“……”
My vision shook. I was sure I’d been tilting a bottle of soju alone, but before I knew it, I was walking with someone’s support. No, I didn’t know if I was walking or being dragged along. Even though I was dizzy, the flower scent tickling my nose was so good that I didn’t want to stop.
“Ha, fuck. So fucking heavy. What the hell did you eat to only grow tall? That’s why I said to call someone.”
“His house is close by, why call someone? We’re almost there. Junwoo-ya, let’s hang in there a little more.”
“Wow, fuck, I really feel like I’m gonna die. A bastard who can’t even drink properly… This is definitely him drinking on purpose to fuck me over. Fuck, just wait till he comes to his senses, I won’t let this slide.”
“Even though you say that, you’re the one who worries about Hyeondo the most. Anyway, you’re so dishonest.”
“No, I’m not? I hate this bastard the most in the world, like, universe-level? I’m fucking embarrassed to be friends with a guy who looks like a damn cutlassfish, you know?”
“Junwoo-ya, you can’t carelessly criticize others for being better-looking, taller, and having a better body than you. That’s jealousy stemming from an inferiority complex.”
“Shut up, Kkotmoa. Fuck, I’m gonna throw him in the Han River.”
“We’re here. Wait a sec, I’ll quickly lay out the blanket.”
“……”
“Now lay him down…, hey!”
As I was pushed with strong force and my body fell onto a hard place, along with a sharp pain, I felt like I was going to vomit. Even though I kept hearing someone’s familiar voice, I couldn’t recognize the content. I knew who the owner of the voice I missed and wanted to hear was, but even though the other voice was familiar, I didn’t know who it was. My head was spinning round and round, making it impossible to open my eyes. My flushed face was hot and burning.
But unlike my consciousness gradually awakening, my body wouldn’t listen. I couldn’t even recognize who was around me. I just thought that he was still by my side. I realized deep in my bones how scary alcohol was.
Something cool touched my flushed face. Only then did I feel like I could live. What touched my cheek felt extremely careful. It was soft, cool, and fluffy. I struggled to lift my right hand and grabbed it as if it were a lifeline.
Ah…
As soon as I felt the familiar touch, my eyes popped open as if by magic. My vision filled with Kkotmoa looking down at me with his hand on my cheek. What I was holding was his small hand that I could only touch with the excuse of being the god of math, the god of English, and the god of language. As he made a motion to stand up, I put strength into the hand I was holding. The sincerity I’d kept hidden came out urgently and on its own.
“I missed you.”
“…Because you’re being misunderstood, don’t carelessly say things like that to just anyone.”
“I’m saying it so you’ll misunderstand.”
Looking down at me steadily, he had a hurt expression. As if trying to say something, his lips moved slightly, but he soon pressed his lips tightly together again. Like a pet dog begging to be loved, I rubbed my cheek tenderly against his palm. Tears beyond my control wet his palm.
“Please misunderstand.”
“……”
“……I missed you, my flower.”
When I first confessed, and now too, the moment when sincerity overflowed was instant.
* * *
When I opened my eyes, it was an unfamiliar scene. It wasn’t my room, and it wasn’t a hotel. I sat up and looked around—it was a small room in the form of a studio apartment. Yesterday at the freshman welcome party, I saw Kkotmoa, obtained the information that he’d gotten nearly a perfect score on the college entrance exam and entered our department, and drank heavily beyond my tolerance. I didn’t remember anything after that.
“You’re up?”
Kang Junwoo asked as he approached, drying his hair with a towel. I thought it might be the villa in front of school where Kang Junwoo often stayed, but the scenery in the room was different from my memory. Rather, it was similar to Kkotmoa’s room that I’d gone in and out of until the threshold wore down. It was like that with only the minimum necessary items arranged simply and neatly. Without even a common TV or computer, a wardrobe and a small desk were all the furniture there was. On the desk were elementary school textbooks and workbooks.
“Where is this?”
“You don’t remember? Fuck, I went through hell.”
It seemed Kang Junwoo had moved me when I was drunk yesterday. I didn’t particularly feel the need to say thanks. It wasn’t once or twice that I’d moved a drunk, senile dog bastard in my first and second years. Of course, I called Kang Junwoo’s secretary to move him though.
“Hey, do you know what I saw yesterday?”
Kang Junwoo quickly changed his expression and sat in front of me with a face that was dying of amusement, grinning broadly. Seeing that the eye level between Kang Junwoo and me didn’t differ much, I realized that where I’d been lying wasn’t a bed but a blanket laid on the floor. Even though I didn’t remember anything, my spine suddenly grew cold. Goosebumps rose on the back of my neck. Even without knowing what he’d say, I felt like I shouldn’t listen. Regardless, the bastard with wet hair like a crazy dog that got rained on had already started barking.
“You know, I saw the preview of the most interesting movie in the world yesterday. Fuck, the lines were fucking killer. After ‘How can love change?’, it was the best line that moved my heartstrings.”
“What bullshit are you talking about? Ugh, my stomach hurts.”
“I’m saying it so you’ll misunderstand. Please misunderstand.”
My expression crumpled at his words pretending to be sad while putting on airs with terrible acting. I couldn’t hide my dumbfounded face, wondering what the hell this bastard was doing now. Then the crazy bastard went one step further and grabbed my hand and rubbed it against his cheek. At the unpleasant feeling, I was startled and tried to pull my hand away…
“I missed you, my flower.”
I had no choice but to stop all movement. I’d been hit in the head with a hundred-ton hammer and couldn’t come to my senses. The lines and pose weren’t unfamiliar, and the blackout from being dead drunk.
‘I missed you.’
‘…Because you’re being misunderstood, don’t carelessly say things like that to just anyone.’
‘I’m saying it so you’ll misunderstand. Please misunderstand.’
‘……’
‘……I missed you, my flower.’
The pieces cut from my memory instantly fit into place all at once. Moreover, it seemed I’d even shed tears. In an instant, heat rushed to my face and neck, burning hot. Without realizing it, I roughly pulled my hand from Kang Junwoo’s grasp and quickly pulled my body back to stick to the wall. I was scared of what the dog bastard might bark about next. The dog bastard who was giggling after catching one weakness was truly enjoying himself.
So right now, this place was Kkotmoa’s room, and that bastard was there together yesterday. I, who didn’t have the energy to look around because I was dead drunk, made a confession-not-confession that was desperately earnest without even knowing. In front of the crazy dog bastard who got spring fever and barks at every opportunity.
“Killer lines, right? How well the preview was made—it’s fucking got ten million audience potential. As expected, it was worth waiting five years. Wow, I couldn’t watch it without tears. Me saying such desperate lines, even shedding tears, really, truly, I swear on my wrist, it’s the first time since ‘How can love change?’, ack! Fuck, why are you going crazy!”
Unable to listen anymore, I grabbed the pillow in my hand and threw it. With the maximum fastball I could throw. The crazy dog with spring fever who got hit squarely in the face while stupidly babbling barked while mixing in curses at people. If there was a mouse hole, I wanted to crawl in and never come out. My tearful pure feelings that were about to become a beautiful page became a page decorating my dark history due to the intrusion of an uninvited guest. My stomach hurt and my head rang.
“Oh my, Do Hyeondo bastard with no blood or tears pathetically crying and saying ‘I missed you, my flower.’ To me, it’s a greater terror than the end of the world approaching…, ack! Fuck! Stop hitting me!”
“Shut up. Shut up, fuck. Say one more word.”
Ignoring my upset stomach and the headache of a woodpecker pecking away, I lunged at Kang Junwoo. I pushed the shoulders of the bastard who was in an unguarded state to knock him down, got on top of him, and struck down with the pillow. I really hit him indiscriminately without holding back. Even so, it was a cotton pillow so it probably didn’t even hurt. I wished it had been a stone pillow instead.
“Ack! Fuck! Won’t you get off?! If my head, ack! gets worse because of you and I attend until the 10th semester, ack! will you take, ack! responsibility?”
“Attend for life, for life. At a university where you just play around and eat, just rot there for life, fuck.”
“You did the embarrassing, ack! thing, so why are you going crazy at me?! Still, ack! you know it’s embarrassing, right? How did you hold back for 5 years, ack! when you missed him that much? You idiot bastard! Ack! Stop hitting me!”
“You deserve to be hit! You deserve to be hit till dust rises on a rainy day! A bastard who’s my only friend dares to disparage my sincerity? Movie preview? Fuck, this is the main feature! You thought it was romance? Fuck, it’s an action movie, you son of a bitch!”
“Fuck, won’t you get off?! Ack! You violent bastard! Does Kkotmoa, ack! know you’re this kind of bastard? Ack! Ack!”
Kang Junwoo tried to fight back several times, but I blocked him every time. Even if Kang Junwoo’s height was 183cm, he was shorter than me, and since he neglected exercise while drinking, he couldn’t match my stamina as I exercised consistently every day, and no matter how much my body was suffering from a hangover, my position on top had no choice but to be more dominant.
“You guys…, are you fighting?”
But at the clear voice that stuck right in my ear, my actions stopped as if I’d pressed a pause button. In that gap, Kang Junwoo quickly escaped to the entrance. When I turned my head, Kkotmoa was standing in front of the entrance holding a plastic bag in his hand. The big bastard hid behind the slender flower. I didn’t even hear the sound of the door opening because I was playing with the crazy dog bastard.
“Kkotmoa, hit that bastard. That bastard hit me a lot.”
Kang Junwoo followed behind Kkotmoa going to the kitchen, tagging along like a dog bastard who met his owner, pretending to be pitiful. Since it was a studio apartment anyway, each of us was in each other’s field of vision. I was the only one who was awkward and flustered. I hadn’t even had a proper conversation with Kkotmoa since our reunion.
“Um… Junwoo-ya, did you by chance do something to deserve being hit?”
“No, I didn’t!”
“Hey, as if you didn’t. You must have done something to deserve it, that’s why. Would Do Hyeondo sunbae-nim hit you for no reason?”
My fist clenched unconsciously. Unlike how Kkotmoa treated Kang Junwoo comfortably and familiarly like before, he was thoroughly drawing a line with me. Rather than being happy about the words defending me, it hurt that he attached my surname and used an unpleasant form of address, “Do Hyeondo sunbae-nim.” In front of Kkotmoa taking out various things from the plastic bag, whether he’d gone grocery shopping, Kang Junwoo kept barking.
