# Chapter 13
Yeo Dowoon had been meticulously trained to avoid harming civilians. Especially in moments like today when he was barely managing to control his abilities, he couldn’t carelessly move even a finger.
If he were to lose what little rationality he had left, he would end up freezing everything around him once again.
“…I don’t want to hurt you. Let me go.”
As his suppressed voice leaked out, Cha Haseong buried Dowoon’s face into his nape.
When an S-class guide’s energy and an S-class Esper’s vigor collided, both individuals couldn’t help but experience momentary, intense pain.
“You’re good at making threats too, Dowoon-ssi.”
But Cha Haseong neutralized Dowoon’s pain faster. Though his own body resonated with the S-class Esper, losing warmth like a sheet of ice.
This was the nature of guides—they were merely beings capable of handling and embracing Espers.
They weren’t entities with divine healing powers, so naturally, the higher their rank, the more they had to sacrifice their bodies.
It was only because Cha Haseong was an S-class guide that he could face Dowoon without passing out. His voice flowed, devoid of sincerity.
“I completely understand that you feel hurt…”
“…”
“But I don’t get why you look so betrayed. It’s not like you were my lover.”
Sometimes, hearing the truth hurts more than lies, making one’s insides burn with frustration.
If he was going to speak only truths, Dowoon wished his expression would at least be arrogant, but Cha Haseong was looking at him with a face so flawlessly serene.
Right. We weren’t lovers.
First, he needed to cool his head. This wasn’t a dungeon—using his abilities recklessly in a hospital would only increase the likelihood of civilian injuries or casualties.
As Dowoon tried to control his emotions, he stared at the ice shards that were springing up like coils before spitting out:
“I never thought I was betrayed.”
In truth, what he felt wasn’t betrayal but deprivation.
He had rationalized Haseong’s rejection by telling himself it wasn’t that he couldn’t have him because of who he was, but that Haseong was someone none of them could have.
However, now that you have a lover, now that someone else has claimed you… he knew that rationalization would ultimately be meaningless.
“I never thought of you as my lover.”
If these fierce icicles were to pierce Cha Haseong’s heart, he would struggle in painful cold as if abandoned in Antarctica before closing his eyelids.
That was the kind of damn aftereffect he had to live with every time he overused his abilities.
“I wanted to be your lover, though. You know that, Guide-nim. I told you often enough.”
Though he had expressed it indirectly, he was indeed referring to his ten failed proposals.
He wasn’t embarrassed about it now. If he had any face to be ashamed with, he wouldn’t have been so insistent with his confessions in the first place.
Cha Haseong, smiling with his eyes like a wall cat lying under warm sunshine, asked as if pleased:
“You mean when you begged me to date you?”
“…Yes. That.”
Being finished off by the words of someone he had desperately loved—and still loved unrequitedly—made him feel incredibly unsettled. This was precisely why he hadn’t wanted to face him.
“I remember every single word without missing a bit.”
“…”
“We did date, didn’t we? We went to see a horror movie. Don’t you remember, Dowoon-ssi?”
He remembered.
Everything—including how his chest was torn to shreds when he took out a diamond ring at a nice restaurant and heard the brief rejection: “Sorry.”
As teammates who had worked together for a long time, he was well aware that no matter how much he tried to avoid Cha Haseong, he would inevitably face him occasionally.
However, one wish arose from his desire not to display his affection as explosively as before.
Just endure until retirement. Both Cha Haseong and his scent.
Moreover, Dowoon was also somewhat optimistic about the future.
If he could put the unregistered baby Esper he had found in the pterosaur-type monster dungeon into the base, he might get retirement approval. If his plan proceeded smoothly, this one-sided love could also reach its conclusion neatly.
Dowoon spoke casually:
“I don’t need guiding anymore, so please let me know if this causes any issues with your salary.”
“…”
“I’m not the kind of bastard who would let someone I liked go hungry.”
After listlessly adding further explanation to his previous words, he averted his gaze to empty space. Cha Haseong grabbed Dowoon’s chin and turned it toward himself.
“Where was all this when you were dying to have me…”
Dowoon carefully took in Cha Haseong’s delicate features.
Beneath eyes with thin double eyelids that slightly peeked through sat a prominent nose bridge that gave off a classical feeling.
But among all his features, the most lovable part was his lips—slightly more plump at the bottom compared to the top.
When devoid of a smile, they gave a truly mysterious impression, but when curved upward, they looked as if clear, jade-like laughter would roll off them.
The man with such a face asked, as if sorrowful:
“You don’t even want to speak with me anymore?”
At that, Dowoon went blank, as if his soul had been stolen. Cha Haseong spoke again, as if urging:
“I’ve overlooked all your stalker-like behavior until now so you wouldn’t get hurt… hmm?”
“…”
“I’ll kiss you, so close your eyes.”
His tone was full of warmth, like a kindergarten teacher praising children’s drawings.
His voice, which knew how to make one’s heart ache even with ordinary sentences, whispered:
“Your body will warm up soon too. I’m your guide, remember? Don’t you want to lean on me?”
His troubled heart flapped like a live fish, waiting for the comfort that would soon follow.
But Dowoon only replied as he unwound his arms from around Haseong’s neck, careful not to injure him even by accident:
“If I rub bodies with someone who has a lover, I think I’ll look truly pathetic.”
He also didn’t want to be the bastard who desired contact guiding from someone who already had a partner. Dowoon declared slowly, as if holding bitter water in his mouth:
“It also looks rather pathetic for someone with a lover to behave this way.”
As he moved his legs to escape from the hard thigh cushion, the hands gripping his waist inevitably tightened. They pressed without moderation, as if wanting to crush his ribs.
Cha Haseong’s neat eye corners had somehow flattened into straight lines.
“…I won’t thank you for worrying about my lover. My situation is more urgent than that.”
His wavering eyes approached as if they would devour Dowoon.
This was clearly an overreach. Dowoon frowned and shouted, raising his tone as if finding it difficult to accept no matter how much he thought about it:
“Why go this far…!”
But he couldn’t finish his sentence completely before falling into panic.
Bang! The uncontrollable power that started from his fingertips narrowly missed Cha Haseong. If the angle had been twisted just 1cm more, it would have certainly pierced through his neck.
From the recoil, Dowoon also tumbled down like he was falling.
“Ugh…”
Cha Haseong staggered and collapsed as well. His complexion had turned deathly pale.
“Guide-nim!”
Dowoon, who had never injured anyone unintentionally during his time as an Esper, rushed over in shock. But the moment he extended his hand, his elbow was grabbed, and their positions were reversed.
Pinning Dowoon down, Cha Haseong wiped away the streak of blood flowing down his mouth and said:
“You know that Espers with over 50% runaway potential must be constantly accompanied by guides with high matching rates, like baggage.”
That’s why even fearless Espers desperately clung to guiding. From the moment they crossed that number 50, shackles were essentially placed on their feet forever.
Naturally, from the guide’s perspective, it was a situation where they had no choice but to mortgage the rest of their lives regardless of their will. Cha Haseong warned with clouded eyes and a more ragged voice:
“Your runaway potential has risen to 43%, Dowoon-ssi.”
“…”
“You know that the moment it hits 50%, I’ll be tied to you, wasting my life forever, right?”
“That can’t be, that can’t possibly happen.”
Cha Haseong leaned his head closer and whispered:
“If you don’t want to see something ugly, behave obediently.”
Before he could refuse, warm lips met his.
The mucous membrane, smeared with fresh blood, continuously emitted a fishy scent that tormented Dowoon. Honestly, it was even overwhelming. The moist flesh stirred around inside his mouth, spreading saliva.
At the harsh movements of rubbing against the roof of his mouth and sucking on his tongue, Dowoon firmly gripped Cha Haseong’s shoulders. In response, Cha Haseong detached his lips, gave a bird kiss as if cutting a thread, and murmured:
“Rather than suffering because of you, I’d put a gun to my head and commit suicide.”
Dowoon could guarantee it. The guiding he received at that moment was more painful and heartbreaking than any other time. Cha Haseong muttered a few more words in succession, but they didn’t reach his ears. Throughout being dragged to the wavelength examination room, Dowoon couldn’t let go of his self-loathing.
