I had no choice but to ask in a puzzled voice. Because my appearance reflected in the mirror at the hair salon didn’t look too bad.
Of course, perhaps there was a communication error, as the result was a bit different from my intention. Despite getting my hair newly done, my appearance didn’t look that mature.
But since hyung-nim, who had seen similar appearances my whole life, would be seeing my new look the same way, I thought he’d compliment me saying this hair suited me well too.
“You’re just not used to it, right? It, it’s not weird, is it?”
Hyung-nim, who had been staring at me quietly, didn’t budge at my question either.
Then after a long silence passed, he answered slowly.
“You look like a poodle.”
“What……?”
Hearing those words, I felt, with a bit of exaggeration added, like the sky was falling.
Seeing me frozen, hyung-nim belatedly made an ‘oh no’ face.
“No, Hajin-ah, that’s not what I—”
Lee Hajin, who had only been a snotty-nosed kid for 20 years in front of the human called Yoo Jeongwoo, wanted to be seen as a new person from now on. He wanted to stand as an adult, not a child, in front of the hyung-nim he had a one-sided love for.
But today, I became neither a child nor an adult, but a dog.
***
“Hajin-ah, hyung is sorry. Won’t you open the door?”
Knock knock.
“Please open the door. Hm?”
I heard a gentle voice outside the room along with knocking sounds, but I buried my face in the pillow again.
For the first time in my life, I ended up tearing up in front of hyung-nim over ruining hair I’d paid for with my own money.
I couldn’t forget hyung-nim’s expression when he saw my eyes.
“Hajin-ah……?”
I came back after doing my hair for four hours to look mature, but tears came again at the fact that I was now showing such a childish appearance.
I felt like I’d be teased at school tomorrow too, and it was sad all over again that the first person to tease me before being teased by friends was hyung-nim.
Perhaps the sound of sniffling leaked out, as hyung-nim’s voice was heard again.
“Hajin-ah, we originally planned to eat dinner together today. Should we eat beef?”
It was a voice I’d heard often when I was young. For instance, when I lost rock-paper-scissors 10 times in a row, even when I burst into tears, hyung-nim would soothe me with that kind of voice.
“Let’s go to a restaurant and eat steak. We’ll order lemonade that Hajin likes too.”
But I like pork belly, not beef.
I don’t like sour things like lemonade at all.
No matter how much he acknowledged last time that I’d become an adult, hyung-nim still remembered me as that child from when I was young.
That child who listened well and couldn’t even say I didn’t like things in front of hyung-nim.
Every time I was treated like a child, I wanted to completely erase all memories about me from hyung-nim’s head. Of course, there’s naturally no way to erase memories.
“I don’t want to eat……”
“That won’t do, Hajin-ah. How can you skip meals because you ruined your hair?”
Hearing it that way from hyung-nim’s mouth made this situation even more embarrassing. It’s not even teasing someone. I bit my lip tightly at the surging sadness again.
Somehow something felt off. I’d wanted to look cool in hyung-nim’s eyes, and if so, hyung-nim’s expression would have been different from the moment I first entered the house.
In reality, hyung-nim’s eyes had nothing different from usual. Rather, he even seemed a bit flustered.
……Should I just give up on looking like an adult?
The goal seemed wrong from the beginning. It wouldn’t work no matter what I did anyway. Even if I worked hard and became like Choi Jihwan, I wouldn’t look very adult-like in front of hyung-nim.
Hyung-nim still seemed to be in front of the door. Hyung-nim’s voice was heard once more.
“Hajin-ah, you also said you had something you wanted to say earlier. Let’s talk while eating. Hm?”
I eventually wiped away my tears and got up from the bed.
Honestly, I was very hungry. My stomach was about to make sounds soon.
Enduring more wouldn’t make the fact that I showed tears over ruining my hair in front of hyung-nim disappear…….
I slowly opened the door. Hyung-nim leaning against the threshold was already looking down at me.
“Feeling a bit better?”
I shook my head. Seeing hyung-nim’s smiling face, it felt like he was smiling at my hair, making me want to be sulky.
“I’m going to straighten all my hair tomorrow morning.”
“Why? It’s cute.”
“……”
“Really. I don’t know if you intended this, but it’s cute and suits you quite well.”
So it’s not weird?
“The more I look at it, the cuter it is, are you really going to straighten it?”
“……Then I’ll keep it for just a few days.”
I definitely didn’t want to look cute. But since hyung-nim said that, my mood was about to improve quickly. Still, I didn’t want to show that I’d softened too readily.
But perhaps it showed, as hyung-nim’s eyes were more curved than before.
“What should we eat? Is there anything you want to eat?”
Actually, there was something I wanted to eat. I hesitated out of habit.
“Um…… can I say what I want to eat?”
“Of course. Today hyung did wrong, so I have to buy everything Hajin wants to eat.”
My image management is ruined anyway. I answered with somewhat reckless feelings.
“Then I want to eat pork belly.”
“Pork belly?”
“Yes. I don’t like beef.”
Normally I would have eaten what hyung-nim suggested eating. At my words, hyung-nim slowly nodded.
“So Hajin likes pork belly more.”
“……”
“Why didn’t I know?”
After muttering quietly, hyung-nim readily agreed. Somehow it felt awkward.
It was a very long time ago that I became aware of my one-sided love. It was before even entering high school. After that, I consistently avoided hyung-nim, and when we occasionally met, I maintained manners and acted as mature as possible.
Not saying what I wanted to eat, not revealing my emotions.
So this was the first time since then that I properly told hyung-nim what I wanted to eat.
“I’ll just grab a jacket.”
I went into my room and picked out a zip-up hoodie.
After pulling the hood over and tightening the drawstring all the way to my chin and tying it firmly before appearing in the living room, hyung-nim held his forehead. Saying he seemed to have done something seriously wrong.
***
Hyung-nim had a flustered expression the entire time from when the meat was fully cooked on the grill.
“Hajin-ah, did you skip lunch by any chance?”
The reason, I guessed, was probably because I was eating too much. I definitely liked pork belly.
I paused briefly at hyung-nim’s question and shook my head. At the same time, hyung-nim also muttered as if realizing something.
“Right, you said you ate pork cutlet set meal earlier.”
“……”
“You also had a cookie crumble strawberry shake.”
This time I nodded repeatedly. As if saying exactly that. Feeling a bit embarrassed, I added a reason.
“……I guess sitting at the hair salon was tiring.”
“Can’t you take off the hat while eating?”
I was still wearing the hood. Thanks to tightening the drawstring and tying it firmly below my chin, no matter how diligently I ate my wraps, the hood wasn’t easily taken off.
“You got your hair newly done today, you should show it to people.”
“……What if people stare because a poodle is eating pork belly?”
“Hajin-ah, are you going to make hyung uncomfortable like this?”
Hyung-nim frowned as if asking to be spared. His reaction was a bit funny, so I giggled.
“It’s okay. People experience failures while living.”
I spoke calmly but was a bit dejected. The several hours of getting my hair done were as difficult as standing as punishment, yet the result had become completely back to square one like this.
And hyung-nim still seemed heavy-hearted.
“Hajin-ah, you know this is a bribe, right? I’ll order more so eat a lot.”
I didn’t put down my chopsticks even while wrapping lettuce. Only after putting the carefully completed wrap in my mouth did I look across.
“But, since when did you like pork belly? This is the first time I’ve seen you eat it this well.”
Around the time we ordered 3 more servings of meat, Jeongwoo hyung-nim just propped his chin and started watching me eat.
However, since I had a mouthful of lettuce wrap in my mouth, I couldn’t answer hyung-nim’s question right away.
Of course, hyung-nim didn’t seem to expect an immediate answer either. Seeing me unable to speak with puffed cheeks, hyung-nim gestured for me to keep eating.
“Even when we ate out as a family until now, you didn’t seem to eat pork belly much, it’s fascinating.”
Hyung-nim kept pouring more cola, perhaps worried I’d choke eating at this speed. Since I was thirsty anyway, I bowed in thanks then took a sip of cola too.
It was a bit embarrassing, but I couldn’t help it. The pork belly hyung-nim bought was the most delicious meat I’d eaten in my life. And today was an especially incredibly hungry day.
Finally swallowing the meat in my mouth, I quickly answered.
“Mom and Dad don’t like it, but I often ate it with friends. Come to think of it, I ate it this week too. Was it around Tuesday?”
“Ah, the day you texted saying you’d be late.”
“Yes, that’s right. After that I drank a little and came home before 10.”
Actually, I’d already drunk alcohol while eating pork belly that day. Since I went to a second round, I thought I should contact him and sent hyung-nim a text, and I remembered barely saving myself by getting home around 10:30.
“But…… today’s pork belly seems even better. This place is so delicious, hyung-nim.”
At my words, hyung-nim smiled. I also smiled along brightly, then wrapped two pieces of meat in white kimchi and put them in my mouth.
Come to think of it, the employee who had been grilling meat for 7 servings in a row was now piling the meat toward me.
