“Yes.”
“……Ah, really? You’re saying that’s really all?”
He narrowed his eyes as if suspicious. Jang Juwon became anxious.
“……Why are you like this?”
“When I woke up, I’d taken off all my clothes.”
“You drank, so you probably took them off in your sleep.”
“The sheets were damp too……”
“You were drunk so you probably jerked off alone.”
In the mood of being interrogated, his words came out more harshly than necessary. Well, thinking about it, from his position it was quite an unpleasant experience. He was drunk and his memory was gone, but traces remained as if he’d spent the night with someone—anyone would want to find out what happened. And naturally, that unknown partner would feel creepily uncomfortable.
“Jang Juwon.”
“……”
Jang Juwon couldn’t answer. He must have already noticed everything from the beginning and come looking for him. He should have apologized as soon as he asked. That was right.
“Sunbae, about yesterday……”
“Did I! Did I…… touch you?”
“……Sunbae?”
“Did I, force…… you?”
At the unexpected question, his prepared words went back in. Anxiety dripped from his voice.
“……”
It was forceful and rough, but ultimately it was Jang Juwon who chose to be held. Moreover, unlike someone, with a very clear and sober mind.
“Jang Juwon……”
“Nothing like that happened.”
So, nothing like that happened. What he’d imagined didn’t happen. Jang Juwon hoped that if he knew everything was okay, he wouldn’t ask more and would just go back.
“Let’s go now.”
“You cried, though.”
“……”
“Because of me……”
Jang Juwon’s eyes widened slightly. He said he didn’t remember. Only useless and ugly appearances must have remained in his head. A bitter taste came from Jang Juwon’s mouth. But he soon fixed his expression and responded as if it was nothing.
“Me? Didn’t you dream it?”
“No. Last night, you were definitely at my house. If I made a mistake, I’ll apologize……”
“Haha, mistake……”
Jang Juwon laughed quietly. Right, to him last night would be a clear mistake. All those things—carelessly bumping lips and freely calling the name of someone who wasn’t even his lover. So he could easily apologize. Because it was a mistake. Because it wasn’t an intentional action. Would he even know that for him, it was a desperate clinging? Baek Iseon probably wouldn’t know until he died. When his thoughts reached that point, he got angry. Even though he had no right to be angry.
“I didn’t make a mistake so don’t worry and go back……”
“Did I hurt you? Did I wound you? Jang Juwon, please say something……!”
“Nothing happened! Just think that way and please leave now? Anyway, you can’t even remember, just let it go!”
“How can I? If I forced myself on you……!”
“It wasn’t forced!”
In the end, he impulsively blurted out words he shouldn’t have said. Jang Juwon thought Baek Iseon was really stupid right now. When he didn’t know anything. When he wasn’t even in a position to worry about others. So he decided to teach him. Although it was something he hated to say more than dying, he also needed to know. He didn’t want Baek Iseon to regard himself as trash. The trash was himself.
“I, I did it because I wanted to. Is that enough now?”
“……What?”
“Just leave. Think nothing happened! Please, I’m begging you……”
“Jang Juwon, I……”
“Ah, that’s right. Do you want an apology? But yesterday sunbae enjoyed it quite a bit too, so don’t feel too wronged……”
“Jang Juwon! Stop it.”
“……”
Baek Iseon grabbed Jang Juwon’s shoulder strongly. Jang Juwon stopped talking in surprise. Without realizing it, he’d gotten excited and just blurted things out. This was all the fault of Baek Iseon, who came looking for him with hurt eyes that didn’t suit him. Having calmed his excitement once, Jang Juwon brushed off Baek Iseon’s hand gripping his shoulder and said.
“Don’t come looking for me anymore about things like this. Don’t do…… this kind of behavior either. This kind of thing, you can’t do it to your partner either.”
“Partner? What……”
“The person…… sunbae is seeing.”
“I’m seeing someone?”
“I…… I saw everything. That day, the man who looked close going into sunbae’s house.”
“You, you came to my house? Why?”
“That’s……”
Baek Iseon’s face looked quite dumbfounded. He might be displeased since he’d not only gone to his house without even making an appointment and witnessed his private life, but also brought up that story in front of the person himself. Instead of continuing, Jang Juwon turned his head away to avoid his gaze.
“Don’t tell me, you came because you wanted to see me?”
“……”
“Jang Juwon.”
He couldn’t understand why he kept asking such cruel questions. What answer did he want to hear by doing this? When he already knew everything. Was he getting punished for last night in this way?
“……Yes! I went because I wanted to see you. Are you satisfied now? You know I like you, so is it fun playing with someone?”
“You, those words……”
“Get out now. You heard all the answers you wanted!”
Jang Juwon gritted his teeth trying not to cry. Meanwhile, a faint smile was rising on Baek Iseon’s face.
“Ha, haha…… You, you still like me? So you slept with me yesterday?”
“That’s right. You’re thinking what kind of trash is this, right? Even though I clearly knew you had a lover, I pretended not to know and slept with you!”
Even shamelessness had its limits. He must be thinking what kind of shameless kid this was. He felt so childish. Taking out his anger on someone who came to apologize. The guilt he’d tried to bury exploded like a bomb.
“No, I……”
“Really, really, I’m sorry. This kind of thing, ah, won’t happen again. So, so can’t you just forget it…… just once?”
In the end, tears poured down from Jang Juwon’s eyes. He was the one at fault, yet he was the one feeling wronged.
“Don’t, don’t come looking for me…… Hic! Can’t you just pretend not to know? Why, why do you keep…… making someone miserable…… Hngh, ugh……”
“……”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I won’t, I won’t do it again…… Sniff!”
“I was wrong. Don’t cry, okay?”
Baek Iseon wiped away Jang Juwon’s tears and kissed his forehead with a smooch. Jang Juwon’s eyes widened as he pushed Baek Iseon away.
“D-don’t. Fuck…… Again, again…… Son of a bitch…… Hic……”
“I’m not seeing anyone……”
“……Huh?”
Jang Juwon looked up at Baek Iseon with wide eyes. He smiled faintly and kissed his cheek once more. This time Jang Juwon didn’t push him away either.
“The person you saw, probably…… is my hyung.”
“……Huuuh?”
“If you can’t believe me, ask Baek Huiseon.”
“Uh…… Huh?”
Jang Juwon’s dark eyes filled with confusion. Hyung? He couldn’t believe his words.
“Jang Juwon, I’m not seeing anyone but you.”
“……”
“After sleeping with you, I haven’t slept with anyone else.”
“Why……”
“Because you’re so fucking delicious, I don’t think I can do it with anyone else now.”
“What, what, crazy……!”
Jang Juwon flailed his arms in the air with a reddened face, flustered.
“Isn’t it the same for you? You like my cock.”
“No, no. I’m not like that because of that……”
“You don’t like it?”
“It’s…… not like that. I li-, cock, ah, I like…… Ah, fuck……”
Jang Juwon nervously ruffled his hair. His tongue got twisted and the words wouldn’t come out properly. He was embarrassed at himself for constantly being flustered.
“So you should only do it with me from now on too.”
“……”
He was confused about how to take his words. Because he’d heard too much information at once, his thinking stopped. His head, blank as a white sheet, couldn’t come up with an appropriate answer.
