# Chapter 61
I decided to call this a journey. That way, it seemed like I could return someday.
Journeys are often described as always being pleasant, but my first journey in life was not enjoyable. It seemed that the essential conditions for a journey were a set period and a destination. That was the only difference between a typical journey and mine.
A journey with no time limit or destination only brought anxiety and sadness. The only good thing was that I didn’t have to be conscious of hiding my horns and scales. That one thing alone was nice.
I walked aimlessly through the forest. Since I couldn’t go to the village, the forest was the only place I could go. All I knew was the forest. The sun rising between the pointed trees was exceptionally bright. The light shone directly through the forest. In the winter forest with nothing but snow and trees, that light was the only thing I could use as a landmark. So I headed mindlessly toward where the sun was rising.
I was curious about what would appear after passing through this forest. Would I be able to see the edge of the world? Maybe I could see uncharted areas not found on any maps. I kept forcing myself to imagine, but there was no excitement.
During the day when the sun was up, I walked aimlessly, and when I got hungry, I hunted. In the early stages of my journey, I mostly found hibernating rabbit burrows and caught rabbits. At first, I prepared each one carefully and cooked it over a fire, but at some point, I began tearing at them raw.
With unclear purpose, everything became tedious. It was my first time eating raw meat, but I didn’t find it disgusting or repulsive. When I checked at some point, my teeth had become much sharper. They looked less like human teeth and more like animal fangs. I rubbed the surface of my pointed teeth with my fingertips, sometimes cutting my skin.
Like this, I could never return to Arden’s side. On this sudden thought, I impulsively slammed my head hard against a tree. I rammed it several times with my horns exposed, but the horns didn’t bend or get damaged. Instead, it was the tree that fell.
Despite making a loud noise, no monsters appeared nearby. It was a moment that made Arden’s constant warnings seem meaningless. Arden acted as if something terrible would happen if I entered the forest, but I had never been afraid of the forest. Rather, being among people where I had to hide my appearance was more uncomfortable.
When the sun set and my body tired, I would make camp anywhere. I would hang the mobile I had been keeping inside my coat on a tree branch and sleep sitting underneath it. If I gazed at the mobile quietly, I could drift off to sleep.
Fearing that the mobile might be damaged in the snowstorm, I wove pointed leaves together to make a small tent for it. Even then, the wind that blew through small gaps gently touched the mobile. The sound of pine cones and rough carvings colliding was clear in my ears.
I could hear sounds that shouldn’t be audible and smell the fur of monsters far away. My senses had become more acute than when I was at the cabin, but I wasn’t cold or uncomfortable. I wondered if my appearance might be gradually changing like my teeth. That thought pushed me into overwhelming fear. If I became even more distant from human appearance, I couldn’t return to Arden. I wasn’t sure how I could return, but if I became closer to a monster, I might never see him again in my lifetime.
I wasn’t scared sleeping in the middle of the forest, but just thinking about that made it hard to breathe. If I could, I wanted to pluck out my horns and scrape away all my scales. Even my purple eyes, which I once thought were pretty, had long since become objects of hatred. I wanted to get rid of everything that caught people’s attention. I might look hideous, but a hideous human was better than a perfect monster. Because Arden would accept me even if I came back with holes in my head and all my skin peeled off, even if I lost both eyes and returned blind.
If I could have seen my face right there, I would have done something about it, but unfortunately, there was no mirror to check.
The deeper I went, there were occasionally beasts or monsters that would attack, but when I stepped into the territory of creatures that lived in groups, it was quiet. The beasts that lived alone in this barren land were usually species with physical abilities superior to normal intelligence, and animals that lived in groups relied more on intelligence than physical ability, cooperating to survive. Monsters with enough intelligence to live in groups didn’t rashly attack me. Only stupid ones picked fights without knowing better. When I realized this fact, I burst into laughter by myself.
“Am I the king of monsters or something?”
I muttered while smashing the head of something that had attacked me into the ground. It was a monster similar to a bear with grayish fur. It was just large but extremely slow. Monsters instinctively avoided attacking those stronger than themselves. It was a wise approach. Much better than throwing stones out of fear. The result of such stupidity was merely death.
I killed countless monsters. Even those that didn’t charge at me, I grabbed whatever I saw and twisted their necks. When I did so, I would hear Arden’s voice scolding me, saying these were acts unforgivable by God. Even knowing it was an auditory hallucination, I spilled blood whenever I saw creatures because I missed that voice.
The more blood I saw, the more my whole body boiled with heat and my head became foggy. Arden’s voice gradually became fainter. Even when I tore at the flesh of already dead monsters and spilled blood, I couldn’t hear Arden’s voice.
I felt anxious and didn’t know what to do. Even when the sun set, I continued finding monsters’ lairs without rest. I attacked monsters that were preparing to sleep after ending their day. If one wasn’t enough, I would catch two, and if that wasn’t enough, I planned to keep catching as many as needed.
My arm, which had been overworked all day, didn’t have proper strength, but I had already put my hand into the monster’s jaws. I couldn’t back down here, nor did I want to. I was sure if I applied force like this, I could tear its muzzle, but gradually the monster’s mouth was closing. I was being overpowered.
My breathing became rough. A low roar bubbled up from the monster’s open throat. Perhaps it was my own sound. Just as the monster’s mouth was about to close completely, its sharp teeth dug into the back of my left hand. The skin that still looked like human skin was nothing but fragile. The tightly stretched skin tore easily. At that moment, more clearly than any other time, I heard Arden’s voice.
‘Rite!’
It was a vivid sound, as if he were nearby. Hearing the voice I had been waiting for, a smile spread across my face. I didn’t even care that my hand was buried in the monster’s mouth.
I pushed my fingers between the pointed teeth and applied force again. The closing muzzle opened bit by bit. Even knowing it was a hallucination, I felt ecstasy when traces of Arden left in my mind surfaced.
Indeed, I couldn’t die without Arden. Only after completely tearing the monster’s mouth did I stop hunting and fall asleep. I didn’t even have the strength to hang the mobile on a tree, so I sought sleep right there in the monster’s den. The monster whose nest I had taken watched me all night with its mouth torn wide open. With its white eyes, devoid of black pupils, staring widely.
The act of counting days became meaningless. I think I had been carefully counting a little over thirty, but when I came to my senses, quite a lot of time had passed. What I was doing and why was becoming blurry, and only instinctive things like smell, hearing, and hunger remained. That’s when—
“It seems you’re all prepared now, Rite.”
I met a woman.
* * *
In the quiet and empty forest, someone appeared without a trace and called my name. It was strange. I hadn’t missed even a single footstep of distant monsters.
Bright golden hair flowed down to the snow piled on the ground. Even under the dim and gloomy sky, her intricately sparkling hair was like a delicately crafted sculpture of glass or jewels.
“Where are you going?”
“How do you know my name?”
“If you walk just a little more, the forest ends.”
Her speech was closer to a stubborn monologue of saying only what she wanted rather than a conversation. It had been a while since I’d spoken. And even longer since I’d spoken words meant for someone else to hear rather than just to myself.
I could tell she was no ordinary person. The woman’s skin sparkled subtly as if sprinkled with white powder. Her blackish-purple skin, like the night sky, was an artificial color for human skin. Her black skin, embroidered as if with stars, accentuated her yellow eyes that shone like the sun and her golden hair.
“And when I leave the forest?”
“When you leave the forest, my power won’t reach you. Beyond this is not Artalis territory. I’m glad I met you before you completely left.”
The mysterious figure took a step. The bare feet that quietly trod on the snow were barefoot. As if not feeling the cold, they weren’t red from freezing and were clean without a single wound. Wherever she stepped, the snow melted, revealing green earth.
“Do you recognize me, Rite?”
“…”
“You don’t, right? After all, we’ve never met.”
She came close enough that I could touch her if I reached out. Up close, she was taller than I thought. She was about the same height as me or slightly taller. A pitch-black hand touched my cheek. The warm body temperature was strange. I was usually warmer than ordinary people.
Even after I swatted her hand away, she didn’t seem offended. Rather—
“Seeing you in person, you really do look alike.”
She smiled, her eyes curving with apparent joy. There was someone I could think of. I had seen illustrations of someone with a similar appearance. The founding myth of Artalis. From that book Arden used to read to me when I was very young.
A woman shining like the sun and a dragon black as night.
“Artalis?”
