‘Is that such a light and easy thing for you?’
How much he regretted belatedly acting so timidly and defensively.
On the day sophomore year finals ended, Kwon Yunsu had resolved. That he wouldn’t fight again. That he’d absolutely never make Lee Euishin feel disappointed.
Euishin-ah, even if you say you’ll rip my mouth apart, I won’t say it, but I like you. You have a bad personality, really bad, and humanly your temper is too filthy, but I’m that kind and generous so it’s fine. I find it fun and good. I want to keep being close. But…
“…Isn’t this a bit dangerous?”
His belongings messing up Lee Euishin’s neat and stylish apartment here and there. The living room, kitchen, bathroom, and veranda… Pacing around the house in the middle of the night, Kwon Yunsu was restless. What would happen if Lee Euishin’s parents found out that he wasn’t staying temporarily but had been a cohabiter from the start? How should I accept your ‘sincerity’ telling me not to think useless thoughts and just eat the food you give me? Soon, what is about to happen?
“……”
He keeps having only useless thoughts.
If I displease you. If I make you sad. If we end up fighting.
Kwon Yunsu was ashamed of having such worries. And he felt himself feeling shame was ominous, and he also felt sorry toward Lee Euishin.
Until morning came, Kwon Yunsu couldn’t fall asleep.
And on the weekend when Lee Euishin was away from home, Kwon Yunsu packed winter blankets and a few coats in boxes and sent them to his family home.
Naturally, Lee Euishin knew everything.
That after his mother visited, Kwon Yunsu suddenly looked at the environment surrounding him with unfamiliarity, that Kwon Yunsu’s belongings, which had been messy but placed with a certain regularity, suddenly started to disappear neatly, that the kid’s winter clothes and blankets had disappeared from the closet.
It felt like the solid ground under his feet was crumbling like grains of sand.
─Are you really trying to leave me?
Why, because of what? What haven’t I done for you? Why suddenly…
No, it’s not suddenly.
Clearly because something changed. Because he learned something.
Like an old feeling. An unrequited love that grew willfully and meanly and became violent…
“……”
Looking at Kwon Yunsu’s room, which was tidier than ever before, Lee Euishin truly felt heartache. The center of his heart was burning black with excessive despair, anger, and longing.
***
“Why? What’s wrong with it? Do you hide gold bars or something? Ah, the homeowner said to come. A loooong time ago. He definitely said so. Ahn Shinwook, you remember, right? You were there then.”
“No, but still… right now that homeowner isn’t even reachable… Ah, Younghwan-hyung, please stop him.”
Clinging to Song Taesu, who was dragging him without warning, Kwon Yunsu requested rescue. Then Manager Kim, who was following from behind, said.
“But I’m curious too, how you guys live. Even if I get grabbed by the collar and kicked out by Lee Euishin, I want to go see first.”
“Why are you curious about a house where normal guys live?”
To that, Ahn Shinwook replied with a pretend surprise.
“How is Lee Euishin a normal guy? Is something wrong with Kwon Yunsu’s eyes?”
Though it would be really annoying to get his collar grabbed by Lee Euishin, Ahn Shinwook was also secretly curious.
‘Come over sometime.’
That one phrase Lee Euishin spat out while looking down smugly at Shin Jaewoo, who was curious about his life with Kwon Yunsu—if that was realized in the worst form, how would his smug face contort? Boasting or whatever, Ahn Shinwook knew that what Lee Euishin hated most was exposing his private space with Kwon Yunsu to multiple eyes. Because he had exactly that kind of personality himself.
It was Tuesday when they kidnapped Kwon Yunsu, who had finished his last exam, leaving Lee Euishin, who was said to be insanely busy these days, and held a drinking session. Though the number of people decreased from the original plan, Ahn Shinwook, who was ahead of the Europe trip, was excited, Song Taesu was also excitedly bouncing, and the hyungs and Shin Jaewoo, who were giving the dejected Kwon Yunsu medicine after sickness, also seemed to be in a good mood. First, they had their first round at a teppanyaki restaurant in front of school for dinner, and sipping pack soju, canned beer, and iced americanos according to taste, they walked around the school. While gradually emptying their stomachs and wondering where to go for the second round, the talk of Lee Euishin’s house came up.
‘It’s the studio closest to school.’
‘It’s also ridiculously spacious.’
‘The homeowner isn’t there right now?’
‘Then we should go!’
While the conversation went that way, all of Kwon Yunsu’s muttered words (‘No, that’s not a studio…’ ‘Lee Euishin hates messing up the room.’ ‘Since he’s not there, we shouldn’t…’) were ignored. Ahn Shinwook found that atmosphere fun, and in fact, everyone except Kwon Yunsu seemed to. The summer of being twenty after finishing finals, he had no intention of doing any carefully considered worries or productive activities. If he became curious about the house where Lee Euishin lives with one country puppy, he’d go see it right away.
Ahn Shinwook, who faced the state of the house they barged into like that, couldn’t hold back his laughter. An apartment excessively spacious and stylish for two guys living together—the traces of Kwon Yunsu dropped here and there inside were unmistakably the structure of homeowner and pet dog.
“Ah, I was busy this morning so I couldn’t clean.”
As if everyone had the same thought, they were laughing hahaha watching Kwon Yunsu pick up socks, soccer magazines, half-drunk milk, and towels dropped in the living room. When you see him like that, it’s not like you can’t understand Lee Euishin’s taste at all. Kwon Yunsu had a fresh and cute charm.
Since they’d come this far, he couldn’t kick them out now, and though he inevitably rummaged through the refrigerator and brought out various things, Kwon Yunsu’s heart was pounding with anxiety. Lee Euishin’s condition had been really bad for the past few days. This morning, when there was the last exam, was especially so. When he woke up at the crack of dawn with determination to recover his rights by all means, Lee Euishin was already sitting on the living room sofa drinking coffee, and delicious smells were wafting from the kitchen.
‘Why did you wake up so early?’
He said to take the fucking thing back, so why is he making a fuss again? When he asked with a frown, Lee Euishin was glaring this way with eyes that looked extremely cold even in a half-asleep state.
……What, what did I do again?
Though he felt wronged, Kwon Yunsu, who had a lot to feel guilty about these days, pretended not to notice and went to shower. It felt like laser beams would come out of his eyes.
Even at the seat where they sat facing each other eating, the guy didn’t let go of his unusual air.
‘Come straight back after the exam.’
‘Why?’
‘Come.’
Not getting angry at that kind of speech—he was a bodhisattva. Lee Euishin should bow to him a hundred times and it still wouldn’t be enough.
He left the house dignified and majestic with a halo on his back, but his rear kept feeling tight the whole time. What is he planning again acting like that? I’m already used to that bastard’s crazy behavior, but is there anything more he could do? ─Thinking like that, Kwon Yunsu didn’t know Lee Euishin at all.
“Hey, why is there so much food? We were going to order chicken, but we don’t need to. Wow, I want to be raised in a house like this too.”
“Kwon Yunsu, come out now. This is enough.”
“Yeah, if you mess it up even more and really get kicked out by the homeowner, what will you do?”
“If I get kicked out, I get kicked out.”
Replying indifferently, he brought out beef jerky and cheese. He could just buy the food again. Still feeling bitter about the trip situation, he also wanted to properly repay these guys. …And no one would know he was really planning to get kicked out.
If Lee Euishin’s mother visited again next time, there would be no excuse then. Moreover, he was depending on Lee Euishin too much. Dangerously disheveled moments. That sensation of being held in his sick body and having his drunk forehead stroked… He hated fighting, but he hated danger more.
“Yunsu-ya, come here.”
When he took a seat as called, it was next to Shin Jaewoo. When he flinched slightly and looked back, Shin Jaewoo had an unconcerned face. Was he unconcernedly giving up on his feelings? Hoping Shin Jaewoo’s romantic luck would overflow this summer, Kwon Yunsu proposed a toast.
“Happy─ summer vacation!”
“Ah, Kwon Yunsu…”
“Are you in elementary school?”
Amid complaints bursting out here and there, Shin Jaewoo held his stomach and laughed.
Good. I really like you, Kwon Yunsu. How pretty you must have been crying after getting scammed out of money. Lee Euishin must have seen all of that. Though he pretends to be nonchalant, these days Kwon Yunsu was subtly listless and had lost weight, adding a pitiful flavor. He must have heard from that classmate what kind of guy Lee Euishin was. Shin Jaewoo felt it twice as strongly as the self-unconscious Kwon Yunsu. That the time had come. By Lee Euishin’s standards, a full 5 years, so it was miraculous abstinence. In the end, I don’t know whose benefit it’ll be, but Yunsu-ya, I have no intention of letting you go nicely. So for now, shall we drink to our heart’s content before Lee Euishin comes?
“Let’s drink.”
Shin Jaewoo said, lightly clinking glasses with Kwon Yunsu’s.
“Yeah.”
“No backing out today.”
“I’ve never backed out.”
That was true. Instead, Lee Euishin would always come pick up Kwon Yunsu before he got properly wasted. Would he really see Kwon Yunsu disheveled enough to fall over at a touch today?
Fortunately, that wish was easily fulfilled.
“Hello?”
