Inhan continued speaking.
“I already got permission from the CEO. I think the hyungs can do whatever they want too.”
“Wow. That’s annoying. Jung Inhan? You got permission without even consulting us?”
Raulie criticized Inhan once more. And Inhan, without hesitation, began his counterattack.
“Who was the one who said it was uncomfortable and wanted to move out when they were dating……”
“Hey. Congratulations. Make sure to invite me to your housewarming.”
Raulie quickly extended his hand to Inhan for a handshake. Then he offered his congratulations to Taylor as well.
“Taylor hyung, you’ll have a room to yourself now?”
“I’m going to move out soon too. I got permission along with Inhan.”
“Huh? Then who’s staying at the dorm?”
“I’m staying.”
Yeomin was the first to answer Raulie’s question. And soon Jueon also expressed his opinion.
“I don’t have any particular thoughts about it either.”
“What about Yuho hyung?”
And without fail, Yeomin’s question was directed at Yuho.
“Ah. I……”
Yuho hesitated to answer for a moment. Looking at Yeomin’s face staring at him with sparkling eyes was burdensome, but he couldn’t take back a decision he had made with difficulty.
“I’m going to move out.”
Yuho said firmly. Thanks to that, Yeomin’s face instantly became sullen.
“Ah. Really? Why? Have you grown to dislike me? That can’t be.”
“No. Yeomin-ah. It’s……”
“Why, why? I’ll do better. Hyo hyung. Let’s not do this.”
It was Inhan who stopped Yeomin’s behavior.
“Don’t whine about something like this. It must have been a difficult decision for Yuho hyung too.”
Yeomin spoke to Inhan as if there was no chance.
“Jung Inhan, only you move out. Our Yuho hyung can’t.”
Saying that, Yeomin pulled Yuho’s shoulder beside him into an embrace. Inhan let out a faint sigh and stood up from his seat.
“Well, I’ve said everything I needed to say, so I’m going to go rest in my room. Goodnight, hyungs.”
“Okay.”
“Yeah. Sleep well.”
Inhan got up from his seat and headed back to his room. And following him, Yuho quickly got up from his seat.
“Why are you getting up, hyung? No. You can’t go anywhere.”
“Ah. I need to use the bathroom. My stomach hurts.”
At Yeomin’s question, Yuho found himself telling a lie without thinking. And he followed behind Inhan, pretending to head to the master bathroom.
“Why?”
Inhan, who had reached the door of his room, suddenly turned around and asked Yuho. Yuho was startled and hesitated, but soon gathered his courage and spoke to Inhan.
“Can I come in for a moment?”
Inhan opened the door wide without answering. Yuho entered the room first, and Inhan followed behind him.
As soon as Inhan entered the room, he sat on the bed near the outer wall and began organizing a large luggage bag.
Yuho stood against the wall by the door, watching him, then cautiously asked a question.
“What were you trying to tell me yesterday?”
“It’s nothing. It wasn’t important.”
Inhan gave a bland answer. In the end, it was Yuho who brought up another question.
“Is it because of me? That you’re moving out of the dorm.”
At Yuho’s question, Inhan put down the luggage bag and sat up straight. And looking directly at Yuho, he said,
“No. I’ve wanted to move out for a while and talked to the company about it several times.”
“You never told me about that.”
“I didn’t have the chance to tell you.”
“It’s not that you didn’t have the desire to tell me?”
Once again, sharp emotions passed between the two.
Neither of them could find the answer to where their relationship had gotten tangled.
“I obviously thought you would be happy about it.”
“Why would I be?”
“It would be more comfortable for you too if I disappeared on my own.”
“Why do you get to decide that?”
Yuho’s sharp words were directed at Inhan again.
“Why do you always make it so I can’t do anything?”
He hadn’t meant to fight, but the situation was getting worse.
“That’s not why I decided to move out.”
At Yuho’s continued cold reactions, Inhan held his head as if exhausted. And in a subdued voice, he spoke to Yuho.
“I’m trying to start over from the beginning. I think it would be less painful to think it never existed from the start.”
Yuho didn’t respond to Inhan’s words. Inhan continued with a sigh in his voice.
“The reason I was in personal contact with Jua noona was because we were preparing for Seokjae hyung’s birthday party. I’ve known her for a while through Seokjae hyung’s introduction, and we weren’t in regular contact. That’s what I was trying to tell you yesterday.”
Inhan thought what use was this belated excuse now. Yuho still kept his mouth shut, and Inhan’s mouth opened again.
“Hyung.”
Inhan asked Yuho while making eye contact again.
“Hyung, do you still want me to be happy without you?”
Reproach and sadness were etched on Inhan’s face as he asked the question. But Yuho decided to turn away from those feelings.
“Yes.”
“Do you think you’ll keep suffering if you’re next to me?”
“Yes.”
“I understand.”
Inhan’s tone was calm, but the corners of his eyes reddened with sorrow. Yuho’s expressionless face was also gradually crumbling.
“I just wanted to be a part of your life, hyung. That’s all.”
Inhan wore a dejected expression and bowed his head deeply. And he made his belated excuses.
“I knew I would end up losing you like this. I knew that what you wanted was ultimately the end. I guess I wanted to hold on by force.”
Inhan murmured softly and smiled bitterly.
Inhan, as if resolved, lifted his bowed head and looked directly at Yuho. And pulling his lips into a smile, he said to Yuho,
“Go. Hyung. Go and take care of yourself.”
Yuho despaired because Inhan’s face looked so sad as he said that. His heart hurt so much that he could barely breathe.
“Go and be happy without me, hyung.”
Finally, tears flowed down from Inhan’s eyes. Inhan kept his lower lip tightly closed and shed tears silently in streams.
Yuho, suppressing the sobs that felt like they would burst out along with him, said to Inhan,
“Being by your side wasn’t only painful.”
Honestly, there were more happy times. Even after realizing his unrequited love, every moment he could spend together was precious, even though it hurt. He felt that even more because he thought their time was limited.
“There were many happy moments too. There were times when I knew how much you cared for me and my heart would tickle and I felt like I had the whole world.”
In the end, tears filled Yuho’s eyes too and flowed down. Tears dripped down his cheeks before he could stop them.
“It’s because I’m too greedy. I don’t know my place and I’m being greedy for something I can’t have. So you don’t need to get hurt because of me.”
How contradictory it was to wish for the end while telling him not to get hurt. Yuho knew but could only wish for that anyway. Yuho still thought he should be the only one hurting in this relationship.
“You’re someone who fully deserves to be loved by anyone. That fact won’t change even if I leave you. So you don’t have to try anymore.”
Yuho said while wiping away his continuously flowing tears with the back of his hand.
Inhan looked at Yuho with a deeply wounded expression. And along with his tears, he let out sorrowful words.
“Do you know? Everyone says they love me, but in the end, no one actually stays by my side.”
All he wanted was for someone to just stay by his side. He had never even asked for love.
Inhan thought that everything he had was no different from an illusion. Everyone said they loved him but easily left him. Some used him and some criticized him. And Inhan was left alone again and again. Now this situation even felt natural to him.
“That’s enough of comforting me, so hyung, you should also not get hurt by anything anymore. From now on, don’t cry like that because of anyone. Like when I wasn’t by your side, smile a lot.”
Hearing Inhan’s final words, Yuho collapsed. Unable to hold back anymore, he slumped down and sobbed loudly. Even though Yuho was crying so sorrowfully, Inhan couldn’t comfort him and just kept his head bowed. Tears kept falling from the tip of Inhan’s chin as well.
With just a few steps between them, the two cried like that for a long while.
* * *
Inhan left the dorm a week later.
After much deliberation, Yuho decided to stay at the dorm, and the two didn’t run into each other for a while.
Yuho didn’t attend Inhan’s housewarming either. He could only hear about it through Yeomin.
“Does it have two rooms?”
Yuho asked while looking at Yeomin’s phone photo gallery. Yuho was lying face down on the bed, and Yeomin was sitting next to him. Yeomin swiped through a few photos and said to Yuho,
“No. Three total. This is the bedroom and this is the closet room. One room was just empty so I didn’t take a picture of it.”
“He decorated it nicely.”
Perhaps because he moved in a hurry, it felt somewhat bare overall, but it was neatly organized.
“Remember when he used to say he didn’t even like having his own room and begged Taeyoon hyung not to move out, and now that he’s made money he’s living it up.”
“Now he can appear on those living-alone variety shows.”
“He said he can’t do that.”
“Why?”
“He said he didn’t tell his hyung that he moved out.”
Yuho was surprised by Yeomin’s words. He wondered why he would keep his independence a secret even from his older brother, who was like a parent to him.
“Why?”
“Come on, hyung. Isn’t it obvious?”
“Huh? What is?”
“He’s probably planning to seriously date someone.”
“I see.”
Yuho thought he had asked something unnecessary and returned the phone to Yeomin. Still, he was relieved that Inhan seemed to be doing well. He also had the meaningless thought of why he had been clinging so desperately to a connection that would be this easily severed.
And sometimes Yuho would do this.
He would sit at the kitchen table and stare for a long time at the door of the corner room that had lost its owner.
Sometimes Inhan would do this too.
He would sit in the hallway of his house with his chin resting in his hand, staring for a long time at the door of the empty room where he hadn’t put anything. And on rare occasions, he would cry.
Those kinds of days continued for several days.
