Bihyeon, who had been looking at me for a long time with cold eyes, let out a hollow laugh. My heart beat unpleasantly. He eventually turned around silently and left the cafe. Haah…. I exhaled long, then lost strength and collapsed to the floor. Thump thump. I raised my hand and painfully hit my chest with my fist.
‘I’m sorry….’
I covered my face with my trembling hands. Because I felt like crying, I chewed my lips hard until I tasted blood.
‘I’m sorry.’
“Kheulk.”
My insides hurt so much that I kept coughing and eventually vomited black blood. Physiological tears flowed, so I roughly wiped my eyes and mouth. Looking at my body’s condition, it seemed the moment of parting would come faster than I thought. That parting was sad, yet I felt relieved thinking that soon neither my body nor my heart would hurt.
I tapped my trembling legs and sat in a chair waiting until my body calmed down. Then I stood up and did the remaining work step by step. 5 o’clock, one hour before leaving work. The boss quickly entered the cafe.
“Sol-ah, go home! You go quickly and rest.”
“It’s not time yet….”
“Hurry.”
The boss, who approached with big strides, pulled my arm. Eventually pushed all the way to the staff room, I took off my apron and finished preparing to go home.
“I’ll be going.”
“Okay, if your condition isn’t good, let me know in advance and rest today. Got it?”
Shake shake. What would I do even if I rested? After shaking my head, I smiled and touched the door handle. I felt a clear energy from across the way, so I muttered.
“Don’t do anything, Munmun-ah.”
But I still felt the clear energy. This time I spoke firmly in a low voice.
“I don’t want to hate you. Don’t do it.”
Then the clear energy disappeared. Ttalang, I opened the door and went out. It was the scenery in front of the cafe I always saw. Let’s go, to the place where I should originally be. I just had a dream that was too happy for a while. I slowly moved my steps. I could see people around me busily heading somewhere. I took steps toward home.
The home I was coming to after a long time gave off a chilly and cold atmosphere. A huge tomb. My house felt like that now. I went to the laid-out blanket and plopped down. I looked at the family photo standing beside me, then closed my eyes. Let me lie down a bit, then wash and sleep. Food… there were foods the bear had packed plenty of in the refrigerator, but I didn’t want to eat.
– …Child.
I opened my eyes wide at the familiar voice. When I raised my head, I could see the great god with multiple pupils moving simultaneously above my head. He reached out his branch-like withered hand and carefully stroked my head tap tap.
– Child… if you die, there is no next time for you.
I blinked and bit my lips tightly. Does that mean there’s no next life? Why are you suddenly telling me? Making me afraid to die….
– So it would be good to receive the cintamani from my child.
I looked at my fingertips. Now my hands appeared completely transparent.
“If I receive it, can I live?”
– Yes. You’ll become much weaker from recovering your soul, but please live….
“…Then I’d rather just disappear. This is rather good. If I disappear, there will be one less being that puts Bihyeon-nim in danger.”
– …Child.
A laugh came out. I was scared that my life was really ending, but at the same time I was relieved.
“God, I’ve been in so much pain until now. Since my parents passed away, I was beaten every single day without exception, my body was cut with knives, I was trapped in jars… I was really in pain.”
I looked at my hands, then dropped my head with a thud and closed my eyes.
“I thought it was liberation when I became an adult, but then money became the problem. I worked without having my own life to pay off debts I didn’t even borrow, and then even a curse….”
Tears flowed. As soon as I thought I didn’t have to endure anymore, they flowed ceaselessly.
“I… don’t have the confidence to live repeating the same thing again.”
At this point, aren’t I just an existence that should disappear? Maybe my life is in this state now because I committed such a great sin in the past. Because I hurt my precious ones…. Plop. Tears fell to the floor. They weren’t my tears. Tears were flowing from all the pupils of the god who had been listening to my words silently.
– …Won’t you give us a chance?
Why are you crying so sadly…. What am I to you? I reached out my hand, then pulled down my sleeve to wipe those tears. Yet I firmly shook my head.
“…I want to disappear like this. So, God. Please make sure Bihyeon-nim never knows in the future.”
That I am that child, that the child was reborn and lived unhappily because of the past, decided to die, and disappeared—all of it. I’ll carry the past, so you just live happily as you are now while missing me.
– You have to give us a chance to make you happy….
Even if I wipe the tears, they keep flowing. So sadly that it hurts the heart of those watching.
“Ah….”
When I closed and opened my eyes, the god had disappeared. Silence fell in the house. I grabbed the blanket tightly and pulled it up to the top of my head. I won’t be able to receive the cintamani in the first place. After saying such harsh words. Since I hurt him, isn’t it really over now? He won’t come to see me anymore. That was the kind of relationship we were in the first place. If he decided not to come to me, I couldn’t go see him from my side either.
“Heu….”
I see. This is the last. I don’t have a chance for a next life or anything like that….
“Heu… heueuk….”
I sobbed while holding the blanket. Even though there was no one to hear, I was afraid to cry out loud. No, I was just terrified and afraid of all of this. What kind of shameful behavior is this, after saying I felt relieved, after saying it was rather good? When I decided to die, I clearly thought it was fortunate that there wasn’t even one person who would be sad if I died, but now I was terribly lonely. Bihyeon. I bit my lips tightly because I felt like I would call out that longed-for name. Why did we have to meet again? If I had completely disappeared back then, I wouldn’t have such attachment. I would never dare think while living that I want to see you just a little more….
* * *
Aunt – [6]
A day passed. The same text came at 4:44, but Bihyeon didn’t come. Instead, a customer with three eyes wearing a red coat came before me. Holding a white talisman in her hand. You really came to give it to me. In my bag or pockets, there are already so many precious things you all gave me.
“Here. I received it from a precious place. It will block the curse even a little.”
“I can’t accept it.”
“Because you want to die?”
When I didn’t accept the talisman, she grotesquely tilted her head and thrust it at me. Do I show it that much these days?
“Your lips are wounded.”
She grabbed my hand and placed the talisman on my palm. Then she took out a small container from her pocket and placed that on my hand too.
“It’s ointment. I don’t know if it works well on humans, but it’s better than nothing.”
“Why….”
“Hm? Why do I do this for you?”
Right. Why do you all go this far for me? The one remaining blood relative seems to wish for my death, laying such a terrible curse.
“Because we’ve already formed a connection.”
She smiled gently and made me grip my hand tightly.
“And the cookies and pizza bread you gave me with goodwill were so delicious.”
She, who had been staring at my eyes, let go of my hand and stepped back.
“Ah, and one more thing. You have many precious items, so I looked into the reason why they can’t block the curse.”
You looked into that far. I was a bit puzzled, but I didn’t particularly try to find out because I didn’t care anymore.
“They say there’s a problem with your soul. That’s really serious. Even if the soul is hurt just a little and gets wounded, you might not be reborn in the next life.”
I raised my hand to check. Perhaps because I was with someone, it didn’t become transparent. When I clenched my hand tightly, she sighed softly.
“So they said all the talismans are using all their strength trying to solve that first. From your reaction, it seems you knew to some extent that there’s a problem with your soul.”
I already know from hearing it. Didn’t the god say so? That I completely won’t have a next life.
“Souls don’t get hurt from just any curse. You have to be exposed to a curse for a very long time or receive a big curse. A big curse to the extent that a god would be cursed. Think carefully. Is there really no place you can think of?”
Evil god…. As expected, my aunt orchestrated all my misfortune. What on earth did I do? What did I do so wrong? Then suddenly a hypothesis came to mind.
‘What if my aunt also remembers her past life?’
So that’s why she hates me this much and is plotting the same thing as in the past.
“You know who it is.”
“Yes….”
“Well now… since the opponent is you, I can’t tell you to kill them either.”
Listening to her voice speaking as if frustrated, I smiled weakly. I don’t know what’s what anymore. Since I can’t know exactly what happened in the past, I can’t even hate anyone. I can only admit and accept that it’s my fault. There were really many strange parts, but right now there was no method.
‘I’m scared….’
Everything. Even breathing was so scary that it was hard to move. When I staggered, she urgently grabbed my arm.
“Huk….”
“Are you okay? Your face is extremely pale right now!”
“…Ah… I’m fine. Thank you.”
Ah, the drink. I have to make it for you. I stared blankly at my hands, then turned around and grabbed a cup. Because there was no strength in my hand, I bit my lips to not drop it. Perhaps the wounded area burst, I tasted the fishy taste of blood. Behind me, well now…. I could hear a voice full of worry. Pretending not to hear it, I moved diligently.
* * *
Aunt – [3]
As the number decreased, my body hurt so much. Now it was hard and painful even to stand up to work, so I had more time resting in a chair. The boss, who appeared with bandages wrapped around his legs after rolling around somewhere, cried saying I had lost too much weight. Now I became indifferent even looking at my body where even my arms had become transparent. Today there were unusually no customers. After Bihyeon’s visits ceased, I felt that dawn became more idle.
‘As expected, was it greatly thanks to Bihyeon-nim? I miss you….’
After thinking that far, I raised my hand and knocked on my chest thump thump. What am I thinking after treating him so cruelly? I was really foolish and stupid.
