Even though that’s highly likely to be true, thinking about it doesn’t make me feel good. In the end, what this situation means is…
“I guess I want to be someone special to you.”
At my out-of-the-blue comment, Liam was startled for a moment, but then he brightly replied that he also wanted to be someone special to me.
“And you’re already so special to me that it’s becoming a problem.”
“You’re also a special person to me. Otherwise, there’s no way I’d keep thinking about you whenever I have a spare moment.”
Then Liam called out to me in a slightly trembling voice, “Tchaikovsky.”
“Have I been forgiven by you?”
“You didn’t do anything wrong to me in the first place. I was just scared seeing an unexpected side of you.”
“Are you not scared of me now?”
“Sorry, I can’t say I’m not scared yet. But we decided to work on fixing our flaws together, didn’t we?”
Liam said that these days when he thinks of me, he feels happy and anxious at the same time.
“I’m glad you reached out to me first, but I feel anxious thinking that there might be things about me that make you uncomfortable.”
“Everyone feels some degree of discomfort toward other people. So think of it comfortably.”
“See, this objective side of you makes me anxious. I can only see you right now, but you look at and judge every situation as a whole. I’m not saying you’re wrong. Rather, the one who’s wrong is me. That’s why I’m anxious. Because I’m the one who’s wrong. To you who’s perfectly fine, I must look like a monster.”
All I could do was console Liam as he turned pale and confessed his anxious feelings. And to fix even a little of each other’s flaws, I suggested we do a certain task together starting today.
“I’ll do anything as long as it’s not asking me to like you less.”
“The task needs to be specific.”
Saying that, I installed an exchange diary app on Liam’s smartphone. I installed the same app on my phone and created an electronic diary that only we could write in and see.
“Starting today, you and I will each write one diary entry here per day. The length is up to you. You need to write so the other person can understand to some extent what happened to you during the day. And briefly add what thoughts you had and what emotions you felt while things were happening. The important thing is that there shouldn’t be any fabrication in any part of the diary. It might be a bit, no, very bothersome, but it seems like a good idea. What do you think?”
When I asked for his opinion, Liam showed a positive reaction, saying it would be fun if we wrote an exchange diary. Then he vowed to definitely record even the smallest experiences he had during the day.
* * *
A few days later, when black smoke came out of Sophia’s house, I thought there was a fire and immediately contacted her. However, she didn’t answer the phone. I rushed to her house in one breath, and was able to find her burning something with a face full of resignation. It was a diary she cherished, with every page densely decorated with small writing and pretty embellishments. Too precious to burn like this.
“……”
“Hi, Cheick.”
When I saw her but saved my words, Sophia greeted me first with an empty smile. Then she said in a lonely voice that she was finally burning her ‘cursed’ diary.
“Starting to write this in the first place was the problem. If only this hadn’t existed, there wouldn’t have been any problem. And… *sob*.”
Sophia started sniffling mid-sentence. Then she said she was so sorry to me and Virgil.
“When girls like Leda and Alice started hanging out with me, I thought I was something special. So I was happy thinking I didn’t have to hang out with outcasts like you or Virgil anymore. And I thought if I became ‘high-class’ enough to hang out with Leda, I’d have a connection with Liam and could somehow work things out with him. But Olivia was right. I was just a rotten person who muddies the waters wherever I go. Because I abandoned you and Virgil and had wicked thoughts… I’m being punished.”
Saying that, Sophia sat down in front of the black smoke burning the diary and wailed. I squatted down next to her and quietly kept her company, then contacted the other person who should be here—Virgil. He was at a comic book store quite far from here, but arrived unbelievably quickly and comforted Sophia.
* * *
After Alice exposed things about Liam, I thought there would be a lot of talk about him among people, but in reality, that wasn’t the case. Of course, Alice and a few others put in various efforts to expose Liam’s character to the whole school, but those all ended up being just attempts, and there was no change in Liam’s daily life.
Sometime after school started, when it was just the three of us—me, Sophia, and Virgil—Virgil brought up that story, and Sophia explained that this result came about because her influence as the victim of the incident was only that much.
“I’m a DUFF, right? DUFFs are inherently in a position to be used. So in the end, this is also just an incident where a DUFF was used, so wouldn’t it be stranger if anyone cared?”
“Hey, what are you saying…”
Virgil seemed to have a guilty conscience about Sophia’s words. But Sophia herself seemed unbothered.
“I don’t care anymore. I accept that I’m a DUFF too. No matter how much I dress like Leda or do makeup like Alice… I’m just an ordinary person with zero presence after all.”
“Don’t you want to get revenge on Liam?”
“Not at all. That’s why I accepted his apology too. More than that, Virgil, aren’t you close with him? You wrote excitedly on social media that you’re going to Comic-Con together after football season ends.”
At Sophia’s words, Virgil scratched the back of his head for a moment, then asked her if she still had feelings for Liam.
“I don’t know. Thinking about what happened to me, my feelings should have left already, but I still feel restless when I see him.”
“Remember that while there are people in the world who complicate you, there are also plenty of people who simply and sincerely like you…”
When Virgil got that far, Sophia opened her eyes wide and stared at him intently. Then Virgil’s face started turning red at an alarming rate.
“About that day. When I cried disgracefully and ran off somewhere at Leda’s villa, I thought it was nice that you came for me. It would have been easier for Leda to share the role of comforting me with you rather than doing it alone, so why did she make such a scary expression when looking at you?”
Sophia confessed that the hostile expression Leda made at Virgil that day kept unconsciously coming to mind, making her distance herself from her.
“Ah, I remember too. She looked at me with an expression like she wanted to tear a person apart and kill them. I hadn’t done anything wrong, at least that day. Anyway, that expression was so scary that I could only stand there even though I saw you crying.”
Virgil expressed regret while recalling the past.
“This Friday at 8 PM. How about meeting at Peggy’s Diner? Without Cheick. Sorry.”
When Sophia made the suggestion, Virgil asked, stuttering, if this was perhaps a date invitation, and Sophia answered to think whatever he wanted. Virgil vowed to come to the appointment next Friday no matter what. I have a separate appointment next Friday anyway.
“…Are you guys still close with Alice?”
When Sophia asked, both Virgil and I nodded. After that incident, Sophia and Alice’s relationship completely fell apart, and Leda and Alice’s relationship also deteriorated and eventually ended. Of course, other friends are staying by Alice’s side, but as she’s distanced herself from those who were originally her friends, she’s clinging more to people like me or Virgil who she became close with relatively recently.
“Alice isn’t a bad person. She just doesn’t handle things very maturely when she thinks she’s been treated unfairly. You know too, right? Normally, she’s a really loyal and good friend.”
In that sense, Sophia revealed she was ready to accept Alice anytime if she would just come to apologize. Virgil asked if he could go to Alice and convey that message, and Sophia made an unreadable expression.
“That’s fine, but… Is it too much to hope that she’ll realize it herself and come to me?”
“It’s not.”
“Anyway, guys. It’s a shameless request, but I want to hang out with you all again like before. But I didn’t fight with Leda, right? So I want to hang out with her too. I don’t know why Leda hates Virgil… but yeah, I’ll somehow try talking to her about this. Is that okay?”
At Sophia’s question, Virgil said he would be grateful if she did that.
Later, after class ended and at the point when everyone was going to their after-school activities, Virgil and I realized something had gone wrong when we saw Sophia clashing intensely with Leda.
“Leda, I’m not your possession. Whoever I meet on Friday and whatever I do, that’s not for you to interfere with.”
“I told you over and over. Virgil Praxis doesn’t feel right!”
“That’s exactly what makes me uncomfortable about you! Virgil definitely has untrustworthy parts, but he’s not a bad person. More than anything, he’s my old friend. But when you keep saying bad things about him, have you thought about how I feel?”
I watched the two fight for a while with Virgil—there were plenty of other spectators besides us—and when it was time for after-school activities, I hurried toward the locker room.
* * *
September 3, 20XX
From Cheick to Liam
Hi. Did practice end well? These days your practice ends so late that I don’t get to drive you home. I have no choice but to trust that Nathan plays the chauffeur role better than me.
These days our coach brings up next year’s competition whenever he sees me. He says if I do well there, this mistake will also be smoothed over, so I wonder if this is pressure disguised as encouragement. But since that competition is the last one we’ll prepare for together, I think he wants to make the finale beautifully decorated.
Among the things that happened at school today, what especially remains in my memory is… still the matter with Sophia and Leda. Sophia said during the day that she would talk well to Leda about her hostility toward Virgil. Both Virgil and I thought it was a good idea so we didn’t stop her, but I wonder if we thought wrong? I hope the two make up quickly, but maybe Virgil and Leda are friends Sophia can’t have at the same time.
