Inhan approached Yuho and asked.
“Why are you still here?”
“Me? I was practicing until just now.”
“I told you not to stay too late. You’ll hurt yourself like that.”
“It’s okay. I took breaks here and there.”
What kind of day was today? Was it an unhappy day since he’d been trapped in a gloomy mood until the day was nearly over? Or was it a happy day since he’d met the person he wanted to see most at the end of this fading day?
Before he knew it, Inhan stretched out his arms and held Yuho fully in his embrace.
“Inhan. I’m, sweaty.”
Yuho squirmed in his embrace without knowing what was going on, but Inhan held him for a long time without answering.
“What’s wrong, Inhan? Did something happen?”
Instead of answering, Inhan shook his head while it was buried in Yuho’s shoulder. Yuho didn’t ask any more and patted Inhan’s back.
Today is that kind of day. A day when everything is okay. A day when everything becomes okay just because hyung is in front of my eyes right now. Thinking that, Inhan said to Yuho.
“It’s nothing. I just like you, hyung.”
Because the round, gentle hyung with no rough edges was so lovable and dear. There were times when Inhan found it hard to bear.
At those times, Yuho would also smile with his gentle face and say to Inhan.
“Me too. I like you so much too.”
At that moment, Inhan felt like everything would be okay as long as Yuho was by his side. He thought he could endure any hardship. Inhan didn’t realize the true nature of the feeling spreading from deep within his chest.
For a very long time, it was like that.
* * *
“Because it’s bothersome.”
Inhan realized for the first time that day just how sharp and heart-wrenching the word “bothersome” could be.
Inhan had only wanted to restore his relationship with Yuho.
Unlike his childhood when he had to part with his father without knowing why, he had intended to hold on and cling to him somehow.
“What?”
“I don’t like that I’m the hyung but you keep treating me like a dongsaeng. No matter how hard I try, no one recognizes me and I just get cursed at. But you live doing whatever you want, so it pisses me off.”
Every single word Yuho spat out sharpened itself into a blade that scratched Inhan as it passed.
Rather than feeling hurt by words thrown to deliberately cause pain, Inhan’s heart became heavy. What exactly had turned the spotlessly pure Yuho into someone covered in wounds? Inhan became so afraid that he might truly be the source of that unhappiness.
“…Hyung.”
“I want to be loved by fans too, I want to build recognition too, I want to date too. But I don’t even deserve any of that.”
“What are you talking about, hyung?”
“So I feel upset whenever I see you. Because I look smaller in comparison.”
“Hyung. I did everything wrong. I’m sorry. Okay? I’ll do better. I’ll try harder so I don’t hurt your feelings.”
“No. Don’t try. I don’t need that.”
“How could you… say that to me?”
How much do I like you, hyung? How much I cherished and treasured you. How could you say such things?
Inhan’s world was crumbling at Yuho’s words that kept denying him.
“How do you think I’ve endured until now? With what kind of feelings I’ve come this far? How could you, hyung, how could you do this?”
“That’s why.”
Misfortune always came to Inhan without warning. At the point when he had climbed so high that he was overwhelmed with happiness, he was pushed off a cliff by the hand of the person he loved most.
“We have different positions and different thoughts. So, Inhan. Let’s just, let’s just be business partners.”
Inhan was experiencing that cruel moment once again.
“Not family, not friends, just colleagues. Let’s just be colleagues, Inhan. They say thinking that way is better for maintaining the team.”
If even parents can become strangers, what excuse could he give to ask someone with no blood relation to stay by his side forever?
Only after receiving this verbal confirmation did Inhan realize.
That nothing is forever.
Yuho kept telling him.
“Let’s stop pretending to be okay for each other’s sake.”
“I never pretended. It was real. Thinking about the hyungs gives me strength…”
“Then you keep doing whatever you want. Because I’m going to stop everything.”
“Stop what?”
“Accommodating you.”
Yuho threw a single sentence like a final blow, aimed at Inhan’s heart.
He had clearly done his best. He had tried so hard to be loved.
At this point, Inhan felt like his very existence was the source of unhappiness.
That’s why he couldn’t cling on anymore. He thought he should distance himself from Yuho’s side, even if only now.
And so, Inhan didn’t want to do anything anymore.
Whether it was dreams, love, or reality, he wanted to let go of everything.
* * *
“Stop moping around. You had a fight with a member, so what? Why are you sitting there like that over something so trivial?”
Kim Seokjae scolded Inhan, who had been acting like a person who’d lost his soul for weeks already.
They had gathered at Unseong’s place for the first time in a while to have a drink, but he couldn’t stand the youngest darkening the mood with his black aura.
Kim Seokjae, who was five years older than Inhan, was a method actor from independent films and a rising box office maker in Chungmuro.
“Our baby is like that because it’s his first time having a falling out with a friend. Let us old folks shut our mouths.”
“We didn’t have a falling out.”
Unseong, who was next to him, threw in what he thought was a defense, but only got a cold response from Inhan.
“Originally, groups last longer when members fight often. Look at Unseong-hyung. He’s been in a legal dispute for two years with members he used to be inseparable from.”
Seokjae said while pointing at Unseong, and Unseong proudly made a V sign.
“We just had a bit of an argument. We’ll make up soon.”
Since Seokjae kept pressing about what happened, Inhan vaguely said he had a fight with one of the hyung members.
But the response that came back was this heated.
Inhan regretted saying anything unnecessary and gulped down his canned beer.
And Unseong and Seokjae’s words of comfort continued.
“It’s definitely his fault. Our Inhan isn’t the type to be hated anywhere.”
“Exactly. Our youngest is so good to his hyungs. Plus he’s handsome. Young. Makes good money. And he’s blessed with good people around him. So who does he think he is to cut you off? That’s an inferiority complex. Someone like that should just…”
“My hyung isn’t that kind of person.”
At Inhan’s reaction of becoming serious after they’d gone through the trouble of taking his side, Seokjae made a displeased face. Still, the way he got defensive when they badmouthed his member showed loyalty, which was admirable.
“Oh. So it’s okay for you to badmouth him but not others? That’s real love?”
“I don’t badmouth him either. I don’t hate him at all. I’m just disappointed.”
At this point, Seokjae could easily guess who the person was that had deflated Inhan. The only person that this kid, who was usually rational, would rush at without thinking. Yuho-hyung.
“What’s the reason? There must have been a trigger.”
Unseong had noticed long ago but pretended not to know as he asked Inhan. At the same time, his eyes met Seokjae’s, but he just shrugged and smiled.
“I kept acting rudely and didn’t consider how the hyungs might feel, and since things were going well for me, I got excited thinking everyone would do well too…”
“So that’s why it happened.”
Just when they’d finally gotten Inhan to open up, a voice that ruined the mood came from right beside them.
Seo Domyeong, who had been silently savoring his wine as if it were someone else’s business, had finally spoken up.
“He must have disliked that you were being fake. That you were acting too inhuman.”
“Seo Domyeong. Why don’t you just keep sitting there drinking instead of butting in and crushing the kid’s spirit?”
Unseong scolded Domyeong with a forced smile. Anyone could see he was pissed off.
“Kim Unseong. What’s the point of getting him to talk? You should find him a solution.”
“That’s something you realize on your own. Not something others tell you.”
“So you realized it on your own and got good results?”
“Why… are you hyungs fighting?”
At the two hyungs’ continued battle of nerves, Seokjae looked around nervously in confusion.
Meanwhile, Inhan calmly stared at Domyeong and said,
“So, what’s the solution?”
“If you keep living only the way others want you to, you won’t even know what you truly like anymore.”
Instead of a solution, Domyeong offered advice that felt out of nowhere.
It was something Inhan was also aware of. Because you have to seize opportunities when they come. Because the group does well when I do well. Because sacrificing for precious people isn’t hard at all. There were countless reasons Inhan pushed himself. But what he wanted most was always one thing.
“Why wouldn’t I know that?”
“What is it?”
“Standing on stage together with the member hyungs for a long, long time.”
“Were you a singer? I thought you were an actor.”
At Domyeong’s unfiltered words, Inhan was at a loss for words.
The group’s comeback cycle was getting longer and the activity periods were getting shorter.
Meanwhile, individual schedules from dramas to commercials to variety shows continued without rest. Sometimes only four members went on stage without Inhan and Yeomin.
Now he truly couldn’t tell whether he was an actor or a singer.
“Straddling both sides ambiguously is the worst thing. Same goes for people. Are you two-timing right now?”
“I can do well at both.”
“It’s because of that half-hearted mindset that the person on one side gets sick. Yuho-hyung was probably like that too.”
Inhan felt like he’d been hit by Domyeong’s words. But he couldn’t easily accept it. He’d even appeared on variety shows he didn’t want to do for the group’s sake to promote them, so if the result was coldness from a member, it was too upsetting.
“You’re saying Yuho-hyung struggled because I was straddling both sides?”
“Yes.”
“Then should I quit my individual activities? Would that change Yuho-hyung’s mind?”
“No. The subject of my words wasn’t work. It was people.”
Domyeong stared directly at Inhan as he spoke. Inhan couldn’t understand what Domyeong meant.
* * *
Profile – Kim Unseong (METEOR)
Age: 30
Height/Weight: 180cm/67kg
Position: Main Vocal
Hobbies: Lyric writing, Composing, Gaming
Specialties: Guitar, Piano
Characteristics: In his 7th year since debut, main vocal of the 3-member band ‘Meteor’ (started as a 5-member group but has been active as a 3-member group for the past 2 years), chart powerhouse
