# Chapter 59
Rite loves Arden. Not as a guardian, but as a partner.
That was the first thing Rite realized on his own without Arden’s guidance.
Though Rite wasn’t good with numbers, he was more perceptive than anyone when it came to emotions and understanding himself. The feelings he had for Arden were somewhat special. He quickly realized that his feelings were different from the feelings Ea had for Lucy, or the feelings Cal had for Markus.
Arden might not have had a talent for teaching, but he was never negligent. He was the kind of person who would answer “tree” a hundred times if asked about a tree a hundred times. But despite Arden being like that, there was one thing Rite couldn’t bring himself to ask him.
Why his heart felt at ease when he saw Arden, why he could see Arden’s face even with his eyes closed, why his heart beat faster when he touched Arden. Even if he had asked, Arden probably wouldn’t have been able to give a proper answer. He was rather dull when it came to such matters.
The perceptive Rite examined the character relationships in books and found others with feelings similar to his own. Protagonists who made extreme choices after losing their fiancées, protagonists who abandoned everything to leave together despite insurmountable class differences, characters who spent the rest of their lives beside their deceased wives’ graves.
The common thread among all these characters was love.
I love Arden. Rite repeated that sentence over and over. It was a sentence he liked in every way. Each letter, each stroke containing feelings—he loved all of it.
That’s how I came to understand love. Unlike in books, I didn’t hear bells ringing in my ears or see angels. I just suddenly realized it.
* * *
You might not believe this, but I remember the moment I was born. It’s not entirely clear, but one thing remained distinct in my mind. I heard a man screaming. A scream filled with agony. It wasn’t Arden’s voice.
I thought everyone remembered their first moment like that.
All my memories after that are of Arden. Arden seemed like a person who existed just for me. I thought that even before I properly recognized who Arden was as a person. He was someone who came running when I called, who prepared food when it was time to eat, who held and patted me to help me fall asleep.
Arden fulfilled all my needs. Young as I was, I thought I was some kind of god. Arden granted everything I wanted, and he resolved anything that made me uncomfortable.
As I grew a little more and recognized Arden as a separate living being, all my notions were shattered. If there was a god in this space, it was Arden, not me. Although Arden was merely human, I still perceived all aspects of him as divine powers. Unlike me, he skillfully resolved everything, remained rational, and rarely got excited. I coveted that about him.
Everything depended on Arden’s actions. All my needs could only be met with Arden’s help, and all my deficiencies came from him. I became incapable when Arden refused me something. But I wasn’t frustrated. It didn’t matter because Arden would always be mine. He was the person who stayed by my side from the moment I opened my eyes until I fell asleep again.
That’s why Arden said no. He said he couldn’t do such things because he had fed me, put me to sleep, and raised me. I couldn’t understand that. He had done everything for me with his own hands, so why was this one thing not allowed?
It wasn’t right. It wasn’t right for him to do everything for me and then say he couldn’t do this one thing. Arden already possessed everything about me, so how could I love someone else? Even the person who awakened love in me was Arden. So I only knew how to love Arden.
* * *
While I knew I wasn’t a god, I realized late that I was less than ordinary.
I wasn’t anything like a god. I was a shameful existence, different from ordinary people. Don’t let them find out about the horns. Arden repeated this so many times, but I only grasped its seriousness when Arden had to bow his head.
All problems stem from me. Arden has to bow his head and endure harsh words because of me. From the moment I realized this, I hated myself. Even amidst this terrible, disgusting situation, my heart would overflow when I saw Arden standing beside me. Despite everything, he loved me; despite everything, he stayed by my side—my one and only Arden.
No matter how I thought about it, I couldn’t help but love Arden.
* * *
“How dare you live with a traitor!”
Cal shouted with veins bulging in his neck. From the words alone, it seemed like he was insulting Arden and me, but I didn’t know what “traitor” meant.
“Carlote.”
Ea quietly called Cal by his name. There were only two situations when Ea called Cal by his full name, Carlote: when she was angry, or when she was scolding him. Right now, both applied. Ea was mature and not very expressive, but I could distinguish her expressions. Compared to Arden, whose expressions varied even less, hers were easier to read.
“What does that mean?”
“Idiot. You don’t even know—”
“I told you to stop.”
Ea warned him as soon as Cal opened his mouth. Only then did Cal close it. His expression suggested he had much to say, but Cal tried not to upset Ea.
The real idiot was Cal. Unlike Cal, Ea didn’t think of him as more than a friend. Even that was beyond my understanding. I couldn’t fathom why Ea would be friends with someone like him.
I stared intently at Ea, but she ignored my gaze. It was her way of expressing that she wouldn’t answer me. Since Ea was stubborn and never changed her mind once she made a decision, I decided to give up.
But that didn’t mean I was giving up on finding out the meaning. As soon as I returned home, I opened the dictionary. It was something Arden had bought when he started teaching me.
Traitor.
A person who betrays a cause or trust.
A person who betrays their country by committing treason.
Next, I looked up the meaning of betrayal.
Betrayal.
The act of disappointing someone’s trust, hope, or expectations.
The act of violating confidentiality by disclosing information.
Failing to keep or not keeping promises, principles, precious memories, etc.
Only then did I understand the occasional glances from some people. The reason Arden lived in these woods wasn’t solely because of me but also had to do with Arden himself.
When I learned this, I felt a kinship with Arden. An existence that couldn’t blend in with others and was ostracized. Arden was like me. I cherished this knowledge in my heart. Since Arden didn’t seem to want to reveal this fact yet, I planned to keep it a secret for a while too.
Apart from this strange sense of relief, I intended to get an apology from Cal.
“Why should I?”
“Because you said… that to me before.”
I spoke while watching Ea’s reaction. Ea seemed uninterested in our conversation. Cal snorted.
“You’re really strange. Why should I apologize?”
“I’m not strange.”
I hadn’t yet revealed my horns or shown my different right arm to others. So there was no reason for Cal to feel superior.
“No, you are strange. Your eyes are a creepy purple, and you don’t have a mom or dad. You’re super weird.”
As Cal’s voice rose, Ea looked our way. I laughed inwardly. With Ea involved in this fight, Cal couldn’t win against me.
“Besides, you live with that traitor. Your parents must be something. It’s obvious they had nowhere else to leave you, so they left you with someone like him.”
My body staggered. I realized belatedly that Cal had pushed me.
“My dad said so.”
A satisfied smile spread across Cal’s face.
‘I told you. There’s nothing good about letting others know you’re different.’
‘When you’re among people, you shouldn’t show that you’re different from others. It all comes back as your weakness.’
‘So you shouldn’t harm people either. It’s too conspicuous. Be ordinary. So ordinary that no one will look at you twice.’
It was Arden’s voice that helped me hold onto my reason. Suppressing the anger surging inside me, I pushed Cal’s shoulder lightly. I only intended to return what I had received, but Cal had already fallen to the ground, looking up at me. That gaze momentarily turned my mind blank. Cal was someone who could fall from just this much force. Why should I hold back?
Crush him. Tear him up so that he can never mention Arden with that mouth again. If I stand out too much, I can just eliminate everyone around me.
I looked around. One, two, three, four, five. Including Cal and Ea, there were five in total. I was about to check if there were any other people around when—
“Take it easy. How long do you think Ea will keep protecting you?”
“…”
“Ea is my friend, not yours. Since long before you appeared.”
Cal, who had abruptly stood up, approached me and looked down at me. Cal warned in a small voice. Trying to appear larger was an instinctual behavior.
It was ridiculous. Such things were nothing. Tearing that fragile skin without a single scale wasn’t difficult. It was no different from catching a moth. An inexplicable confidence made me feel larger.
“Should I kill you?”
Cal’s face contorted at my mumble. Stupid Cal. All pride and no understanding.
A familiar warmth touched my right arm, which had been throbbing hotly for a while.
“Rite, let’s go.”
“Keep talking, you little—”
“Cal, you calm down too.”
Yes. Let’s tear that mouth first. Let’s cut his throat so he can’t scream. Just as I was about to act, my body was lifted up.
“Yeah, run away, coward.”
Cal’s mocking voice grew distant. No matter how much I twisted my body, I couldn’t break free. It was strange. When caught by these hands, I couldn’t use my strength properly. That fact made me feel bitter and resentful. I couldn’t overpower Arden.
I don’t remember clearly what happened afterward. Break it. Tear it. Kill it. The raw emotions I felt when looking at Cal made me unable to recognize who was in front of me. When I came to my senses, what I saw was Arden’s face, eyes closed, face-planting upside down in the snow.
“You did well, Rite. It’s okay.”
It wasn’t okay at all. It was around then that I realized I was a monster.
Arden’s body always had a scent similar to mine. I always wondered about that. We used the same soap and lived in the same house, so why was the scent “similar” rather than “the same”?
I found the answer to that question as well. Was it because I was a monster? That was the only difference between Arden and me that I could think of.
That day, Arden told me one secret, but he didn’t tell me the secret I had actually been hoping for. I wanted to ask Arden: between a monster and a traitor, which stood out more?
I found the answer to that myself as time passed. It was an easy question. Between a monster and a traitor, the one that stands out more is, of course, the monster. Traitor. A person who betrays a cause or trust. A traitor was, after all, still a person. You couldn’t compare a person and a monster.
Arden. I want to ask you something.
Do you love me?
“Yes. I do love you.”
Despite everything, Arden loved me. Even if others threw stones at me, even if they pointed fingers calling me a monster, Arden loved me. That fact alone was enough for me to not hang myself.
