Why say such things! But the kids around didn’t seem to particularly believe Joel’s words. They seemed to think he was just being sarcastic. There were even a few who laughed secretly going “He called David gay!” After all, David Evans was a 100% heterosexual with lots of girls, no matter who looked at him. But no one knew that the ‘business’ David Evans had with me was kissing.
I didn’t feel particularly proud. Rather, I felt deflated. No matter how much I kissed Dave or whatever I did, in the end, other people wouldn’t know. I had no intention of even telling them, but I came to realize that ultimately those acts were nothing but taboos that had to be done underwater.
If it had just been for the purpose of raising the Romance index, it would have been fine, but I guess this is what happened because I resolved to try liking Dave. It was a stupid decision. Even if I ended up truly, sincerely, deeply liking Dave, I would eventually leave this place anyway. I shouldn’t have given my heart deeply to a character in this world. I only realized that now.
“Dave, let’s go.”
I smiled with effort and followed Dave. And I raised the Romance and Queer indexes by 1% each. Now just 2% more and the quest would be complete.
***
“July, why do you look like that?”
“……”
I thought my gloomy mood would improve when I got home, but it didn’t. Seeing my parents and hyung sitting on the sofa going “Hahaha!” laughing, then looking at me with worried eyes, I felt like I might burst into tears. Heat rose to my eyelids but I held it in.
“Nothing happened. Really. I’m just tired from riding my bike home.”
I forced the corners of my mouth up. Not giving my heart deeply to the characters in this world—that applied to my family too. Even though they look exactly like my real family, they’re different people. I’m eventually leaving this place. I had no choice but to escape from Mom, Dad, and hyung’s affection.
The people who first taught me about family love and the affection family gives turned out to be illusions in a drama after all. It was empty and miserable.
“Come eat ice cream, okay?”
But this body temperature that hugged me and patted me, not fooled by my lie, was too warm. Why are you so warm when you’re fake? Why do you keep making me want to believe you’re real when you’re fake, making me wish this world was mine… Even while harboring such resentment, I raised my arms and hugged my family. Three bodies filled my arms.
“Mom, Dad, hyung…”
“Yes. July, what’s wrong? Hm?”
“…Do you love me?”
“Of course we love you!”
As if my question that I barely managed to spit out was absurd, Mom, Dad, and hyung said while laughing. My heart swelled at that answer that it was obvious.
“Keep, keep… loving me. Keep it up.”
“Of course. We’ll love our July until the day we die, no, even after we die.”
At Mom’s words as she lightly grabbed and shook my chin, I buried my face in her shoulder. Even if it’s fake, it’s so warm and nice, wouldn’t it be okay to be deceived for just a little while? Even though the end is already decided, just for a little while. Really, just for a very short while… I’m allowed to enjoy this much before returning to that cold and merciless world, right?
I recalled ‘REJECTED’ and bzzzzzz! The phone vibrating endlessly, my family’s texts, and squeezed my eyes shut. I wished all night that those things were fake and these things were real. I was afraid that when I woke up, I’d be in a hospital with my family looking down at me coldly.
Bzzzzzz, bzzzzzz, bzzzzzz! The vibration that kept ringing and the voice calling “Baek Woogeon, Baek Woogeon!” The red letters saying ‘REJECTED’. When all of that mixed together and started to feel like reality,
“Heu, heu, huk…!”
Everything before my eyes was pitch black and hot. Something rolled down my forehead. I fumbled to wipe it with my palm and looked at it, but it was too dark to tell what it was. Absurdly, thinking it might be blood for a moment, I sat up startled. I looked around. Morning sunlight coming through the gaps in the curtains, and…
“…System?”
???
“…Thank goodness.”
In the dim room, I felt relieved at the question mark floating clearly while emitting light alone. I was still in Bluedale. I didn’t want to leave this place, but I didn’t want to die either… Because of that contradiction, after agonizing over and over, I realized that when I die, this world ends too.
I wished my family’s world would be eternal. I hoped Dave, and Joel too—annoying and irritating as he was—wouldn’t die and would continue living in this world. So I had to work diligently. I resolved to definitely raise the Romance index that had only 2% remaining.
***
“Hmm, hmm, hmmm!”
On the now-familiar route to school, I hummed while pedaling my bicycle hard. I wasn’t in a particularly cheerful mood, but I wanted to force it up. Swoosh, swoosh! Cars that must belong to other students passed by me. A few even rolled down their driver’s side windows to say hi.
“July, why don’t you drive and ride a bike instead?”
“I’m trying to reduce carbon emissions!”
I answered cheerfully like this every time. A few kids gave me thumbs up saying it was cool, and a few laughed at me. Saying what could I possibly change by trying alone? They didn’t know what they were talking about. This world could be protected because I tried. Including all of you who laugh at me.
Maybe because my legs had built up some muscle, riding the bike wasn’t hard anymore. Same even when I shifted gears and increased speed. Riding a bike is pretty nice. It’s exercise too. After parking my bike, I spun the bike lock key around my index finger.
“Urk!”
But one car zoomed right in front of me, making me jump in surprise. It wasn’t close enough to hit me, but if I’d been walking faster, who knows. From that car parked crookedly, a person as delinquent as that parking got out.
“That son of a bitch, trying to kill someone…”
It was Joel. I felt like an idiot for resolving to save this world that included such a dog-like bastard. …No wait, let me get a grip. A grip. Joel was just a very small flaw. An insignificant flaw so small that even if it was on a newly purchased item, it wouldn’t be enough to return it.
“After being stupid, are you crazy now…”
Instead of getting angry, haha! I smiled toward Joel. Joel glared at me with a face scrunched up unpleasantly from morning. Yeah. I’m crazy. Who wouldn’t go crazy in this situation! I’m crazy! And you’re a son of a bitch not worth dealing with!
As my generous heart narrowed again, I raised my middle finger stiffly toward Joel’s broad back. Could my very straight and even long finger have sent some signal? Joel, who suddenly stopped, turned back toward me.
“……”
“……”
I awkwardly folded my finger. But it was way too late. Joel looked at me with narrowed eyes, then soon walked toward me with big strides.
“Hey, seventh.”
“…Why?”
Joel, a tall figure over 190cm, looked down at me quietly. His aura combined with the menacing atmosphere seemed to blaze. Since I had done something guilty, I avoided his gaze and looked down. Then when my hand was suddenly grabbed, I screamed “Ahhh!” without realizing it. My scream that echoed through the school parking lot in the morning was so insignificant and pathetic.
“Look at your voice all cracking.”
“……”
Joel giggled. I felt like I’d die of embarrassment. I irritably pulled my hand from Joel’s and hid it behind my back.
“Why my hand…!”
“Fingernails.”
“What?”
“Cut your fingernails, they’re fucking dirty.”
“……”
Joel, who really spat out such a sudden and random remark, turned around and trudged off to school. It was truly absurd.
Hey, you don’t know my real family are doctors, do you? How much proper handwashing I learned from childhood! How cleanly I wash my hands! This isn’t even that long for fingernails! …Is it? I looked at my nails where the white part had grown out a bit, then thinking why am I doing this, hurriedly walked to school.
The school hallway lined with cabinets was crowded as usual. I opened my cabinet to check today’s classes again and gathered the books needed for class. I’d done all my homework and packed it too, and what else was there…?
“July.”
“Ah, yeah!”
I counted off on my fingers what I had to do. Then when I recalled the very last item ‘Raise Romance index by 2% or more!’, the most important supply for that task tapped my shoulder. Dave in his football team jacket was shining today too.
“Did you get home okay yesterday?”
“I got home fine.”
“You looked like you were in a bad mood. Did something happen?”
“Mmm, no.”
I shook my head no with the corners of my mouth pulled up. Dave smiled slightly.
“Your hair.”
“Hm?”
“There’s dust in your hair. Hold on.”
Dave leaned his body slightly toward me, then very carefully put his hand near my left temple area. I felt a few strands of hair being pulled.
Dave blew “Phew!” on the very thin thread caught between his thumb and index finger, then brushed off his hands.
“Dave, do you have time today?”
“Mm, I’m packed with classes today so I won’t have time while at school, and I’ll probably be late after practice, but why?”
“Uh, well…”
Because I want to kiss you. When I trailed off, Dave, who brilliantly caught the meaning, laughed “Pfft!”
“Ahh, I have time for that. Right now… I think we have about 5 minutes.”
Dave checked the time on his phone and giggled. …This young punk keeps teasing his hyung. I felt like heat would rise to my face but I held it in and awkwardly laughed “Haha!” But for some reason, all the students standing in the hallway seemed to be glancing at Dave. Why are they acting like that?
“Did you see Bluedale Saver?”
“No, why?”
“David is…!”
I heard whispered conversation sounds faintly. Bluedale Saver? Thinking something must have been posted on that account again, I quickly went into the Stargram app. And…
David Evans kissed Natalia Newton at a party. After that, they kissed several more times in the cleaning supply closet, but this is a secret.
