There’s a saying to avoid May through July as much as possible when going to the military. The reasons were, naturally, things like doing difficult training twice or having juniors arrive late. However, while I was pondering whether I should be happy or not upon hearing the news that Cheon Jaekyung would be enlisting in that very July, Lee Hyeonseok took Executive Director out. It seemed like the two had something to discuss closely. Inwardly curious about what it was, I casually asked while pretending not to care, and heard an answer that had nothing to do with me. While I was inwardly debating whether to stick to the door and listen, Lee Hyeonseok threatened me saying “if you do something stupid, only that guy benefits.” Thanks to that, I decided to obediently lie on the bed.
“……”
Perhaps because it was still midday, warm sunlight poured in through the window. By the day alone it should have been hot, but the air conditioner in the room was turned on strongly so it was cool, and both the room and bed were spacious, making it rather comfortable instead. It was an undeniable fact.
Perhaps I’d gotten used to it, as the two days of suffering like death now, after resting for one day, only made me languid, and honestly it wasn’t that difficult. The spot where the flower pot had been was still empty. The room being a bit dark was a slight flaw, but I decided not to nitpick about such things in someone else’s house.
After lying down for a while and looking around the room with my eyes, I finally came to a conclusion about the current situation. Cheon Jaekyung had been sent to the military, Lee Hyeonseok was crazy, and I was screwed.
Of course, it was a conclusion based on reasonable suspicion.
“What should I do…”
It seemed Lee Hyeonseok had enough interest in me to think it would be fine to try dating me. Actually, I’d roughly guessed it, but since drinking the kimchi broth would only be embarrassing and I strongly hoped it wasn’t so, I’d been consciously ignoring it.
However, I’d now reached a point where I could no longer ignore it. No matter how inexperienced I was in relationships, Lee Hyeonseok’s attitude toward me was close to romantic no matter how I looked at it. It sounded crazy but that was the only explanation. Who would be extremely angry just because a simple partner went out briefly, beyond worrying about their safety?
It absolutely wasn’t a romantic attitude a normal person would have, but there was no other way to explain it. It wasn’t typical to just be obsessed because I came from the same world.
If I asked Lee Hyeonseok and the answer was no, I’d be so happy I was willing to even bow to him and accept his crazy behavior to some extent. However, in that case, it also meant that someone like me could never understand him.
“Seo Jiwoo.”
“Huh? Ah, yeah.”
Perhaps having finished talking with Executive Director, Lee Hyeonseok came in without even knocking. I, who had been seriously pondering Lee Hyeonseok’s feelings, didn’t even know he was coming in. Being stupidly absent-minded, I only noticed his arrival after Lee Hyeonseok called my name. When flustered me answered awkwardly, Lee Hyeonseok looked at me briefly with a distrustful expression, then began speaking as if deliberately warning me.
“I’m going to go out for a bit.”
For me, who had just been guessing Lee Hyeonseok’s feelings, it felt uncomfortable to look at him, but hearing he was going out, I felt relieved without realizing it.
I still didn’t believe the conclusion I’d come to myself and wanted to ask him the truth. And since that was clearly digging my own grave, I decided to take this question to the grave with me.
“Ack!”
“What are you thinking about without me?”
Perhaps it was obvious I was thinking about something else, as Lee Hyeonseok made a displeased face and grabbed both my cheeks with some force to make me focus on him. I couldn’t obediently tell him ‘I was wondering if you like me, so what’s the truth?’
“I was thinking about where we should send Cheon Jaekyung again when he gets discharged from the military.”
Perhaps thinking it was something worth worrying about, there were no other words. Instead, he muttered “I don’t know if he can come out unscathed.” Even if he’d become a troublesome son, since he was a kid from a wealthy family, I thought he’d be fine, but was that not the case? Before I could ask what he meant, Lee Hyeonseok bit my lips. When I made a disgusted voice at the unpleasant sensation, Lee Hyeonseok smiled satisfactorily and continued his words again.
“If you go out on your own again…”
“Again?”
Lee Hyeonseok trailed off once more with great gravity. I could tell just by looking. That was the look of thinking about how to mess me up. When nervous me swallowed saliva and repeated his words, Lee Hyeonseok smiled meanly and came close to my face. Close enough for his breath to touch my face.
“This time your coquetry won’t work either, so if you’re curious, why don’t you try it once?”
I’d long known that Lee Hyeonseok didn’t just end with warnings. He was the bastard who showed me that not only fists or words were violence, that pleasure could also become violence.
I made Lee Hyeonseok’s hands, which were holding both my cheeks, let go. As if to see what I would do, he obediently complied. I smiled as if wearing a smiling mask and lay down on the bed just like that. Then I pulled the blanket up to my chest to cover myself and spoke with my eyes closed.
“I’ll be in dreamland.”
I heard Lee Hyeonseok laugh lowly. His hand stroked my head once. Right after, there was the sound of Lee Hyeonseok moving. I thought about opening my eyes slightly to watch what he was doing, but soon the surroundings became darker with the sound of curtains being drawn. It meant to sleep well. Soon complete darkness came with a click sound as if turning off the light.
“There’s no second time.”
Next came a clicking sound. It seemed he was opening the door to leave. No second time. He seemed quite anxious about me going out. I thought Cheon Jaekyung was the only big danger, but was that not entirely the case? Now that Cheon Jaekyung was dealt with, were Lee Juwon and Han Taeseok left? If not that, there was no reason for him to be so negative about me going outside.
The more I thought about it, he was a bastard I couldn’t get a handle on. Since I’d already possessed someone, there was nothing stopping me from acknowledging the fact that Lee Hyeonseok liked me. A bastard who must have met many people had one fucking terrible way of expressing his feelings.
“What kind of bastard expresses their feelings like this…?”
“What?”
“No, I’m talking about you. It seems like you like me, so why…?”
When I muttered unconsciously out of frustration, a question came from far away. Answering thoughtlessly, I stopped my lips. Because a voice that shouldn’t be heard was heard.
“…You haven’t left yet!?”
I bolted upright and asked urgently, but the room was dark so Lee Hyeonseok’s expression wasn’t visible. All I could see was Lee Hyeonseok’s shadow through the slightly open door crack. I retraced what words I’d blurted out.
Ah. I’d blurted out words like ‘expressing feelings’ and ‘liking.’
I’d babbled the question I said I’d take to the grave in less than 10 minutes. Since it was an unconscious remark, it was close to muttering, so I had to hope Lee Hyeonseok hadn’t heard it well. No words came out from tension and fluster. Meanwhile, Lee Hyeonseok, who had been standing at the door, kept standing there silently, thinking who knows what. Only the clock’s ticking sound echoed throughout the room.
“I was going to watch and then leave, but I guess not.”
“Of course. When it comes to bastards who listen well, who else but me?”
Apparently he’d been watching thinking I might get up and head outside once he left. There was no other sinister bastard. I deliberately appealed in a bright voice. My muttered words seemed not to have been heard properly. It was strange that Lee Hyeonseok wasn’t interrogating me about what I said, but the sayings about getting halfway by staying still or curiosity killing the cat weren’t there for nothing. I didn’t say anything and lay back down.
“I’m going and coming back.”
“Yeah.”
Only after greeting did Lee Hyeonseok move away again. This time I properly heard both the sound of the door closing and the footsteps leaving. I thought I’d dug my grave but was fortunate it passed well.
…Did he really not hear?
Given Lee Hyeonseok’s personality, it would be normal to interrogate me thoroughly asking what I said, but it bothered me somehow that he just passed it. What if Lee Hyeonseok heard but just ignored it? Wouldn’t that mean it wasn’t even worth asking again? That seemed plausible.
“Ah, that’s probably what it is…”
Whatever his true feelings, I didn’t want to invite worry. If Lee Hyeonseok deliberately passed it over, that was good in its own way, and if he didn’t hear, that was good in its own way.
“…I’m sleepy again…”
Perhaps from thinking many thoughts at once, sleepiness began coming again. Recently, even though I hadn’t done anything, my body quickly became tired and heavy. After being able to send Cheon Jaekyung to the military, some energy returned, but still the pouring drowsiness that kept coming didn’t fade. It was to the point of suspecting I was sick somewhere. Until now I’d just been neglecting it, not even having the energy to check hospitals or my body condition.
Cheon Jaekyung was almost resolved, Lee Hyeonseok’s eyes had healed, so I decided to bring up going out when Lee Hyeonseok returned.
* * *
“Hey.”
I heard a voice calling while grabbing my shoulder and shaking it lightly.
“Hey, wake up.”
“Mmm…”
At the familiar voice, my unconscious recognized it was Lee Hyeonseok. I felt Lee Hyeonseok’s presence and gaze, but since I was in deep sleep, only sleep-talking came out. Then Lee Hyeonseok shook me once more. As if really intending to wake me, this time he shook hard.
“Why…”
I finally forced my eyes open. Since only the night light was on, my eyes weren’t very dazzled. Still, having my sleep disturbed, I furrowed my brow at him. Having just woken up, I spoke in a whiny tone with my words trailing.
Lee Hyeonseok was looking down at me expressionlessly.
“?”
Having woken me up, Lee Hyeonseok said nothing. Glancing at the clock, it was about 10 o’clock now. While I was staring, waiting for him to open his mouth, somehow it became increasingly ominous. Intuition was something that shouldn’t be ignored. The moment I decided to just ignore it and close my eyes again, Lee Hyeonseok finally opened his mouth.
“Is it really like that?”
“What?”
His attitude of seeking agreement without further explanation was the same as usual, but his facial expression was unusual. He seemed like someone who couldn’t believe a fact, or discovered a surprising truth. It was strangely ominous.
