Somehow I felt a sticky gaze. Added to that was an uncomfortable and piercing feeling.
Whether it was because I got proper sleep when tired, or slept without doing anything, or because I was young, I didn’t know, but waking up in the morning wasn’t difficult. For such a me, waking up from the sticky-feeling gaze was natural if anything.
Furrowing my brow slightly and turning my head toward where I felt the gaze, Lee Hyeonseok, who was staring at me for dear life, came into view. I didn’t know since when, but Lee Hyeonseok was lying facing my direction, supporting his head with his arm while fixing his gaze on me. His spine must be breaking…
“Why do you hate me?”
I thought after sleeping once he’d come to his senses and treat what happened at dawn as if it never happened. But as soon as our eyes met, Lee Hyeonseok asked again. Honestly, I wondered if there wasn’t some problem. Otherwise, how could he have romantic feelings toward me, no, same-sex feelings…? …Never mind. At this point, whether it was opposite-sex or same-sex didn’t matter anymore.
Anyway, I’d heard that people in higher positions tended to have such inclinations. I’d seen research results saying that from wanting to escape responsibility, duty, and pressure, they liked being treated roughly. If so, it might not be complete nonsense.
“By any chance…”
“?”
“Treat you rough—ack!”
Before I could even bring it up, Lee Hyeonseok struck down my face with his palm just like that. A satisfying smacking sound filled the room. It stung so much that a scream burst out naturally without even having to pretend it hurt.
“Why do you hate me?”
Lee Hyeonseok, pretending not to hear my scream, repeated what he’d said initially and dismissed my question as if it never happened. If he was going to dismiss it, he should forget the dark history from dawn too.
Looking closely at Lee Hyeonseok’s eyes, they were faintly red. His skin was also rougher than usual. Of course, despite that, the fact that he still looked good was annoying, but the important point was that compared to usual, he looked exactly like someone who hadn’t slept.
“Didn’t you sleep?”
“Tell me.”
Instead of Lee Hyeonseok’s question, I expressed doubt, giving him one more chance to save face, but he kicked it away.
“Hah…”
Lee Hyeonseok had stayed up all night. Thinking who knows what, at dawn he even threw out something like a confession that wasn’t quite a confession out of the blue. The sight of him seeking an answer from me without even being certain of his own feelings wasn’t even funny.
Still, it seemed he’d thought about it seriously all night, so I had no choice but to deal with him. When I let out a long sigh once, Lee Hyeonseok flinched. I thought there was no wavering, but apparently that wasn’t entirely the case. Well, how much of a difference in rank was there between Lee Hyeonseok and me? In his own way, he must have thought it would never be rejected.
“First, why do you think we’re getting along somewhat?”
“Because I’m letting it slide.”
I was about to speak while looking at Lee Hyeonseok, but his gaze was too burdensome to keep looking at him. I straightened my head and calmly asked while staring at the ceiling. Lee Hyeonseok answered confidently. I wasn’t even dumbfounded. Since it was also true, I smiled gently and agreed with him.
“Right, ‘because we’re letting it slide with each other.’ I put up with your filthy personality, and you like my servile appearance so you put up with it. Look, all these things are because I’ve been seeing you differently from others. My pride isn’t hurt at all by you.”
“What bullshit.”
Matching Lee Hyeonseok who was seriously talking bullshit, it seemed Lee Hyeonseok also heard it as me seriously talking bullshit. Well, even to my own ears it was bullshit. Eventually, feeling the need to explain more thoroughly, I cleared my throat with an “Ahem.” Though it was objective, it felt dirty to list even the slightest good points of someone I disliked, but it couldn’t be helped.
“You have more money than me, you’re stronger than me, you’re more handsome. Except for character and personality, I’m inferior to you in every way. We’re in different places. We live in different worlds.”
“You really don’t feel hurt saying that yourself?”
“Nope.”
Lee Hyeonseok raised the corners of his mouth, seeming pleased yet bewildered that I appeared to be praising him. Then, at my words that suddenly changed like a U-turn, he froze with his raised mouth corners as is. Lee Hyeonseok was gauging whether what I said was a joke or real by looking at my expression. Perhaps my attitude looked confident without a shred of falsehood, as Lee Hyeonseok, whose feelings were hurt, soon sneered and asked me. I answered without changing my expression. At my unwavering attitude, Lee Hyeonseok let out a hollow laugh.
“Because I don’t have any special feelings toward you. You’re just… just a separate existence to me.”
“……”
Before Lee Hyeonseok could say anything, I quickly added an explanation. A normal person wouldn’t get angry at being pecked by a chick. Even if a crazy bastard looked down on me saying you and I are different ranks, I’d only feel awkward going “Ah, yes. Is that so…” and even if trash acted like trash, it wasn’t surprising. A confession is only happy when someone you have feelings for says it; if a crazy person says it, you’d just want them to please give up.
Moreover, I, who was suffering direct harm from Lee Hyeonseok, was only staying still because it seemed like rebelling would cause bigger trouble. I’d decided to just leave him alone until Lee Hyeonseok got sick of it.
Right. I was just leaving it alone for now. There would be an end someday, meaning there was a line in this relationship too. Just because I permitted various things didn’t mean everything was okay. Everyone had things they couldn’t permit.
Since I found it difficult to accept Lee Hyeonseok’s confession even as empty words, I decided to gladly spit with a smiling face.
“But you want me to endure even becoming lovers? I can’t do that. I could live with a dog but not with a son of a bitch.”
“Then just be a dog, not a son of a bitch.”
I’d inwardly prepared not only for getting hit but also for harsh words to follow, but Lee Hyeonseok didn’t get angry. Instead, he came to soothe me gently. I almost got moved by his rather serious attempt at persuasion.
But in the end, he said dog. No, at least dogs are cute. This bastard was personality trash with no intention of becoming human. I swallowed all the various colorful harsh words that rose up to the end of my throat. I was just dumbfounded, but Lee Hyeonseok had a serious face unlike himself. If I kept looking, it seemed curses would burst out of my mouth, so I looked at the ceiling.
Lee Hyeonseok asked again with “Huh?” Was he really crazy? It wouldn’t be strange for the situation to be crazy. But I was a bit worried whether he could properly run a company with such weak mental strength to go crazy like this.
“…Okay. Let’s say you’re sincere now.”
“I am sincere.”
Looking so serious, I couldn’t ask if he was crazy. Rather than this considerate heart, I should have venom to live well in this harsh life ahead. Somehow, I’d become the only person acknowledging feelings that even the person himself didn’t properly know.
Regardless, Lee Hyeonseok, perhaps having made up his mind in the past few hours, forcibly made me sit up by putting his hands under my armpits. Before I knew it, I was sitting formally on the bed.
“……”
Lee Hyeonseok and I sat facing each other on the bed, gazing at each other. The burden was killing me. Really fortunate it was before eating breakfast. If I’d eaten, I would have gotten indigestion. Lee Hyeonseok’s eyes were somehow heavy. Perhaps due to the atmosphere, but my throat felt blocked and I found myself choosing my words carefully.
Lee Hyeonseok wanted to date me. There seemed to be feelings with eros involved. Though Lee Hyeonseok’s attitude was burdensome and I rolled my eyes while glancing at him, surprisingly it didn’t seem to be a lie. At least it must mean he liked me. Who? Me.
“…Kheup…!”
“……”
“Pfft, kheuk… Kheup!”
That he liked me. Ruminating on the thought, I finally burst into laughter. Still, thinking it wasn’t proper etiquette to laugh in front of someone making something like a confession, I tried to hold it in. However, since it was laughter that suddenly surged up from my core, perfectly holding it in was impossible. Even hastily clamping my mouth shut and lowering my head, I couldn’t hide the sobbing laughter leaking between my lips and my trembling shoulders.
Still, that he liked me—it was hard to stop laughing.
“You’re laughing?”
“S-sorry…”
Eventually Lee Hyeonseok spoke in a murderous voice. It was fortunate he didn’t hit me. Hurriedly calming my laughter, I apologized in a trembling voice that still hadn’t completely lost its laughter.
“You’re laughing?”
“I apologize.”
When I couldn’t completely calm down even at Lee Hyeonseok’s murderous voice, he grabbed my hair and forcibly straightened my head. My scalp hurt so much I thought tears might trickle out. Perhaps quite angry, at the sight of Lee Hyeonseok with unfocused eyes, my reason returned at teleportation speed. When I apologized with an attitude as sincere as Lee Hyeonseok’s just before, only then did he take his hand off my hair.
“It’s not that you were funny… No, I just…”
“Just. Just what.”
I swear it wasn’t that Lee Hyeonseok was funny. Feeling wronged about just that much, when I muttered and protested, he acted as if telling me to try saying it. I wondered whether to say I just found ‘liking’ too funny.
That it was too absurd and funny for me, who had never heard the words ‘I like you’ from family or others, to hear those words from you of all people. From Lee Hyeonseok, whose human relationships might be even more of a mess than mine. So it was just funny.
But soon I thought, how close are Lee Hyeonseok and I that I’d tell him everything honestly if he asked? Originally, one shouldn’t show weaknesses to others.
But if I lied, he’d definitely notice. The reaction Lee Hyeonseok would show next was so disgusting just thinking about it that I decided to only tell him parts that wouldn’t matter if I revealed them.
“Right. Sincerity. Sincerity is good. But until when do you think you’ll be sincere? You’re in a remote place with exactly one being like you, so you regard them specially. That’s why I don’t trust you. Frankly, if I hadn’t listened to you and acted up toward you in all kinds of ways, our relationship would have been over long ago. It’s not that you would go to the hospital but that I would go to the hospital. Can that result come from feelings of liking someone?”
I spoke as if candidly opening up. In fact, it wasn’t wrong either.
Lee Hyeonseok, who would normally have hit me long ago, still showed no sign of raising his hand. Far from that, he even looked somewhat gloomy. Was he really crazy?
