# Chapter 38
“That person bought you perfume?”
“…Yeah.”
“Hah, seriously, the nerve.”
My eyes flew open. I stared at Rite with sharply raised eyes.
“What did you say?”
“Why are you looking at me like that, Arden? It’s like you’re…”
“…”
“Like you’re taking Jack’s side.”
He was much taller now than before, so if he entered an irrational state, I wouldn’t be able to stop him anymore. This was a plausible assumption even without verification. I shouldn’t provoke Rite. I knew that all too well, but no matter how careful I was, it was impossible to manage all of Rite’s sensitive emotions. I didn’t know how.
“You know that what you’re doing to Jack is wrong, don’t you?”
“…”
“You don’t even like him, Arden. Even I can see that you have absolutely no feelings for him. Don’t you think he knows that too?”
I turned away from Rite and walked to place the paper bag I’d been holding onto the table. I could feel Rite’s gaze following me. It would take time to calm the heat rushing to my head. For me as well. I took a small deep breath to control my emotions, and my shoulders, which had been tense and hunched, slowly relaxed.
“Arden.”
His voice, spitting out each syllable as if chewing on them, was filled with urgency. I turned my head to look at Rite. His eyes and the bridge of his nose were contorted, and the tips of his fingers were trembling slightly. When I didn’t say anything, Rite’s chest, which had been waiting expectantly, heaved.
“It doesn’t suit you.”
“…”
“It doesn’t suit you, Arden. It completely clashes with you.”
It was spite. No different from when he was much smaller and would throw tantrums when bedtime approached. Even so, those words stung my heart. Even though I knew well that I didn’t suit this kind of perfume.
Then does the rose necklace suit me? I was someone who didn’t even suit this necklace.
“Then what suits me? Scrap metal?”
“What are you suddenly…”
“Don’t come closer. Speak from there.”
I was exhausted. Completely. I stopped Rite from approaching and pointed at the floor. Seeing this, Rite halted abruptly and looked at me with confused eyes.
“Why…”
Because when we’re both upset, it’s better to talk a little distance apart than up close. I didn’t answer aloud. I didn’t even have the energy to speak. I just wanted to go into the room, curl up under the blanket, and sleep like the dead.
I turned my gaze away, pretending not to see Rite looking at me with anxious eyes. I pressed my fingers firmly between my eyebrows and over my eyelids, blocking my vision with my hand. I could hear the faint sound of wind from outside the window.
“First you wouldn’t let me into your room… now I can’t even approach you?”
Rite’s voice wavered in the winter wind. It was difficult. The situation of having to watch a child in pain was too difficult. I needed to stand strong and embrace the child, but no matter what I did, he continued to be stubborn and twist himself.
Puberty. Could that single word explain all this behavior? Would the child magically return to his former self once this period passed? Would this turmoil ever end?
“Then you come here, Arden. If you don’t want me to come to you, then you…”
“Rite. You don’t understand anything.”
My eyes, still unable to face Rite, stubbornly stared at the wooden plank pattern on the floor.
“You’re confused because you’ve only ever been around me.”
“…”
“That’s why it’s hard for you, and why it’s hard for me too.”
“…What confusion?”
The voice that had sounded like a child shivering in the cold winter weather was gone, replaced once again by the sound of a fierce beast. It was a signal that Rite had returned to being unreceptive to anything I said.
“Yes. Like you said, Arden, I only have you. If you know that, you shouldn’t make me this anxious.”
“…”
“Confusion? When you appear in my dreams every night, you call that confusion? When I can’t focus on anything all day because I’m thinking only of you, you call that all confusion?”
“Yes.”
“I feel hurt pride, then fear of abandonment, then anger, and then suddenly I want to kneel and beg you not to leave my side—you’re calling all of that confusion!”
Rite’s voice, which had been gradually rising, echoed loudly inside the cabin. He leaned his upper body forward as if about to approach me, but then returned to his original position like someone with feet tied to the floor. “Damn it!” With that shout, Rite, unable to control his anger, slammed his fist down on the stove.
With a sharp noise, the teacup that had been warming on top of the stove fell to the floor and shattered into pieces. At the loud sound, I frowned and saw Rite’s tightly clenched fist. Whether he had struck the stove or the teacup, bright red blood was dripping from his knuckles.
“Rite!”
I rushed forward to Rite and grabbed his wrist. The strength gradually drained from his arm, where blue veins had been bulging. Taking advantage of this moment, I spread open Rite’s palm. The side of his hand and the inside of his palm were torn, and several small glass fragments were embedded in the tender flesh.
“Ointment… no, the glass first.”
I became cautious about touching even a single finger, fearing it might aggravate the wound. I looked around the house in a fluster. Most of the medical supplies were in my room. Holding Rite’s wrist, I headed toward the room. Rite hesitated briefly at the doorway but then docilely followed my hand.
After sitting Rite on the bed, I opened the drawer of my workbench. I grabbed antiseptic, tweezers, and cotton, and dumped them all onto the bed next to Rite. I knelt on one knee in front of Rite and carefully held his bleeding hand, placing it on his thigh. I removed a glass fragment from the side of his hand with the tweezers and was about to place it in my other palm when Rite grabbed my wrist.
“You’ll get hurt.”
Rite looked around at the items scattered on the bed and picked up a piece of cotton, holding it out to me.
That’s rich coming from someone who just punched something with their fist.
After silently reproaching him with my eyes, I placed the small piece of glass I was holding with the tweezers onto the cotton. I removed each glass fragment one by one that way. I wrapped the palm and side of his hand broadly with clean cotton to stop the bleeding and then pressed gently. Rite’s fingers twitched, perhaps from pain. I tried to make it as painless as possible, but it wasn’t easy.
“Bear with it a little longer, just a little…”
After saying that once, Rite’s hand became obedient. When I slightly removed my palm to check if the bleeding had stopped, I finally noticed the stinging gaze fixed on me and looked up. I wondered how long he had been staring at me like that. Purple eyes that had calmed after the storm were looking down at me.
“…Arden.”
“…”
“I don’t like Jack.”
A subdued, calm voice frankly confessed his feelings. With two horns on his head.
* * *
I was about to change clothes and leave the room when I stopped. It was because the glass bottle with a light blue ribbon caught my eye.
Since he bought it for me, I should wear it when we meet—that would make the gift-giver happy.
Even after finishing that thought, it was difficult to pick up the bottle. It wasn’t easy to do something I wasn’t used to doing. After glaring at it for a long time, I finally sprayed the perfume. I tried to press it just slightly, but more came out than I expected. I hurriedly backed away from the mist-like spray of perfume.
I buried my nose in my arm to check if the scent wasn’t too strong. Is this okay? Since I’d never used perfume before, I couldn’t judge if I’d done it right.
I opened the door and looked outside. Rite was sitting in the living room reading a book. I could see him turning the pages with his bandaged hand.
Why isn’t he reading in his room?
After checking cautiously, I stepped out of the room. Rite turned to look at me at the slight sound, but I didn’t meet his gaze and quickly walked toward the entrance. My heart was anxious, fearing he might notice that I’d used the perfume. Rite’s gaze followed me all the way to the entrance.
“Where are you going?”
“Shopping.”
I was about to add “I’ll be back soon” but closed my mouth. I felt like I was being too conscious of Rite’s feelings. I put on my coat and opened the door right away. I didn’t hear Rite’s response, but I didn’t look back.
I had a vague understanding of Jack’s feelings. The reason I hadn’t paid much attention was because it had little to do with me. Even if he did have romantic feelings for me, I had no intention of reciprocating those feelings. Whatever feelings he had, it wasn’t a particularly important matter.
‘You know that what you’re doing to Jack is wrong, don’t you?’
‘…’
‘You don’t even like him, Arden. Even I can see that you have absolutely no feelings for him. Don’t you think he knows that too?’
After hearing Rite’s words, I finally realized what I was doing. Since I started associating with Jack, his feelings had become my concern. Whether Jack’s feelings were heavy or light, what I was doing was indeed wrong. I needed to explain, at least roughly, and apologize.
I had long ago abandoned thoughts like living morally or maintaining human conscience, but I cared about how I appeared in Rite’s eyes. I could endure appearing however I might in others’ eyes, but I couldn’t be so detached about how I appeared to my child. In Rite’s eyes, I wanted to be human. More than anyone else.
Because I was the only role model Rite had to look up to and learn from.
I came down to the village to do the shopping I couldn’t do yesterday. Afraid I might fail at shopping again, I first stopped by Lucy’s store to buy ingredients.
“Mister.”
It was Ea. Now fifteen years old, Ea had shed her childish traits and become a complete adolescent. She had cut her long hair short, and freckles had appeared on her skin. Perhaps because Rite was at home, watching Ea grow at a normal pace felt strange. Until three years ago, Ea had always seemed more mature than Rite. Now compared to Rite, Ea looked much more like a child.
“Still no word from Rite?”
“No.”
Today again, she asked with her characteristically indifferent eyes. Ea always asked about Rite whenever she saw me, but I had nothing to say. In truth, the fact that Rite was still in the cabin was something I could never tell her. I also couldn’t tell Rite that Ea was curious about him.
They were friends once, but the ending wasn’t good. Rite’s horns were discovered, and Cal threw stones. And Ea went along with my lie. She was probably scared. She was a smart kid who knew the survival tactic of pretending not to know in order to avoid getting involved in dangerous situations.
“If you hear from him…”
“I’ll let you know.”
I cut off Ea’s words and answered. Ea stared up at me for a moment, then nodded and disappeared. Meeting Ea was uncomfortable. Because I was the one who made that smart child run away in fear.
“…My sins are not few.”
I muttered quietly and headed to the checkout counter.
