# Chapter 10
To the voice tinged with lamentation that seemed to reproach him, Kwon Jeonghoo responded with a weak snicker:
“That’s what bastards do.”
“…”
“Want to know what sons of bitches do too?”
Feeling like his blood vessels might burst like fireworks if he dawdled any longer, Dowoon exerted his last bit of strength to grab Jeonghoo’s black hair.
“I won’t say much. If you don’t want your scalp torn, move away right now.”
Jeonghoo, who had been persistently tickling his straight neck, laughed softly. Perhaps due to his heightened senses, even the vibration of his throat felt acutely stimulating to his lower abdomen.
“Impressive, Yeo Dowoon. You still have the spirit to resist.”
This time, he was being sincere, not just empty words.
Seeing how Dowoon still glared despite having his hair disheveled, he really did seem to be an Esper with iron-like willpower and mental strength, just as everyone said.
Jeonghoo slowly traced over Dowoon’s hospital gown, especially around the round buttons, then slid down and changed his position. The way he settled between Dowoon’s narrowed thighs looked ominous.
As Jeonghoo’s rigid shoulder blades pressed against the flesh of his thighs, Dowoon began to struggle violently. Even though it was just skin contact, his legs felt like they were burning. He shouted:
“I feel like my thighs are going to burn!”
“Burn? I thought you were going to say… you were about to cum.”
“You dirty bastard…!”
What kind of cowardly act was this to pull when a person’s body and mind were not just halved, but in three pieces? If he had any pent-up feelings, Dowoon wished he would express them fair and square without mental manipulation.
Dowoon pleaded, thinking that Jeonghoo had found a new way to torment him—an especially novel and impressive method:
“It would have been the same if I were trapped with the Captain in the dungeon. I can swear to heaven!”
This seemed to be an effective cry, as Jeonghoo stopped moving without pressing his flesh any closer.
Dowoon, who had been suffering from fear that Jeonghoo might burn him to death, finally lifted his closed eyelids. The clean face looking down at him coldly filled his vision.
Perhaps because he had his superior between his thighs, Dowoon felt his solar plexus grow increasingly hot. Even if it was for the purpose of punishment… this position was unnecessarily too suggestive.
Being like this makes me feel like I’m a pervert too.
After recovering his composure through various hardships, Dowoon said earnestly:
“Captain, you taught me yourself. Directly.”
“…”
“To choose the method that would kill less and save more, if possible.”
If asked to choose which instructor had the most influence on Dowoon among the many he had encountered since joining the base, it would undoubtedly be Kwon Jeonghoo.
His dungeon attack method, which was violent like an angry yaksha yet somehow sacrificial, was essentially learned entirely from Jeonghoo.
“And so?”
As if giving him a chance, Jeonghoo asked while weakly biting Dowoon’s knee covered by the patient gown.
…This really feels bizarre.
Wondering if Jeonghoo might have sexual intentions toward him, Dowoon carefully observed him, feeling deep relief to see that his face still looked only bored.
His expression showed no hint of excitement, which gave Dowoon confidence. This man is doing these perverted acts solely with the determination to mess with me somehow.
Having known each other for as long as 10 years, Dowoon thoroughly understood what was in Jeonghoo’s mind. Noticing that Dowoon was distracted with other thoughts, Jeonghoo murmured:
“Yeo Dowoon.”
“I did as I was taught. If it weren’t Cha Haseong but the Captain, no, even if it were Ko Ijae trapped there, my choice wouldn’t have changed. You know better than anyone, Captain…”
“…Right. So to summarize, the reason you rushed in treating your life as worthless—”
Jeonghoo paused, then asked while gripping and lifting under Dowoon’s knee firmly:
“Wasn’t because of that guy Cha Haseong, but because of your noble spirit of sacrifice?”
It means it wasn’t just because of Cha Haseong.
Although there was a subtle difference from the point he had originally intended to explain, Dowoon hurriedly nodded. He just wanted to escape from this shameful situation as quickly as possible, no matter what.
But somehow, the words that followed were unusual. Jeonghoo asked:
“Yeo Dowoon. Do I look like an idiot to you?”
Only then did Dowoon realize that he could never convince him with just the excuses he had devised.
“That’s,” Dowoon began, dragging out his words, but suddenly snapped in an irritable tone:
“You look like worthless trash, worse than a dog.”
He got “worthless trash” right, but was wrong with “worse than a dog.” Of course, it was an intentional wrong answer.
Having to use “worse than a dog” instead of “son of a bitch,” Dowoon shook his hair as if utterly annoyed and asked:
“Captain. Have you ever been rejected for five years?”
Although it felt like his pride as a male was crumbling, there was no better way to reveal his aching heart.
Moreover, without even a single decent alternative, his gloomy voice resembling dark clouds could only fall repeatedly:
“I don’t want to brag about this sort of thing, Captain.”
“…”
“After this year passes, I’ll be the fool who spent six years alone pouring his heart out to someone with no hope.”
Dowoon’s one wish lately was to complete his retirement quickly and begin properly clearing his mind in the place with good air and water that he had already scouted out.
Honestly speaking, he was tired.
It wasn’t simply the feeling of growing weary of an unresponsive partner, but an emotion packed with concerns about whether his selfish feelings might lead to wrong results.
“When someone who seems like I’ll never forget them as long as I’m close to them appears to be in danger, how could I have stayed still?”
So Dowoon decided to throw his final gambit. He thoroughly exposed the dark red affection that had quietly settled deep in his left atrium.
“If I don’t retire, I’ll just cause accidents like this, so if you’re disappointed, please go to the office and approve my resignation first. When it comes to matters related to Cha Haseong, I can’t use proper judgment and act with my body first.”
“Then use proper judgment.”
“It’s not that I don’t, it’s that I can’t… Haah. If I could, I would have done so long ago. It’s too late now.”
It was too late to deal with it halfheartedly, too late to pretend otherwise, and too late to look for another person, so the only way was to detach himself before causing more trouble.
What came to Dowoon unexpectedly as he held his breath waiting for harsh words was a caring voice whispering while personally straightening his crumpled hospital gown:
“How much better it would have been if you were honest from the beginning.”
Jeonghoo’s unrefined touch tidied up the disheveled clothing. Dowoon, who had been stiff, suddenly pulled him closer and confirmed:
“Are you feeling better now?”
“No.”
“…Were you just praising me for being honest?”
That was indeed the case, if one were to analyze it. Jeonghoo, pushing Dowoon’s forehead back down onto the bed, covered him snugly with a heavy cotton blanket and answered:
“I was wondering how long you were going to deny it.”
“It’s not a crime to deny something, so why?”
“Well. That’s something I need to think about too.”
He only calls me ‘hyung’ at times like this.
When Dowoon muttered loud enough for him to hear while buried in the blanket, Jeonghoo, pulling up the corners of his mouth in a slight smile, squeezed his body into the narrow bed and said:
“You’re tired, so go to sleep quickly.”
“It’s too narrow, cold, and irritating. I absolutely can’t sleep.”
“Want me to warm you up again?”
“…I’ll sleep right away.”
Perhaps because he had just heated up a while ago, the cold air surrounding Dowoon had noticeably diluted. Of course, he would never recognize this change unless someone pointed it out to him specifically.
Suddenly, Jeonghoo whispered:
“I thought it would be better to play dumb than to openly show off and irritate people, but experiencing it firsthand, this is also quite infuriating.”
Occasionally, he would constrain Dowoon with a gaze that rendered him immobile, and today seemed to be exactly that day.
“Don’t hide it, Dowoon.”
Dowoon felt a moment of déjà vu and remained silent. The flow and context were clearly familiar, but perhaps because his mind had been completely turned inside out, it was difficult to think properly and make judgments.
“Spit it all out. If you’re going to swallow it, swallow it in front of me.”
“…”
“That’s the only way hyung can tactfully erase it for you.”
Kwon Jeonghoo is a man who greatly resembles iron bars. Cool, solid, fierce, and strong.
Seeing how his vision quickly dimmed as if a blackout curtain had been drawn, Jeonghoo had undoubtedly played a trick targeting his desire to sleep.
Just before falling into a long sleep, Dowoon felt Jeonghoo’s thick forearm sliding under his neck and pleaded:
“Don’t erase it…”
Blink, his eyes closed. Profound darkness crept in silently.
“Cha Hae… sung…”
Since even the final name he uttered was still Cha Haseong, Jeonghoo could only warn him with a blank expression as if tired: Don’t whine.
“I’m barely holding back right now.”
