# Chapter 54
“Did you come to meet me?”
“Yes. I was just with Bel until now…”
“Right. That’s what you said. Let’s go home quickly.”
Although he was the one who had arranged this meeting, he pretended not to know anything, unlike his usual self. Naturally, I thought he would ask me what we had talked about, but surprisingly, when he didn’t mention anything, I asked first.
“Aren’t you curious about what we talked about?”
Woosang replied with an indifferent expression.
“I can pretty much guess. Teo got scolded badly too, right?”
‘Teo too?’ It sounded as if he had been scolded as well. I didn’t think Bel, who adored Woosang, would have spoken harshly to him.
But I couldn’t be sure. I didn’t know if she had spoken to him as strongly as she had to me.
All of Bel’s words toward Woosang were imbued with affection. But that affection wasn’t like the affection between Woosang and me. Perhaps when I wasn’t around, the two of them might have another form of relationship.
The slight jealousy I had felt toward Bel earlier leaked out again. That’s when Woosang casually stopped in the middle of the busy street.
“The performance starts next week already.”
It had already become that time. Since returning to Paris, I had started working, and he had become more stable.
These were things I wanted, but it seemed like I hadn’t paid much attention to them. Still, I couldn’t help but be surprised at how quickly time had passed.
“Time really flies.”
“Doesn’t it?”
People looked at him strangely as he stood still. After thinking for a moment, I grabbed his arm and led him to an empty space. Woosang, who had been led along without protest, asked me:
“What are you thinking about right now, Teo?”
His words were soft, but they sounded sharp, as if there were thorns embedded somewhere. Asking me what I was thinking.
‘Right now, I’m only thinking about you…’
Could I say something like that? I couldn’t easily open my mouth due to embarrassment. Woosang was still looking at me.
I wanted to go somewhere quiet first. But he didn’t budge and continued the conversation while standing there.
“When the performance starts, and I reclaim my previous life, what will you do?”
His shortened speech pattern made the approaching words feel completely different.
What would I do? What could I do? The thoughts that had been only gentle until just now were hardening.
I believed that people could change, and that we could continue to change, but could this apply to someone who had been evil from birth?
Still, maybe I could find an answer someday. But until then, I had no intention of living as a parasite on Woosang.
Despite the unsettling past and ugly misdeeds that remained, my goal now was to find a way to share and erase them.
“…This isn’t the time to talk about this. Let’s go home for now.”
He finally moved from his spot and pointed to a bus.
“Is that okay?”
“Of course. …Of course it is.”
A weak voice fell to the ground. Even amidst the complexity, his emotions were sufficiently conveyed to me.
Recently, Woosang had seemed to be in a good mood. He appeared satisfied with the performance preparations, and he seemed happy that I was waiting for him at home.
I hadn’t been thinking about leaving immediately either. So I didn’t understand why he was suddenly showing anxiety.
Wondering if something had happened to Woosang in the meantime, I frowned and asked.
“There was nothing like what you’re thinking when I was talking with Bel.”
“Like what?”
“……”
I couldn’t easily speak because I was concerned our worries might be different. But it was clear he was concerned about my conversation with Bel, as he answered in a slightly angry voice.
After walking silently for a while, we got on the bus and quietly watched the scenery outside the window as the bus swayed.
I couldn’t even remember how long it had been since we had taken a bus home together like this.
Soon after arriving home, I tried to open the door, but the key was unusually stiff and wouldn’t go in. Because of this, the light that had been on went out, and I couldn’t see ahead.
After struggling for a while, Woosang illuminated the keyhole with his phone screen.
After briefly saying thank you, I opened the door and entered the house, but he didn’t come in and just stood in front of the entrance.
“Why are you standing there instead of coming in?”
“Just wondering when this place became so dark.”
“We can just turn on the lights.”
I turned on the power at the entrance and waited for him to come in.
“What’s wrong?”
I asked him as he stood there.
“Nothing.”
His clean shoes paused at the entrance before finally stepping into the house. I saw his expression relax again. Anxiety seemed about to swallow me whole, but soon after, as if it had all been a lie, he nonchalantly went inside and headed to the bathroom.
The expression I had seen felt like a lie. But I knew that expression. It was the face he made when he was thinking something I couldn’t predict.
Being alone in the house with only the sound of water, I recalled the conversation I had with Bel.
That we can change at any time. Conversely, it also meant that we could end at any time.
I decided not to think negatively. Too many things had been accomplished through exaggerated thoughts. I knew that best.
We needed a complete turning point. I hoped the words I had spoken today would bring about some change.
Before Woosang came out, I was about to change my clothes when an alarm went off on my phone, which I had put in my pocket.
When I checked the screen, surprisingly, it was a message from Natalie. She asked if I had received the mail properly, and I stared at the screen for a while.
Right. Come to think of it, there were things I wanted to talk to Natalie about too. I thought we got along well, and it was true that we had a good relationship.
Just as I had learned what Bel was thinking through our conversation today, I wanted to hear Natalie’s thoughts too.
With hesitant fingers, I turned on the screen that had gone dark. After contemplating for a while, I sent a short message asking if we could talk if she had time.
Somehow my heart was pounding and jumping around. I closed my eyes, leaned on the kitchen table, and caught my breath.
I was worried that I might be having too many conversations today, but I thought it would be better to get it done when I had made up my mind.
At that moment, I felt a vibration from my phone. It was a call from Natalie. Surprised by the call that came sooner than expected, I hesitated whether to answer or not, but ended up answering quickly for fear that the call might end.
“Hello?”
[Hi. Have you been well?]
“Yes, I’ve been… well.”
[Why did you want to talk on the phone?]
At her nonchalant voice, it felt like the words I wanted to say were being erased from my mind. Naturally, I had believed she would want to contact me and would regret my departure.
But after just a few words, I could tell that was my misconception.
“Um, I just wanted to talk to you… and I also wanted to hear about how I came to leave.”
[Ah. That.]
Her voice, speaking as if it were nothing, made me feel disappointed. Was she really unbothered? The fact that she felt so differently from me was strangely shocking.
My lips dried up from tension.
[Actually, I told them to fire you.]
“What?”
[You were a bit uncomfortable.]
I tried hard to understand what she was saying. But I couldn’t fully comprehend. Did she fire me because I was uncomfortable? I naturally thought it would be a work-related issue. But was it not?
There was a lot I wanted to ask, but I wasn’t confident that Natalie would give me proper answers.
“You let me go for just that reason?”
[Just… No. Other people were also affected because of you, and there was added discomfort, think about that.]
“Even so…”
In just a few words, the image of her I had in mind was shattering. It was as if unconditional trust in people had distorted my vision.
[… Sometimes, even small things can affect people. I have nothing more to say. I hope you do well. Goodbye.]
Soon after, I heard her voice making a unilateral notification. I wanted to shout at her to wait a moment, but the call had already ended.
“What…”
I stared at the screen until it turned off, then roughly placed the phone on the table out of frustration.
I didn’t know how to respond to the one-sided mistreatment from someone I thought I had been getting along well with.
But was that really getting along well? In the end, was I just misunderstanding on my own? I couldn’t be certain.
I naturally thought there would be complete communication between people. But I could see from recent relationships that this wasn’t the case.
Then what about Woosang?
There might be parts of him I missed and couldn’t face even today. I thought I fully understood him, but suddenly that confidence was disappearing.
But we were still staying in the same space, so was that okay? An inexplicable fear spread.
Even if Woosang heard about my past and detached himself from me, I always thought in a corner of my mind that he would love me again.
I still firmly believed that would be the case.
It would be. That’s how we’ve been until now. Even if everything changed, it was clear that the feelings we held wouldn’t completely extinguish.
Amidst relationships that kept disappearing and breaking, Woosang was all I had left.
It seemed like the one who was anxious and driven to the edge wasn’t Woosang, but me after all.
I had no confidence in anything. I wished my emotions would be washed away with the sound of water coming from the bathroom.
Soon after, Woosang came out of the bathroom and stared at me sitting in the kitchen.
“Why are you sitting there?”
“Just thinking a bit…”
He reached out to me, still carrying warm heat. And with his slightly wet hand, he touched my forehead.
“Your face is red. Do you have a fever…?”
“Woosang’s hand is hotter.”
“Is it?”
He withdrew his hand and sat across from me.
“How was it talking with Bel today?”
“It was nice to meet her after so long. Somehow it reminded me of the past…”
“It was nice?”
He rested his chin on his hand with a small smile, as if something didn’t please him. From that expression, I could tell he wasn’t in a good mood.
He seemed fine until just now, so I had no idea what had upset him.
“Seeing Teo with Bel, it seemed like you were speaking more comfortably than when you’re with me.”
“…Were you watching?”
