He took a deep breath. As if crushing the roughly rising emotions, Eunha, who closed his eyes long then opened them, muttered quietly.
“…I get it, so let go. So I can get dressed.”
“You’re bleeding, hyung.”
“…”
“Wait just a moment.”
With those words as the end, Yeonjun, who put down his wrist, disappeared somewhere and didn’t come back inside the partition. For some reason, it read like consideration with something in mind, and his mouth tasted bitter. Probably the guess and the truth weren’t very different. Thinking about it seemed to bring a surge of anguish, so Eunha forcibly emptied his head.
Before long, a nurse approached. After receiving simple treatment and a certain amount of scolding from her, he was able to leave the hospital.
Outside had become pitch black at some point. Lukewarm air stuck to his cheeks. How much time had passed? Eunha, who belatedly remembered and took out his phone, had to involuntarily let out an empty laugh. It was 10 PM at night. He thought it was one thing after another.
After blankly looking somewhere in the parking lot, he lowered his gaze to his toes.
“When we came…”
“We came by ambulance.”
Yeonjun, who had followed him out, stood next to him and answered simply. It was the worst. Not a taxi but an ambulance.
Eunha, who had been self-deprecating, soon rationally accepted it. Since the cause of not waking up was unknown, that would have been the most appropriate.
Separately, it being the worst was still the case. His mood was the worst, and the situation was too. He closed his eyes and when he woke up, day had become night. It was a time that seemed like nothing to him, but it wouldn’t have been for Yeonjun. As he cooled his head while facing the outside air, that fact vividly struck him physically.
How had he waited all this time? The particularly pale complexion and the weary-looking appearance belatedly bothered him. When he recalled one by one how he had responded to the person who had suddenly played the role of guardian and spent several hours, his sense of self-blame doubled.
It would be fair to show irritation, but Yeonjun, seen from a sidelong glance, was completely composed. Fiddling with his phone, he said,
“I’ll call a taxi, hyung.”
“…Yeah.”
“How’s your body? Dizzy or anything?”
“I’m fine.”
Whether it was thanks to sleeping deeply and even receiving IV fluids, he only felt light. Eunha, who crossed and hugged his arms, stroked his forearm. The taxi’s coming soon—. Yeonjun, who raised his gaze while simply informing him, briefly looked over Eunha.
“Are you cold?”
Eunha slowly released the strength from the hand that had been fiddling with his arm. Rather than containing any intention, it was just an extremely everyday tone. A question closer to something that came out unconsciously without going through thought.
Even though the temperature difference between day and night was quite large, it wasn’t a temperature where he’d feel cold significantly. His clothing wasn’t particularly thin either.
It was natural so it wasn’t surprising, but he felt it was kind. He also thought that these trivial dispositions revealed carelessly like this were far more uncomfortable than when he deliberately acted cheeky obviously and pulled cute tricks.
Like that drawing.
Eunha, who had stiffened ambiguously, shook his head and deliberately turned his body slightly toward the outside. It wasn’t that he was stroking because he was cold, but because it was a habit to touch the scar area. It was awkward content to bother explaining. Fortunately, Yeonjun understood the meaning of the gesture and didn’t add any more words.
The silence wasn’t broken throughout the way home. Eunha, who got off the taxi, moved his steps exhaustedly. Separate from his body being light, it was a feeling of being extremely tired and weary. He wanted to hurry home and rest.
Yeonjun, who he thought would part ways inside the elevator, naturally followed behind Eunha and got off. He followed all the way to the front of the house door as if to see him off. Eunha, who missed the timing to send him back saying he could go now, chewed on discomfort once again and pressed the door lock password.
I should greet him. I should say I’m sorry, and thank you too… It was just as he was organizing what to say.
“Hyung.”
A hand gently wrapped around his wrist.
“Make sure to eat your meals properly. They said your nutritional state isn’t good either.”
Eunha, who came to face Yeonjun drawn by the strength that weakly pulled the arm he’d grabbed, couldn’t find words to say and looked up at him for a moment. Interpreting that non-response somehow, he met his gaze directly. As if urging.
“Yes?”
“…”
“Eat your meals. Definitely.”
His mouth felt stuffy. It was a sound that lit a fire to the heart that had been uncomfortable all along. The more he showed concern like this, the more he was buried in a miserable feeling as if he’d become a pathetic person. Something indistinguishable between sorry and shame.
“…I’m sorry for ruining the date.”
He said while dropping his gaze. Because that would be the proper thing to do for someone who made him waste half a day at the hospital without it being in the schedule.
There was no answer heard. Eunha, who had raised his eyes again finding the lengthening silence strange, was able to face Yeonjun looking down at him with an ambiguous complexion.
“That right now…”
What eventually reached was a somehow dry laugh.
“I don’t think that’s something you should be saying to me.”
It was a somewhat cold answer. At those words that seemed to even sound sarcastic at a glance, whether it was his mood or not, his heart was momentarily hurt a little. Because he didn’t know what more to do. I have nothing more I can do for you beyond this.
“Then what am I supposed to say?”
“You don’t have to say anything.”
“…”
“You don’t have to worry about anything either. Just, you don’t have to think about me. Hyung.”
Yeonjun slightly creased his eyes. As if, as expected, he couldn’t understand.
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“…”
“What keeps being the problem?”
…Ah. Eunha blankly blinked his eyes. Only after hearing that voice did he realize. That he’d been thinking of it as a fault all along. That he’d been steadily ruminating on self-blame and the self-abuse derived from it, thinking he’d caused trouble.
Things like his physical condition were consistently out of mind whether they were fine or not. Rather, his attention stayed on Yeonjun who would have been waiting and looking after him all along. Because Eunha didn’t know concern in a form that was safe even without repayment.
How could such a thing exist, along with that faint doubt, ridiculously only then did the awareness that he was currently in a somewhat unwell state clearly surge in. Very belatedly.
His fingertips heated up with a sense of impact as if that inner heart had been seen through. Eunha rolled his eyes in confusion as if escaping from the gaze that clearly reached down.
“I’m sor… Haah.”
“…”
“Let’s talk later.”
He roughly smoothed over the situation in the dizziness that seemed to only get complicatedly tangled the more he dug in. He frantically pressed the door lock password, opened the door and entered the entrance saying “Take care” quietly. It was just as he was about to close it. Yeonjun simply squeezed his body in. Standing blocking the door with his shoulder, he tilted his head toward Eunha who was looking at him questioningly.
“Let me come in.”
It was a sudden request. Eunha raised one eyebrow.
“…What?”
“I want to see you eat before I go.”
“What…”
“You said you’re sorry for ruining the date.”
“…”
“You said it’s a date if we hold hands and eat a meal.”
His head loosely unraveled at the logic citing a conversation from sometime. In the time he was opening and closing his mouth, Yeonjun once again warmly wrapped Eunha’s wrist with the hand that had dropped at some point.
“So if you show me you eating, it might not be completely ruined.”
He brought up a bit of playfulness in his pupils as if ventilating the atmosphere. He recalled the request just before, asking him to make sure to eat his meals. It seemed his mind had changed. That he’d feel satisfied only if he saw with his own eyes the sight of him taking care of a meal.
“…What is that?”
The more he mulled over it, the more absurd the logic was, but it was also true that he’d lost his energy. Eunha, who made a helpless laugh, soon lukewarmly fiddled with the doorknob. Even so, he didn’t want to let him into his house.
It wasn’t for another reason. Just, because the refrigerator would be empty as always.
“…I don’t like letting people into my house.”
When he reasonably deflected, Yeonjun showed a subtle look in his eyes. After a few seconds of silence, he said briefly,
“I see.”
It was an answer that sounded quite formal.
“Then let’s stop by my place for a bit.”
“…”
“Going out to eat would seem tiring for you, hyung.”
Was that important to that degree? Eunha, who wasn’t hungry and so had no particular intention of eating a meal even after returning home, deliberated for a moment in front of Yeonjun who was showing a firm stance.
Then he reluctantly surrendered. What more could he do? He took a step while letting out a faint sigh.
