“Yes…”
It was a bit strange that even though pheromones hadn’t done anything great, all the organs were affected like this by damage to the extent of releasing an imprint. Of course, he knew his body was struggling, but he hadn’t realized it to the extent of thinking would he die then if it stopped like this, and today he felt like he’d received back the price of all that complacency. It was burdensome that he was only now realizing that pheromones were uncomfortable and troublesome substances.
If he started weighing things one by one, Muyoung knew too well that he’d have to resent even being born into this world…
But right now, that’s how it was.
“Suppressants will be different medicine from what you usually took. Since you wouldn’t have known what state your pheromones or organ changes were in until now, taking suppressants was not a bad measure, but from now on, even slight overdosing is a big problem.”
“Yes, thank you.”
Still, both caught their breath at the relatively stable reactions and answers compared to when he first came to the examination room and faced his condition. It seemed closer to almost being scolded than an examination, but Muyoung nodded obediently since this was also the first time receiving such detailed treatment. Lim Hyunsu, seeing that appearance and thinking something, emphasized the precautions once more.
“Please really be careful and from now on, come for treatment at least once every two weeks. Since medical records remain, if you visit anywhere when it’s urgent, they’ll contact me.”
“…Is it originally like that?”
At the question close to ignorance, Lim Hyunsu, who had checked the screen with the mouse a few more times, shook his head. The sigh-mixed words made Muyoung flinch once again. It was as if he’d heard blame through a sigh saying it was all a situation he brought upon himself. Even though Lim Hyunsu actually hadn’t meant that.
“Haah… That’s how dangerous Lee Muyoung-ssi’s current condition is.”
“……”
“Just because you look okay on the outside doesn’t mean you’re fine. Think of it as a very expensive and prettily wrapped gift box with a bomb inside that no one knows when it will explode.”
“…Yees.”
In front of the doctor who sighed deeply as if frustrated and slowly went through and explained things one by one again, Muyoung had no choice but to become docile. No matter how confident he was that he could judge for himself and tried to act as he pleased, he had no choice before a specialist’s firm words.
Lim Hyunsu, who had been pointing out precautions along with the prescription drugs to take from now on, paused for a moment. Muyoung’s face full of resignation was more exhausted than when he first entered. He’d met various patients since establishing himself in trait medicine, but Muyoung was a bit unique. In a very bad way as a patient. That said, since there was nothing he could do right away, after briefly checking the chart, he continued speaking again.
“Simply taking medicine won’t solve your worsened body. Even if you’re not sick, you must visit regularly to check your condition.”
Only after confirming Muyoung nodding with his mouth firmly shut did Lim Hyunsu pull out a document from the printer. After checking the written contents once more, he handed over the paper and said.
“If a problem arises before your next visit and you go to another hospital, make sure to show this. Always keep it in your wallet.”
Holding the paper he received, he slowly scanned it, but there weren’t many sentences he could understand.
Trait disorder risk group. Caution required for specific drug treatment. Medical opinion available upon request. Even the few things he barely recognized were scary words just to look at, so a small sigh flowed out. After folding it well and putting it in his wallet as the doctor said, Muyoung nodded again and stood up to leave the examination room.
“Um, if I don’t take the medicine, could I die like this?”
Words pressed down hard under his tongue flowed out unable to overcome curiosity. Without even seeing the face of Lim Hyunsu toward whom the question muttered out was directed. The eyes that had been looking at such Muyoung’s face became sharp, then a cold voice struck Muyoung’s ears as if exhausted by a patient who warnings didn’t work on.
“I can’t tell now. Unless there’s an Alpha who will be connected to Lee Muyoung-ssi through imprinting. Time will tell.”
* * *
Walking the road blankly, he unconsciously took a taxi. The place he arrived at after calling out a familiar address was located in the outskirts, taking about an hour even by car. Even though it was quite a distance, since it wasn’t late yet, he could come without any particular complaints from the taxi driver.
A remote place to the extent that every time he came and went he had to add extra money. And a facility that couldn’t be built unless it was such a place. It was better than the past when it was obviously built in a place where there were no buildings at all, but it was far from neighborhoods with many people, living forcibly apart even because of individual interests and prejudices. So when he started going to school, it was a place he used to come back to as late as possible.
<Woolim Orphanage>
It was the place where Muyoung grew up.
“Hand it over! Aren’t you going to hand it over?”
“Try and catch me. You can’t even follow.”
Opening the old iron gate and entering inside, there were two kids running around frantically bickering and children watching them gathered in a group spending time. At a glance, they were children still young enough not yet at the age to go to school. Younger children had to nap, so rather than let them make noise, they must have sent them outside. Muyoung could know without deliberately asking because he’d gone through similar life.
Entering inside the building, the unique chill of concrete clung to his body. On a summer day, the coolness felt briefly could have been welcomed, but not for Muyoung. He could only guess that might be the reason he couldn’t feel it as a cradle even though he spent quite a long time inside here. Because it was a place where many people come and go but no one wishes to return again.
Knock knock.
“Come in.”
Muyoung, who had been walking down the hallway for a while, entered inside at the voice heard when he lightly knocked on the old wooden door.
“Oh my, who is this?”
“Director-nim.”
A sofa as worn as the door he entered, a small wooden desk and chair. And an equally worn large desk and a bookshelf filling one side of the wall. A place where the scent of paper and something like well-dried laundry smell wafting subtly from the small interior were all permeated. On the desk visible straight ahead was a nameplate with the orphanage’s name and written ‘Director Lee Surim’. The nameplate roughly carved from wood was shiny as if rubbed and wiped for a long time.
An elderly woman who had taken off thick glasses from where she was sitting walked out toward Muyoung. The touch of hands naturally spreading both arms to embrace him fully and stroking his back was no different from when he was young, but the crown visible below Muyoung’s eyes was filling the head white in greater quantity than when he came before.
“Have you been well?”
“Here it’s the same every day. Noisy every day, nothing happens every day.”
“No, I mean you, Director-nim.”
“Me? I’m also similar every day, aren’t I. Sit and wait. I’ll give you a cup of tea.”
The arrowroot tea is very delicious. The hand that firmly held his hand and led him to sit on the sofa, he followed as is and heard the director’s words disappearing into the door inside the room. The various words muttered without expecting an answer were friendly. There was also a time when he asked again what she was talking about, and they both felt awkward because she herself didn’t remember, then laughed it off.
The last time he visited the director’s office seemed to be well over two years ago. The only changed corners were documents or books piled up more.
“It’s still hot, so drink it after it cools down a bit.”
“Yes, thank you.”
“You must be busy, how did you come all the way here?”
“…Just. It’s been too long since I came. Today I happened to have a day off and thought of it.”
Handing the warm mug to Muyoung’s hand, the gaze that looked over everything was warm. Not all the days spent here were good, but that he could safely go outside without major accidents was largely due to the director’s efforts like this.
“But haven’t you lost too much weight? Are you eating well?”
“Of course. I eat well and go around.”
“No one’s bullying you?”
“I’m not even a kid… There’s no one like that. What about you, Director-nim? Is your back okay?”
“As for me, what do I do here? Very good. Having such welcome guests come like today too.”
The wrinkles engraved on the smiling face made him gauge the time that had passed. Since Muyoung too started orphanage life at quite a young age, he knew that the peaceful appearance seen on the outside wasn’t everything. Of course there were fights among children happening inside and out, but when public officials or neighborhood adults occasionally visited, it was always noisy.
He didn’t know everything that happened at the orphanage, but depending on the director’s and teachers’ atmosphere, agitation arose among the children too. The comings and goings of people were even more sensitive. Setting aside other things, the biggest deal for children living at the orphanage was that a friend they were living with right away would suddenly leave after the weekend passed.
‘Will you play with the director today?’
Even he himself had adoption fall through several times. On weekends when he had to wait for those who wouldn’t come, he always wore clean clothes and talked like this together inside the director’s office. He only learned later that this was something that happened during adoption interviews and proceedings.
The reason was unknown, but Muyoung never reached the success of adoption in the end. After going through several weekends and becoming a middle schooler when his head grew bigger, he was no longer even given such opportunities.
‘Will you help the director a bit on the weekend?’
Very occasionally, there were times when he organized books or documents inside the director’s office and received allowance secretly slipped to him, or exchanged short conversations with a cup of tea. He now knew that during those times that occasionally happened, it was probably exploration to check if there were any problems with his circumstances.
When it was known in school that he was from an orphanage in middle school and he had to go around alone half voluntarily and half involuntarily, and in high school when he didn’t even have a moment’s leisure combining part-time jobs due to the pressure that he had to enter society soon, once every few months he sat in the director’s office and definitely had conversations.
