Seunggeon reflexively moved his body and pressed his nose against Chaehun’s fingertips that stuck out from the blanket. Chaehun had what could be called a body scent—the smell of bare skin. It wasn’t an artificial fragrance, nor a nauseating smell. If he had to express it as an image, it was like the feeling of clothes well-dried in the sunlight. Warm, soft, and somehow crisp.
The headache persisted. Still, his mood improved from the scent that soothed his sharp mind, so Seunggeon smiled as he opened his eyes. Chaehun, in deep sleep, didn’t even stir.
It was a satisfying moment.
Seunggeon closed his eyes again and tried to sleep.
* * *
Waking up was instantaneous.
Chaehun lay straight and blinked his eyes several times. An unfamiliar yet familiar ceiling entered his view.
“……”
Just as he wondered where this was, Chaehun remembered last night and sat up without flailing. Soon the familiar interior came into view. The few pieces of furniture in the bedroom were all familiar to his eyes.
A round table and two chairs, a picture frame, a rug, the door leading to the bathroom, dark gray curtains. The reason they felt unfamiliar was because of the sunlight.
Except for the morning after the alumni reunion last winter, this was the first time he’d seen the sun rise in this place. He hadn’t thought much about it until now, but he now realized that his meetings and partings with Seunggeon had always been at night. It was a strange feeling.
As Chaehun blankly watched the sunlight shining brightly on the window where the blackout curtains were half-open, he gauged the time. Judging by the length of the shadows, it seemed like a slightly late morning. Just as he was thinking this, he sensed signs of movement outside. It seemed Seunggeon was still here.
Chaehun slowly rubbed his face to wake himself up. He’d noticed he was naked from the moment he got out of bed. And he recalled that he’d carelessly thrown away the clothes he’d worn last night.
As soon as they returned to the apartment after dinner, he and Seunggeon had tangled up starting from the entrance. They’d half torn off each other’s clothes and had sex. And they hadn’t even made it to the bed but did it on the bare floor.
I’ll have to borrow some clothes.
Having found a practical solution to the problem, Chaehun smiled bitterly at the memories of last night that came rushing in. He’d acted like a youngster desperate to have sex. They’d done it on the bare floor without even having the leisure to reach the bed. At the time, he hadn’t cared about the hard floor, but now his back hurt terribly.
“Oof. My back.”
Chaehun tapped his back as if he were an old man. Throbbing and dull pain rang from his buttocks and back all the way to his head.
Resisting the urge to lie back down on the bed, Chaehun lightly washed his face in the bathroom and put on a shower gown. As he left the bedroom, Seunggeon was packing a racket bag.
“You’re up early.”
“Yeah.”
Eight o’clock wasn’t exactly early. He hadn’t slept much, but thanks to his habit of waking up early, his eyes just opened.
“Sit down. I’ll set out a sandwich for you.”
While Chaehun walked to the dining table, Seunggeon brought out a single serving of sandwich and orange juice from the refrigerator. Chaehun, seated at the dining table, stared intently at Seunggeon as he set down the appetizingly made sandwich in front of him.
The sandwich in the glass container looked delicious. Seunggeon had said his breakfast was delivery food sent from his maternal grandfather’s house.
“This is what they sent from your maternal grandfather’s house, right?”
“Right. But why?”
“Oh, then shouldn’t you be eating this?”
“I ordered one for you too. I already ate, so that’s yours.”
“Okay. I’ll eat well.”
Since he said he’d already eaten, Chaehun didn’t decline. However, instead of eating right away, he looked at Seunggeon dressed to go out. Maybe because it was Sunday, he was in comfortable attire—a knit sweater and cotton pants—but seeing him wearing a jacket over that, it looked like he was going somewhere.
“Where are you going? Or did you already go and come back?”
“I’m going. I play squash on Sundays. Want to try it together?”
“I’m in no condition for that right now.”
Chaehun held back from adding “Don’t you remember what you did last night?” It felt like not his cheeks but his ears were turning red. Perhaps knowing this, Seunggeon laughed.
“Not now, but maybe later.”
“That’s pretty tiring though.”
“Is it because it’s a ball sport?”
“Uh, um. Are you going to poke at my weak point from the morning?”
This time, having his weakness properly pointed out, Chaehun smiled challengingly. Chaehun was confident in anything physical, but he was weak when it came to handling round balls. In soccer, he’d kick the ball sky-high like a developer, and in basketball, while dribbling the ball would disappear before he knew it. It was the same with tennis, table tennis, and even badminton. So during his school days, despite having excellent athletic ability, Chaehun always guarded the goal when playing soccer.
Despite poking his sore spot, Seunggeon looked quite delighted.
“Since you use tools well, try tennis. If you learn consistently, you’ll get good quickly.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Chaehun didn’t fall for Seunggeon’s plausible suggestion. He was already exercising enough, so he had no interest in ball games he had no talent for. Seunggeon changed the topic too.
“I’ll be back before 11 at the latest. Make yourself comfortable until then. Just leave the dishes in the sink.”
At the kind explanation, Chaehun nodded that he understood. A guest just had to do as the host said. Still, leaving dirty dishes as they were wasn’t Chaehun’s style. Washing them clean was what a guest did when the host was away, so there was no need to mention it.
Having said what he needed to say, Seunggeon picked up his racket bag and prepared to leave. Chaehun stood up without even touching the sandwich and followed behind Seunggeon. Then Seunggeon, who had walked a few steps, turned around in front of the entryway.
“Why are you following me?”
“To see you off…?”
Chaehun, who answered reflexively, realized midway that something was strange. He quickly added an explanation to Seunggeon’s puzzled gaze.
“Normally you see people off when they leave, right? The host is leaving, and if the one and only guest just sits there, that’s not proper etiquette.”
Chaehun’s father had a patriarchal personality and was strict about his children’s etiquette. So he taught them that greeting and seeing off parents when they came and went from the house, and when guests came and went, was basic.
The harsh lessons from childhood were still ingrained in his body even as he aged. With the host going outside, just sitting there blankly wasn’t proper etiquette. Although he was only wearing a shower gown without even underwear, that’s how it was anyway.
Whether the rambling explanation got through, Seunggeon lifted the corner of his lips and chuckled.
“Alright. I’ll be back.”
“I’ll watch the house well. Be careful going and coming back.”
Having recited words a guard dog might say, Chaehun grinned instead of being embarrassed. When Seunggeon put on his shoes and left, he even waved his hand.
Chaehun watched with a smile until the door closed, and as soon as the sound of the door lock clicking ended, he sighed and covered his face with his hands. The burning heat that rose now seemed to be felt at his fingertips.
“Ha… Haha. This is driving me crazy.”
Chaehun, who had been faintly smiling, eventually let out a groan. It was because besides being a guest seeing off the host or a guard dog, the words “someone seeing off their husband, or lover” came to mind. Chaehun was seized by the urge to hit himself hard on the back of the head.
Chaehun didn’t date easily. But he was the type who easily became close to people, and he was weak toward those who entered within his boundaries. It wasn’t that Seunggeon had entered within his boundaries. Starting from physical intimacy in an ambiguous relationship, the sense of distance kept getting ambiguous.
Especially what Seunggeon had said to Park Gwangho yesterday—calling him “my person”—was big. When he asked for help, Seunggeon had really helped him refreshingly. It was childish but cool.
Just a little while ago, he’d been so disappointed and resolved to keep his distance, yet here he was back at square one. He wondered if he was such an easy man. He cursed at himself for being a stupid idiot with no learning ability.
“He’s taken. Give up.”
Chaehun spoke words of self-deprecating persuasion to himself. From the start, it was a guy who firmly established that emotions shouldn’t get entangled and even made a contract. Harboring expectations was something only an idiot would do.
He didn’t regret having a one-sided crush on him during their school days. It just happened that he liked him, and he hadn’t hoped it would work out either. However, at this age, having a hopeless one-sided love was meaningless. Back then, his yearning heart at least sparkled, but now it was like jumping into a thorny path while knowing it.
“I don’t know.”
A person’s life was unknowable. Still, Chaehun’s goal had become to get through the remaining nine months without incident, so he shook off his complicated thoughts and roughly rubbed his face. The moment his face burned from his merciless touch, something came to mind.
Chaehun moved to find his phone. When he had gotten up earlier, he had seen his phone and wallet on the nightstand beside the bed.
Picking up his phone that was neatly placed on the nightstand, Chaehun ignored the popup notifications for missed calls and messages from Yeonghwan. Instead, he briefly debated whether to call Seunggeon or send him a message before pressing the call button.
Most of his contact with Seunggeon was handled through messages. It was because they didn’t want to interfere with each other’s work. But today was the weekend, and there was no need to deliberately send a message to the guy who had just left the house.
