# Chapter 12
I suppose that’s why I’ve been working like an ox and running around like a dog all this time, building up my bank balance.
“Guide-nim’s salary.”
“……”
“I can give you as much as you want.”
I swear, it was never my intention to flaunt my wealth to seduce him or to raise my nose high based on the weight of my bank account.
Yeo Dowoon was genuinely worried that his refusal of guiding might have disrupted the Guide’s career path.
After all, he never expected that the distance he’d chosen to create between them, merely to subdue his own desires, would cause such significant repercussions.
Cha Haseong’s kind eyes, which had been curved like a crescent moon, gradually began to return to their original shape.
“They say S-class Espers earn astronomical amounts… I guess that wasn’t just an empty rumor.”
As the pleasant warmth that had been threading between his fingers disappeared, the chill that had seemed to be fading attacked his solar plexus once again, aching throughout every corner of his stomach.
The empty rumor Cha Haseong mentioned was only half true. Yeo Dowoon’s earnings were indeed at an astronomical level.
But the difference was that it wasn’t “S-class Espers” in general, but rather that Yeo Dowoon, a special Esper, was one of the few who received a particularly high salary.
Yeo Dowoon stared longingly at Cha Haseong’s hand as it pushed him away and retreated.
If he could press his lips against that palm, he would feel a primordial sense of comfort as if he were lying in the middle of a forest filled with phytoncide. Cha Haseong, looking down at him, slightly stole a glance at Yeo Dowoon’s cheek and asked softly.
“This feels like I’m being paid for sex by some old man. Don’t you think?”
He quickly straightened his upper body and rested his elbows on the mattress, propping up his chin. Perhaps because he hadn’t fixed his disheveled clothes and hair, he exuded an atmosphere that seemed more comfortable than usual.
The tousled light brown threads of hair kept stealing Yeo Dowoon’s attention.
When the person he loved so much directly mentioned the word ‘payment for sex,’ Yeo Dowoon was at a loss for words and could only grasp the hem of his knit sweater. He frantically tried to explain himself.
“That’s not what I meant. It’s really without any compensation… Ah, that’s not it.”
As his disorganized logic became tangled, Yeo Dowoon bit his lower lip in deep depression.
His uncontrollable eloquence couldn’t have been more cursed. Somehow, not a single satisfactory explanation came to mind. Yeo Dowoon finished his words with an almost resigned feeling.
“Just think of it as a token of sincerity. …A sincerity that I don’t want to ruin someone else’s livelihood.”
He was well aware that some Espers with flawed personalities treated their guides like objects, handling them inhumanely.
When encountering such bastards, he had often frozen their groins, pretending it was an accident. Therefore, Yeo Dowoon chose to appear as a crazy person excited about showing off his wealth.
“I have good abilities. Think of it as savings you can use when needed. It will remain as a bank account exclusively for Guide-nim.”
“Dowoon-ssi.”
“It’s fine. It’s just pocket change anyway.”
Glancing at Yeo Dowoon with an eerie look, Cha Haseong sighed as if telling him to stop talking nonsense. His voice was, as expected, filled with a gloomy energy.
“Explain it in a way that makes sense.”
“I’ll take responsibility for Guide-nim’s livelihood…”
“……”
“It means that, at least for me, you don’t have to guide anymore.”
“…Is it because I’m unpleasant to you?”
A hand that held a faint fragrance suddenly grabbed Yeo Dowoon’s collar and pulled him.
Stunned by the unexpected question, Yeo Dowoon found himself sitting on Cha Haseong’s thigh, following his forceful hand.
“I told you, didn’t I? To explain it so I can understand.”
An arm firmly embracing Yeo Dowoon’s waist fixed him in place so that he couldn’t move an inch. Cha Haseong continued his sentence in a coaxing manner.
“What terrible thing did I do that would make wealthy Dowoon-ssi try to get rid of me, even handing over pocket change… I should at least know the reason so I can decide whether to apologize or not. Right?”
However, this issue was never under Cha Haseong’s responsibility or fault.
Moreover, Yeo Dowoon didn’t want to be compensated for his five years with the unseemly act of rebuking the other. Even imagining himself demanding that made him feel disgusted and nauseated.
“You didn’t do anything terrible.”
Yeo Dowoon answered while unconsciously curling his fingers that almost showed a counterattack reaction. The ice fragments that had risen melted under the warm body heat.
“I was the one who acted like an idiot.”
When an Esper is close to their guide, they experience a sense of freedom as if released from the shackles known as their abilities, and they come to yearn for it like addicts.
This was probably the same for everyone affiliated with Delta.
In the same context, Yeo Dowoon didn’t find physical contact with Cha Haseong uncomfortable at all. Rather, he was crazy about it. This, of course, would also apply to everyone in Team Delta.
‘When I let you sit beside me and step on the gas at full speed, your heart rate doubles. When the heart races, stupid kids tend to misunderstand. Because it’s unfamiliar and exciting.’
Suddenly, Kwon Jeonghoo’s indifferent voice flashed through Yeo Dowoon’s mind—the voice of the man who had been his drinking companion in a crimson tent bar on the day he experienced his first heartbreak after being rejected by Cha Haseong.
‘You put a shell of love over a physical response that came first. It’s easy to swap tension for excitement. You love like a protagonist in a romance movie until you get out of the car, and when the engine stops, you naturally return to reality and it’s over.’
‘Captain, have you already exceeded your alcohol limit?’
‘What I’m saying is that what you’re feeling for Cha Haseong right now is an extremely natural and obvious reaction.’
Although he didn’t continue his words, Yeo Dowoon could easily guess the object of the metaphor.
The idiot was himself, and Cha Haseong was the accelerator. Since the driver would be the relationship between Esper and guide, the engine would be the time needed to get used to guiding.
But five years had already passed.
Yeo Dowoon sensed that a large hole had formed in Kwon Jeonghoo’s metaphor.
“Guide-nim.”
He wasn’t an idiot sitting in the passenger seat, but an idiot sitting in the driver’s seat. Moreover, he had been immersed in the act of driving straight while stepping only on the accelerator without brakes.
Since the engine never stopped, only his heart had suffered needlessly. The years he spent dreaming of love and desiring a futile person while adding acceleration upon acceleration felt meaningless.
“Guide-nim…”
At Yeo Dowoon’s repeated calls, Cha Haseong embraced his waist even more tightly. He didn’t mind much even when water droplets falling from his hair wet the knit sweater. Cha Haseong replied.
“We have plenty of time, so speak slowly.”
But Yeo Dowoon added without giving any sign of creating a gap in the conversation.
“From now on, can I call you hyung?”
The reason he had consistently maintained the somewhat awkward title of ‘Guide-nim’ all this time was because he wanted to be lovers with him, not brothers.
For the development of the relationship, he had to appear as a romantic interest first. But now it was different.
As determination filled Yeo Dowoon’s eyes, Cha Haseong said with a hollow laugh.
“I’m already your hyung.”
“Then, do you permit—”
“And ‘hyung’ is the title that makes me feel the worst.”
“……”
“I hate it when people cling to me while calling me ‘hyung.’ Because I hate the smell of sweat.”
Despite the rejection that strongly expressed disgust, Yeo Dowoon wasn’t particularly hurt.
He only felt a belated satisfaction that his strategy of not dropping the honorific title despite becoming the subject of ridicule around him had been accurate after all.
“Just call me Cha Haseong instead. It’s fine to speak informally.”
However, he had to deny the attached proposal.
“No, it’s fine. I didn’t use honorifics because I dislike formal speech.”
“Well… I guess that’s not the main point.”
Cha Haseong skillfully removed that hand and made him place it behind his own neck.
Perhaps due to the suddenly reduced distance, Yeo Dowoon awkwardly pulled his head back. He also tried to shake off his arm, but the whining voice that flowed out made him feel like invisible handcuffs had been locked on him.
“Would you feel better if I kissed you?”
“……”
“What do I need to do to make you feel better and receive guiding?”
“…Kisses are guiding, aren’t they?”
“Not that. Like you’d do with a lover.”
Cha Haseong had noticed his grievances long ago. How could he not when he was showing it so obviously? So Yeo Dowoon didn’t need to hide or conceal his emotions by beating around the bush.
Anyway, Cha Haseong would only regard him as a childish Esper.
“Didn’t you want to be treated like a lover?”
For a moment, coldness rushed to Yeo Dowoon’s hand as he failed to control his ability. Cha Haseong repeatedly stabbed Yeo Dowoon with verbal daggers. He rebuked as if determined to hurt him.
“I get that you’re upset and hurt.”
“……”
“If you liked me a lot, I guess you could feel that way.”
The reason he couldn’t jump up from his seat right away was because of his sense of duty as an Esper—he didn’t want to hurt Cha Haseong despite everything.
