“…Get up. Let’s go home.”
I was saying words, but I didn’t really know what I was saying right now. My voice didn’t reach my ears—it just felt like only my lips were moving.
“Can you hear me? You’re really drunk.”
“……”
Eyes where emotions or thoughts didn’t settle, perhaps because he was drunk, quietly looked at me. He still had eyes like a child angry at having a toy taken away. I pushed his body a bit more and tried to get up to escape from the sofa. At that moment, Cha Jeonghan pulled me and sat me back on the sofa. No, it was more accurate to say he shoved me. I knew his hands were big and he was strong because his body was big, but it was the first time for strength this scary, so I couldn’t speak. I looked at Cha Jeonghan who had pulled me while shoved onto the sofa.
“…You really won’t do. I’ll call Dongyun hyung.”
Cha Jeonghan poured over my body as I tried to raise it again. Cha Jeonghan, who climbed on top completely covering my body like before, tilted his head down and devoured my lips. I could only express this as devouring. His tongue dug between parted lips, rubbing and sucking in my tongue that had stopped stupidly.
No matter how much I pushed his shoulders, he didn’t budge at all, so I turned my head to separate the locked lips. Cha Jeonghan, who let out a rough breath, buried his face in my neck that was exposed when I turned my head. The moment hot, wet lips touched my nape, the breath pooled in my mouth burst out. It was such an unfamiliar sensation. My whole body was ticklish, and my toes moved however they wanted, not knowing what to do.
“Hnngh…!”
An unbelievable sound mixed with breath flowed out between closed lips. Cha Jeonghan’s lips were touching my nape, and every time his tongue touched my skin and sucked, strength drained from my body. Still, for my position now, our relationship, and my friendship that I had to protect, I pressed the sofa and slowly pulled my body back bit by bit to raise my upper body. Cha Jeonghan, who raised his body a bit following me, lifted the face that had been buried in my nape and looked at me. As soon as he made eye contact with me, he lunged again and dug deep into my mouth.
“Jeonghan-ah… hah, you, you really…. Hyung, if hyung comes in…… Please….”
When I turned my head, he came to the side I turned to and kissed me, and when I turned the opposite way, he grabbed my chin and turned it to make me look at him. The more I avoided, the more he acted like an angry person. When I was caught while avoiding and our lips locked, the kiss became rougher.
Cha Jeonghan, who tightly gripped my chin so I couldn’t move at all and overlapped lips again, dug back into my mouth that couldn’t close and rubbed tongues. Every time he sucked deep and fast then held the released tongue soothingly, all the strength in my head drained. I was scared to death but felt so good I couldn’t endure it. Cha Jeonghan, perhaps thinking I’d become docile, released the chin he’d been gripping tightly and tilted his head more to mix tongues a bit deeper. I held his tongue in return and swallowed what flowed over, mixed so I didn’t know whose saliva it was, down my throat.
“Hah…. Yuhyeon-ah.”
Was it fortunate or unfortunate that he knew me accurately in this situation? Every time Cha Jeonghan called my name, I thought whether it was fortunate or unfortunate. But it was always both fortunate and unfortunate.
“Cha Jeonghan!”
Surprised at the sudden feeling of something digging under my shirt, I quickly grabbed with my hand where I felt it. His hand that had already entered inside the shirt was caught. His hand touching the skin around my waist was very hot. It was something I’d never even imagined because I was scared and felt too guilty. Even if Cha Jeonghan appeared in a dream and just touched me here and there, I suffered from guilt for days and couldn’t even look at his face.
“Haah……”
The hand pressing on his hand that had entered inside the shirt from above the shirt trembled. There was no way strength could firmly enter such a hand. Cha Jeonghan looked at me with slightly dazed eyes, then held my tongue tip and sucked while pushing his hand in deep.
Cha Jeonghan was touching me. His hand entered under the clothes and moved, softly touching over my skin where nothing had touched. Even while experiencing it, it didn’t feel quite real. I should say not to do it and remove his hand, but at the hand softly stroking down my body and the feeling of his fingers I knew well pressing with slight strength, the words and thoughts that had formed disappeared one by one.
“Hah!”
The moment Cha Jeonghan’s fingertips moved forward and grazed my nipple, my waist lifted sharply. Cha Jeonghan, who had been holding and rubbing my earlobe, raised his head to look down at me and deliberately moved his fingers again. Every time he grazed my nipple with his fingertips, my waist twisted and my body moved wildly wanting to run away. Cha Jeonghan rubbed continuously as if only grazing the nipple without any hesitation. Just that alone made pleasure spread through my whole body enough to want to cry.
“Ah……”
When one more finger touched and I felt it gripping and twisting the nipple, crying sounds mixed in. It was absurd, really absurd. My body trembled, and my lips that kept opening and making strange sounds kept getting dry. Cha Jeonghan put just his tongue tip between my parted lips and licked my tongue tip. I also licked his tongue tip in return and collapsed mindlessly to the pleasure spreading from his fingertips. At the touch that gripped the nipple and softly circled and rubbed the surroundings, all thoughts that had been lingering blinked out.
The situation wasn’t clear, but the sensations were surprisingly vivid. Cha Jeonghan’s hot fingertips, the warmed breath reaching me, even those eyes that were smooth but couldn’t properly contain anything—it would be better if it were a dream, but strangely it didn’t feel like a dream at all. It was too hot to be a dream… and the pleasure was too clear.
“Haah……”
Even the breath and words flowing between my lips were heated impossibly hot. I knew I’d started to crumble, and I knew it was easier to just completely crumble than to stand up my body among the crumbled things. But like this… I really didn’t want to end our relationship abruptly like this, without order. I grabbed his hand trying to unbutton my shirt.
“…Please, please let’s go home.”
Cha Jeonghan, as if he couldn’t hear my words, failed several times and finally unbuttoned it. I grabbed his hand and tried to button the opened button again, when Cha Jeonghan hooked his fingers between them and yanked the shirt to both sides. The sound of buttons that had been fastened above and below the opened button popping off here and there rang out. Cha Jeonghan buried his face on my skin exposed between the shirt. I tightly closed my eyes while watching his lips touch my skin.
“…Hah….”
Something moist and hot brushed over my skin. The feeling of lips moving and the tongue coming out between them to touch the skin was too vivid. I absolutely couldn’t watch, so I tightly closed my eyes, then the moment his lips covered over my nipple, I was so surprised I opened my eyes and looked at Cha Jeonghan.
“……”
A tongue came out between Cha Jeonghan’s lips and started licking what had gotten fully excited from him touching it. The soft tongue touched the nipple, and the moment it touched, an absurd sensation flowed through my whole body. I blankly watched a part of my body going in and out of his mouth.
My body felt so hot it seemed like it would all melt. Every time Cha Jeonghan held and sucked various parts of my body, unbelievably lewd sounds came out. The very fact that I was receiving this sound as lewd poured all kinds of self-blame over my head.
“…Haah……”
I wanted to crumble. I just wanted to crumble like this, pretending not to know, pretending it was a mistake. He wouldn’t even remember anyway—wouldn’t once, just once be okay? When it’s this hot, indescribably so, and feels like melting… wouldn’t it be better to go all the way? Thoughts that had lost their center popped out on their own and covered my head that had become mushy. I reached my hand down and lightly touched Cha Jeonghan’s face with my fingertips. Cha Jeonghan slightly turned his head and kissed my fingertips.
Then I heard footsteps. At the sound like a warning pouring over all sensations and the situation, my mind snapped awake. I pushed Cha Jeonghan away with all my strength, got up, gathered the shirt as much as possible, and fastened the front of my outer garment. I was tormented facing my dual nature at the fact that if I’d pushed away, I could have pushed away enough.
“Isn’t he listening?”
The moment the door opened and Dongyun hyung’s voice was heard, I turned around and looked at Cha Jeonghan first. Cha Jeonghan was sitting leaning against the sofa with his eyes closed, just like when I first entered this room.
“He’s still holding out like that. It won’t do. Yuhyeon-ssi, let’s take him out together. We’ll be up all night.”
“…Yes. I’ll hold this side.”
Whether he’d gotten more drunk and fallen asleep in between, Cha Jeonghan obediently moved his body as I and Dongyun hyung grabbed and led him. While going down the elevator that went straight from leaving the bar to where the car was, everywhere on my body that touched while supporting him burned. Cha Jeonghan’s body temperature still remained as is in all the places his lips and hands had touched. I wanted to hide, wanted to run away. No, I think I wanted to cry.
“Even though he’s a big guy, when he drinks and collapses, I can’t handle it. Scold him a bit when he wakes up tomorrow. He doesn’t even listen to me. But he listens well to what Yuhyeon-ssi says.”
“…Yes. I’ll talk to him well. Really… he shouldn’t drink like this anymore.”
“Exactly. The problem isn’t whether he causes an accident or not, but at this rate he’ll sleep somewhere on the street. Someone might pick him up and he wouldn’t even know.”
Hyung, who loaded Cha Jeonghan in the car, saw me get in and closed the door. I stubbornly fixed my gaze outside the window, unable to even look at Cha Jeonghan.
“……”
Everything was black, black, and black again. It was exactly like my heart that couldn’t completely push away even though it could. Faded friendship, greed that wanted to reach even if it meant crumbling for just a moment. What did I really want? The same thoughts lined up and came to mind again.
I wanted to run away, wanted to hide, wanted to quit everything if I could. And…….
“……”
I wanted to sleep with Cha Jeonghan.
Only after coming up to the house and laying Cha Jeonghan on the bed did Dongyun hyung go back with a bottle of water. My mood was a mess, so I wanted to go back to the officetel too, but I couldn’t leave a drunk kid alone, so I came into the house.
I didn’t have the courage to go to Cha Jeonghan’s room again to check if he was sleeping well or if he was okay. I didn’t want to go near Cha Jeonghan with sensations still seeming vividly alive.
I went into my room and locked the door even though no one would come in, then unlocked my outer garment. As the outer garment opened, the shirt with several buttons missing in the middle opened together. Recalling how Cha Jeonghan had buried his face between this made a strange sensation follow over my throbbing head. I quickly took off the outer garment and shirt and took out comfortable clothes to wear at home. Then I folded the torn shirt as small as possible and shoved it carelessly into the closet.
