Thinking about it for a moment didn’t particularly provide any answers. For now, let’s focus on work. Doha, who had deliberately emptied his mind, finally had the leisure to look around.
Yungyeom’s studio was as neat as his home. However, unlike the house which had seemed somewhat desolate, the studio showed traces of Yungyeom’s personal touches here and there.
“Wow…”
Doha unconsciously let out an exclamation as he approached closer to the display cabinet. What filled it was, unexpectedly, old film cameras. From classic cameras with a glossy shine from the oils of hands to uniquely shaped lenses. Even at a glance, it looked like the temperament of a collector.
“Interesting, right?”
Yungyeom, who had approached at some point, said while enjoying Doha’s open-mouthed expression.
“Sunbae-nim, is photography your hobby?”
“Yes. I’ve been collecting since I was young. I had a hyung, and he liked taking photos. I played with cameras instead of toys.”
Yungyeom carefully picked up one of the oldest-looking cameras.
“This is the camera I first touched when I was five years old. I liked the sound of the shutter, so I pressed the empty shutter all day long.”
Yungyeom’s eyes became distant, as if immersed in memories.
“After debuting… it was always my job to stand in front of cameras, you know. There were times when having the lens pointed at me felt suffocating. Whenever that happened, if I stood behind the camera and looked at the world, it gave me some breathing room.”
Doha nodded.
“That’s cool. Like the feeling of becoming an observer rather than a subject.”
Yungyeom smiled and put down the camera.
“What did you like when you were young, Doha-ssi? Singing?”
At the sudden question, Doha paused for a moment. The ‘real’ Baek Doha’s childhood. All he knew about it were the fencing trophies and photos in the album he’d seen at the family home a few days ago.
“I… well. I think I just liked manga and stuff.”
Most kids were like that, weren’t they? Dinosaurs or toy cars, that sort of thing.
At Doha’s answer, Yungyeom laughed lightly.
“No other hobbies?”
“Hobbies… I’ve never really thought about it.”
As he conversed with Yungyeom, he momentarily thought that perhaps he was quite a boring person. But hobbies require leisure time, don’t they? When you’re being worked to death every day, what hobbies?
“Too boring?”
But even when he had leisure time, he’d never really been completely absorbed in anything. Is this what they call not having an otaku temperament?
“No. Because Doha-ssi’s face is interesting.”
“Pardon?”
His mind didn’t process Yungyeom’s sudden words for a moment.
“Your face. Your face.”
Only after Yungyeom tapped his own cheek with his finger did he realize it was a joke. Heat rushed to his face for a moment. Is he teasing me? When the most handsome person makes that kind of joke, it actually makes you feel self-loathing.
“You make jokes too.”
“I must have seemed like an unfunny person to Doha-ssi.”
Doha looked around at the photos in the studio with an unnecessarily awkward feeling.
“Are these the members?”
“Yes. The one on the far left is Gyuho hyung I mentioned earlier. Ah, you already know.”
Actually, I don’t. That confidence in thinking everyone in the world knows his group. How shameless.
Yungyeom pointed to the photo next to it.
“This is from the last day of filming when I did my first drama.”
“Ah.”
The staff surrounding Yungyeom were making V signs. Their expressions were bright, making the atmosphere look warm.
“Here’s with people from our company.”
“I see.”
“Ah, this is from when I was young. My mother is beautiful, isn’t she?”
“Wow.”
Following Yungyeom’s private time was quite interesting. It felt like glimpsing the history of the ordinary human Seo Yungyeom, not the idol on the glamorous stage. The memories layered onto each photo by Yungyeom’s voice felt warm.
“Is this a church?”
The young Yungyeom in the photo was being held in a boy’s arms under stained glass with colorful light pouring down.
“Yes. This side is my hyung.”
“Oh. I thought the atmosphere seemed similar. The one who liked that camera?”
“That’s right.”
“What’s he doing now?”
“He’s probably still doing work he loves.”
Yungyeom’s words were somehow strange. It also sounded like they weren’t in contact now… Did their relationship go bad? After all, being family doesn’t mean you’re all close.
“This one seems to be from when you were about Doha-ssi’s age.”
Yungyeom naturally turned attention to the next photo. Doha moved his gaze as he guided. As he looked at various photos and listened to explanations, time flowed smoothly.
They had said they’d have a meeting to deepen understanding of the song, but they’d ended up purely chatting happily. However, since Yungyeom, the owner of the song, didn’t seem to be in any particular hurry either, maybe it didn’t matter?
“Oh. This is when we got our first music show win.”
“Wow, that hairstyle.”
“Do I look like an old person?”
The conversational rhythm between the two gradually fell into sync. The awkwardness that had existed knowingly or unknowingly was crumbling. Perhaps this kind of time was what Yungyeom had wanted.
“Hey, you debuted young, didn’t you? Plus with a face this hip, it’s a bit much to call you an old person. But the hair is tacky though. Wow.”
The distance between their hearts had narrowed enough to throw small jokes that went between rudeness and compliments.
Like that, the two chatted about each other’s trivial stories, losing track of time as they talked.
* * *
The hotteok of love and hate.
Doha stared blankly at the remaining hotteok in the convenience store plastic bag. One of the three had already disappeared into his stomach. Only when the sweet sugar syrup filled his mouth could he forget the complicated reality, even if just briefly.
“Haah.”
The dorm was a 5-minute walk away. But that short distance felt as far as a thousand li to Doha. He couldn’t muster the courage to enter the dorm.
Is Lim Sehyun there?
He sighed as if the ground would cave in.
What do I say when I go? That it was just a mistake? That I did it because of alcohol? No, I didn’t even drink that much. Then what do I say? A momentary impulse? Sexual desire? Ah, this is the worst.
Doha clutched his head. He wanted to handle it maturely, but no answer would come. With Lim Sehyun’s personality, he wouldn’t simply let it go either. What if he says something ridiculous like take responsibility? He’s so willful that you can’t predict which way he’ll go.
“I’m going crazy, seriously.”
Doha crumpled the hotteok bag, writhing in agony. He wished aliens would just invade and destroy Earth.
Thud.
At that moment, someone plopped down in the seat next to him. Doha jumped in surprise and turned his head.
“…!”
His heart dropped. For a moment he thought it was Lim Sehyun. But under the deeply pressed-down cap, Eden’s face was visible.
“Ah… Eden.”
Doha stroked his chest.
“Why so surprised? Did you commit a crime?”
Eden smirked and naturally snatched the hotteok bag from Doha’s hand.
“Huh? Hey, that…”
“Looks delicious. I’ll just eat one.”
“Hey, you…”
“Sweet.”
Eden chewed on the hotteok with syrup flowing out, making a satisfied expression. Doha was so dumbfounded that a hollow laugh came out. Yeah, go ahead and snatch it. What’s a hotteok? I’m about to have my life snatched away.
“But why aren’t you going inside and doing this here?”
“Just… getting some fresh air.”
“What’s gotten into you? When you don’t particularly like fresh air or sunlight.”
Eden hunched his shoulders as if cold.
“Let’s eat at the dorm. I think you’re the only idol who eats hotteok on the street, hyung.”
“Just. It’s a bit awkward to go in. And since you ate one too, now there are two of us.”
Doha glossed over it vaguely. He couldn’t say he was trembling outside because he was scared to see Lim Sehyun’s face.
“But where were you coming from?”
“A schedule. Radio guest. I posted it in the group chat earlier, didn’t you see?”
“Sorry, I was out of it.”
He wasn’t in the mindset to check such things. Another sigh came out.
“Why do you keep sighing like that? The ground’s going to cave in.”
“Just, the weather is gloomy.”
“Today’s weather is really nice though.”
They were looking at the same sky, but their impressions were different. Eden finished eating the hotteok efficiently. Then he looked at Doha.
“Aren’t you going in? Autumn man? Are you doing that kind of thing?”
“I’ll stay a bit longer.”
“Did you really commit a crime?”
Sharp intuition.
He was a bit surprised inside, but Doha casually avoided his gaze.
“You know everything shows on your face, hyung?”
“No way. I’m totally that, iron mask? I’m that.”
“What’s an iron mask again… Really, your vocabulary compared to me, a foreigner…”
Eden looked at Doha with a shocked face. Yeah, think whatever you want.
Meanwhile, Eden checked his phone.
“Sehyun says he’s late today. He’s busy all day.”
At Eden’s casually thrown words, Doha’s body flinched.
“He’s not at the dorm?”
His eyes widened.
“No. How busy is he these days, would he be there at this hour?”
“Ah, why didn’t you say so earlier!”
At the response that flowed out as if it were obvious, Doha jumped up from his seat. Then Eden looked up at him, bewildered.
“Are you avoiding Sehyun?”
Why is this guy so perceptive?
“No?”
“You just got up like you’d been waiting for it?”
“That’s your imagination?”
“If you were going to be like that, you should have checked the group chat earlier.”
Eden, who didn’t believe Doha’s words at all, smiled and stood up, gripping the table.
“Let’s go. It’s cold, stop putting on a pitiful act.”
“Uh…”
Like that, he barely gained the courage to return to the dorm.
