“So now, you’re taking me to a secluded place to do this and that……”
“I said no!”
Jang Juwon slammed the steering wheel. Baek Iseon hugged his shoulders and trembled.
Baek Iseon was seeing a green reed field for the first time in his life. For something called summer reeds that he hadn’t expected much from, he was quite moved by its freshness. Green waves at thigh height were endlessly rolling on the wind.
Baek Iseon immersed his body in that greenery. Jang Juwon made no demands. Nevertheless, Baek Iseon was composed. He knew that having no demands was itself a demand. To be as natural as possible with his best effort, to blend in with the background. That was generally the kind of scene people with cameras wanted. So that’s what he did.
“Hyung, did you come here to work? You keep subtly posing.”
Jang Juwon giggled with laughter. Baek Iseon was a bit taken aback by that laughter. Wasn’t the purpose of taking photos originally to capture a fine subject inside the lens? If that wasn’t it, then what was he supposed to be doing in front of the camera…… As Baek Iseon hesitated, Jang Juwon continued.
“Do you show such professional spirit even when taking photos for fun with friends?”
“If you’re talking about group photos……”
“No, not group photos.”
“Then…… I’ve never taken photos with friends.”
“Hyung, you really had no friends at all.”
“……Why, so what! What about it.”
“Try thinking there’s no camera here now.”
The humid summer breeze blew once again. Along with the sound of grass blades colliding, Jang Juwon’s black hair became disheveled. Through it, Baek Iseon saw deeply curved round eyes. Those eyes that contained only him were shining clearly.
“Think that only I exist.”
Having finished speaking, Jang Juwon raised the camera again. Only then did Baek Iseon understand his words. His lover beyond the lens. For the first time, Baek Iseon looked not at the camera, but beyond it. At that moment, his form completely entered his eyes. Baek Iseon acted as his heart led him. His feet stepped forward of their own accord, slowly approaching him. And finally, he embraced him in his arms.
“……Jang Juwon, did I do well?”
“Yeah, you did well.”
Jang Juwon smiled slightly at his soft lips gently pressing against his forehead and fiddled with his camera. This seemed like it would produce quite satisfying results. It seemed like he could visually show him his heart, his affection.
He would never forget the moment he approached him one step at a time. The moment his eyes beyond the lens were clearly directed at him. He embraced his subject with both arms. Perhaps the appropriate distance between lens and subject was exactly this distance.
‘I’m glad I suggested taking photos.’
If someone asked whether you could capture a moment of love in a photograph, Jang Juwon would answer yes.
A few days later, Jang Juwon came running into the house extremely excited. Flushed cheeks and eyes full of anticipation. And a small envelope preciously held in his arms. Baek Iseon received the envelope he handed over with a puzzled expression.
“Open it, quickly.”
“……What is this?”
At Jang Juwon’s urging, when he opened the envelope, several photos poured out from inside. In the photos was his smiling brightly among the lush green reeds. Those were the photos Jang Juwon had taken of him that day. Perhaps because he’d moved around this way and that, some were out of focus and some had colors bleeding. Still, he liked those clumsy photos. Baek Iseon fiddled with the photos and slightly raised the corners of his mouth.
“How is it?”
“You took them well.”
“And?”
“Thanks for taking them.”
“……”
“……”
“……That’s it?”
What broke the brief silence was Jang Juwon’s voice filled with dejection.
“……Uh, so……”
Baek Iseon didn’t know what to say. The praise must have been too short. Besides saying “you took them well,” he wanted to ramble on more specifically about anything, but since he’d only been photographed and wasn’t in the position of taking photos, he knew nothing about the technical aspects. To make matters worse, the longer the silence went on, the darker Jang Juwon’s expression became. Baek Iseon felt a sense of crisis. He had to say something.
“So…… I think you took them extremely well……”
“Hyung, I love you.”
Thud thud. Baek Iseon dropped the photos he was holding. The photos that fell to the floor scattered here and there. He didn’t even dare think of picking them up. What did he just hear……? His head was completely blank. He couldn’t believe his ears. Baek Iseon stood in place and blankly looked down at his lover.
“Ah, they fell.”
Jang Juwon bent down casually and began gathering the scattered photos on the floor.
“I, I’ll do it!”
Baek Iseon hurriedly crouched on the floor and picked up the remaining photos. He tried to act calm, but his fingers fumbling with the photos kept trembling. He loves him. Jang Juwon said he loves him. He’d known it, but this was the first time hearing it in clear words. His heart was pounding like it would burst. Strength tightly entered his hand gripping the photos. Now it was his turn to return those words to him.
“Ja, Jang Juwon…… Me too……!”
“Did you pick up all the photos?”
“Huh? Uh……”
“Give them here.”
“Huh? Uh……”
“The envelope too.”
“Huh? Uh……”
Baek Iseon reflexively reached out his hand without realizing it. Jang Juwon snatched the photos and envelope, gathered them together again, put them in the envelope and sealed the opening. Thanks to that, Baek Iseon ended up missing the timing to speak. Damn it, dropping the photos at that very moment…… But he couldn’t just stay blank like this. Baek Iseon opened his mouth toward him once again.
“Jang Juwon, I……!”
“What should we have for dinner?”
“……Dinner?”
“Yes.”
“Uh……”
“If you don’t have anything you want to eat, I’ll make something simple.”
“No, I……”
“Never mind. You’ll just get in the way anyway.”
Jang Juwon chuckled and plopped the envelope into Baek Iseon’s arms. Baek Iseon inadvertently received the envelope.
“Sit down. I’ll call you when it’s ready.”
“……”
Jang Juwon walked straight to the refrigerator, opened the door and began rummaging through the fridge. Baek Iseon froze in place like ice and watched that small head disappear into the refrigerator.
Throughout the meal, Baek Iseon couldn’t shake off his uncomfortable feeling. Right now he felt like he was carrying a huge debt. His chest felt stuffy as if a stone had been placed on it. This was all because he couldn’t return those words to him. Two attempts, two failures. Why did he drop the photos at that very moment, and why was this the perfect time to eat dinner.
“……Jang Juwon.”
“Yeah?”
He stopped lifting his chopsticks midway and shifted his gaze to look at him. Right, what good would it do to blame the moments he’d already missed? Timing was something he could create himself. Baek Iseon looked at him with a quite solemn face. Perhaps because he’d failed twice before, he was quite nervous over what this even was. Dry saliva went down past his throat. Finally, Baek Iseon parted his lips.
“Jang Juwon, I……”
“Hyung, pass me the salt.”
“Huh? Salt?”
“Yeah. It’s a bit bland.”
“Re, really? It’s just right for me……”
“That’s because you always only eat grass and chicken, isn’t it?”
“Is that so……”
“So what were you trying to say?”
“……This is delicious.”
Baek Iseon pointed at any random side dish with his finger. Then Jang Juwon chuckled.
“That’s store-bought though.”
“……”
“Eat a lot.”
“Huh? Yeah……”
