“Wow. Our Kkotmoa must have received a lot more orders this year.”
I was chewing over curses inwardly when I reflexively turned my head at the word ‘Kkotmoa’ that pierced my ears. In the playground, I could see Kkotmoa walking lightly with large flower baskets full of carnations slung over both shoulders. Perhaps because both sides were full of flowers, it looked like he had red wings, and it also created an optical illusion as if a red flower field was moving on its own.
“If he sits down like that, he’ll become a flower grave right there. What does he eat to be so pretty? Anyway, that delicate guy looks even more pure when delivering flowers. What a waste, such a waste. If he were a girl, I would’ve chased after him to death.”
“……Even if she came to your house like Yeo Seowon and said that?”
I didn’t even know why I asked such a question. With my gaze fixed on the slowly moving flower field, it felt like I was just spouting whatever words came out of my mouth. A feast of random words.
“You worry about everything. As if Kkotmoa would ever do that. Has he ever acted servile even once at school? That haughty personality wouldn’t go anywhere even if he became a girl.”
“What’s his personality like?”
I was curious. How others saw Kkotmoa. That way I could compare it to myself.
“It’s strange. Honestly, he doesn’t look like a guy with the same thing attached as us.”
That’s right. That’s why I was often flustered too. I wanted to ask what he looked like then, but I missed the timing while watching Kkotmoa with red wings. Kang Junwoo rattled on without caring about my reaction.
“Looking at how he’s formed, you’d think he’d be all soft and gentle, but surprisingly he has backbone and is quite shrewd. His personality itself is gentle and bright, so he has this charm that attracts people. Well, sometimes when I see him doing weird things like getting the energy of the math god from your hands, I wonder if he’s an alien.”
Kang Junwoo’s gaze as he calmly listed his impressions was also fixed on Kkotmoa. Before I knew it, a new cigarette was in his hand. It bothered me that Kang Junwoo was looking down at Kkotmoa and smiling. A new cigarette appeared in my hand too, and Kang Junwoo held out a light. I inhaled sharply to light it, then deeply inhaled and exhaled. I was displeased that that bastard Kang Junwoo was looking at Kkotmoa. I was even more irritated because I couldn’t find a proper answer for that displeasure.
“Right. Is something going on at Kkotmoa’s house?”
“Why are you asking me that?”
“Because you’re closest with him? Hmm, should I ask Kkotmoa later?”
“What.”
“I happened to see it yesterday when I went to the teachers’ office. I don’t know what it was about, but the homeroom teacher gave Kkotmoa an envelope saying the teachers collected a little bit each. But he said he’d just accept their feelings and didn’t accept the money until the end. He rejected it with a smiling face saying he was grateful, and that shameless and sly homeroom teacher couldn’t do anything.”
Kkotmoa, who spent the most time stuck with me, had never shown me such signs even once. Although I hadn’t gone to Kkotmoa’s flower shop even once since delivering the chocolate cake, given Kkotmoa’s personality, if something had happened to his dad or the flower shop, he wouldn’t have been studying happily with me at the cafe. Kkotmoa, who thought of his family that way, was no different from usual. Then what on earth happened that the teachers collected money and tried to give it to him? I didn’t want Kang Junwoo to know the reason. Even if someone knew, it should be me.
“What would you do by asking?”
“To help if he needs money. Since he’s a guy who rejected even the teachers’ money, I’ll do it secretly from behind.”
“……Why would you.”
“Well. Because it’s Kkotmoa? Isn’t it not a waste to spend money on him? Other kids say so too? They say it’s not a waste to buy things for him.”
The childish words that even an elementary schooler wouldn’t say almost burst out of my mouth—that I have more money than you.
“Oh, oh, oops……! Geez, he’s secretly quite clumsy. Hehe, can’t you see exactly why the kids find him cute?”
Kkotmoa, who almost fell forward after misstepping while walking on the flat playground, barely maintained his balance and dropped the flower basket on one shoulder. I mean, how do you even misstep on a flat playground? The kids nearby approached and helped organize Kkotmoa’s carnations. The flustered guy quickly regained his composure and organized the flowers with a calm appearance.
“In your eyes.”
“Of course he’s cute.”
Kang Junwoo was genuinely laughing happily while looking at Kkotmoa as if he found him cute. I wanted to interrogate him about why he found him cute. It was disgusting to see. The white smoke that started from my mouth scattered into the air and disappeared without a trace. Like hazy and cloudy smoke, I thought my heart wasn’t transparent either. In the meantime, Kkotmoa, who finished organizing the flowers, was heading to the classroom again with large flower baskets slung over both shoulders.
“I’m going first.”
I left Kang Junwoo behind and headed to the classroom. As I went down the stairs, I sprayed deodorizer all over my uniform to remove the cigarette smell. I wanted to quickly go to my seat and sit down. I wanted to see up close the pretty flower buried in flowers approaching me.
Quite ridiculously, I thought this. That Kkotmoa isn’t my friend. He’s just my flower. My flower that no one can touch, pluck, buy, or take away. My flower that I can only allow you guys to look at.
“Hi, Hyeondo-ya. Help me put this down.”
So you are,
……my flower.
Kkotmoa’s carnation distribution was quite systematic. The guy who placed one flower basket on my desk and one on his own desk pulled out a piece of paper. On it, the kids’ class and names were organized in alphabetical order inside neat tables drawn as if with a ruler.
“You have two, so three thousand won.”
So he’s selling them at fifteen hundred won per stem. Wouldn’t this leave no profit? No matter how many school kids buy them in bulk, his dads must have no business acumen at all. Kkotmoa colored their names with a highlighter every time the kids paid money and took carnations. Watching even Kang Junwoo buy carnations, I briefly felt betrayed. Before morning assembly even started, those two large flower baskets were completely empty. Kkotmoa was checking the amount of money.
“Do you even make a profit selling them that cheap?”
“Dad says if he thinks about money, he can’t sell flowers. He says flowers that can be someone’s joy or happiness shouldn’t be converted into money.”
The way of thinking was truly transparent and beautiful, but it was something I, who had been raised since childhood as the successor to lead D Group, couldn’t understand. Selling something to someone was an act of thoroughly taking profit. And you had to leave even a little more profit as long as you didn’t harm others. Selling carnations at half price that were bigger, fresher, and prettier than the carnations sold in front of school for three thousand won was absurd in itself. If you didn’t want the same price, at least selling them at twenty-five hundred won per stem would be business with minimal break-even.
“Did your dad make all of this alone yesterday?”
“No, with me. Yesterday evening, kids from other schools came to buy them too so it was hectic. So we made the ones our school kids ordered together until 3 AM. The ones I made have red ribbons, and Dad made all the other colored ribbons.”
“……There weren’t many red ones though.”
“Yeah. Because my dad’s hands are fast. While Dad makes four or five, I barely manage to do one. I wish I could do it well and fast like Dad too.”
I pictured Kkotmoa struggling with one next to a man working efficiently with skilled hands. He probably poured his heart into it, diligently doing things that could be done roughly. As if proving that, the red marks on Kkotmoa’s hands had increased quite a bit. Perhaps sensing my gaze, Kkotmoa answered something I didn’t even ask again.
“They got uglier again, right? If I wear gloves like Dad, I feel stuffy and can’t move my hands. So I do it with bare hands and it keeps ending up like this.”
While looking at both hands spread out before me, I unconsciously grabbed his right hand, which had a few more red scratches. Since he always covered the back of my right hand with his left hand whenever solving math problems, this was the first time I touched his right hand. Unlike what was visible to the eye, his hand was surprisingly soft to the point of being startling. I suddenly thought I wanted to intertwine my fingers between his and interlock them. But I wasn’t such a crazy bastard without reason as to put everything I thought into action. Even though I was fiddling with his hand, Kkotmoa asked without caring at all.
“Don’t you need carnations?”
“Why would I.”
“It’s Teachers’ Day. I set some aside in advance.”
Kkotmoa took out two carnations he had hidden in his desk drawer and held one out to me. The hand that naturally fell away was regrettable. What he held out to me with his left hand was a red ribbon, and what was held in his right hand was a yellow ribbon.
“Are you forcing a sale on me?”
“Did it show? You’re quick-witted.”
Dimples appeared in the beaming flower. It seemed like touching Kkotmoa’s cheeks would feel good, like touching chewy rice cake. For a nineteen-year-old guy, his body was thin but he still had baby fat unlike his peers, having chubby cheeks. I guarantee they’d be chewier and softer than a five-year-old lump who had chubby cheeks. Bastards whose names I don’t even know have touched those cheeks so much until now. Fuck, infuriating.
“Is the one I made not good? Then you take this one.”
Kkotmoa withdrew the red ribbon and held out the yellow ribbon. But that wasn’t what I was concerned about.
“Who are you giving that to?”
“The homeroom teacher.”
“……”
Giving carnations to the homeroom teacher on Teachers’ Day was one of the virtues a student should naturally perform. Since it was prepared with money collected from the class, even if it wasn’t obligatory, just seeing how many kids separately asked Kkotmoa to buy carnations showed that. But I hated hearing that he would readily give flowers to someone other than me.
“Give me both.”
“Huh? I can’t.”
“I’ll buy them.”
“Then you should’ve told me yesterday in advance. Then I would’ve brought one more stem.”
As if he really didn’t want to hand it over, Kkotmoa made a tearful face with a deliberately serious expression. I now know that adding unrequested explanations is one of Kkotmoa’s habits.
“As the son of a flower shop, it’s a bit much not to give our homeroom teacher even one carnation when all the other kids are giving them. Dad told me to give this to the teacher…… Who do you need both stems for?”
I hadn’t thought that far. Setting aside meaning and everything else, I just hated that Kkotmoa was giving flowers to someone else. Unable to find an excuse, I couldn’t say anything. That good brain of mine has really been stiffly hardened lately and won’t turn.
