[Actor Seo Nakil: I arrived earlier than expected, so I’ll be waiting in the parking lot.]
Having frantically rushed down at a single text message, I was still catching my breath even after arriving in front of Seo Nakil’s car. While I was regulating my breathing, unable to knock on the car window right away, Seo Nakil got out of his seat with elegant manners and strode toward me.
There was a scent of dry sand and wood in the sunset.
“There was no need to come in such a hurry.”
“But……”
I said as if making excuses.
“Because you were waiting.”
“Waiting is nothing.”
Seo Nakil replied in a soft voice.
“Being able to wait is such great fortune.”
Seeing my expression, he asked with a slightly more serious face.
“Did something happen?”
I shook my head.
Nothing had happened. Not yet. Because nothing had happened yet. It was that kind of time.
The problem was that just because nothing happened didn’t mean I could be fine. The moments that hurt me had become nonexistent anywhere in this world, but that didn’t mean the scratched and scraped flesh would heal.
So sometimes I felt nauseous when I felt that sense of disconnection.
“Yes. Let’s say that’s the case.”
Seo Nakil didn’t press me. It was fortunate. Thanks to that, I didn’t have to ramble incoherently or lie.
We stood facing each other in the silent parking lot and stayed still for a moment. Until my excited breathing from hurrying settled down, Seo Nakil stood quietly like an old tree and waited.
After my breathing was organized, the emotion that rushed in was apologetic feelings.
Seo Nakil’s time was precious. The fact that his fame was tremendous also meant he was that busy. He had made time to meet, if only briefly, but not only did I make him wait, I even left him standing in incomprehensible silence.
However, Seo Nakil overtook that guilt of mine as if to show me.
“It’s okay.”
“……”
“The time is awkward for a meal, shall we have tea instead?”
“Is it okay to drink around here?”
Seo Nakil gestured toward the parking lot exit and smiled gently.
“Do you have a place you go often?”
I guided Seo Nakil to a cafe I often stopped by while going to and from the practice room. It was a place you had to walk a bit from the bustling main street and go between villas to find, but the advantage was that it was quieter and more peaceful than expected since it was in a troublesome location to find.
As I looked up at the menu board, Seo Nakil asked.
“Are you going to drink chamomile tea again today?”
For a while, I had been drinking that everywhere. I was just thinking whether I would do so today too, and it felt like my mind had been read. I coughed lightly and replied.
“Should I try drinking something else? It would be even better if I could get a recommendation from you, actor-nim.”
“The more diverse the experience, the better.”
When I shook my head at the question of whether I couldn’t drink caffeine, he asked again.
“Is something with cinnamon okay?”
How was it? Puzzled, I tilted my head. I didn’t think I particularly disliked it, but I seemed to have felt the scent was too strong.
While I was pondering without answering right away, Seo Nakil ordered.
“Please sprinkle cocoa powder instead of cinnamon on the warm cappuccino. And add one more shot to the espresso.”
Add another shot to espresso that’s just shots anyway? At my gaze looking at him in confusion, he smiled slightly.
“I don’t usually drink it like this. However, I have a schedule that requires me to wake up early tomorrow morning.”
“Then you’re busy……”
“I am busy. Tomorrow, not today.”
Before I could say anything more, the two cups of coffee we ordered came out. Seo Nakil led me to a window seat.
The cappuccino he recommended was smooth yet savory. The moderate cocoa scent felt good, so I held the warm cup with both hands and warmed my insides little by little with milk foam and strong coffee.
“How are the concert preparations? Isn’t it hard?”
“It’s not easy. Since it’s our first concert, everyone has high ambitions. Of course, I do too.”
Originally, being an idol wasn’t a very long-lasting profession, but it was even more so for a group formed through a survival program. Since trainees who weren’t even from the same agency had gathered briefly for a project that wouldn’t last more than a few years, it was easier to dissolve compared to other groups.
This concert could be the first and last concert permitted to Starium. That instability ended up making people more desperate.
“Since these are things I’m doing after such a long time, it’s not easy to revive the senses, but I’m managing somehow. The leader hyung is helping a lot too.”
“You mean Min Seungwoo-ssi?”
“Yes. You saw him briefly at the hospital room last time, right? He’s our leader hyung, and he’s been taking care of me a lot lately.”
I laughed quietly while talking about how he, who doesn’t usually eat flour due to dietary management, had been eating things like bread and noodles out of consideration for me.
“Seungwoo hyung believes I don’t know anything. Since I learned about his eating habits after living in the dorm, you see. So I’m going along with it…… but I feel a bit sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry about. Anyway, that’s good for Min Seungwoo-ssi.”
“……Is that so?”
“At least he’ll have one less thing to regret later.”
“Even though eating flour foods with me isn’t such a big deal?”
“Because it’s not a big deal.”
Seo Nakil answered in his characteristic calm voice.
“Surprisingly, not being able to accomplish tremendous things isn’t that regrettable. Since there are many reasons you couldn’t do it, it’s easy to justify. But what if it’s actually something that’s nothing at all?”
“……”
“You’re bound to think, why didn’t I do something so trivial?”
Now that I heard it, it was a persuasive story. I nodded.
“Seungwoo hyung is someone who does everything well, so he seemed somewhat distant from regret, but there’s merit to what you’re saying too, actor-nim.”
After that, conversation about dorm life continued. Stories about how it was good to reminisce since the concert setlist included competition songs from the ‘For Stadium’ days, how it was unexpectedly easy to get by since I didn’t need to act excessively thanks to the members being careful, how Kang Subin was a bit disappointed that the friendship we’d built up seemed to have disappeared…….
Was it because the fact that losing my memory was a lie would be exposed? Unlike carefully watching every word in front of the members, I could speak a bit more comfortably in front of Seo Nakil. Perhaps because of that, it was nice to be able to chatter with a slightly more excited air than usual.
I, who had been chattering like that for a while, stopped abruptly. As I sipped my cappuccino with an embarrassed air, Seo Nakil, who had just been silently listening to my words with his arms crossed, asked.
“Why did you stop talking? It was pleasant to listen to.”
“Well……”
Didn’t I talk too much about myself? As I sat there blankly thinking that, I felt his touch that had approached at some point. My cheeks heated up a bit at the action of pressing a napkin against the milk foam on my lips.
……He can be so familiar yet act like it’s nothing.
“It seemed like I was only talking about myself.”
“I came to hear about you.”
What showed when he withdrew his hand was Seo Nakil’s peaceful smile.
“Otherwise, why would I have come all the way here?”
“That’s true, but……”
After observing his eyes for a moment, I asked.
“You said you have to wake up early tomorrow morning, right? May I ask what schedule it is?”
“It’s an advertisement shoot. Since it’s a location schedule, I’ll be moving from morning. I’ll probably have to start moving around 4 o’clock.”
“Four o’clock……”
It was such an early time that it was even before sunrise, so it couldn’t even be called morning. But Seo Nakil himself seemed nonchalant to the point of being indifferent.
“It’s common. Don’t you move like that too when you have schedules, Ijae-ssi? Especially when there’s music show recording.”
“Oh, right.”
It was true. Especially for music show recordings he mentioned, we had to move to the broadcasting station from early in the morning. When there were members who stopped by the salon beforehand, it was common to wake up and move from 3 or 4 in the morning.
“You know well? You must have an idol you know closely.”
At those words, Seo Nakil laughed out loud.
“I do. Han Ijae-ssi from Starium.”
“I don’t think I told you about that much……”
“Ah, is that so?”
His eyes were still gently curved.
“But you’re not denying it. That we’re close acquaintances.”
“Of course.”
I answered with a joke mixed in.
“We’re living like family, Seo Nakil-ssi and I.”
