It was an absurd feeling.
How could I have forgotten? What on earth made me think I could forget?
“Han Ijae?”
“…”
“Ah. This might be sudden for you. I understand. After all, this is the first time we’re meeting in person.”
The man in the expensive suit wore a tie as flashy as a peacock’s feathers. Perhaps because of that, he looked exactly like a snake with gorgeous patterns, or like a mushroom that had grown feeding on damp moss.
If there was a commonality, it was that he was poisonous. I had a premonition that just brushing against him would let something bad seep in.
Right. This was it. On my way out of the restaurant, I’d run into this man like an accident, and he’d handed me his business card, saying we should exchange names.
Just like right now.
“This is who I am…”
Cheon Yeongtae, General Manager of Samhwa Department Store.
He was as tall as Seo Nakil and gaunt. Perhaps because of his narrowly slit eyes and thin lips twisted in an odd shape, he gave off a strangely base impression. The way he looked down at people carried the high-handed and arrogant nuance felt from those born wealthy.
It made sense. General Manager Cheon was the third son of Samhwa Group, one of the top five conglomerates in South Korea. It was also a family with considerable influence not only in the department store business but also in the entertainment business.
That was exactly the problem.
‘Ijae. Samhwa Group is a hornet’s nest, a hornet’s nest. If you poke it wrong, it’ll get really tiresome, so humor them well for the sake of others too. Okay?’
‘What misunderstanding? Rumors spread all over the stock market that Samhwa Department Store is backing you up.’
‘Want some advice, Ijae? Don’t get involved with General Manager Cheon. You’ll only end up with regrets. That person’s reputation is pretty dirty. He’s cruel too.’
“Since we’ve met like this, it’s fate, so should we keep in touch? If you want, I think we could have a relationship that’s beneficial to each other.”
The moment I heard those words, a faint light burst inside my cornea and scenes I’d seen at least once before flashed by.
It was like a fleeting memory. No, it was a fleeting memory. I’d already seen these scenes before. They were the instants in the fleeting memory I’d seen while sinking into the water.
‘This is your first sponsorship offer, I see? Don’t think too hard about it. Just think of it as gaining a friend with good spending habits.’
‘Why? Men aren’t your type? Or do you have someone you’re seeing? Whatever it is, you’d better sort it out. If you knew what kind of things I could give you, you wouldn’t dare be so stubborn.’
‘Vote manipulation on For Stadium? Where did you hear that from… You should see it as having enjoyed convenience? It’s not that difficult to push one person through. Still, you need to at least climb up to a position worth coveting.’
‘Now that you see it wasn’t because you did well, do you feel betrayed? Want to return it? Why would you do something so stupid? If you just don’t reject me, amazing things will pour in that make that kind of thing irrelevant.’
The moment I read the desire in the man’s eyes, my stomach turned. It was because I knew the future that would come crashing down like a whip when that desire wasn’t satisfied.
‘You brought this on yourself, Han Ijae.’
‘Right. Let’s see how long you can hold out. I’m curious if you’ll still be such an expensive body even after being thrown to rock bottom.’
I don’t know what I answered. I think I also staggered while bowing. I escaped from the spot as if running away, avoiding the hand trying to support me.
Behind the restaurant, I crouched down in an alley where garbage bags were lined up haphazardly. My stomach kept churning and I felt nauseous, but there was nothing to throw up. My vision became hazily blurred and my solar plexus throbbed painfully—it felt absolutely terrible.
“Ha…”
I shouldn’t be like this here. Even knowing that, it was hard to control my body.
I should have remembered and avoided him sooner. If I couldn’t avoid him completely, I should have disappeared somewhere out of reach. Having died like that, I’d been living absurdly complacent.
I’d forgotten like a fool. Because this spring was particularly warm. Just for the one reason that it had been so long since it wasn’t cold…
My thoughts couldn’t continue long. It was because someone grabbed my shoulder and lifted me up.
“Ijae. What’s wrong with you?”
It was Min Seungwoo. He was shaking me with hands a bit rougher than usual.
“Han Ijae!”
I swayed like a person who’d lost their mind and blurted out.
“It’s not that I want to quit, so I’m quitting.”
It felt like my heart, which had been boiling and bubbling over, was leaking out through my feet in streams.
“It’s because I had to quit. I always felt like I was being pushed. It’s not like I ever wanted to be like this. I tried to endure with all my strength. But when something doesn’t work, it just doesn’t…”
“…Han Ijae.”
“Should I quit now? Is it too late? So from the beginning…”
“I get it, so come to your senses.”
Min Seungwoo’s sharp voice rang out.
“First, let’s go to the dorm. Can you make it?”
“…”
“Breathe properly.”
I was loaded into the taxi like a piece of luggage. From the back seat came sounds like a dying beast gasping for breath.
Min Seungwoo didn’t ask me anything. Even though he must have had a mountain of questions, he didn’t offer a single question mark. He just held onto me and returned to the dorm. He was just holding onto the single consideration of hiding my state as much as possible.
I just kept gasping for a long while even while sitting on the bed. My vision spun round and round and my head felt foggy. My heart beat crazily as if I were being chased to death by someone.
Min Seungwoo lowered himself in front of my feet.
“You know you’re not normal right now, right?”
“…”
“Do you want to do it, or should I?”
After several attempts, a mumbling voice came out.
“…Do what?”
“Contact your guardian.”
“…”
“Or go to the emergency room.”
I shook my head urgently. I didn’t want either. If I went to the hospital, nine times out of ten there’d be problems, and contacting Seo Nakil was unwelcome in its own way.
Seeing my stubbornness, Min Seungwoo sighed.
“I’ll just watch you contact your guardian and then leave. Even though I don’t know why you’re like this or what to do about it…”
“Bae-u-nim doesn’t know either.”
“Why not? You didn’t tell anyone?”
I nodded.
“It doesn’t seem like this is the first time.”
I nodded again.
I’d experienced similar symptoms a few more times before. At first, I think I was startled, thinking I was about to die.
But fortunately, that didn’t happen. It was an agony where I felt like I’d die but didn’t actually die. Just by being like this, the bad things pooled inside my body would all flow out and gradually calm down.
There was no method other than to gasp for breath and wait until that arduous calm came to find me.
“Quit Starium once the concert ends. I’ll speak well so you can withdraw safely. I should be able to convince the other members too.”
Min Seungwoo said, placing his hand on my knee.
“There’s no such thing as group activities more important than your life.”
“…”
“So don’t act like you’re dying.”
Only after a long while did I finally come to my senses. My head was still ringing and my entire body, soaked in cold sweat, felt clammy.
“It’s two months from now.”
Min Seungwoo looked up at me.
“Then your lies will end too.”
“…You knew?”
“That saying you lost your memory was a lie?”
At my flustered gaze, he shrugged.
“I only found out recently. I was a bit confused, then became certain last week.”
“Last week…”
“You came back from going out and brought snacks for the members to eat.”
That was true. To be precise, Seo Nakil had bought them. On my way down from his penthouse, the moment I turned my head at the savory bread smell wafting from the first-floor bakery, he’d gotten them for me without hesitation.
Min Seungwoo’s faint smile entered my slightly clearer vision.
“You said that. You asked what to do since you hadn’t bought anything hyung could eat.”
“…”
“If you know I don’t eat flour, why would you?”
“Even though you knew it was a lie… why did you play along?”
“I believed it. The fact that you’re a good person. So I figured the purpose of your lie wasn’t to harm us.”
“Then what did you think it was?”
“Well. I was curious since I couldn’t know that… but now I understand.”
My frightened face reflected in Min Seungwoo’s round eyes.
“You were scared. Right?”
