Unable to vent his anger, he scratched his face. His skin quickly turned red and looked ugly. Seonwoo kept scratching like someone who couldn’t feel pain. It was the moment when his skin was finally scratched and blood beaded up.
“Don’t.”
Someone grabbed his arm. Seonwoo turned his head.
“…….”
It’s a face I’m seeing after several days, isn’t it? It hadn’t even been a week, but his first thought was that his face looked quite damaged.
His under-eyes were so dark that it seemed he hadn’t slept at all, to the point where even his eyelids were slightly swollen and tinged red. His bloodshot eyes and even his cheeks looked sunken.
Taejeong was wearing black clothes as usual, but instead of casual attire, he was dressed in a suit. Inside the jacket was a white dress shirt. Because of the shoulder brace, he couldn’t wear it completely, and on the arm holding Seonwoo, the jacket was only draped over the shoulder.
Looking at Taejeong’s face, Seonwoo thought it was a shame that such a handsome face was damaged, but his own condition wasn’t much different.
From his bloodshot eyes with burst capillaries from not sleeping for days, to his dry lips and haggard complexion. He was in such a wretched state that one couldn’t bear to look at him.
After calming Seonwoo down, Taejeong led him to the wall and sat him down. Then he stood in the spot where Seonwoo had been. It was a position facing the altar head-on.
“…….”
Taejeong slowly bent his body and bowed. As he knelt and placed his forehead on the back of his hand, his right hand pressing against the floor could be seen trembling.
It wasn’t just his hand. His jaw was also quivering. He was trying to hold back by clenching his teeth tightly, but the trembling wouldn’t stop.
With his trembling body, Taejeong somehow finished the bow. He opened his eyes wide to keep from losing his mind, but he couldn’t bring himself to look directly at the memorial tablet.
Taejeong would never dream of the fact that he had bowed before Seonwoo, the chief mourner. Seonwoo shook his head as he watched Taejeong approaching him with long strides.
“Don’t come beside me.”
“…….”
“I said don’t come.”
Taejeong didn’t listen even halfheartedly. He came to Seonwoo’s left and plopped down heavily. Their shoulders bumped. Even though their bodies were still touching, Taejeong didn’t create distance.
“…….”
His mouth remained firmly closed. Without a single word like “are you okay,” he just stayed there. Heavy silence flowed. Seonwoo spoke to Taejeong, who showed no signs of moving.
“Your dad died too. Go over there.”
Seonwoo blurted out whatever came to his mouth without restraint. Then Taejeong caught his breath for a moment before finally moving his heavy mouth.
“I’m not holding a funeral for Father. I processed him as unclaimed.”
Even though his child was alive and well, the Vice Director became unclaimed. There would be many mourners, yet he couldn’t take anything he’d accomplished in life with him.
But Seonwoo didn’t feel like laughing triumphantly. Because if he died like this, he would become the same unclaimed person as the Vice Director. Seonwoo had now become an orphan. He had no parents, no siblings, no relatives—nothing.
“…….”
Suddenly everything became vague. Mom’s death still didn’t feel real. But the fact that the void created by the absence of family would remain as it was forever came rushing right up to him.
That was a fact that Seonwoo could never reverse or change no matter what he did from now on. There was nothing he could do except accept it.
From the hospital main entrance to the morgue, and then to the funeral room……. Just as it had been each time he moved locations, it was the moment when his mind was about to become distant again.
Something touched his left hand. When he turned his head, Taejeong was holding his wrist. Even without putting strength in his fingers, his firm grip had a heavy presence.
Seonwoo neither asked “what are you doing right now” nor pulled his hand away. He just stared blankly at what Taejeong was doing.
Even though Taejeong noticed the gaze, he didn’t turn his head. He just kept looking straight ahead silently. His tightly closed lips looked like he was holding back tears. There were two people, but only two good hands between them.
The next visitors to the funeral after Taejeong were Seungho and his wife.
As soon as Seungho saw Seonwoo dressed as the chief mourner, he made a pained expression as if he had no face to show. He tried to say something, but each time his wife raised her hand to stop him.
She was someone who knew that any words here would only cause wounds. The wife looked at the two people one by one in turn, then left a message to contact them anytime they needed help, and took Seungho out.
After that, the only people who came to the funeral room were the detectives who came at regular intervals. They paid their respects out of courtesy, but in fact, they were taking shifts every few hours to monitor Taejeong.
Taejeong was someone who should have been in the interrogation room. But somehow he had made a request, and under the condition that he be accompanied by a detective, he was able to come to the funeral room. That was why there was always at least one detective there, even at dawn.
Seonwoo learned this fact on the second day. As soon as he found out, he told Taejeong to go back.
He said, “What reason is there for you to be here?” but Taejeong didn’t even pretend to listen. But he didn’t move away from Seonwoo’s side either. Whatever sharp-tongued words Seonwoo said, he just listened quietly.
The air in the funeral room remained unchanged. The scent of incense was deeply embedded, and the white chrysanthemums were the same color yesterday and today. With Taejeong sitting beside him all day added to that, it felt as if time wasn’t flowing but was pooled in one place.
There was no sense of reality. It was like a dream seen in an afternoon nap. This feeling wasn’t new. He had felt something similar not long ago. It was the same as when he used to visit Taejeong’s room every night.
Like a space cut off from the outside, everything stopped here. He didn’t know if time was passing, and he didn’t feel hunger or sleepiness. The only thing he could perceive was Taejeong. Like that, the two of them sank below the surface of sleep, and it felt like their bodies were drifting on currents. In a place where they couldn’t distinguish which direction was left or right, which way was up or down, forever.
It was the dawn crossing into the third day.
Since there were no windows in the funeral room, Seonwoo didn’t even know if it was night or morning. A detective who came to take over called Taejeong outside. It was the first time Taejeong had left his seat, so Seonwoo was left alone in the funeral room.
They went out to the hallway to exchange words, then moved to a place completely out of Seonwoo’s line of sight. When Seonwoo was staring intently at the hallway, another detective approached and spoke.
“It’s nothing serious. Just some simple questions that need to be confirmed, so you don’t need to worry.”
He had spoken because Seonwoo, left alone in the empty funeral room, looked pitiful. However, Seonwoo had no reaction. He just stared at the hallway where Taejeong had disappeared.
“Things are really being resolved well, so you don’t need to worry. Everything is being handled.”
At those words, Seonwoo turned his head.
“By whom?”
“Pardon?”
“Who’s handling it?”
Seeing how Seungho couldn’t accomplish anything useful, hiring a lawyer didn’t seem like it would make much difference. When Seonwoo asked sharply, the detective hesitated for a moment before opening his mouth.
“Ju Taejeong’s mother. As soon as she returned to the country, she personally stepped in to help organize things at the hospital and disclosed all the materials. She’s being very cooperative with the investigation, so you really don’t need to worry.”
“…….”
It was Taejeong’s mother, who he’d been wondering where she was and what she’d been doing all this time. That person had finally appeared and was helping Taejeong now. Only after everything had become meaningless……. No, the only one for whom it was meaningless was Seonwoo. Once the case was resolved, Taejeong just had to return to his family’s embrace.
Only now did reality come into view. He could clearly see himself wearing mourning clothes and keeping watch over the funeral room alone. Seonwoo could tell without anyone telling him. That he was the one who was truly isolated.
When Taejeong returned to the funeral room a little later, Seonwoo could no longer look at him with the same feelings as before.
When the morning of the third day dawned, the funeral room became busy. Employees came and went one after another, speaking to Seonwoo.
The funeral procession procedures……. The hearse……. Where to enshrine her……. Seonwoo was listening with both ears perfectly fine, but the words scattered one by one and just flowed away without remaining in his head.
Seonwoo had never had the opportunity to experience these procedures. To Seonwoo, who was only twenty years old, these things approached him as matters that adults should handle.
He didn’t know that when someone died, there were so many procedures and so many things to do. He hadn’t experienced it when Dad died. Thinking that Dad had left alone without this kind of process made his mind go blank again.
However, there was no time to be immersed in grief. Since he was the chief mourner, everything was under Seonwoo’s responsibility. That alone saturated his mind, yet the employees’ voices continued to pour out.
Listening to that made his head feel distant. The employees’ voices buzzed like noise. He couldn’t focus on their explanations.
It was too overwhelming for Seonwoo to handle. He wanted to escape right now to a place where there was no one. He didn’t even have the strength to feel sadness. He just wanted to be completely alone.
“Just a moment. Could you pause the conversation for a bit?”
It was a detective who suddenly interrupted the conversation. He asked the employees for their understanding while gently extracting Seonwoo, who had been surrounded by them.
“We contacted them right away as soon as we found them as requested. They fainted upon hearing the news and just arrived a moment ago…….”
“Who?”
The explanation grew long. When Seonwoo asked impatiently, the detective smacked his lips and pointed at the entrance.
An elderly couple he’d never seen before stood there. A grandfather with a straight, upright posture was supporting the grandmother.
The moment Seonwoo’s gaze reached them, his expression stiffened, and his face instantly turned bright red. He didn’t budge an inch, as if rooted to the spot.
The grandmother’s reaction was different. As soon as she saw Seonwoo, she stretched both hands into the air and approached with staggering steps. Grabbing Seonwoo’s arm, she collapsed to the ground as if crumbling.
When Seonwoo just stood there frozen, the people around supported the grandmother. The grandmother, barely moved to a seat, clutched both of Seonwoo’s hands.
“Woojin-ah, Woojin-ah…….”
And calling his father’s name, she cried endlessly.
Seonwoo met the grandparents he didn’t even know existed at his mother’s funeral.
Once the family relationship was verified, the staff continued their conversation with the grandparents with expressions of relief. However, the grandmother was still crying while holding Seonwoo’s hands, and the grandfather took over all the procedures.
The grandfather was also confused and stammered several times, but having lived through many years, he was more seasoned than Seonwoo.
Looking at the not-unfamiliar appearance, the thought occurred: ‘If Dad had lived and aged, would he have looked like this?’ But because of the grandfather’s fierce impression, it didn’t match easily. In the end, he couldn’t imagine what his father would have looked like in old age.
