When I cried miserably, the two of them fidgeted restlessly, holding my hands and patting my back. The fish, who had been stroking my back with affectionate touches, asked in a very small voice.
“Do I finally have the right to hold onto you now?”
That voice sounded less like he was asking me and more like he was asking himself. The fish, who had been silently and endlessly patting my back for a moment, soon spoke again in an even smaller, weaker voice.
“Please… live….”
“Hng…!”
My heart ached. But it seemed to hurt in a slightly different way. It didn’t feel like the pain of countless knives stabbing my heart. It felt like something that had been freezing my heart solid was melting away. When I cried miserably, they comforted me for quite a while. After sobbing and now having no strength left to cry, I was just there with my shoulders heaving weakly when Boss carefully laid me down. And they looked at me lying there with pitying eyes for a long while before getting up from their seats.
“I’ll come again.”
“Yes, since Bihyeon-nim opened the door for you.”
But what if some strange being comes? I was worried, but I had no strength from crying too much. After those two left, I stared blankly at the ceiling. After they left, I was blinking my eyes when I realized that I couldn’t sense anyone’s presence. I looked at the door and sat up. I reached out and opened the tightly closed door. There was no one outside. I looked at the quiet yard and then looked up at the sky. It was night, and the sky was full of stars. I moved my body a bit more and approached closer to the door. I felt a very small force holding me back from behind.
– No, no, Master….
– Don’t go. You can’t go.
– If we lose Master this time, I feel like we’ll never see you again.
They were the dwarves. My head was foggy, so I was quietly watching them when—crash!—a loud sound made me look up. Bihyeon, who had gone to get porridge perhaps, dropped what he was holding in his hands and ran to me. Not even noticing that his bare feet were getting hurt stepping on the shards, he ran to me, grabbed the door tightly, and blocked my way. He collapsed right there with a thud, his body trembling. His eyes looking at me pitifully seemed like they would burst into tears at any moment. As if telling me to ignore him and leave. Bihyeon reached out his hand to grab my arm, his lips trembling before he hung his head deeply. His pathetically trembling hand was gripping my arm tightly as if he didn’t want to let me go. Hard enough to hurt.
“Bihyeon-nim.”
At the sound of me calling him, he jerked his head up. Shaking his head as if begging me not to refuse. I don’t know why that sight is so pitiful. In the end, my heart collapsed and weakened endlessly. What do I do now? I’ve lost the confidence to kill myself while hurting those who truly worry about me and care for me.
“…If I said I’d disappear together with you, would your heart waver even a little?”
Reflexively, I raised my hand and wrapped it around his hand. When I opened my eyes wide, he trembled and said.
“I don’t have the confidence to lose you twice. I don’t even know how to hold onto you….”
“…Don’t you even hate me?”
Instead of a cold remark, a sincere question came out. When I asked weakly, Bihyeon shook his head.
“Do I hate you? You, who saved me?”
His hand slid down and touched my hand.
“Where on earth would there be a reason to hate you—you whose soul was torn to save me, you who blamed yourself when you did nothing wrong and sacrificed everything.”
It’s sincere. From beginning to end, everything is sincere. The part about disappearing with me, the part about not blaming me saying it’s not my fault—everything. I stared blankly at his hands and then closed my eyes.
“What if I hurt Bihyeon-nim again…?”
“Whatever it is, it won’t be your fault.”
He looked at me as if asking for permission. When I stayed still, he came closer and hugged me. Ah, now I realize—I was trembling. No wonder. That’s why he was looking at me pitifully. I thought I was holding back my tears well, but they were already flowing down my cheeks drip by drip. My head was complicated. If I live, what about Aunt? And I don’t have the confidence to live while taking the risk of Aunt and the curse. I don’t have the confidence to endure that lonely place and cold reality alone again…. When I trembled my lips, Bihyeon pulled me into an embrace so tight I could barely breathe. He was trembling too.
“…Won’t you give me a chance?”
I blinked and then—thud—leaned my forehead against Bihyeon’s shoulder.
“From now on, I’ll protect you.”
His voice patting my back trembled finely.
“Give me a chance to make you happy….”
At his slightly choked-up voice, I looked at him. Tears were falling from his eyes. I was so surprised that I forgot to cry and gripped my heart tightly. Ah, this won’t do. I’ll have to postpone my death for a while. I became certain that I absolutely could not win against these tears. In the end, I hugged him of my own will. How could I go to die when he cries and pleads like this?
“…I was really lonely and struggling.”
“I won’t leave you alone. And from now on, do whatever you want to do. I’ll let you do it.”
I smiled weakly and lowered my head. Then I looked at him again and cupped the cheeks of Bihyeon, who was still crying with an exhausted face. Tears fell pitter-patter from Bihyeon’s eyes. It was pitiful and I felt sorry because someone who didn’t seem like they would do this at all was doing this.
“…Shall I do that?”
Bihyeon’s eyes widened. It seemed like an answer he never even thought would come out. Even while shedding tears, he smiled weakly, then carefully—thud—leaned my forehead against his forehead and closed my eyes.
“Should I… try living a little?”
As soon as I gave my permission, he reached out his hand and covered my eyes. Now that I had to live again, there was a heap of things to worry about, but for now, I decided to think first about those who told me to live and who treated me preciously. Drowsiness came over me. Let’s just sleep for now. Let’s think after sleeping and waking up…. After waking up, I’ll apologize for being harsh. To Bihyeon-nim and to the others too.
* * *
I had a very brief dream. It was that mountain where flower petals scattered beautifully. I saw the god sitting on the stone tower, smiling and watching me chattering in front of him. Such affectionate eyes…. When I stared intently at that sight, the god who was still smiling raised his head and moved his gaze to me, who was watching him.
“Thank you for giving us a chance. The heart of a dragon with a Cintamani has the purest blood flowing through it more than anything else, so we’ll be able to completely sever the curse too.”
It was a voice that rang more clearly than before. So I could tell. The Cintamani has entered my body, and thanks to that, the god’s voice can be heard this clearly. I touched my heart and raised my head. There was a question that naturally arose from the moment I decided to live. I slowly spoke out loud what I couldn’t bring myself to ask Bihyeon.
“God. By any chance, my mom and dad….”
“They’ve always been by your side protecting you.”
“I see….”
It had been a bit puzzling. The god said he protected my soul, but who had been blocking Aunt’s curse until I met Bihyeon?
“God. My mom and dad… couldn’t you send them to a good place?”
I went in front of the god, knelt down, and lowered my head.
“In their next life, don’t let them meet someone like me, and let them be born into a really good family and live happily….”
I was about to say, couldn’t you do that? The god reached out his hand and covered my mouth.
“Your parents already made a wish first, so I can’t grant your request this time.”
“What? What do you….”
My consciousness gradually faded. I reached out my hand, trembled my lips, and then opened my eyes wide. Breathing roughly, I looked around and saw that I had returned to reality—I could see the inside of Bihyeon’s room. And there was a slight smell of blood. I fumbled around my body in a daze and realized that all the evil things that had been pressing down on my body had completely left.
“Huh? The curse….”
“You bled quite a bit while extracting the Cintamani.”
Is the god’s Cintamani really inside my body? Something seems different. As I was stroking around my heart area, Bihyeon wrapped his hand around mine.
“The Cintamani will heal your wounded places. Both your body and soul are a complete mess, so it will take a long time though.”
I see… I’m that bad off. The door opened. The sheep who carefully opened the door looked at me hesitantly and then deeply bowed his head.
“Um… baby.”
“Ah. Um… I….”
Ah…. The moment I saw the sheep, I remembered what I had said coldly. I have to apologize. That wasn’t sincere. As we both hesitated and couldn’t speak, Bihyeon smoothly turned around to look at the sheep and then moved aside from in front of me.
“Please take care of the treatment.”
When Bihyeon pointed at me with his hand, the sheep shook his head rapidly. Then he looked at me hesitantly again.
“But if the baby….”
“I’m… sorry.”
So I bowed my head and apologized.
“I thought I was going to die… so harsh words came out.”
Perhaps reacting to the word death, tears fell drip by drip from the sheep’s eyes. How many people am I making cry….
“Um… could I ask you for treatment?”
The sheep stretched out both arms, staggered over, and hugged me tightly. The sheep, who started crying loudly like a child, poured out apologies continuously. I patted his back. Even while doing so, I felt so sorry that words didn’t come out easily anymore. After calming down a bit, he carefully examined every corner of my body and looked at me diligently.
“You… even with the Cintamani, you have to be careful. Your immunity and health condition are no different from something just born.”
Something just born. Hearing it put that way, I clearly understood my body’s condition. Saying that, the sheep who had been checking my wrist and examining here and there took out medicines from the bag he always carries on his side.
“For your soul to recover, at least your body and mind shouldn’t hurt… but everything hurts, so there’s no choice but to be a mess.”
The sheep carefully held my hand.
“The talismans on your body and the Cintamani are suppressing your pain sensation so you seem okay, but you’re in a state of extreme pain right now.”
“I see….”
It was an affectionate voice. I could feel through his eyes that he was truly worried about me. But that was no different for Bihyeon either.
“Don’t worry about anything, eat well, rest deeply, and when you’re sleepy, keep a comfortable mindset and keep sleeping. That’s what you need to do now.”
I raised my hand and fumbled around my body. Certainly, I didn’t feel any pain at all. It was a bit amazing, but realizing that I wasn’t hurting thanks to those who worried about me made my chest flutter. I felt both sorry and grateful.
