His voice tone was rough as if growling. With neurotic irritation settling at the end of every word, his words really sounded like a threat. Taeju deliberately put strength into the hand holding him.
“Go there, what. Enter there, and what.”
“Are you doing this on purpose? Or do you really not understand what I’m saying?”
Taeju lightly pushed Iseo toward the door. Though he thought he pushed lightly, perhaps more strength went in than he thought—the sound of Iseo and the door colliding was loud.
Taeju was momentarily startled and wrapped his other hand around Iseo’s back. He only meant to scare him a little. Not to hurt him.
“Both, it’s both. I understand but I don’t understand.”
The hand that had been stroking down to check if his back was okay stopped. His face, which had hesitated, contorted mercilessly. Taeju released Iseo’s body entirely. Instead he braced the door. He didn’t want to accidentally fail to control his strength again if he held on.
“Say it in an easy-to-understand way.”
“If I go to Seokrim. What does that have to do with you? And if I don’t go, what does that have to do with you either?”
Taeju lowered his lips and stretched his neck muscles. He didn’t know why he was acting like an idiot. He was confused whether he wanted him to explain everything one by one or whether he wanted him to dissect his own vulgar philistinism in detail. If the former, there were many complaints for someone who liked him, and if the latter, it was annoying enough to make his teeth grind.
“Hyung, I told you. I don’t want to be separated, I want to be together.”
Taeju set aside everything he’d been thinking and pulled out something else. Iseo’s face was white even at the end of the dim corridor. That face looked up at him silently. Taeju looked down vividly at a face he didn’t like anything about except its prettiness.
Iseo stopped speaking for a moment. He felt frustrated not knowing what the meaning was in the conversational gap. Taeju tried to strike the door with his rising anger but only clenched his fist tight. If there was a loud noise, it seemed like only Seok Iseo would be greatly startled for nothing.
“It’s not like hyung is sick and sex is enough with me. So let’s not be stuck in this mountain valley and go out.”
“You want to be with me?”
“Yeah. Because I don’t want to be separated from hyung…”
“Then stay here with me. Go out when it’s good for you, and come back. I told you to do that.”
“Ah, that’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?”
Taeju pressed his lips together and separated them once like someone who had to say something he didn’t want to say. The torn wound on his lower lip bothered him.
“Hyung, help me out a bit. Since I don’t have connections there.”
For a requesting attitude, it was arrogant. Rather than arrogant, it was unrefined rawness. The shamelessness of not being humbled at all even showing his rock bottom as is.
“That’s possible even if it’s not me.”
“No, it has to be hyung. How can I go around there as some lowly nobody?”
Iseo snorted once more. That also grated on his nerves. Taeju squeezed his eyes shut once and opened them. If it were up to him, he wanted to strangle his arms or neck until he confessed what was truly inside.
“I can do that for you?”
“Why pretend you don’t know when you do? That’s what I hate most. Acting sly.”
Taeju lightly pulled Iseo’s nape. His smooth skin stuck to his palm. Near the caught nape was a mark where he’d bitten. Taeju slightly opened his mouth as if wanting to bite once more where he’d bitten.
“Let go.”
Iseo tried to twist his shoulders and strike down his arm. Taeju gripped tightly not to let go.
“I’m really consistent.”
Taeju lowered one corner of his mouth and smiled. It was a fishy smile.
“Here, I kept biting, didn’t I? I want to suck on it even now. Your neckline is pretty so it keeps catching my eye.”
As Taeju said, his gaze clung tenaciously to the neck. The skin that would normally be white like eye-piercing sunlight was now filled with dark red bite marks. Heat filled his eyes that had narrowed irritably. The change was as steep as a steep mountainside.
“Don’t.”
Taeju, who had been unconsciously lowering his head toward his neck, flinched. Right before his eyes was a vivid bite mark. Watching the marks of straight front teeth and sharp canines, Taeju stuck out his tongue and licked his own lips.
The skin glistening like fish scales trembled.
“Hyung, I told you. Stop playing coy. If you want to be with me, say you want to be with me. If you want to sleep together, say you want to sleep together. If you like me, say you like me.”
Compared to the seductively low tone, his manner of speech was endlessly vulgar. His sneering lips were bright red. Iseo pushed Taeju’s shoulder away forcefully. It was anger rather than confusion. Iseo shuddered as if he’d seen something contemptible.
“Get away, Yeon Taeju!”
Taeju was pushed back two steps. Rather than being pushed by force, he was pushed by momentum. Taeju’s face also hardened in an instant upon seeing Seok Iseo’s expression.
“If I like you? What’s that supposed to be?”
Iseo spat it out with a deathly pale complexion as if he’d gulped down rotten water. His face made it seem like the words about liking him felt like unbearable disgust. Taeju felt unbearably something.
“Why can’t you be this honest?”
“And you’re an honest and shameless materialist?”
Taeju’s solid, straight collarbone showed beneath his thin skin. The undulating arm muscles rose in blunt lines. Taeju, who had clenched his hands with all his might, thumped the wall next to him with his fist. A dull reverberation rose fiercely.
“What did you say, Seok Iseo?”
It was a voice full of murderous intent like the growl of a wild beast. The heat that had risen to the top of his head boiled sizzling in Taeju’s eyes. The reason he was angry wasn’t because his base nature had been pointed out. It was something else.
“So what, are you going to sell your body to me again? Is that what you mean right now?”
If Taeju’s voice jumped up terrifyingly like water poured into boiling oil, Iseo’s voice only boiled inside like magma.
“Fuck, what…”
“That’s what you’re saying right now. Under the pretext of wanting to be together, because you have sex with me, I keep to you…!”
While Iseo, driven to extremes, caught his breath for a moment, Taeju roughly exhaled grinding breaths. He was angry. Angry at his tone, and angry at himself for wanting to bite his nape even in the midst of this. The biggest thing was this. He wouldn’t properly acknowledge his feelings toward him.
A chilling grinding sound came through his clenched teeth. Taeju struck the wall next to him once more, harder.
Thud. The sound of the frame shaking rang out anew. Taeju’s body also rang. He didn’t even know it hurt. He was angry at Seok Iseo for refusing the easy path that was obvious. It would all be over if he just admitted he liked him and followed.
“Right, so what?”
Taeju’s waist bent crookedly. He thrust his face in from a position lower than Iseo. Iseo was about to shout louder once more but flinched at Taeju’s fierce face pushing in.
“I’m going to keep selling myself to you, hyung. You want it too. Fuck, so why are you pretending you don’t and making me feel like shit?”
The voice that had been a low tone gradually rose fiercely and the final words became rough, almost threatening.
He had personally devised the next method for Seok Iseo who liked him. He naturally thought he would like it too. Should he call this a sense of betrayal? Taeju rapidly scanned Iseo’s face up and down with bloodshot eyes.
As before, he could barely feel any change in expression. Only he had been raging wildly all this time. Coaxing, shouting, laughing, getting angry. For Seok Iseo, raising his voice once earlier was the extent of his emotional change.
Fuck, this is infuriating too. The moment he thought that, his body moved ahead. He grabbed Iseo’s shoulders and pushed him back against the door.
Thud!
Iseo’s body was pushed against the door and swayed from the rebound. Iseo, who was pushed powerlessly by Taeju’s hands, instead made an even more cold face. Like a tightly closed stone, it seemed difficult to wedge through the gaps.
On the other hand, Taeju, who had roughly pushed Iseo, made an ambiguous face somewhere despite his strength. His furrowed brow, stiff mouth, and eyes fully revealed without being covered by eyelids looked more surprised than angry. In reality, Taeju was quite flustered.
The sound was louder than before. The sound echoed dully with lingering resonance as if something was being smashed.
“I’m pretending? I want to buy you fucking me again?”
“Then, isn’t that it?”
While answering, Taeju persistently watched Iseo’s white, dry cheek. For some reason, it felt like tears would fall down that dry cheek at any moment. He didn’t know. Taeju was confused about what he was feeling right now too.
It felt like a single strong explosion had stirred inside his head. He was definitely angry and irritated at Seok Iseo. But now he was simultaneously worried Seok Iseo might be hurt and somehow felt he was pitiful. Like a water bowl where various paints mixed and eventually became a dirty color like muddy water, Taeju’s emotions became chaotic.
“Is that all I can have from you? You said it was mine, Yeon Taeju.”
Taeju froze for a moment. It was as if someone had suddenly pressed Yeon Taeju’s emergency stop button.
“Am I nothing to you without money?”
For the first time, Taeju hesitated to open his mouth. It wasn’t that he was pondering which words to choose from numerous options. Nothing came to mind at all about what words he should put forth.
