It was a fleeting moment. Hyung-nim’s gaze lingered on my lips for a moment before rising again.
“Of course I’m not just anyone to you.”
The moment I noticed that gaze, I couldn’t act nonchalant.
Jeongwoo hyung-nim’s voice had been firm yet strangely low from earlier. Perhaps because of that, I was rendered speechless as if someone had covered my mouth.
I didn’t know hyung-nim would mention that day’s events so explicitly.
Honestly, he seemed so unfazed that I thought he might have forgotten……
“I’m practically the person who raised you on my back. It wouldn’t be a normal thing to ask for something like that between us. That’s why I was more worried. Whether something had happened to you lately, whether it was something you couldn’t tell me.”
“……”
“But if that’s not the case, it’s harder to understand. Rather, Hajin should be regularly monitored by at least three people like now.”
“What?!”
My head, which had been gradually lowering, turned back toward hyung-nim. What kind of bolt from the blue was this?
“Come to think of it, I don’t need to do anything. Hajin won’t be able to persuade his parents anyway.”
There was certainty in that cold voice. Certainty that even if I ran away, I’d eventually be caught.
“With childish reasons and actions like now, if you throw a tantrum for a few days, only Hajin will suffer. Given Hajin’s personality of being conscious of others, staying at a friend’s house would last a week at most, and you probably can’t even enter a motel. You’d be lucky if you’re not rejected by the owner as soon as you try to enter because minors aren’t allowed.”
“Hyung-nim……”
“In conclusion, this running away from home is a complete failure, Hajin. Strategically, it won’t help at all going forward. Imo and Uncle will absolutely never allow it.”
A brief silence fell. I was already in tatters, completely defeated by hyung-nim’s logic.
Hyung-nim took a sip of water and cast his gaze out the window. And very quietly, as if talking to himself, he let out.
“Well, unless we attach a guardian when you live alone.”
The voice uttering those words was very subtle and lingering. But to my ears, it sounded clearer than any other sound.
One word from hyung-nim’s mouth echoed in my head.
‘Guardian.’
Hyung-nim lowered his head as if thinking nothing of it, but to me, those words didn’t sound light at all.
The center of my chest tickled strangely. Hyung-nim’s words were like a verdict sentencing my freedom.
***
Hyung-nim’s idea changed the entire situation.
As it turned out, hyung-nim, who had already secured an officetel near the office, finished talking with Mom and Dad that very evening.
“It was an empty place anyway, Hajin just needs to move in with his body.”
“Jeongwoo, I’m so grateful, what should I do? Oh my, what to do with that scatterbrain.”
“If he wants to do it, we should let him. Now Hajin is a proper adult, so there must be so many things he wants to try.”
“That’s true. Actually, we were worried about how long we should keep Hajin in our arms. Even if he doesn’t seem like it, he quietly causes trouble sometimes. That’s why we hesitated, well.”
Listening to all this conversation, I was truly dumbfounded.
Mom, who didn’t even pretend to listen during my hunger strike declaration, showed a completely different attitude from before with one word from hyung-nim. She spoke as if she had always intended to let me out of the nest.
“For someone like Hajin, even his troublemaking would be at a cute level.”
At that moment, I somehow felt hyung-nim’s gaze. Having many things to feel guilty about, I shrank my shoulders.
“Is that so? Jeongwoo is creating such a good opportunity for our family. Hohoho.”
“Mom, I told Dad so many times that I need to become independent……”
“He’s been like that since he was young, you know? We’re so fortunate to have Jeongwoo. It puts our minds at ease.”
Even when I barely managed to interject a word, it was useless. Mom, Dad, and Jeongwoo hyung-nim. To the three of them, it seemed I was invisible.
Anyway, hyung-nim looked different today too.
“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure there’s nothing for you to worry about.”
“Of course. If we don’t trust Jeongwoo, who would we trust?”
Even normally, hyung-nim often looked exceptionally like a sage in front of my mom and dad. If his refreshingly upturned lips usually looked seductive, in front of my mom and dad, even I felt like I was looking at a respectable attorney.
Even though he was often like that, never in my entire life had hyung-nim’s such aspect stood out as much as it did now.
How should I put it…… Should I say it’s like he’s acting coy toward my mom and dad?
It was when I was blankly staring at such a hyung-nim with a bewildered feeling. The gaze that had been looking at my parents the whole time turned to me.
“Actually, this matter seems to have worked out well for me too.”
I blinked, waiting for hyung-nim’s next words. Hyung-nim’s smile was still sweet and gentle.
What good thing could there be for hyung-nim in our cohabitation?
“At some point, things became awkward with Hajin, and I was inwardly disappointed. I think this will be a good opportunity to become close again.”
Unlike just before when I was unsure whether it was a fabricated appearance, there was only sincerity in hyung-nim’s eyes looking at me.
Hyung-nim said he was inwardly disappointed that things became awkward with me.
That resembled the story we had while eating meat.
Could our relationship that became awkward after going through puberty have really remained as a regret for hyung-nim too?
Somehow it felt touching. Even all the unfairness from just before completely disappeared.
I eventually avoided his eyes and lowered my gaze. I heard hyung-nim’s chuckling sound.
“Oh my, is that so.”
“He’s still so shy like this. Just like being reserved……”
The hand stroking the back of my head was warm. I couldn’t raise my head for a while after that.
After that, nagging continued about listening well to hyung since we’d be living together from now on. Of course, none of it entered my ears.
It was because my heart was pounding.
Long ago, does hyung-nim also remember the moment I first realized my one-sided love? That thought occurred to me for the first time.
“He’s still so shy like this. Just like being reserved……”
Just like being reserved. Those words from hyung-nim kept lingering in my ears.
A single word and a meeting gaze. And even one small action.
Hyung-nim knows nothing about why I became wary of everything in front of him at some point.
“You’re not an omega, you’re Lee Hajin. You understand what I’m saying, right?”
Because in front of hyung-nim who said that, I wanted to be seen as an omega, not a child.
Of course, I couldn’t tell him the reason. Not yet.
“Oh right, we’re thinking of moving this weekend. What do you think, Hajin?”
At hyung-nim’s voice, I hastily raised my head.
“Th-that’s good.”
A new start.
The last chance to get a little closer to hyung-nim.
At the same time, the fear that my feelings might be discovered.
Embracing complicated emotions, my cohabitation with hyung-nim before death was decided.
***
**3. Naughty Cohabitation**
If that day comes…… tell J I love him.
It probably won’t happen, but just in case hyung-nim might see it.
This was a bucket list I’d written before, especially content that absolutely must not be discovered by anyone.
New lines were drawn several times heavily over the crooked handwriting.
“This much should make it unrecognizable, right……?”
Staring at it intently made me sigh involuntarily. What kind of state is this?
Will I ever be able to confess to Jeongwoo hyung-nim? As of now, it was uncertain whether the day would even come when I’d tell him before death.
I said I’d live without regrets. I succeeded in kissing hyung-nim and living alone, but I still didn’t have the courage to confess my feelings to hyung-nim.
Because the outcome of my confession is predetermined. Is there anyone in this world who wants to make a confession that will fail one hundred percent?
Suddenly, the face reflected on the laptop screen caught my eye. It was a face that looked too young even to my own eyes.
It doesn’t suit a cool adult like hyung-nim at all. After drawing another line on the innocent notebook, I closed it again and put it in the drawer.
“Sigh.”
After exhaling a sigh, I turned on the laptop screen again to work on my assignment. Of course, nothing registered in my eyes.
It had already been a week since I started living with hyung-nim.
At first it was just unfamiliar, but now the scent and lighting that had become familiar somewhere, and even the sound of hyung-nim’s return home every night, had become part of my day.
If there was one incongruous existence in this house with clean interior design, it was the indoor slippers with a teddy bear drawn on them that I brought.
Was that why? Every time I entered the house and saw the two neatly placed indoor slippers, I laughed. Hyung-nim wore the character shoes that didn’t suit not only this house but also himself without complaint.
