“What?”
At Yuho’s suddenly thrown confession, Inhan’s steps came to an abrupt halt. Inhan’s face as he turned to look at Yuho showed bewilderment.
“I like you.”
At Yuho’s confession that continued in succession, Inhan seemed to waver for a moment. However, he soon scolded Yuho as if it was absurd.
“You think I’d fall for such words?”
“Not as a member, not as a younger brother. I like you as a man.”
At Yuho’s words whose intentions were unclear, Inhan’s brow furrowed sharply. He seemed to have no idea what Yuho was talking about.
“What are you saying right now?”
“It was because I liked you. It was because I liked you that I kept pushing you away. The way I avoided you before and acted spitefully—that was also because you had a girlfriend. Back then I was young and didn’t understand love well, so I mistakenly thought you liked me too.”
Shocked by Yuho’s shocking statement, Inhan took a step back. Thanks to that, Yuho’s wrist that had been caught by Inhan became free.
“Because I was a fool, I mistakenly thought you were only good to me and thought of me as special. But it wasn’t true. The one you liked wasn’t me.”
“Does this even make sense?”
“It doesn’t make sense, does it? I’m sorry. I tried not to say anything. I tried to bury it alone. Because you shouldn’t misunderstand and get hurt. When I’m the bad one, you shouldn’t think you’re the bad one.”
Inhan had an expression of utter disbelief. It was difficult to even dare to gauge the sense of betrayal he must be feeling. But since it was a story that had begun with difficulty, Yuho thought he should properly finish it.
“At first I hated you, and then I felt sorry. I felt sorry for lying to you, and I felt so sorry for having these feelings yet receiving your affection as if nothing was wrong and acting like a close hyung. And after that, it was too hard. I thought I’d give up quickly but it didn’t work well. You kept loving, breaking up, and moving forward, but I kept staying in the same place, so it was too hard.”
As he continued speaking, Yuho had to struggle to hold back the tears that kept rising.
Inhan used to be the first to approach and comfort Yuho when he cried. Yuho faced reality as he watched Inhan’s face gradually harden.
In the end, this was how it should be. This was what I wanted. But accepting it was a different matter.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Inhan asked Yuho with an expression full of betrayal. At the unexpected reaction, Yuho was startled and stepped back.
“…Huh?”
“Why didn’t you tell me even once all this time? Why did you try to bury it alone?”
“How could I say that? When I clearly knew you liked women.”
“So this is the conclusion hyung came to? Cutting me off?”
Inhan spoke to Yuho in a highly agitated voice.
“Then what have I been doing alone all this time? While hyung was struggling and suffering and worrying alone, what was I doing? While hyung kept looking for opportunities to cut me off, I was acting carelessly without even knowing. Like an idiot.”
“That’s why I tried to keep my distance…”
“Then I just had to be pushed away from hyung’s side without even knowing the reason?”
At Inhan’s words, Yuho was at a loss for words. The words he’d spoken to clear up the misunderstanding were causing an even bigger misunderstanding.
“So now, should I be happy? Should I be relieved by the fact that you pushed me away not because you disliked me but because you liked me?”
The situation seemed impossible to salvage.
“Hyung. For the past few years, I struggled every moment not to be pushed away from your side. I clung desperately so as not to be hated, afraid you’d abandon me again. Do you know that?”
“I know. I knew, so I stayed by your side in the way you wanted all this time. But now I’m struggling too…”
“If it was that hard, you should have said something. If you were going to end it like this anyway, you should have said something. At least you should have given me a chance to choose. Did hyung think cutting me off was a better choice than confessing?”
How many people could recklessly blurt out a confession that clearly wouldn’t be reciprocated? When that confession could ruin everything.
But when he realized it, the one ruining the relationship right now was Yuho. Inhan was just being continuously pushed away by Yuho without even knowing why.
“Then what am I supposed to do now? Should I seriously consider hyung’s confession? But hyung, that’s not what you want from confessing to me. You’re not doing this to try to make things work with me.”
As he said this, tears were welling up in Inhan’s eyes.
Inhan didn’t usually cry easily, yet Yuho had already made Inhan cry several times.
“Tell me, hyung. What do you want me to do for you?”
Inhan asked Yuho with an expression that looked like he would collapse at any moment.
At Inhan’s desperate question, it was difficult for Yuho to choose an answer.
But what Yuho wanted right now was only one thing.
“I want you to go back to the dorm.”
“…And?”
“I want you to go to your schedules properly starting tomorrow.”
“Ha.”
“I just want you to keep doing what you want to do and be happy.”
Hearing Yuho’s answer, Inhan let out a hollow laugh as if in disbelief. And he asked Yuho.
“Aren’t you asking too much of me?”
“…”
“Does hyung really not know where my happiness is? No. Is it that now you don’t care even if you know?”
He should answer no, but Yuho’s lips wouldn’t part. He never imagined the result of his recklessly thrown confession would be this cruel.
“If I say I’ll go back, will hyung come with me?”
At Inhan’s question, Yuho couldn’t answer readily. Noticing Yuho’s hesitation, Inhan squeezed his eyes shut and finally shed tears.
“Why can’t you answer? …Why won’t you answer? Why does hyung always just abandon me.”
Even at Inhan’s words that came out like a plea, Yuho couldn’t find words to say. Even at that small reaction, Inhan kept getting hurt.
“Fine. I’ll do as hyung wants. Let’s not even be colleagues. Let’s just not be anything. I’m done being abandoned by hyung too.”
Inhan, who had said he would never let go of Yuho’s hand, told Yuho. That it was over now.
Inhan was ending what Yuho had so desperately wished for.
“Did you maybe want revenge on me? Was it unfair that only hyung was struggling alone?”
“I guess so. I guess I did. I’m sorry. Inhan. When only I should be struggling, I made you struggle too. So Inhan. Don’t ruin your life because of someone like me. When I’m the bad one, don’t hurt too.”
Facing Inhan’s completely distorted face, Yuho hoped this moment would pass quickly. Perhaps this situation right now was the best ending they could have.
Hearing Yuho’s answer, Inhan laughed emptily. And he headed for the door again.
“Where are you going?”
Yuho was startled and grabbed Inhan’s wrist. Inhan couldn’t even shake off that hand and told Yuho.
“Let go. What does it matter?”
“Let’s go back to the dorm, okay?”
“Who is hyung to me? Do you even have the right to do this to me?”
“Inhan. Let’s go back. Okay? You said you’d do what I want. If you keep missing schedules like this, it’ll really be a disaster. Everything you’ve worked so hard to achieve will collapse. Please. Inhan.”
Inhan laughed because Yuho’s words were absurd. To think what he was worried about in all this was just the schedule. It was so shitty he felt like he’d go crazy.
“After deceiving a person like this.”
“That’s why. You don’t need to ruin your life because of a human like me.”
“Disgusting.”
“…I know.”
“Shitty.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Even shameless.”
Yuho continued to apologize. He was realizing in detail what Inhan’s feelings must have been like when he was unilaterally pushed away by Yuho.
“Fine. I’ll do everything hyung says.”
“Yeah. Thanks. …Thank you, Inhan.”
“How is it? Are you happy that things are going the way hyung wants?”
If only it were the kind of mood where pouring out harsh words would make him feel better, he could take it as much as needed.
Contrary to Yuho’s thoughts, Inhan looked hurt instead.
“Yeah. I’m happy.”
“What was I to hyung anyway?”
“Just. A romantic interest?”
Yuho answered with an indifferent face.
In truth, the correct answer had been decided long ago. First love.
“Really disgusting.”
It was a terribly disgusting first love.
* * *
Inhan left the room alone, leaving Yuho behind. Yuho couldn’t think of any way to stop Inhan beyond that.
“Inhan!”
When Inhan tried to leave the front door entirely, Suhyung hurriedly tried to follow him, but Domyeong stopped him first.
“I’ll follow him.”
Saying that, Domyeong immediately got up from his seat and headed out the front door.
Suhyung thought there was no other choice. Through long experience, he had learned that Inhan wasn’t someone who would obediently follow if dragged by force.
Ah. Tomorrow’s schedule was ruined too. Just in case, it was a stroke of genius to have cleared all three days’ worth of schedules. Everyone seemed to accept the gastroenteritis excuse, but the aftermath was tremendous. If the lie were to be discovered, it would really be the end for everyone.
Since Yuho, who should have appeared around now, was completely silent, Suhyung went to find Yuho first.
Left alone in the middle of the room at the very end of the corridor, Yuho was curled up, endlessly wiping away flowing tears with his sleeves.
Suhyung was getting to the point where the two’s fights were becoming frightening. A fight that only ends when one cries and one gets hurt. From the perspective of the manager in charge, there was no greater fear.
“Hyung. I want to go home.”
Yuho looked up at Suhyung and spoke pitifully. Even though he looked naive on the outside, he was a kid with quite a backbone who never complained.
Suhyung felt sorry for Yuho and wanted to grant whatever he said.
“Okay. I’ll take you. Let’s go home.”
Like that, Suhyung’s plan to take both Inhan and Yuho back to the dorm failed miserably.
