PAUSE (3)
– ~2009 –
He opened the July issue of <Good Thoughts>. There was no better book to kill time. It was light, cheap, short, and great for observing various worldly affairs. For poor aspiring singer Yeon Cheonguk, who needed to know about the various emotions that exist in the world, it was a best book.
It took an hour and a half to get to Sinchon Station. He opened his electronic dictionary to read and listen to music at the same time. He plugged earphones into his ears and turned on the music list.
Jo Seongmo’s song that he’d been listening to while analyzing yesterday came on. Last year’s Golden Disc grand prize went to Jo Seongmo for <Piano>, and the musical grand prize for best male went to Kim Jangseop for <Love Rides on the Rain>.
He searched the unfamiliar name on a portal site and learned of the existence of small theater musicals. It was just that Yeon Cheonguk didn’t know, but small theater productions of low-budget original musicals had already been performed in Daehangno small theaters since before the 2000s. The search continued riding the waves, and he also learned that there was something called a musical academy. After that, he would sometimes come to Daehangno alone to watch musicals.
He took the college entrance exam, and with just the skills from vocal lessons, he entered the practical music department of an arts university with a campus on the outskirts of Gyeonggi Province. It was a smooth admission process. He solved the tuition and boarding costs by combining the part-time job wages he’d saved since last year, the lump sum he’d received as compensation money, and a loan. Since it wasn’t a situation where he could receive help from his parents at all, he might not have been able to register if it weren’t for the compensation money.
For now, he solved the first semester’s tuition that way, but the next semester onward was the problem. Even earning money through beer hall part-time work and singing competitions during the semester was far from enough. He was actually thinking of enlisting after finishing this semester. His classmates were making a fuss about going on a group MT to Sokcho during vacation, but to Yeon Cheonguk it was talk from another world.
His father had changed once more after the day Yeon Cheonguk poured out his true feelings. Just as he had reformed after returning from Gangwon Province, this time he reformed once again. Seeing him start working as a water purifier salesman and continue until this year was fortunate.
His father still seemed dissatisfied with Yeon Cheonguk doing music. Still, he seemed to be gradually accepting that he was a person who would live a different life from his older sister who attended a prestigious university.
“Haaaam……”
Yeon Cheonguk briefly closed the book and entered the memo tab to look over this summer’s Daehangno small theater musical performance schedule. It was a schedule he had diligently copied down at the PC room. Yeon Cheonguk, who had been pressing the arrow button to scroll down, briefly stopped his movement.
It was because he discovered a title in the memo list that he used to open frequently in the past.
<Us.txt>
“……”
He turned off the memo, trying hard to shake off the memories that tried to fill his head. He erased his emotions while looking at his reflection in the subway window.
Yeon Cheonguk in the window seemed like a different person from last year’s Yeon Cheonguk. The firmly closed set of his mouth was unfamiliar.
– This is the main news for July 00, 2004.
After the Constitutional Court dismissed President Roh Moohyun’s impeachment motion last May, Uri Party lawmakers who have been advocating for the abolition of the National Security Law held a meeting and announced they would submit a bill to abolish the National Security Law to the National Assembly this coming August.
Weather news. Due to abnormal weather conditions, a heat wave is expected to arrive from late July.
He waited for Kim Yuyoung near the meeting place. They had gotten in touch through a friend recently and decided to meet. After about five minutes, Kim Yuyoung came running across the street. Short skirt and high heels. Her awkward appearance made him chuckle.
It had been over a year since he’d last seen her, and even though she’d put her heart and soul into makeup and dressing up as a college student, her bright appearance from before still remained.
They sat facing each other in Sinchon’s most atmospheric and famous pork cutlet restaurant. When the soup and pork cutlet came out, Kim Yuyoung took out a digital camera and click-click photographed the prettily decorated table. She said she’d take a picture of Yeon Cheonguk too, so he propped his chin and pretended to be atmospheric. Kim Yuyoung, who had been taking a few pictures, sent a jeer.
“Ugh! Don’t pretend to be handsome!”
“How does someone handsome pretend to be handsome?”
“So annoying. Here, smile.”
It must have been quite inconvenient to barely arrange an appointment through a classmate because he had neither a cell phone nor Cyworld. Yeon Cheonguk, who had suffered a huge ordeal last year from internet cafe and Cyworld guestbook posts, had a strong aversion to mini-homepages. He didn’t buy a cell phone either because he didn’t particularly need one.
While he fumblingly pressed the cell phone keypad to write down his Hanmail address, Kim Yuyoung grumbled.
“Really, why don’t you buy a phone?”
“I’m going to enlist, so why would I buy one?”
“Enlist?”
Kim Yuyoung, who had dropped the spoon she was using to scoop up soup, pushed her long hair behind her ear and asked again.
“Why are you going so early? People who do music seem to mostly learn various things and go to the military band.”
Yeon Cheonguk hesitated for a moment. To answer, he would have to reveal everything about his tuition worries and career concerns. After brief consideration, he decided to briefly dodge the question.
“Just. I’m going to get something I have to do anyway over with quickly.”
“Really? Ah… that’s a shame. We just got in touch. Now that you’re in college, hang out with me a bit before you go! Hey. Want to drink today? You can tour our school too. Here in Sinchon there’s even a bar that <Dream Team Departure> visited!”
“You’ve completely become a heavy drinker. You, honestly tell me. You drink like four bottles of soju, right?”
Yeon Cheonguk, who avoided the answer with a joke, vaguely remembered. The forgotten emotions of the past stealthily revived.
Why it was difficult for him to have long relationships with lovers from his school days. It wasn’t just the problem of the girl sitting across from him now. Looking back, they were all for similar reasons.
Yeon Cheonguk had felt a kind of distance from those who liked the ‘playful and cheeky Yeon Cheonguk’. The actions he’d reacted with here and there because he wanted to gain the power of popularity among his peers and receive good evaluations created Yeon Cheonguk’s image. That was both the real Yeon Cheonguk and not the real Yeon Cheonguk.
A single other person came to mind, to whom he’d been able to show the darkest shadow and worst parts of himself that even he didn’t know about.
He was still a decent bastard. That bastard who had flames blooming from the shadows wrapped around his whole body.
Kim Yuyoung changed the topic and pulled Yeon Cheonguk out of his suffering.
“You don’t have a Nate ID either, then?”
“You need a cell phone to sign up for that. I haven’t done it.”
“Ah… no, can’t you rent a cell phone even temporarily? If you use NateOn, they give you 50 free text messages.”
When Yeon Cheonguk silently put pork cutlet in his mouth, Kim Yuyoung brought out another persuasive argument.
“Do you know how well the friend search works? My friend also searched by entering their school name and age and got in touch with their first love!”
“……”
Yeon Cheonguk rounded his mouth and nodded his head, going “Oh,” in admiration.
The meal ended a bit early, so he slowly waited for Kim Yuyoung. Then nagging came from across the table.
“You had that habit? What is it, you’re not like yourself.”
Without realizing it, he’d been rubbing the edge of the juice glass with his finger. Yeon Cheonguk lightly laughed it off.
When the conversation ran out, Kim Yuyoung pointed to the electronic dictionary placed under his wallet.
“Wow, what is this? How long has it been since you shed your high schooler skin, and you still have an electronic dictionary?”
“Why? This is the best for pronunciation practice.”
Kim Yuyoung looked at Yeon Cheonguk intently and said.
“You seem… a bit changed. Should I say you seem to have become an adult, or should I say you seem to have become more serious…”
“Really?”
“…By any chance, is it because of that post from last year? Still…”
“Should we go to an arcade after eating? On the way here I saw a big game land?”
Yeon Cheonguk cut off her words and changed the topic. After that, he had to be the cheeky Yeon Cheonguk throughout the meal.
After laughing noisily at the game land and looking around a few clothing stores, he brought up that he should go. Kim Yuyoung’s face hardened. Kim Yuyoung, who had been stomping the floor with her shoe heel, asked point-blank.
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
Yeon Cheonguk quietly turned away from her. While only looking back with his head, he gave a greeting.
“Instead of spending time with me, go on a blind date and hook a future boyfriend! You’re charming.”
Still, she was a grateful girl who had contacted him first to ask how he was. He answered with a smile because he didn’t want to hurt her as much as possible. On the street where young college students came and went, she gathered courage once more and held onto Yeon Cheonguk.
“And that charm doesn’t work on you?”
“…I’m such a unique guy.”
“I know that.”
Kim Yuyoung didn’t hide her tears and laughed with a sniff. After wiping away the tears that flowed down, she asked in a nasally voice.
“Exactly what kind of charm does the person dating you need to have?”
Looking at the sky for a moment and recalling a vague feeling, Yeon Cheonguk recited a few explanations.
“Hmm… Someone with a rough mouth so I can curse freely.”
“…What?”
“Someone who contacts me on their own terms. But someone who isn’t boring even on long phone calls.”
“……”
“Someone for whom it wouldn’t be a waste to sing as many songs as I want one-on-one.”
