has come up.”
TL/N:
I’ll just keep the translation this way, because if I translate the song fully, it’ll just end up repeating the same words. The original already has the English lyrics followed by Hangul in the raws.
