‘Hush… Hush…’
Those hands that cared for me. The lullaby I heard for the first time. That gentle patting. Even if it was just the thoughtless action of a child drunk on sleep, that act was sweet to me. It was an action that had never been given to me even once.
During my small larval days when I wasn’t yet trained. Because my body and mind were weak, I would easily collapse. It was a time when the various reptilian genes that had been pieced together hadn’t properly combined.
But the clan didn’t nurse me as I gasped for breath. If I couldn’t endure that pain and collapsed, as a weak individual, I should be weeded out. If that had happened, they would surely have made something else again with my corpse.
What would happen if a drop of dew fell on someone who lived without being able to drink even a sip of water? Even if it were rotten water, it would inevitably become nectar unparalleled in this world.
“Now now, everyone did well this time. Still, it would be good to familiarize yourselves a bit more with the sheet music.”
The voices of all humans except Jack were nothing but noise pollution. I roughly retreated to the back and pretended to participate in practice while not participating. Participating in such things was itself nonsense to me.
In the first place, though that human called Rose cherished my master, that didn’t mean I would have good feelings toward her. Her gaze toward me always seemed to be wary of an uncomfortable beast, and in that regard, she was no different from any other human.
In the first place, humans didn’t recognize beastmen as equal beings. At best beasts, at worst no different from objects.
Ah. My master. How long had it been since we parted that I already missed his breathing. I missed the scent of his flesh and I missed the affection he directed toward me. The longing grew rapidly in my body as time passed.
‘I think it would be fun to be by your side.’
I thought it was a lie, but at the same time I thought it was human-like. In those wheat-colored eyes dwelled teeming desire. That’s why I couldn’t shake off the thought that I should leave. Even though each and every act he did to me was sweet, I thought catastrophe would come someday.
Also, I didn’t want to acknowledge that kindness. Because the foundation that constituted me was hatred and rage toward humans, the moment I acknowledged it, I felt like I would crumble from the foundation.
As if proving that thought wasn’t wrong, before long I was caught by human hands and sold off. The voices of the men who had invaded my master’s room are still vivid.
‘There really is a beastman?’
‘That Carl guy, he’s really something.’
‘How did he know there was a beastman there? As expected of someone the guild master personally brought.’
Thinking about it now, there was no content about my master in their words. If I had been a bit more in my right mind, I could have known that Carl was behind that incident. However, having unknowingly fallen deeply for my master’s kindness, I trembled with a sense of betrayal at the time.
I tried to finish shedding my skin to calm my unstable body and escape right away. The reason I had postponed it even though I could do it was because deep down I wanted to stay by his side longer. An excuse to enjoy his kind touch a bit more.
But at that point when I was left alone. Not shedding my skin would have been foolish. I quickly shed my skin, but human malice exceeded imagination. Even though I had calmed from the pain after molting, I couldn’t transform into another form because of the mana controller. I couldn’t use other abilities either.
At that time, since it wasn’t a fully grown body, to escape I had to strengthen my body using mana. My body’s condition then was no different from having my limbs cut off.
While I was gripped by despair at being unable to escape—
‘Of course I came to rescue you.’
He came to me. It was a kindness I thought would never come again.
At first, I thought I was seeing an illusion because I desperately wished for it while hating it. But the sound of footsteps approaching me through all sorts of miscellaneous things was unmistakably Jack’s.
Again and again, again and again, he secretly infiltrated to try to get me out. But I pretended not to know and turned my body away from him, and eventually he too fell into danger. I had forgotten that humans who act wickedly toward other species can be cruel to their own kind too.
My master who had run with all his strength was panting as he freed me and spoke. From his face drenched in sweat, I could guess the hardship he had gone through.
‘You don’t have to come with me. But today you must escape. You understand, right? I’ll draw attention, so escape in animal form.’
He was the human who had rescued me saying it would be fun to be together. His pupils that had been boiling with desire were mixed with worry and relief toward me as if that had never happened.
Only then did I acknowledge the greed toward Jack that had taken root in my heart. Desire that I had averted my eyes from and denied but continued to grow inside my body. I wanted to be buried in his kindness.
That was all at that time.
As chorus practice continued, my recollections toward my master deepened further. The more I recalled, the more my suffocating feeling seemed to improve. Master. Even this word at first was just a means.
He seemed to be fine even without keeping me by his side. That couldn’t be.
I wanted to monopolize the affection I received for the first time. What I remembered then was precisely <The Lily of Enchantment>. A novel written by humans that he enjoyed reading. Because I had read it again and again when I was alone in his room, I clearly remembered that story.
A novel about receiving the master’s love. It was natural for me to reference his favorite book to receive affection by his side.
‘Since you saved my life, I will serve you as my master from now on.’
In a polite tone like the female protagonist in the novel, I emphasized my gratitude for saving my life. I put a leash on my neck and handed the leash to him. His appearance, opening his eyes wide in apparent bewilderment, came to me painfully.
If you brought me, if you came to rescue me, you must take responsibility for me. After feeding me such sweet honey.
Since he had bestowed knowledge when I could have remained completely ignorant of the existence of such warmth, he naturally had to take responsibility. Since he had made me aware of suffering I wouldn’t have known if ignorant, the suffering of loneliness, I had to forcibly occupy his side.
‘If you abandon me, I will die right here on the spot.’
As I uttered those words, I could feel heavy responsibility weighing down on my shoulders. The clan’s responsibility that had been cast over me like a yoke since birth. The clan’s teaching that I shouldn’t do this was trying to put a bridle on me.
It urged me to immediately take back the reckless words I had uttered and go to the place where I should be. Once the growing pains are over and I’m fine from the humans’ clutches, I should do what I’m supposed to do! It shouted so.
It was terrible. My life was created for the clan and even my death exists for the clan. Solid brainwashing shook me. He who would release me from those chains was sweating profusely with a troubled face.
What if he refused? What if he rejected me, what should I do? If he didn’t allow me, I couldn’t remain here alone. His position had become that important to me. The simple affection he had shown me was this heavy.
If he didn’t choose me. If he didn’t extend that touch to me again. There was only one path I had to choose.
I would devour him. I would chew and swallow all the blood and flesh that made him up to make him one body. I would take everything into my belly without leaving anything behind. Then even that breathing would all become mine. Then I wouldn’t have lost anything.
I waited endlessly for his answer like a condemned prisoner waiting for the guillotine to fall. One breath felt like a thousand years and at the same time I even felt self-loathing. What is this man to me. To be this shaken by a human who is nothing.
When I was wavering in agonizing emotions, he opened his mouth.
‘Well, what’s good is good…’
It was a somewhat reluctant voice, but it was definite permission.
From then on, I didn’t leave his side. Being left alone in the room, soaking in loneliness waiting for him, was now declined. I clung to every footstep my master took and didn’t let go.
However, sometimes I thought I wanted to swallow him alive. The affection he gave was sweet, but at the same time it parched my throat. Was it because my body also had snake qualities?
“We’ll end practice with this today.”
I could escape from my thoughts with the human voice announcing the end. Ah, now I can return to my master. It had been so long since I was separated from him for this long.
The humans whose practice ended chatted in twos and threes, and there were also those who sent glances toward me. However, since my only interest was my master, I kicked off and left my seat.
It must have looked urgent as if my butt was on fire, but I didn’t care. Because I felt like I was withering with longing.
Fortunately, the thirst gradually subsided. With each step toward him, I felt light as if I could fly, and happiness gradually filled me. The fact that I felt supreme happiness just by getting closer to him—I wondered if something was broken.
But when I arrived at the place where he was, what I faced was Jack’s appearance, depressed as if the earth had collapsed. From the woman glancing at him worriedly to the trash spewing negative emotions. From any angle, I could guess something had happened.
