I’d been vaguely feeling it lately too, but I wasn’t mentally prepared to bring it out of my mouth. The hand covering my mouth fell away, and something soft touched my lips.
Without falling away, that soft skin opened and closed as if wanting to say something, then opened and closed again.
That contact somehow seemed to contain Seo Heejin’s expectations. Could I give the answer Seo Heejin wanted?
I slowly shook my head. The lips that had still been touching were gently crushed on my lips. What I liked wasn’t Seo Heejin, but Seo Heejin’s cock and the pleasure that cock brought. Even though I was old enough to clearly know that having sexual desire satisfied and having one’s heart filled were different things.
Seo Heejin’s eyes looking down at me right in front of my face were so straightforward that my insides churned. The heart rebelling with thumps inside my chest, wanting to burst out, suddenly became frightening.
At this rate, I felt like I’d end up saying what Seo Heejin wanted, so I turned my head away and forcibly dragged out different words.
“I…… don’t know……”
Still, he didn’t get angry telling me not to talk nonsense, so wouldn’t Seo Heejin be satisfied with this much? I hoped inwardly, but seeing the sigh that escaped, it didn’t seem so at all.
My body shrank at the hot breath touching my cheek. He’d been particularly obsessed with words of liking today, and it seemed he’d picked a date for this. Seo Heejin, whom I saw only by moving my eyes, was smiling faintly.
Was he angry, or disappointed? If there was a machine that could read Seo Heejin’s thoughts, I’d buy it even if I had to make a mid-term withdrawal from my severance pay.
Long, pretty fingers approached and lightly grabbed my chin to turn it. This way I couldn’t avoid eye contact either. Dry saliva kept moving down my throat with inexplicable tension.
“You don’t know what feels good?”
Because of being so tense, I couldn’t even move the hand gripping my cock.
“Mm…… I don’t know.”
Seo Heejin, who had been staring down at me as I shook my head several times saying I didn’t know, smiled slyly. It was an ominous smile.
“If hyung doesn’t know, I’ll tell you.”
“No! It’s fine!”
Ignoring my blurted shout, Seo Heejin’s face came closer and closer, and only calm breathing filled my ears. Soon after, Seo Heejin’s low voice was heard clearly.
“Hyung likes me.”
A light kiss fell on my completely stiffened face. Even if it were true, I couldn’t understand what confidence Seo Heejin had to speak in such a voice full of certainty. What would he do if I said no?
“If hyung doesn’t want to say it, I’ll say it for you.”
“Ahut—!”
The cock that had stopped thrust back up into my stomach. At the sensation of a large hand pressing down on my stomach, I shuddered, and a whisper saying I was pretty was heard.
“If hyung doesn’t want to admit it, I’ll tell you until you do.”
The cock that had pulled far back pushed in again. The words Seo Heejin said in my place struck me harder than the pleasure.
The voice whispering the same words each time he moved his hips had not a trace of wavering. Pleasure and churning mixed inside my body, making my vision grow distant. Without time to think properly, all I could do was cling to the large back firmly embracing my body.
“Hauk! Mmm…… Seo Heejin, aheu—”
“Hyung, likes me.”
At the words continuously pushing in like a suggestion, I unconsciously thought ‘wouldn’t it be okay?’
I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t like him. I don’t want to like him. If left alone, it felt like my reason would be trampled and anything would burst out, so I bit down hard on the shoulder that had come close.
Seo Heejin’s body, which had stopped at the pain, began to penetrate even faster.
“Hyung, it’s okay to say it. Hyung likes me.”
Rough breathing mixed into Seo Heejin’s previously calm voice. The flesh moving while pressing on my prostate urged my answer. Hurry and say it. Say it and be comfortable.
“Heuk, heuuk—! No, no……!”
Unlike my words saying no, my arms embraced Seo Heejin with more strength. The sensation of climax felt near, making it hard to keep my body still.
My hand embracing Seo Heejin’s back kept slipping on sweat. While trembling all over yet not wanting to fall away from Seo Heejin, clinging while digging in my nails, a breathtaking pleasure burst forth.
“Ahh—! I like, heuk, I like— I like you so much……!”
Simultaneously with my ejaculation, Seo Heejin whispered once more.
“Yes, hyung likes me so much.”
* * *
Maybe because of the fear that I might not be able to go to work. For the first time, I woke up before Seo Heejin. Through my hazy vision drunk with sleep, Seo Heejin’s profile came into view. Not snoring, not grinding his teeth. Even his sleeping appearance was neat—so very Seo Heejin-like.
Seeing the light entering the room still murky, it was probably around 5 or 6 in the morning.
Once my mind cleared somewhat, the atrocities Seo Heejin committed last night passed vividly.
Seo Heejin brainwashed me without getting tired. That I liked him. At first I thought maybe so, but later it became overwhelming to hear those words. Seo Heejin’s eccentric behavior continued until I couldn’t take it anymore and cried miserably, telling him to just shut up and fuck me.
After tormenting me like that, to sleep with such a fresh face.
Feeling annoyed, I considered biting Seo Heejin’s soft lips hard enough to hurt, but then thought what’s the point of bothering someone sleeping so soundly? So I just gave him a peck and flopped down face-first.
Seeing even holding my head up made my muscles scream, it was obvious I’d suffer at work today. I should rest even one more minute, one more second.
When my finger, filled with languid feeling, pressed down on Seo Heejin’s lips, he protested while mumbling even though he was asleep, which looked cute.
Do I really like Seo Heejin?
If I admitted that fact, it was obvious I’d be swayed by Seo Heejin even more than now. I could say things like I like Seo Heejin’s cock, I like having sex with Seo Heejin, dozens or hundreds of times.
But I didn’t want to say I liked Seo Heejin. I didn’t want to admit it either.
The temperature of our relationship was just right at this level. I really, really didn’t want to do dangerous things at the company that feeds me. Unlike Seo Heejin, who could survive even if rumors spread and he got fired from the company, I absolutely had to work at a company and receive a salary.
That was the fate of a gay person with no prospect of marriage. I had to prepare my own retirement funds entirely. Unless I died early, I had to somehow struggle through working at a stable company until retirement age and receive a pension.
I was already anxious to death just being sex partners, but the relationship Seo Heejin wanted was a grave for me.
……Actually, this was an excuse.
To be a bit more honest, from the moment I started having sex with Seo Heejin, all risks regarding rumors became things I had to bear. However, I didn’t want to because I felt sorry for the miserable me that would result after dating and breaking up with Seo Heejin.
My last relationship suddenly came to mind.
After only meeting people of my own kind in gay communities, it was the first time I dated someone who was heterosexual. That person poured endless affection on me as I tried to keep my distance in disbelief. Like Seo Heejin now.
My ex-boyfriend, who came to a gay bar following a friend and met me, constantly pursued me, saying it was love at first sight.
He whispered that he’d only dated women before, and the fact that someone like him ended up clinging to me like this meant this was true love. Those words made my heart flutter.
I mistook it for fate that a guy who only knew women had fallen head over heels for me. Plus, he looked like a total macho type, which was my taste.
When we started dating, I was really happy. As if the words about love at first sight were true, that bastard treated me so well he’d give me his liver and gallbladder. I even thought it was admirable that he could get hard looking at my body while saying it was his first time with a man. Forgetting that male bastards can get an erection as long as there’s a hole to stick it in.
We dated like that for well over three years. Since we didn’t even have the petty bickering that should exist between lovers, I believed without doubt that bastard was truly mine. When he accommodated everything to me, when he said he was crazy about me, how could I hate him?
However, the end of the relationship I’d considered fate was reality. Ah, it was reality for that bastard and a shitty complex for me. Being three years older than me, he got a job first, and it seemed he realized after seeing how his seniors at the company lived. The weight of an ordinary life—getting married like everyone else, having children, and settling down.
When we broke up, the words that detestable bastard said while shedding tears stuck in my heart.
—You should stop wandering too and come to your senses now.
To him, the time spent with me was wandering, and I who dated men was just a crazy bastard. If he’d coldly cut it off clearly, I would have gone wild calling him trash. But because he spoke as if he pitied me while tears dripped down, I ended up sitting in front of him and bawling together. Saying sorry that I was a man.
After that, I had no more relationships. Not that I came to my senses following my ex-boyfriend’s advice either. I still went around sucking other bastards’ cocks.
However, through that experience, I realized two things clearly.
One was that I shouldn’t date guys who could also work with women. I should only meet people like me with zero possibility of doing well with women, so I wouldn’t hear things like coming to my senses or living an ordinary life.
The other was how great the sense of loss was after losing someone I’d believed without doubt was mine. Even though that person wasn’t fussing around in front of me, I felt like I’d go crazy for a while after the breakup.
