The East Sea had a distinct difference from the sea of Jeju Island. Perhaps it was also because it had snowed last night, but the East Sea looked clearly much deeper. The blue water color had a thick texture that made it difficult to easily gauge its depth. The ceaselessly crashing waves became spray as they approached the shore and shattered whitely.
The waves broken into pieces rushed toward his feet, and Haeyoung, who had been blankly photographing the sea with his phone, had to hastily pull his body back. Seonwoo caught from behind his body that staggered as his feet got caught in the sandy beach.
Haeyoung, who had inadvertently leaned against the firm chest, awkwardly raised his head. Cha Seonwoo was looking down obliquely while desperately holding back laughter. However, eventually a low laugh leaked out between his lips.
Haeyoung pulled away from him with an awkward face. Then he grabbed Seonwoo’s arm and stood him in front of the sea he’d been capturing with his camera.
“Hyung, let’s take a picture. I’ll take it for you.”
“…Alone?”
“Yeah. We came all the way here, we should at least take a picture.”
Haeyoung quickly moved back and stood facing him. The camera app was still on in the phone that had been photographing the sea. Seonwoo’s hair, which filled the screen, was disheveled by the blowing wind.
Seonwoo, who had been ambiguously raising the corners of his mouth, eventually crumbled his lips as if he couldn’t help it.
He tried to look at the camera, but discovering the straight eyebrows slightly revealed above the phone, he covered his mouth with the back of his hand. Even from far away, it seemed he could hear the sound of him laughing while holding his breath. Haeyoung’s mouth opened faintly.
Soon, Seonwoo, who had lowered his hand again, smiled with his eyes folded. Whenever he made such an affectionate eye smile, he would easily lose his words.
Why on earth is he so pretty?
The delicate smile carved around his eyes left a deep lingering impression. Even though it wasn’t the first time seeing it, his heart swelled up anew. Haeyoung captured in a photo him smiling with an expression more impressive than even the sea spread out behind him.
“Wow… I should become a photographer.”
A low exclamation flowed from Haeyoung’s mouth as he checked the photo he’d taken. He pondered for a moment whether he had a talent for taking pictures, then soon recalled the fact that the subject was Cha Seonwoo and dismissed the thought.
Seonwoo was a person who caught attention just by standing there blankly. Even without trying to take a good picture, photos often received the effect the model gave. Haeyoung moved his steps and approached him.
“Hyung, look at this. I took it well, right?”
“Let’s take one together, Haeyoung-ah.”
Haeyoung’s shoulders trembled as he was holding out his phone toward Seonwoo.
“I’m fine, my hair’s a bit messy too.”
Haeyoung raised his hand and fiddled with his hair disheveled by the wind. Then he glanced up at Seonwoo, who had closed his mouth at his refusal, and carefully added words.
“Let’s take one later.”
“…Later?”
Even while asking, Seonwoo somehow had a disbelieving expression.
“Will you come with me again?”
The voice asking back wasn’t much different from the expression he was making. At the question tinged with anxiety, Haeyoung immediately nodded. He could do that. Probably, he could do that.
“Of course. Hyung, won’t you come to the sea with me anymore?”
Haeyoung looked up at him with a quite playful voice. Seonwoo, who had been watching his crookedly raised eyebrows, silently shook his head.
Silence descended between the two. Haeyoung, who had been watching the waves that seemed about to come close to his feet then receded, tapped the sand with his sneakers for no reason. Ah, perhaps now, when the conversation had broken off, might be the timing.
He raised his head that had been facing down. His gaze instantly met the eyes that had been looking at him all along. At the deep rippling reflected in those eyes, Haeyoung hastily opened his mouth.
“You know, hyung.”
“Coffee…”
However, a soft voice cut off Haeyoung’s words. Seonwoo, who had done something he’d never done before, was smiling no different from usual. No, perhaps with a slightly anxious gaze.
“Haeyoung-ah, shall we drink coffee?”
He could only nod at that whisper.
When was it that he said let’s drink coffee—after entering the cafe, he was persistent, asking if it was okay to drink coffee when his stomach wasn’t good. It was behavior different before and after, but strangely there were no words to refute. In the end, Haeyoung had no choice but to leave the cafe holding warm yuzu tea.
While walking along the beach and emptying all the beverage in the takeout cup, he couldn’t bring out the words he actually wanted to say.
Things that happened during a month of program filming, people he met while doing internship training, being troubled after receiving an assignment on the first day of training, even bleeding from his nose while studying for the criminal procedure law exam in the second semester—while exchanging trivial and petty words, Haeyoung somehow couldn’t shake the feeling that the conversation was superficial.
That was probably because both knew what the fundamental problem was but were burying it. Having thrown the empty cup into a trash can on the roadside, Haeyoung called him.
“I have something to say.”
“Look at that, Haeyoung-ah. It says duck-shaped handmade burgers.”
“What suddenly…”
Haeyoung frowned at the absurd words that came out cutting off his words. While walking along the coastline, it wasn’t once or twice that he noticeably changed the subject. At this point, he had no choice but to be certain.
Cha Seonwoo was avoiding it, getting anxious beforehand even without knowing what words would come from his mouth. The proof was giving attention to the surroundings that normally wouldn’t even be in his consideration. Haeyoung rolled his eyes as if not knowing what to do. In the midst of that, his feet came into his view.
Perhaps because they’d walked for a long time on the sandy beach, Seonwoo’s shoelaces were loosely untied. Looking at the white shoelaces hanging over the sand, Haeyoung bent down.
“Hyung, just a moment.”
Kneeling on one knee, he brought his hands to Seonwoo’s feet. The touch of retying the shoelaces was familiar and natural. Only after meticulously retying them did Haeyoung raise his head with a satisfied face.
Cha Seonwoo was silently looking down at him. At the gaze that had become familiar in a few days, the smile that had been hanging on Haeyoung’s lips became awkward. Since the brief quarrel before going to Jeju Island, he’d always been in that state. His words had markedly decreased, and a somehow anxious gaze followed only him.
As if he would silently leave in a flash.
So he could no longer run away. Haeyoung spoke decisively with a soothing voice.
“We agreed to talk. Listen to what I have to say.”
“I don’t want to…”
“Really now. Is this something to say you don’t want?”
He turned his head while chewing his lips. That appearance was cute, somehow like a young child throwing a tantrum, but it would be troublesome if this uncooperative attitude continued.
“Listen, hyung.”
A firm voice held onto Seonwoo. Earnestly chasing his gaze that wouldn’t look at him, Haeyoung swallowed a helpless laugh.
During the week or so after meeting his father, he’d thought a lot. When Seonwoo suddenly came to mind in his complicated head, moments when he inevitably missed him came several times. As he tried to organize his thoughts, he seemed to understand why he hadn’t asked for a reason even at the moment of breaking up.
Perhaps it was simply because he already knew. Just as he was precious to him, only Yoon Haeyoung was precious to Cha Seonwoo. Didn’t he say even at that last moment that he was the one who’d done wrong?
“No matter how much I think about it, won’t it be difficult for us to go back to how we were before?”
The voice that flowed out was quite calm. Haeyoung tilted his head with a faintly smiling face. Rather, it was Seonwoo whose face stiffened.
“Haeyoung-ah.”
“Still, hyung is the only person to me.”
“…”
“So I’m going to try.”
Because he’d chewed over and practiced it many times, the words flowed out without obstruction.
“So I can continue to be by your side.”
“…What does that mean?”
As if not understanding at all, faint wrinkles formed on his white and clean forehead. Haeyoung continued speaking as if it were no big deal.
“There are many people who stay like friends even after breaking up.”
“Friends?”
His vision became dizzy as if the ground beneath his feet had suddenly collapsed. His black pupils rippled in shock.
Cha Seonwoo traced back the word he’d spat out like someone who’d heard an unfamiliar term. His wavering gaze watched Haeyoung’s eyes, then got stuck on the faint dimple hanging on his lips.
Seonwoo, who had been frozen unable to continue speaking, suddenly raised his hand to his head. Haeyoung hesitated and blinked at the approaching touch. Then he made a puzzled expression at the cold hand that unexpectedly pressed his forehead.
That too was only for a moment. Seonwoo raised his remaining hand with a quite serious face and covered his own forehead. Haeyoung let out a hollow laugh at the appearance that no matter how you looked at it seemed to be checking for a fever.
“What are you doing?”
“I think you’re sick somewhere.”
“…I’m mustering up courage to talk here, right now.”
Yoon Haeyoung raised his arm and removed the hand that had come onto his forehead. He had gone beyond not understanding and was finally driving him into a state of unsound mind.
Was it such an absurd thing to say? But that was the compromise he’d found, and it was by no means words easily spat out. No matter what miserable situation he was placed in, he wanted to be by Cha Seonwoo’s side.
…Even if it meant putting a plausible name on a relationship that had seemed over.
He had to admit it. Rather than not remaining as lovers with him, remaining as nothing was more terrible.
But when there was nothing he could do, he didn’t want to become a flaw to him in the midst of it all. It wasn’t simply because his pride was hurt. Yoon Haeyoung had already accepted the fact that he was more important than his worthless pride.
He just didn’t want to give him up. That was the only conclusion drawn from countless thoughts. He needed Cha Seonwoo. Before, and also from now on.
“Then are you saying that seriously?”
The voice asking gently was no different from usual and affectionate, but Haeyoung had no choice but to hesitate at that question. The laughter had been erased from the long eyes above the moving lips.
“Friends, Haeyoung-ah. Friends, you say. You and me?”
