Even without Eorin, the days passed. Even with Haebam Group on everyone’s lips every day, school went on. Eorin’s birthday, which would normally have been celebrated noisily, passed like a meaningless day. Winter came, and my surroundings were strangely quiet. I felt anxiety rising from beneath my feet. Something was about to engulf me. Eorin still couldn’t be reached.
Then one day, an article appeared. It was revealed that this wasn’t the first time Eorin’s uncle had committed embezzlement, and it came to light that Eorin’s father had overlooked the matter at that time. With that incident as a trigger, Eorin’s uncle was driven out of management altogether and moved from place to place. The world was in an uproar for quite a while over whether overlooking a sibling’s embezzlement constituted a crime or not. In the end, Eorin’s father was indicted without detention on charges of covering up a crime and aiding the perpetrator’s escape. This time too, and back then as well, the embezzlement was from the foundation that supported children through charitable work, so public criticism was fierce. As I matched up the dates, I suddenly realized. When I had just entered the orphanage, the reason it couldn’t function properly for a year and I was the only child there was because the foundation couldn’t operate properly while covering up and managing the embezzlement committed by Eorin’s uncle.
Much later, Eorin’s father received an acquittal. The reason was that the incident in question happened 13 years ago and the statute of limitations had passed. But public opinion was already negative toward Haebam Group, and news articles showed curses so severe they were hard to read. It seemed like the whole world was pointing fingers, thinking this was their chance. It was around that time that an article came out saying the chairman had collapsed. My heart dropped. I still remembered the hand that had stroked me, and that person had collapsed. They said his life wasn’t in danger, but the anxiety couldn’t be erased. Even at that news, people cursed. Saying he was putting on a show to gain sympathy. I couldn’t imagine Eorin’s feelings in a situation where his grandfather collapsed at the center of a whirlwind and his father was called to the prosecutor’s office with his name appearing on the news all day. But no matter how worried I was about Eorin, there was no way to convey words to him. Eorin’s phone was always off.
Even after receiving the acquittal, Eorin’s father announced he would take responsibility for the previous incident and step down from the front lines. Haebam Group, having lost both the chairman who had collapsed and Eorin’s father who was the successor, staggered. The one who stepped up then was surprisingly Kim Jaeui’s father.
With the investigation into the disappeared uncle of Eorin continuing, the incident gradually began to calm down. However, it was around that time that the ripples that occurred on that side turned my world upside down.
Our orphanage was a place supported by Haebam Group’s foundation. No matter how much donations came in, it couldn’t operate without the group’s support. But Kim Jaeui’s father, who had seized the position of acting chairman in the blink of an eye, was someone with little interest in charitable work. To make matters worse, what Eorin’s uncle had embezzled was the foundation’s funds, and due to public opinion, with the image of an embezzling company stuck to Haebam Foundation, not only were there no donations but even Haebam Group’s business wasn’t doing well, so the new chairman first withdrew the hand that had been extended for relief in order to set right the faltering company.
Orders came down to the orphanage. The content was that this place would be closed soon. To reduce scale, they decided to close two out of five orphanages, and our orphanage was subject to closure. The teacher said with a gloomy face that it couldn’t be helped since it was the oldest and smallest. Around that time, I stopped going to school too.
Days passed as if caught in a storm. The director rarely raised her voice but spent all day on phone calls, and occasionally there were teachers who hid their tears. The younger siblings didn’t understand the situation well yet, but the slightly older kids knew. That we would have to part soon.
Foolishly, only then did I realize the meaning of the gazes of kids who had been quietly looking at me at school. What happened in Eorin’s world didn’t stop there like a wave becoming a tsunami, but engulfed me and my world.
When the moving day was decided, it was January. I greeted the vacation without going to school.
Like a habit, I called Eorin. As expected, Eorin didn’t answer the phone. Perhaps he had thrown away his phone, I speculated.
While slowly packing, some kids burst into tears. Unable to leave the children on the street, the foundation decided to send them to places with room among the remaining orphanages. The Fourth Orphanage was where beta children lived and was the largest, so our kids decided to go there. But it was difficult to accommodate everyone, so several siblings ended up going to completely different orphanages. To prevent anyone from going to a different place alone, the teachers ran around everywhere looking for places to go. Other places were at capacity too, making it difficult to find a place that would take several people at once, so the move kept getting pushed back, but that too ended this month.
They were days with a terrible lack of reality. Even then, I had complacent expectations. Perhaps orders came down to keep the children’s mouths shut, as the teachers with faces full of anger and sorrow admonished the younger siblings not to talk about it outside. I could barely tell Hyeonho, Junsu, and Woojin that I was moving so contact would be difficult for a while before I had to delete the messenger.
After comforting younger siblings who cried from overwhelming sorrow while preparing to move, I returned to my room and sighed looking at the empty desk. My head was so complicated that no thoughts came like a blank white paper. Perhaps I was struggling desperately not to think.
Then I heard a knock at the door. When I got up and opened the door, on the other side stood the director with a pale face.
“…Teacher? Are you alright?”
“Chiwon-ah. If you have time, can we talk for a moment?”
Her expression was even devastating. I quietly followed the teacher to the director’s office. When I sat down, the teacher made tea in a paper cup and handed it to me.
“Thank you. But Teacher, are you alright?”
“…”
“Teacher?”
Suddenly, the teacher began shedding tears without a word. Without even sobbing, the teacher kept her lips tightly pressed and bowed her head throughout her crying without looking at me. Flustered, I raised my hand to comfort the teacher, then suddenly stopped my hand that had been waving in the air.
A lightning-like realization came.
“Tea…”
“…Chi, Chiwon-ah…”
“…Teacher.”
I felt stunned.
“Teacher. I can’t go, can I?”
Words flowed out calmly enough to surprise even myself. At my words, the teacher cried with trembling hands. Then she threw down the empty paper cup she had been clutching, stood up, grabbed my hands, and shook her head.
“A recommendation… it was a recommendation. They seem to think there’s only 2 years left, but that’s absolutely not the case. There are 2 whole years remaining. Two years left until you become an adult. Chiwon-ah, if you just say one word that you don’t like it, that you’ll go with your siblings, I’ll somehow protect you…”
Looking down at the crown of the teacher’s head as she collapsed and cried at my feet, I lost my words. When did she get so much gray hair? Should I comfort the teacher? Or am I the one who should be comforted?
That was it. My world was this fragile. What had been supporting beneath my feet wasn’t ground but wet paper. What I had been standing on was crumbling. At someone’s single word, my world had easily shattered.
Suddenly, Kim Jaeui’s words revived in my memory. Had he said not to be complacent clinging to small roots but to be prepared to drift? That really had been advice. Had Kim Jaeui known about this?
“Chiwon-ah. Chiwon-ah… This young child…”
“Teacher.”
Even though what had been wrapping around me was collapsing and my world was preparing to throw me out, tears didn’t come. Perhaps the director had taken all my tears. For crying in my place, for taking all my crumpled expressions…
Fumbling, interrupted as if cut off by crying, the teacher’s words were short but allowed me to guess what the foundation had said to the orphanage. According to orphanage rules, I had to leave the orphanage in 2 years, or quickly in 1 year. While reducing the scale of orphanages which took the most money among charitable works, they arranged for siblings to be cared for at other orphanages, but for me who was older, a ‘recommendation’ had come down that I could… go out into the world a little early.
They said they would support living expenses. I could also receive tuition support from the government.
“Chiwon-ah, it’s okay. You’ll be able to get a scholarship, and I’ll somehow protect at least you. Don’t worry.”
Either way, I had to leave my world. I could no longer attend Haebam High. Because I couldn’t afford the tuition. Besides, the countless gazes and gossip that would follow. I didn’t have the confidence to endure that.
It’s a farewell. As soon as I had that thought, my hands trembled slightly. I see. We’re parting. Hyeonho, Junsu, Woojin too, and Eorin too…
Eorin. That day, the greeting that wasn’t even special. Stars in the night sky. The words “see you tomorrow,” a day no different from usual.
That was the last time.
The moment I became aware of that fact, tears fell from my eyes. It seemed like the thoughts I had been forcibly trying not to have were thrust before my eyes. With Eorin, with my unrequited love, it was now farewell. The hope I had struggled to maintain that we could meet again crumbled down.
The teacher who saw my face pulled my head into her arms, stroked my hair, and sobbed.
“I’m sorry, Chiwon-ah. I’m sorry I have nothing. I’m sorry I have no power.”
“…That you have… nothing.”
Barely, I said those words.
“The hands… that raised me until now… were yours, Teacher.”
“Chiwon-ah…”
“You gave me a surname. You gave me a place to be… You offered your embrace…”
Thank you, Teacher. I whispered like that in the teacher’s arms. It was the teacher who had supported this world that would collapse so easily even this much. Looking with barely open eyes, the teacher had a small back and many wrinkled hands. These hands had protected me until now. But the teacher shouldn’t act like a sinner.
I suddenly felt dismayed. That one tremor occurring in Eorin’s world could uproot my entire world. I really was a small and insignificant person.
After hearing my gratitude, the teacher suddenly stopped crying, grabbed my shoulders, and met my eyes. A resolute and firm face. She really was a strong person.
“Chiwon-ah, won’t you come with me?”
