“Sungha. You haven’t seen hyung in a long time either, so talk with him and stuff.”
When I didn’t say a single word while the three people were conversing, Mom threw out a difficult assignment. An assignment I absolutely didn’t want to solve.
“Why are you so quiet? Don’t tell me you’re awkward just because it’s been a few months?”
Rather than awkward, I had nothing to say. The person sitting right in front of me had clearly said let’s not see each other again in my last memory, so what was I supposed to say?
“It’s not that, I just don’t know what to talk about.”
“What do you mean you need something special to talk about? You just ask how each other’s doing and stuff.”
“Sungha still seems uncomfortable with me.”
“Why would he be uncomfortable with hyung? After saying he wanted a hyung so much.”
“I’m not his real brother, so it could be like that.”
As the uncomfortable seat became unpleasant, I wanted to kick the chair and leave right away. My head was filled only with thoughts of having to endure. If you think about it, it’s nothing special, something like this is nothing. My chest felt stuffy today in particular.
The conversation I had with Kang Sehyun last night came to mind.
‘Even if it’s uncomfortable, you have to endure it.’
‘Why?’
‘What do you mean why…… You’re with your girlfriend. You endure it for the person next to you.’
‘That’ll be hard.’
Does Kang Sehyun feel like this every time? To others it seems like nothing, but is it this hard to endure for him?
“Ah, Gijun. Don’t you have a girlfriend? Sungha always says no whenever I ask.”
“Unfortunately, I’m not popular.”
“Really? I don’t think that’s true. Kids these days like people who dress well and groom themselves well, don’t they?”
“I don’t know. Anyway, I’m not really interested right now. I can meet someone later anyway.”
The person avoiding the answer by talking about popularity told a shameless lie. Rather, the partner with him was different every time, and just the ones I saw were several people. Not only that, but from rumors heard in the narrow Korean community, there were much more.
“That can’t be. I’m sure you’re popular. You think so too, don’t you?”
“Hmm…… Popularity will follow on its own once you succeed anyway, so don’t worry about that stuff now.”
“Oh my, there you go with that narrow-minded talk again. If you keep doing that, you won’t be popular with kids these days, honey.”
Everyone was laughing, but I alone couldn’t laugh. Only I was awkward. It felt like only I didn’t fit in this space.
“By the way Sungha, did you break up with your girlfriend?”
My already stiff face didn’t move. It was fortunate actually. Otherwise I would have definitely frowned.
“Oh my, Sungha, you said you don’t have a girlfriend.”
“I don’t.”
“Then what do you mean he broke up?”
I want to know too.
Baffled by the incomprehensible story, I stared at the person who brought it up.
“You had that girl you kept meeting. The one who was always next to you.”
“Who is it? Sungha, honestly tell me. Mom’s just curious.”
“She’s not my girlfriend. She’s just a friend.”
“Just a friend but you’re together until dawn and stuff?”
That was only once though.
I laughed belatedly at the absurdity. I wondered what this talk about a nonexistent girlfriend was about, and it turned out he was talking about Sora. He said ‘always,’ but we’d actually only run into each other twice, and one of those times was just running into Sora while seeing her off when we were with other friends.
“Well, it’s good you broke up. I thought she was too ordinary. You can’t be friends with just anyone, right?”
I was about to say we weren’t in that kind of relationship but hesitated for a moment. At first I thought it was a misunderstanding, but it wasn’t—he was saying this knowing full well that Sora and I were friends. There was another meaning behind the words ‘ordinary’ and ‘just anyone.’
In a situation where I should be angry, I wasn’t even irritated. How low were my expectations of him—I hadn’t expected him to think properly from the beginning, so I had no disappointment or resentment about it. I simply accepted that the thoughts from a rotten head were just that level.
If I told Sora, who said she just wanted to live an ordinary life forever, this story, she might actually be grateful. Of course, if she knew who was talking about her, harsh curses would probably burst from that mouth again.
“Anyway, I’ll definitely tell you when I get one later, Mom.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
Kang Gijun seemed surprised, as if he thought I’d make some kind of rebuttal. And when I didn’t fall for the provocation, he didn’t bring up the topic anymore.
But the uncomfortable dinner continued not just when stories about me were exchanged. Hyung, who was very interested in Father’s business, talked with stepfather about business, and each time, some inexplicable emotion stirred inside me.
“Ah, Father. Do we take orders directly from Hyunsae Corporation?”
“That’s right. Why?”
“A guy I hang out with in America has connections at Hyunsae Corporation. So I met their son a while ago, and since he’ll take over the family business later anyway, I wanted to get to know him well.”
“Oh, really? Those kinds of connections are important. You should get to know them well.”
“Yes. In fact, I’m meeting him again in a bit.”
“Good. Tell me if you need anything.”
The other person, who forcibly hid his joy, glanced at me. That look was like the expression of a victor who had accomplished something great.
I wanted to tell him he had no need to feel any inferiority toward me. So there’s no need to look at me like that every time. Your father doesn’t want to leave me even a single pen anyway.
The dinner that continued like that was supposed to end soon after dessert came out, but it didn’t. When it became boring beyond uncomfortable, I felt a vibration in my pocket. I was glad for the message that came at a moment like this.
Kang Sehyun: [What are you doing]
Isn’t the timing always too good?
It had been 4 days since I heard from Kang Sehyun. Since his girlfriend was also there and he was working, I thought I wouldn’t hear from him for a while.
Me: [Eating]
Kang Sehyun: [After that]
Me: [Probably home? Not sure]
Kang Sehyun: [Then let’s meet]
I came separately, but I had to ride in Mom and stepfather’s car on the way back, and I was just looking for an excuse. When I immediately sent back that I understood, the other person read the message right away.
Kang Sehyun: [Don’t bring your car]
Me: [Why?]
Kang Sehyun: [Because you have to pay back your debt]
* * *
“One more bottle of soju here, please.”
“Yes— just a moment please—”
Even though it wasn’t a weekend evening, the bar inside was quite full of people. Among them, there was one table where someone sat alone.
Kang Sehyun sat indifferently among the bustling people. With his long legs crossed and one shoulder dropped while resting his chin, he looked as good as a model. The well-draped long coat and wrinkle-free shirt didn’t match the cheap plank table at all, creating a sense of incongruity.
“You came fast.”
At my voice, he slowly raised his head and stared at me. In front of those clear eyes I saw every time, facial expression management didn’t work well.
“You’re late.”
Kang Sehyun looked different today for some reason. His hair and outfit weren’t much different from when he got on the plane, but it felt like he was more dressed up than then. If not that, it could be that meeting in a place like this felt unfamiliar for the first time.
“I came right after it ended. I even took a taxi worried I’d be late.”
“Then you should have made the meeting place somewhere close from the beginning.”
“You said you didn’t like Gangnam. This was the only place I could think of.”
Kang Sehyun’s house and mine weren’t that far apart. So naturally I thought we’d meet in Gangnam, which was close to both of us, but when I asked about the location, the answer came back that he didn’t like Gangnam. So I just chose a place that suddenly came to mind while looking for areas with many bars.
Should I have chosen a slightly nicer place?
“Let’s order first.”
Even though I’d seen it in passing, this was the first time coming inside, so naturally the menu was also unfamiliar.
“Is there anything you want to eat?”
“I don’t know. I looked before you came but I’m not sure.”
The coated paper surface was tattered and frayed according to traces of time. Kang Sehyun flipping through such a menu really seemed like someone who shouldn’t be in this place.
“I really don’t know.”
“Haven’t you been here before?”
“When I lived near here before, I just saw it. Why would I come to a bar? This is the first time drinking for both you and me.”
It was a funny situation. To suddenly say let’s meet and then to buy drinks. I thought repaying the accumulated debt would naturally be several years later, but I didn’t know it would come this quickly.
“It’s not my first time though.”
“What?”
“I said it’s not my first time.”
For a moment I felt like I’d been hit on the back of the head.
“You’ve drunk before?”
“Yeah. I drink in Korea. I can drink here.”
“Well……”
Still.
If you think about it, in Korean age, he was approaching twenty-one. It meant it had already been almost a year since he turned twenty.
“Why haven’t you drunk until now?”
“I just didn’t have the chance.”
Actually, there were many chances. The hyungs and noonas who went to Korea first kept telling me to come out whenever they had time, and there were people everywhere wanting to drink together as soon as I turned twenty.
But in Korea, I just didn’t have anyone I was comfortable enough with to show my disheveled state without knowing my alcohol tolerance. I couldn’t do it in case I got drunk and spilled everything about myself. The only person I could do that with was Sora in America.
I thought if that was the case for me, it would be the same for the other person. Was it because I thought we had many similarities? I thought maybe it might be like that for Kang Sehyun.
But now that I knew it wasn’t, I felt unreasonably wronged.
“What about alcohol?”
“Whatever you like.”
“Unlike someone, this is my first time drinking.”
“That’s why I’m telling you to choose what you want to drink.”
I pondered for a long time over the few menu items. Soju, beer, makgeolli, sake—I’d have to choose one among various options within those, but first, what kind of alcohol to drink was the problem.
“I’m not sure. What did you drink first?”
“Hmm……”
Kang Sehyun, who was looking at the menu, made a subtle expression.
“They don’t have it here. I drank whiskey.”
“……”
Ah, right, of course.
I thought rich people who only drink wine or Western liquor like in dramas were just outdated stereotypes, but apparently not. If not that, I had hoped there might be even a little twist with the person in front of me, but there wasn’t.
It was natural that Kang Sehyun, who should be drinking whiskey, didn’t fit in a place like this.
