The first week of April. I moved into the Starium dorm as scheduled. It was to prepare for the remaining activities and solo concert.
When I first entered Seo Nakil’s penthouse, I was practically empty-handed, but when I left, I was dragging a considerably heavier suitcase. Not only the clothes inside but even the suitcase itself had been chosen and paid for by Seo Nakil.
‘Isn’t it a bit strange to receive this much? It’s not like I have absolutely no money…’
‘I know. But I don’t understand why you’d use your card when I’m here.’
‘Well… because they’re all my things?’
‘Weren’t they bought for my benefit?’
He seemed ready to give them to me using up the 4 remaining wish vouchers if I left them, so in the end I had no choice but to accept.
Inside the suitcase was space for about three sets of clothes. It was because I’d taken out the clothes he’d selected from the bag and hung them in the closet.
When I looked at him questioningly, Seo Nakil said nonchalantly.
‘Come sleep over for a day whenever you have time.’
‘…’
‘If you want, I can give you a card key too.’
I declined the card key but left the clothes. I even felt a bit reassured that there seemed to be a place I could return to anytime.
It was strange. I was originally a Starium member, and if anything, I was returning to where I should originally be.
“…”
I stopped abruptly in front of the dorm entrance and hung my head low. My heart was beating too fast, making my chest feel tight. It felt like voluntarily boarding a ship destined to take on water.
I knew nothing had happened yet. I also knew that if I was a bit more careful and tried harder, the situation might not become as bad as before.
I clearly knew it in my head, but my insides weren’t okay, so I kept getting short of breath. I almost teared up from the unfair, irrational pain.
How long had I been standing there like that?
I hurriedly stepped back, startled as the front door suddenly burst open. Because I was holding the suitcase handle with one hand and the other hand was full of bread I’d bought on the way, my body lost balance and tilted backward.
Fortunately, a hand that quickly approached firmly gripped my shoulder.
“You’re here, so why aren’t you coming in and standing around like this?”
“…”
“Are you sick somewhere?”
Min Seungwoo looked me over here and there while holding onto me. His attitude was quite worried.
How did he know I’d arrived? I only said I’d come today, not exactly when. I hadn’t rung the doorbell, and I certainly hadn’t made noise.
At my puzzled expression, Min Seungwoo pulled up the corner of his mouth slightly.
“We installed CCTV.”
“…Ah.”
“Well, it happened recently, so you wouldn’t know.”
My gaze reached the black object attached above the front door, near the top of Min Seungwoo’s head.
‘Right. There was something like that.’
I belatedly recalled that around this time, after several package theft incidents, they’d installed it. It was because of the manager’s opinion that they should check in case it might be a sasaeng’s doing.
Not long after, the culprit was caught, and they removed it saying it was cumbersome in various ways.
“I’m fine.”
Min Seungwoo was still observing me. I answered hurriedly.
“I’m not sick anywhere. Really. I just… feel like I’ve caused everyone worry, so I’m a bit sorry and embarrassed about that.”
“I was worried. Let’s go inside first.”
He naturally took the suitcase and strode into the dorm. I too hurriedly followed him.
“The kids aren’t here yet. They said they’ll be late, so let’s eat dinner first, just us.”
Neither Min Seungwoo nor I were good at cooking. Since we weren’t particularly hungry enough to order delivery, I hesitated for a moment, then he gestured at the snacks in my hand.
“You bought that on the way, right? Let’s just fill up on that.”
Because there were many members, the next-door unit on the same floor was also used as a dorm. Min Seungwoo took one of the large bags over to the next unit and came back, then put water in the kettle.
“Tea? Coffee?”
To him habitually reaching for coffee beans, I said.
“I’ll have tea. Do we have chamomile?”
“Yeah, we should. Can you look for it on that shelf? Get me something similar too.”
When I rummaged through the gifted items, took out two chamomile tea bags, and hung one in each teacup, Min Seungwoo said as if it was novel.
“This is unusual. You drinking something other than coffee.”
“…It’s warm.”
The words “this is unusual” were actually something I should say to Min Seungwoo rather than him to me.
‘Even though he doesn’t like flour.’
Min Seungwoo always managed his diet regardless of his schedule. Not only did he rarely eat regular meals, but he especially didn’t touch flour. So naturally, I thought he’d ignore the bread I bought this time too.
But I couldn’t point out the difference from usual. It would be strange to notice his eating habits when I’d said I didn’t remember about him.
Min Seungwoo, who thought I wouldn’t know, took a big bite of a large cream bun. I felt awkward for no reason at that silent kindness and just fiddled with the bread bag.
I had no personal friendship with Min Seungwoo, but I’d never fought with him enough to hurt feelings either. Looking back, it seemed like he tried to be kind to me in his own way. Partly because he had the duty to lead the group as the leader, but…
[Q. If there’s a member you’re most concerned about?
- Ijae, Han Ijae.]
He’d said that in an interview too.
The first time he showed me hostility was when the scandal with a girl group broke out. Especially when he heard that the member involved in the article was a minor, the cold and sharp gaze Min Seungwoo sent me was truly like a blade.
I understand. Min Seungwoo had a younger sister who was a former child model. Of course, I had a younger sister too, and that scandal wasn’t even true.
I was disappointed that he didn’t believe me, but only briefly. It was unavoidable, and now it was too long ago.
“Eat this instead of that.”
Min Seungwoo snatched what was in my hand and gave me something else. It was ciabatta with nothing but olives, light enough to eat.
“You ate it often.”
“…”
“You don’t remember things like eating habits either?”
It wasn’t that I didn’t remember, I just didn’t know. I answered feeling a bit embarrassed.
“It’s coming back bit by bit. Now I know things like names.”
As a result of organizing my thoughts with Seo Nakil’s advice, I decided to act like my memories from the ‘For Starium’ period were hazy. Still, pretending not to know anything would be unreasonable in many ways, so I also decided to say I’d reviewed that program and memories were coming back sporadically.
“Then you’d know who I am too.”
“…Yes, Seungwoo hyung.”
His expression, which had been cold, crumbled slightly. I thought, so he could make this kind of expression too.
“Right. How much do you remember?”
“Your name is Min Seungwoo, you’re two years older than me, you’re the leader… and you were in first place.”
When I said I watched ‘For Starium’ in the hospital room, he laughed briefly.
“That’s old news. It’s a meaningless ranking now.”
“…”
“Rest until the weekend, and from next week we’ll start practicing dance and singing in earnest. Not only this promotional song but all the competition songs shown on the program are in the concert setlist.”
“I’ll work hard.”
“You have to do well.”
Min Seungwoo said in a strict voice.
“We’re not trainees anymore, Ijae. This isn’t a competition, it’s a concert. Solo concert ticket prices can’t be called cheap even as a joke.”
If you make a mistake on a competition stage, you just get eliminated. But now it was different. We were people earning money from this, and approaching it half-heartedly was tantamount to being disrespectful to fans who spent money and time.
“So let’s do it together until you do it well.”
My hand tearing the bread into small pieces stopped.
“…Yes?”
“You have the same position as me. You know if you watched For Sta.”
I know. Min Seungwoo, me, and Kang Subin, another member who shared the dorm, were grouped together and called the vocal team.
“I’ll help you.”
I, who had been nibbling an innocent olive piece with my nail, muttered.
“…you know.”
“Huh?”
During ‘For Starium’ filming, when I was preparing for the group stage and it was portrayed as if I’d stolen Min Seungwoo’s part, there was a time when Min Seungwoo’s short interview was released.
[Q. How did you feel when you heard about it?
- To be honest, I was very disappointed.]
“You were disappointed in me, weren’t you, Seungwoo hyung?”
