“Uh… since when were you there?”
Yuho asked Inhan in confusion.
“From earlier.”
“I see.”
Yuho began to contemplate whether he should head to his room as is or turn toward the kitchen. If he headed to his room, Inhan would think he was avoiding him, and if he headed to the kitchen, he felt like he’d suffocate from the awkwardness. But he couldn’t continue maintaining this ambiguous relationship. Eventually, Yuho turned his body toward Inhan.
“No filming today?”
“Yeah. I don’t have any until tomorrow.”
“Then sleep some more. It’s only seven o’clock.”
“What about you, hyung? Are you going to sleep more?”
“No. I’m already wide awake.”
It was a lie. Yuho had fallen asleep past 4 AM and woken up after less than 3 hours of sleep to see Yeomin off. But he answered differently, afraid the conversation would end right there if he said he’d sleep more.
“Okay. Then.”
But contrary to Yuho’s expectation, Inhan turned around without any lingering attachment, leaving Yuho behind. Flustered, Yuho urgently spoke to Inhan.
“What about you? Are you going to sleep more?”
“I have plans. I’m about to get ready to go out.”
“…Okay. Have a good time.”
Yuho had no choice but to end the conversation. He was heading to his room with his lips pressed tight in regret when Inhan said something out of the blue from behind.
“But holding hands is okay?”
“Huh? What is?”
“I don’t know where the line is for what you only want to do with someone you love.”
‘I’m different from you. I only want to do this with the person I love.’
Inhan was criticizing Yuho by quoting the words Yuho had said to him a few months ago. While he himself contacts actresses separately, hugs them, and does all sorts of things. At Inhan’s attitude of blaming others for his own faults, Yuho was dumbfounded.
“Do I really have to spell it out for you?”
“No. I think I know even without you saying it.”
Hearing Inhan’s answer whose intention he couldn’t understand, Yuho was seized by an ominous feeling. And with Inhan’s following words, Yuho once again realized the importance of being careful with his words.
“You look forward to it too, hyung. I’ll make sure you know firsthand how far I can go with the person I love.”
Even after returning to his room, Yuho couldn’t go back to sleep.
* * *
And it was another repetition of the usual day. Yuho roughly ate some cereal and memorized lines for a drama audition the company had arranged. Then he went to the company, worked out at the gym with Raulie, called Taylor who was working on a song, and the three of them went out for dinner. Afterward, Raulie headed to his studio, and Yuho helped with guide recording in Taylor’s studio. Then he headed home alone.
No one was at the dorm. Jueon had been away from the dorm for two days, saying he was visiting his parents’ house, and Suhyung was nowhere to be seen, having gone out at some unknown time. Yuho picked up a banana from the kitchen table and headed to his room.
It was a rare silence he was experiencing.
Seonchan – [So when are you going to make time?]
Yuho sat in his desk chair and checked Seonchan’s message, which he had been putting off replying to.
Yuho – [I’m sorry, I’m a bit tied up for a while]
Seonchan’s movie was continuing its smooth box office run. Even though he must be busy with stage greetings, preparing for his next work, and various other schedules, Seonchan was demanding Yuho’s time, saying he’d treat him to celebrate the box office success.
Yuho was putting off that demand with all kinds of excuses, postponing it day by day.
Seonchan – [It’s okay, I can wait anytime]
Yuho – [Thanks, I’ll contact you again]
Seonchan – [Okay, I’ll wait]
Perhaps it was an inferiority complex.
Seonchan’s SNS followers, which had been in the 1,000s, had increased to an astounding 100,000s in just two weeks.
Some people become stars right after debuting like this, but that opportunity never came to Yuho.
Maybe it would never come. He felt it was time to accept that fact.
Yuho put on a headset and searched for band music for a change of mood. Then, thinking he’d watch a movie, he turned on his laptop when the door suddenly opened without even a knock.
“What are you doing?”
Inhan entered Yuho’s room dressed in pajamas. The tips of his hair were slightly wet, and he was faintly giving off the scent of body wash.
“Oh, when did you get here?”
“Earlier. Didn’t you hear?”
“No. I was listening to music.”
Unlike the flustered Yuho, Inhan calmly went and sat on Yuho’s bed. And asked Yuho.
“Not sleeping?”
“Yeah. I’m planning to sleep late today.”
“Why?”
“Ah. Uh… Yeomin’s not here either, and I’m not sleepy…”
“Sleep now. Let’s sleep together.”
At Inhan’s words, Yuho froze in place. Inhan’s words from earlier in the day flashed through his head, and he began to assess whether this was an emergency situation. “Let’s sleep” just means sleep, right? Yeomin’s not here today either. But it should be fine. All kinds of thoughts went through his head.
“Taylor hyung’s room is empty. I heard he’s not coming in today.”
Yuho tried to act calm as he spoke to Inhan. But Inhan continued with his brakeless remarks.
“If Taylor hyung’s not here, can’t I sleep with you, hyung? We used to do it often before.”
Yuho couldn’t think of any sentence to respond to Inhan’s words.
It was also ridiculous to prevent behavior that they naturally did even when they were hyung and dongsaeng.
“Of course you can. It is okay, but… Yeah. Got it.”
In the end, Yuho obediently turned off his laptop and headed to the bed. When Yuho reached the bed, Inhan got up from his seat and moved aside so Yuho could get into the bed.
Yuho went to the inside of the bed, settled in, and lay down. Soon Inhan also claimed the spot right next to Yuho and lay down.
Thanks to Inhan pressing his body close without any gap, personal space or whatever be damned, Yuho had to keep being pushed toward the wall. Finally, his back touched the wall and he became trapped with nowhere to go, but Inhan didn’t seem to have any intention of backing off.
“Where do you keep going? Where is there to run away to here?”
“How about we widen the distance between us a bit?”
“Why? Am I making you uncomfortable?”
“It’s not that.”
At Yuho’s answer, Inhan reached out his arm as if he’d been waiting and pulled Yuho’s waist. Caught in his embrace in the confusion, Yuho urgently pushed against Inhan’s chest. Inhan obediently pulled his body back and asked Yuho.
“Why?”
“I think it’s still a bit early for this kind of thing.”
“For what?”
“Sleeping while holding each other like this.”
“Why are you suddenly acting all coy?”
“It’s not sudden, it’s because we’re dating now.”
“Then when do you think would be appropriate?”
When Inhan moved closer again while asking the question, Yuho twisted his whole body trying to escape from Inhan.
“I don’t know. But it’s definitely not now.”
Answering like that, Yuho rolled his eyes to avoid Inhan’s gaze. At that action, Inhan let out a hollow laugh in disbelief. And while slowly stroking Yuho’s arm with his hand, he said.
“Why not? Isn’t it natural to want to touch, kiss, and hold someone you like? You’re a man too, hyung, wouldn’t you feel that way?”
“No. I’ve never felt that way.”
He’d never even wished for love, so how could he have wished for more than that? Yuho tried to deny Inhan’s words, thinking it was nonsensical. But feeling Inhan’s reaction was unusual, he closed his mouth.
“Never?”
But can you be certain that feeling was love? The hidden meaning that followed was clear, so Yuho couldn’t answer carelessly. I think I wanted to kiss, at least. Yuho reluctantly answered Inhan.
“…You’re right.”
“Then why are you pretending you haven’t?”
“I wasn’t pretending.”
“What about that time? When I kissed you, hyung? Weren’t you actually happy inside?”
“No.”
Yuho answered with a surge of emotion. Their eyes accidentally met, and he ended up facing Inhan’s hardened face.
“Then. Did you hate it?”
Looking into Inhan’s two eyes that had turned coldly frigid, Yuho felt fear. Yuho hadn’t known until now that Inhan could make such an expression.
But he couldn’t lie to appease Inhan’s mood.
“I hated it.”
“Why?”
“I don’t like being kissed by someone who doesn’t even like me.”
“Why do you keep thinking I don’t like you, hyung?”
It was a question that didn’t need any consideration.
Because Inhan likes women. Because he’s been that way from the start.
But he couldn’t say it out loud. Because after hearing Inhan’s answer that it was really true, he didn’t know what to do next.
As Yuho’s answer was delayed, Inhan frowned. Facing Inhan’s face that was even chilling, Yuho thought he was going to be devoured by him.
“The truth is, you want to believe it’s not true, right? Because that way you can easily escape from me the way you want.”
“What does that mean?”
“In the end, it means you’re going to fall for your own tricks, hyung. Because I’m not doing this with a light heart right now.”
While Yuho felt confused by Inhan’s words whose intention he couldn’t understand, the two people’s faces were getting closer and closer.
Inhan narrowed the distance as if he would touch Yuho’s lips at any moment, and Yuho turned his head to avoid contact with Inhan.
“Don’t.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to.”
At Yuho’s answer, Inhan laughed as if it were ridiculous. And he said to Yuho like a warning.
“Sorry, hyung, but I have no intention of stopping now even if you say you don’t want to.”
Inhan reached out his hand and grabbed Yuho’s chin. And he applied force to make him look at him forcibly.
Yuho glared at Inhan’s face approaching while their gazes met with an expression mixed with resentment. Tears had already formed in his eyes. Inhan said to Yuho with a hardened face again.
“See. I told you saying you like me was all a lie.”
Saying that, Inhan released Yuho’s chin. Inhan pulled his head back and escaped from the bed with irritated movements.
And he left the room without looking back again.
