***
My request to live alone was forgotten by mom and dad in just one day, and it seemed that what happened with Jeongwoo hyung-nim would only be known between hyung-nim and me for the time being. So when I went out to eat with school peers on Sunday afternoon, there were no restrictions.
However, when leaving the house, I looked around several times worried I might run into Jeongwoo hyung-nim, and practically ran out.
When I arrived at the restaurant we’d agreed on, there were four people gathering. Department representative Han Seoyoung, Lee Gyeongho who I wasn’t close with yet, and Choi Jihwan.
“Lee Hajin on a weekend, what’s the occasion?”
The moment I entered, Han Seoyoung widened her eyes in surprise.
Maybe because the semester had just started, peers were easily becoming close with each other. By the way, I knew Han Seoyoung and Choi Jihwan were living alone, but I was surprised because I didn’t know Lee Gyeongho was also living independently.
“Gyeongho, you’re living alone too, I didn’t know.”
“I’m in the dorms, but I’m trying to find a place to live alone next semester. Honestly, my house is awkwardly far, so I had no choice.”
“Oh, I see.”
“Gyeongho’s girlfriend is really upset about it.”
I looked at Lee Gyeongho with surprised eyes. I would be really sad if I were him, but Lee Gyeongho only looked calm.
Lee Gyeongho was an omega like me, and I heard he had a beta girlfriend he’d been dating since high school. I heard things between him and his girlfriend had been rocky since entering university. So it was still going on.
“Today’s gathering was also because he was in a fighting mood with his girlfriend, so I told him to come out and cheer up.”
At Han Seoyoung’s words, Lee Gyeongho glanced at her.
“What, it was because of me? I thought you just wanted to hang out?”
“Ah, what are you saying. It was obvious.”
Lee Gyeongho smiled at her words and ate his rice.
Was it just my imagination that I felt a subtle current?
I suddenly said to Choi Jihwan. Because from yesterday, I had one new interest.
“Jihwan-ah, you know. Even if your house isn’t necessarily far, living alone would be a good experience, right?”
“Well, I think it’s good to live apart from your parents at least once. But I don’t know if you necessarily have to move out. I was in a dormitory even in high school.”
“Gasp, really?”
As expected, that was it. That aura that made him seem more mature than his peers came from his experience of leaving his parents’ embrace early and living in a dormitory.
“I actually want to live alone these days, but mom and dad oppose it saying it’s dangerous, so I couldn’t even properly talk about it.”
“Really? In my opinion too, well, if you’re not far from home like me, there’s no need to necessarily live alone…… no.”
After saying the exact opposite of the answer I wanted and pausing for a moment, Choi Jihwan nodded as if recalling something.
“Come to think of it, your household atmosphere does seem quite strict. With hyung-nim being that scary, of course you’d want to live alone.”
“……Even from your perspective, is hyung-nim very scary?”
“Yeah.”
Then suddenly Lee Gyeongho asked.
“Oh, Lee Hajin’s hyung is that scary? How old is he?”
Suddenly the table’s topic shifted to hyung-nim.
“Hm? Hyung-nim is thirty-one.”
“What, you call him hyung-nim too? I guess it’s because there’s a big age difference. It’s so cute.”
“No wonder, even though you’re the same peer, you seem especially like a younger sibling. You’re innocent.”
“No, I’m not that innocent.”
“Hahaha, what are you saying.”
When I did such things to hyung-nim the day before yesterday, and they think I’m pure. I could only swallow it inside since it wasn’t something I could say.
By the way, Choi Jihwan said my household atmosphere was strict. Actually, I thought our household atmosphere was free rather than strict.
Even though mom and dad were on the conservative side, they tried to grant me what I wanted as much as possible.
Of course, it was also thanks to me not actually causing big trouble. The most trouble I’d caused was getting caught trying to steal the lighter from the hyung next door.
“But if you actually move out and live, it won’t be much? Look at us, we eat together every weekend. Because we’re bored.”
“Even if I regret it, I want to try it at least once. And it would be good if mom and dad get used to living without me too.”
“Pfft.”
My friends suddenly burst into laughter. Was it because I said it so matter-of-factly? It seemed no one took my words seriously. Actually, the reason I pushed for living alone was really because of that reason.
“Well, first get permission to live alone.”
“They say not to even think about living alone because it’s dangerous. This is the first time I’ve been blocked as soon as I brought it up.”
“What can you do?”
It was also hard to accept that it was because I was an omega. Lee Gyeongho right in front of me was also an omega, and he said he started dormitory life without any restrictions.
After that, the peers who heard my story in detail all lamented.
“But my noona has been wild since way back, so mom and dad have already given up in that direction.”
“Come to think of it, me too? My unnie also fought with mom and dad all the time after going to university, it was no joke. Hajin, it must be harder for you since even hyung-nim opposes it from the start.”
It seemed other families went through these things too. Except I was in a position where I had to confront it directly, and there was also the big mountain called hyung-nim.
Even though the biggest reason I wanted to escape was hyung-nim. With just one kiss, I completely ruined my relationship with Jeongwoo hyung-nim, so I had no other choice now.
I didn’t have the confidence to face hyung-nim’s cold face that I saw right after the kiss again.
“Then I have no choice but to go wild……”
“That’s right, well.”
This actually worked out well. Since it’s come to this, I should make it so my parents get used to life without me.
Should I try a hunger strike again starting tomorrow?
But even in my own thinking, the hunger strike that failed after just one attempt wouldn’t work anymore. And the temptation of home-cooked meals was too strong.
After thinking for a moment, I immediately said to Choi Jihwan.
“Choi Jihwan. Then, can I impose on you at your place for just three days starting Tuesday?”
My voice trembled. But my determination was firm. Even though I didn’t explain properly, Choi Jihwan seemed to sense strong will in my eyes.
“Don’t tell me you’re running away from home?”
“Yeah, I have a good idea. I’ll absolutely make sure it doesn’t cause you trouble.”
Currently, the biggest problem blocking me from living alone was Jeongwoo hyung-nim. To live alone, I needed a shocking trigger enough to make people forget Jeongwoo hyung-nim’s persuasion.
“You really……”
“Please, okay? I won’t be there long. I think my mom and dad will listen to me if I just don’t come home for three days.”
“Even if your hyung-nim gets angry, I don’t know anything.”
Before I knew it, Jeongwoo hyung-nim had become “your hyung-nim” even to Choi Jihwan. Since he’d actually seen hyung-nim, he was a friend who understood that I had to fight against an incredibly big wall for living alone.
I succeeded in my first kiss with the person I loved only after death drew near. Sweet achievement didn’t come for free.
Having ruined all relationships with hyung-nim who had practically raised me, I was in a state where I could no longer live near Jeongwoo hyung-nim.
Then I at least wanted to live happily from now on. If I stayed home, I would have to receive Jeongwoo hyung-nim’s coldly chilled gaze. I didn’t want such pain when I might die anyway.
Hyung-nim wouldn’t want to see my face either.
If my parents continued to oppose me living alone like this, there was only one answer.
Running away from home.
***
On Monday morning when my schedule was completely empty, I took out paper on my desk and wrote briefly.
Mom and dad, I’m sorry. I’m going out because I want to be alone for a bit.
I folded the paper, hid it under my pillow, and zipped up my bag. Inside were clothes for at least three days, my yellow toothbrush and toiletries I’d gathered from the bathroom, and a tablet for attending lectures.
Lastly, I picked up the piggy bank on my desk. It was light compared to its volume, but what was inside was by no means a small amount.
The classically designed piggy bank had lost its original function of collecting coins at some point. I occasionally collected the allowance Jeongwoo hyung-nim gave me in there. Because of that, my piggy bank had far more bills than coins.
Just in case I couldn’t use mom’s card. I had to take this.
When I put the entire piggy bank in my bag, it finally felt real.
My fingertips gripping the now much heavier bag strap were trembling. I was scared, but at the same time, I felt a strange sense of liberation.
“……I should live my own way at least once before I die.”
I’d lived too well-behaved. While talking with Choi Jihwan, I came to think about whether our house was really not strict, or whether I’d lived without needing strictness.
The conclusion was clear. No matter how I looked at it, it was the latter.
I’d lived well-behaved until now, but now I had to move forward.
Looking out the window, the calm sunlight, no different from usual, strangely stirred my heart.
Although I’d told him I’d go to Choi Jihwan’s house on Tuesday, the day after Monday when I had free periods, I was trying to leave a day earlier. Anywhere was fine as a place to spend the night. Whether a jjimjilbang or a goshiwon room. Right now, I needed freedom the most.
In my twenty-year life, short if short and long if long, I was running away from home for the first time in my life.
