“What exactly is your reason for refusing?”
“I don’t want to meet them, do I need another reason?”
“Who said you have to keep meeting? I’m just asking you to meet once.”
“Why should I have to do that?”
It had been a really long time. The cold voice and merciless tone. Kang Sehyun walked ahead at his own pace without even glancing at the person beside him. The two people, standing a bit apart, were conversing in quite loud voices. Even though I knew with my head I shouldn’t, my fingers acted on their own and rolled down the window.
“If you really have no feelings, there’s no reason you can’t meet. You said nothing would change even if you met anyway.”
Kang Sehyun and Kang Sehyun’s older sister looked so alike that even strangers could tell they were family, but this time it wasn’t the case. Judging by the fact they were together, it must be his younger sister, but I couldn’t find any resemblance anywhere. If the older sister had an overall larger build giving her a refreshing feeling, this one had a more delicate feeling. In any case, though their looks differed, she was clearly a beauty.
“That’s exactly why I’m not meeting her. There’s not even a need to meet.”
“—Hey, Kang Sehyun.”
At his noona’s call, Kang Sehyun finally stopped walking. The expression on his face as he slowly turned around was utterly cold.
For a moment, I hurriedly looked around in case they might see me. Fortunately, hidden by the elevator entrance wall, my car wasn’t fully visible from their direction.
“Honestly, is there anyone more suited to you than Hyomin? Pretty face, good family. And you know it too. There’s no one who likes you as much as she does.”
When she said to meet just once, I thought she was forcibly introducing someone, but hearing that familiar name, I realized that wasn’t it. She wasn’t talking about that kind of setup where you introduce a stranger. Unless I was mistaken, among the people around Kang Sehyun, there was only one person with the name Hyomin—his ex-girlfriend.
“Right. But I don’t like her.”
“You liked her for a long time. I don’t see any reason you can’t meet again.”
“No. I have no intention of meeting again.”
“Even so, if you see her face, you might like her again.”
“That won’t happen. So please, enough already.”
“I’m saying all this for your sake, and that’s all you can say?”
“Haah……”
Kang Sehyun let out a sigh and irritably ran his hand through his hair.
“Is this really for my sake?”
“Then what else would I be doing this for?”
“For appearances. Don’t you need that family’s name?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. What are we lacking? Even now, if you want, we can easily set up meetings with other families.”
“Then is it for business? Do you have some item you need to ride on Sejin’s coattails for?”
“Kang Sehyun!”
The parking lot echoed loudly. Even seeing the other person’s expression turn hostile, Kang Sehyun remained calm as ever.
“Is this the price for doing what noona wanted yesterday and today? No matter how many times I say it, it’s the same. I won’t meet again, and I won’t like her again. I don’t care if noona stays close with Hyomin, but don’t involve me in it.”
“There isn’t some other reason you’re refusing this much, is there?”
“What reason?”
“Don’t tell me you have someone else—”
“Noona.”
Kang Sehyun cut off the other person’s words sharply.
“Think carefully before you speak. Think about whether it makes sense from your own perspective. Also think about the fact that the subject of that question is me. It’s a condition I set first, so there’s no way I’d break it.”
I didn’t know exactly what that condition was, but he was clearly denying the suggestion that he had someone else. His tone was far too calm to be a lie.
Kang Sehyun always lied obviously in front of me. Of course, since he only told lies meant to be noticed, but only now did I realize that Kang Sehyun was actually quite skilled at real lies.
“……Okay. I went too far this time.”
The person who had been excited just moments ago seemed to calm down a bit after hearing Kang Sehyun’s words.
“But then there’s really no reason not to meet again, right? Even if you don’t date, you could just be friends.”
“Didn’t you just say with your own mouth that there’s no one who likes me as much as she does? You want me to be friends with someone like that?”
“Of course I know it’s not easy, but—”
“Then you know it doesn’t make sense either.”
The two people who had lowered their voices weren’t as clearly audible as before, but I could still make it out. However, the more I listened to the conversation, the more complicated my feelings became.
“As you know, we’re not in a position where we can pretend not to know each other. Sejin and us, the adults are already all connected—everyone in this circle knows it. I’m just saying get along well. Don’t make things awkward with each other. To do that, don’t you need to meet with Hyomin first and clear things up?”
“You can only clear things up if there’s something to clear. I don’t know what she told noona, but we ended things saying we’d stay on good terms. How does it make sense to go from lovers to friends in the first place?”
“Even if it doesn’t make sense, do it. Since when have you done whatever you wanted?”
Kang Sehyun sighed again. He looked very tired.
“I’m tired, so just get in. If you have more to say, say it on the way.”
Soon after, Kang Sehyun got in the driver’s seat first, and then the other person went to the passenger side. The familiar car turned the corner and hurriedly left the parking lot. The bad deed I shouldn’t have done but couldn’t stop could only end after the two of them left.
Sejin Group.
I knew all too well what kind of group it was. Though their main business was aviation, they had multiple known business divisions, and dozens of subsidiaries under them alone. The planes I took several times a year were all from Sejin Group.
When I searched online, among hundreds of photos was the face of Kang Sehyun’s ex-girlfriend. It was a photo from six years ago. Though it was a face without makeup, her pure white skin shone particularly bright. When I first saw her, the mystery of why she looked familiar was finally solved.
At one point, her name even briefly trended on portal sites, but like other times, she was quickly forgotten from people’s minds. And I too had just skimmed the article that briefly appeared and moved on. After all, I thought she lived in a different world from me.
I was entangled like this with such a person. Over Kang Sehyun, in both past and present.
That fact was so absurd that I laughed in this situation.
‘I won’t meet again, and I won’t like her again.’
It was a clear rejection. He cut down his noona’s words trying to persuade him to meet his ex-girlfriend again with colder words than anyone. It was an answer befitting Kang Sehyun as expected.
But in the midst of all that, I hated that that name came out of Kang Sehyun’s mouth. Hearing words like “Hyomin” and “we” directly was agonizing.
Just when did I become like this?
Between us, the more emotional person was always Kang Sehyun. Even when indifferent, he’d get heated only about matters related to me, and always expressed his feelings honestly. Liking, disliking—he was honest with his emotions to the point where anyone could easily tell.
But I wasn’t like that. The overflowing emotions only lasted briefly at first, and as time passed, the heart that pounded loudly every moment changed to a quiet flutter. If Kang Sehyun’s love was hot like boiling water, the temperature of my love was only about half of that. No, I believed it was like that.
Was it really like that though?
In truth, there were times when I’d wake in the middle of the night and even knowing the person holding me was Kang Sehyun, I’d resent the darkness blocking the light because I wanted to see his face. Even while together, there were many times I almost reached out because I suddenly wanted to kiss him.
Even with trust or certainty, jealousy or anxiety would suddenly come. Then I’d try to be calm, but even if I seemed okay and moved past those moments, in reality I’d suffer alone later.
The truth was, I was being a coward.
The more my feelings toward Kang Sehyun grew, the more I pressed down those emotions and tried to pretend not to know—I was a coward.
Even though I already liked him this much, like a fool.
I sat blankly in the car for a while. I thought I couldn’t just wait indefinitely for Kang Sehyun who might return at any time, but I couldn’t easily leave. I had seen the face I wanted to see and confirmed that nothing had happened, yet somehow my heart became more anxious.
I regretted coming for no reason.
As expected, I shouldn’t do things I don’t usually do.
***
I came home and studied for exams.
Of course, it didn’t go well. The number of pages I got through in two hours was so few I could count them on one hand.
After even lying to try to meet Kang Sehyun, I failed. After noisily spreading books all over my desk to study, I failed at that too. Really nothing was working out.
Why do I feel this way?
Everything around me was quiet, but only my heart was restless. It wasn’t bad and it wasn’t sad, yet enough that I couldn’t focus on anything else at all.
I tried smoking a cigarette to calm my turbulent heart, tried listening to music, and was barely staring at letters that wouldn’t register when—
Knock knock.
Two knocking sounds, followed by silence.
I put down the book I was reading and got up from my seat. So now even knocking sounds make my heart tremble. My steps toward the entrance were heavy.
Since I already knew who it was anyway, I opened the door without checking. As expected, it was Kang Sehyun.
“……You’re here?”
Ah. I failed again this time too.
I deliberately spoke the same words as usual to pretend nothing was wrong, but the timing of my words, the expression management—everything failed.
I already knew my expression was definitely not okay.
Making eye contact felt a bit awkward, so I belatedly raised my head. When I finally met eyes with Kang Sehyun, he looked a bit out of breath, as if he’d walked up the stairs.
“Sorry.”
The moment I saw his face, it felt like the accumulated disappointment came crumbling down.
After pretending to be good all this time, I tried to pretend I was okay now because of shallow pride, but futilely, instead of pretending to be okay, I actually became okay.
Right, no matter how much I thought about it, this face was the problem.
