As soon as he opened his eyes, he sensed commotion downstairs. He washed his face and came down the stairs, first noticing Elliot’s profile as he unpacked bundles with a displeased expression. Though he hadn’t even come down half the stairs, Elliot must have heard his footsteps and turned his head, their gazes meeting. Elliot stared at Bernard’s face for a long while before throwing out a question without any morning greeting.
“Did you two go shopping?”
“……Huh?”
“I’m asking if you went shopping with Rubens again.”
There was no particular reason for hesitating to answer. It was because what Rubens had said the night before was disturbing his mind. However, Elliot’s expression darkened even more, as if Bernard standing on the stairs looking down without any answer was frustrating.
“Come down and look at this.”
When he came down to the living room at Elliot’s urging, packaging bundles were already scattered messily throughout the room. Half were clothes he’d seen, and half were clothes he didn’t know at all.
“If you bought clothes, you should have told me in advance.”
“I just looked briefly before eating. You know my checkered shirts ran out. I refused them though……”
“Bernard.”
Elliot’s voice took on a quite stern tone. Bernard paused for a moment but soon obediently left an apology saying he was sorry.
“Why did you two go shopping? You should have called me too.”
Bernard’s mouth felt dry looking at Elliot’s face, which even seemed somewhat aggrieved. He had no sense at all of what would be wise to say.
“Originally I went there to work.”
“But you went shopping! It would have been nice to try on clothes together. We have the same build too.”
However, Bernard thought it wouldn’t have been as nice as Elliot imagined. But since he couldn’t spill such thoughts out loud, he just nodded saying Elliot was right. Elliot held Bernard for a long while, expressing how hurt he’d been as soon as he woke up.
However, Bernard’s gaze kept drifting to the side. The unwrapped packaging needlessly caught his attention. The clothes inside were already fully spread out and placed on top of boxes. Shoes, watches, and such were also placed alongside them.
“Are you listening?”
“Ah, yeah. Yeah, sorry…… I was thinking about something else for a moment.”
Elliot’s tone immediately became sulky. Even as Bernard urgently tried to appease Elliot, patting his shoulder, Elliot’s expression remained sullen. However, as if it never happened, going on about how fun it would have been if they’d gone out together as twins to look at clothes and pick out outfits that suited each other—just imagining it made him happy, he said, stretching out his words—Bernard could only smile awkwardly at his brother’s behavior.
When Bernard went shopping with Elliot, he often found himself in difficult situations. At Elliot’s behavior of holding ridiculously flashy clothes up to him—in Bernard’s view—asking how about this one, the clerks would sometimes stare at Bernard intently.
They didn’t say anything, but Bernard knew very well what those expressions meant. They were expressions implying he was trying on things that didn’t suit him. People’s expressions are complex, but when you’re constantly surrounded by malice, you can distinguish such expressions without difficulty.
“I didn’t even get to look at watches with Rubens……”
At Elliot’s resentful voice, Bernard awkwardly only rubbed the back of his neck. Even in Bernard’s view, the gifts Rubens sent were too excessive. Not just clothes but shoes, watches, ties, and bags to match them were abundantly scattered throughout the living room. Before dinner, he’d really only looked at a few shirts lightly. The clothes that seemed to be Elliot’s were considerable too, but he didn’t seem satisfied.
Thinking he’d cleverly distinguished them, when Bernard sneakily examined the bundles, there were tags attached inside each package. Fingering the tag that said “Bernard Weil,” he was immersed in an ambiguous feeling. Somehow it was hard to shake the thought that that man had deliberately sent them together. Was it overthinking?
“Can’t you give me just a few?”
At Elliot’s question as he affectionately hugged his right arm, Bernard only blinked. To agree felt like carelessly passing on what someone had given as a gift, but to refuse, Elliot’s expression weighed on his mind. With bright green eyes looking at him full of anticipation, it was difficult to flatly refuse.
“It’s a secret from Mr. Hurt.”
“Really?”
Looking at the smile blooming all over his face, Bernard gave a bitter smile. He subtly thought this might be better. They were excessive gifts that didn’t suit him anyway.
“Thank you, Bernard.”
Looking at Elliot’s face smiling brightly, Bernard tried hard to smile, attempting to shake off the ambiguous unpleasantness that clung persistently. Just a few of the clothes scattered on the floor would be enough for him. Wasn’t Elliot’s happiness always more important? If Elliot’s stress increased, he might end up in the hospital again. It wasn’t something to be newly unpleasant about.
But then why did his insides feel so stuffy? An awkwardness difficult to put into words seemed to remain under his tongue. Bernard’s face became ambiguous as he watched Elliot try on the watch on his right hand. Just as his thoughts were about to deepen, a sudden text notification rang.
[Rhino]: What are you doing?
It was a text from Rhino.
***
“It’s amazing enough that you went shopping again, but giving it all away is really amazing too.”
“Since it’s going to his lover anyway, isn’t it okay?”
“What nonsense, just looking at it……”
Rhino’s mouth, which had been speaking somewhat irritably, snapped shut. Whatever thought he had, his expression hardening stiffly didn’t seem like a very good assumption. Bernard sat across from that Rhino and sucked up coffee through a straw.
“I thought you were busy.”
“Even if I’m busy, I have time to see you.”
Lately, saying he was taking over his father’s work, Rhino had been particularly showing signs of being busy. However, knowing he wasn’t saying he was busy as empty words, Bernard couldn’t show hurt feelings that it had become harder to see his face than before.
“Did you want a hamburger that badly?”
He remembered the text sent after the “what are you doing” message, as if there was some secret scheme. Already knowing he had no schedule today and confirming that Elliot would only be at home, a text came telling him to cooperate obediently, so he wondered what it was about, but as soon as they met, the words that poured out were about wanting to eat hamburgers.
When Bernard chose a hamburger with coffee and hash browns while Rhino beside him chose a cheeseburger set with two patties, Rhino scolded him asking if that would be enough and added various side menu items, so before long the table was full.
“The hamburger is obviously an excuse.”
When Bernard glared at him for eating so earnestly for something like that, Rhino grinned. Five bites maybe—watching the hamburger disappear in an instant was nothing short of magic. Watching him skillfully unwrap the hamburger stacked beside him and take a big bite, Bernard could only wonder how he endured his diet when exercising despite eating so well.
“I thought I’d die from missing you.”
This is how Rhino is. With a casual face, he says things that can’t be casual. Bernard’s lips, which had frozen stiffly while holding a french fry with his mouth agape, had a straw inserted into them. While holding up his coffee cup and grinning broadly, Bernard glared at his face subtly before obediently sucking on the inserted straw. The coffee temperature was still warm.
“And as I keep telling you, Elliot isn’t as innocent as you think.”
The second hamburger wrapper crumpled in his grumbling hands. Watching him pick up the third hamburger, Bernard suddenly asked.
“Why do you dislike Elliot so much?”
Thinking about it, he’d been completely mistaken all along. Because Rhino recoiled whenever Elliot was mentioned, Bernard used to think he avoided the topic out of embarrassment about his one-sided love, but after clearly knowing who Rhino liked, he realized Rhino really disliked Elliot.
“Why?”
Rhino’s expression as he asked back was subtle.
“Usually there’s no reason for disliking someone.”
“No. There were tons of reasons.”
“The guys who dislike you are idiots.”
Rhino immediately caught on to what the abbreviated words meant. An ambiguous smile flowed across Bernard’s face. Rhino continued speaking.
“He’s not the good-natured kid you say he is.”
“I know Elliot well.”
“If there’s no reason for anything, he’s rather the type who knows how to drive in the wedge. He’s shrewd.”
It’s always like this. When Bernard brought up Elliot, Rhino would recoil and wave his hand. Even to Bernard, who knew all about what went on around Elliot since they were always together during school days, it was an incomprehensibly harsh assessment.
“Elliot was really weak, you know?”
“It’s because you don’t know. And originally, when people are sick for a long time, their personality gets a bit twisted. Even considering that, or not considering it, Elliot really is a good kid without any twisted parts.”
Even when Elliot spent long periods lying in bed, he never once made any demanding sounds to Bernard. When he was hospitalized, Bernard had even lain side by side on Elliot’s bed, covered with a blanket, whispering through the night. The memories the two had built up were quite solid.
As they gradually grew older and the worlds they belonged to became different, some distance had formed, but Bernard still had a vague faith in Elliot. At Horden’s party it was awkward for a moment, but he considered that a misunderstanding. Rather, shouldn’t Bernard himself apologize to Elliot at some point?
“Bernard, you’re not good at recognizing personalities cultivated by others’ gazes.”
Rhino’s reaction was somewhat cynical. Spinning his cola cup and fidgeting pointlessly, he slowly added.
“Or maybe. Seeing how you had a one-sided love for another man instead of me, maybe you have no eye for people?”
Since the words spoken after building up the atmosphere so much were just such wordplay, Bernard felt completely deflated and frowned.
“……Enough. I don’t like it even from you, badmouthing Elliot.”
“But there’ll come a time when my words will pop right into your mind.”
“Rhino.”
“Trust me. When have I ever done anything bad to you?”
He smiled with a confident face. With a convinced expression, he said something impossible to resent. Bernard’s eyes narrowed.
“In the car, we kissed.”
Unlike his plan to reproach him, his voice was pressed down with embarrassment. Rhino’s eyes, which had been meeting his gaze with his chin propped up, furrowed slightly. It was obviously a face holding back laughter.
“That’s a bad thing?”
It seemed like a question with a somewhat deflated tone. When he tilted his head, his bangs slid slightly to the side. His thick eyebrows curved gently.
“If we did it in bed, you’d really cry. Would you sue me too?”
